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RE: love - 5/9/2009 11:03:57 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Ask yourself this question, In 20 years from now, (assuming your both still with each other) is this spat, or whatever you wish to call it, will this matter all so much? That he cant say this word to you? Your both happy, your well taken care of, you fulfilled.

So? accept things as they are, maybe he will come to love you, or be able to say the words to you. For now your happy, so dont mess with a good thing you know?

HUH? You must be responding to a different original post. Where in chocomotive's OP does she say she's happy, well taken care of and/or fulfilled? She spent most of it compaining that she doesn't feel loved, and how upset she is that he says he doesn't love her. Her opening sentence says "my Dom and i were having some big problems". WTF?

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Post #: 21

RE: love - 5/10/2009 3:29:01 PM

MasteRick2008

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/18/2008
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Honesty is the best policy. Would you rather that he lie to you and say that he loves you. Too many people use the word love without meaning it or knowing what it really is.

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Post #: 22

RE: love - 5/10/2009 5:27:47 PM

LafayetteLady

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Had you not asked the question, you may have been able to go on your merry way, accepting his actions as evidence of his deep feeling for you. Now that he has told you those actions have nothing to do with love, because he told you outright he doesn't love you, there's no turning back. The cat's out of the bag, you love him, he doesn't love you. Obviously his actions caused you to ask the question, and now you know. Had he punched you in the stomach, the pain you feel would not likely have been so great. My heart aches for you. Some people don't need love in their relationships. You wouldn't have asked if you were one of them. You will never again look at his actions and think "he does this because of his deep love for me" because you know he doesn't love you. It doesn't matter WHY he doesn't love you. This isn't a case of him being unable to say it. He stated his feelings very clearly.

Edited to add: This is not a matter of him being dishonest and telling you he loves you when he doesn't. This is a matter of him asking you a question, him answering honestly and it not being the answer you want and need. Some needs should never be subjucated for another's happiness. For many, love is one of those needs.

All you can do now is decide if being "liked" is enough for you to want to continue with your current situation. I suspect that if it were enough, you wouldn't have come here asking the question. Some people don't think they need love in their BDSM relationships. I, like many others here, do need that love. If you need it, go and get it. Never settle. In the end, you will never be completely happy by settling. Good luck

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 5/10/2009 5:29:36 PM >

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Post #: 23

RE: love - 5/11/2009 6:21:44 AM

DarkEmpress

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Joined: 6/25/2008
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heres my definition
Love is that which moves you to care more for your partner than / or equal to , yourself.

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Post #: 24

RE: love - 5/11/2009 6:41:49 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Many people use "I love you"as a worm on a hook, it means nothing and simply placates the person it is being said too. What use is the romantic twaddle when so often it is empty and meaningless.

I don't "Love" My girl either but I do care about and for her, I have a duty of care for My possession also... those are things she can see each and every day, not from words but from ACTIONS and those speak louder.

Totally agree....whilst Love is not something which is part of my life either, I am someone who looks more for the actions then the word.

2006 I was in an ongoing date-relationship with my by now best friend in UK. It never worked out for a variety of reasons and I think the main one is simply that he is most happy when he is on his own...however, in 2006 also one in my house share kept going on about if he said he would love me, as she made such a big fuss about those particular words...

I could not care less about those words. He wasn't a guy who would say such words easily but I know I can rely onto him at any time. Does not matter if I need financial help, advice or someone who tells me I am on the wrong path time to tell me straight...or other bits and pieces such as correcting my grammar for uni work...so whilst I liked him a hell of a lot...he never said this and after his career ambitions increased significantly with another job we decided to leave it as it is.

Whilst it took time to heal I am also glad by now that it was not meant to be with him for a variety of reasons. He is a great guy and his actions did speak as much as from no-one else so far in my life...I am greatful to know him over here and to feel some form of security with him as a friend within reach over here...where are the blokes by now who used those words "I love you?"

Well, once they said it they thought their job would be done, nothing else to do from their side. Were they ever there when I needed any help or advice from them? Of course not, because their I love you nonsense comes only up when they want something, otherwise they could not care less about.

Therefore, quite frankly, I do not bother about the word love much really. I might be in love with someone, but learned that this does not have to mean that he would feel the same...but as long as action can talk...it does not matter to me...good luck

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 5/11/2009 6:44:00 AM >

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Post #: 25

RE: love - 5/11/2009 6:50:11 AM

LaTigresse

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Love is extremely under rated. The expression of love, via words and tokens, is grossly over rated.

I could give a flying fuck how many times someone tells me they love me. Their actions speak louder than words........if I am paying attention.

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Post #: 26

RE: love - 5/11/2009 9:44:01 AM

Missokyst

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"I love you." People use these words with the same ease of taking of their clothes at night. I have felt it twice plus for family. I have felt loved slightly more often.
I don't tell anyone I love them unless I do. But I NEVER say "no I don't love you, I just like you" Unless that is exactly what I mean.
"Actions speak louder than words"
Actions are actions. Care. Consideration. Passion. Violence ect..
These things may or may not mean there is love. But outright saying "no I don't love you I just like you" That is saying things as they are.
Is that enough for you?
Kyst

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Post #: 27

RE: love - 5/11/2009 11:01:47 AM

littleone35

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I asked my Master if he loved me and he said you know i do why do you ask? I said i just like to hear it Master. I tell my Master i love him all the time he told me i like when you say it, and you show me everyday just how much. Master's actions and words shows that he loves me.

To the op do you need the words i love you? If he is loving in other ways can you accept that or do you need the love? If you need the love i advise you to look for a Dom who will give you the love you need.

Matt's littleone

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Post #: 28

RE: love - 5/11/2009 3:31:03 PM

LafayetteLady

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Actions mean absolutely nothing when the statement is made. Saying "I don't love you, I only like you," is itself an action. So any of the things that he does by way of "taking care of" her is nothing more than he would do for his dog or his car. You can't take back what was said. Saying "you know I do" when asked is much different. Never uttering the phrase but showing is different. Stating outright that you don't love someone, while brutally honest, makes a bigger point than any action ever would. All examples here of how the words are unimportant, how actions speak louder than words etc. are ignoring the fact that this isn't a case of someone who has trouble saying the words (maybe he does, but it doesn't matter). This is a case of someone being told flat out, no I don't love you, and how she should handle that information now that she has it and isn't assuming based on how he cares for her.

As for the words not meaning much....my father was never one to tell you he loved you. He wasn't demonstrative in the way of hugs or affection. Hell, he'd rarely compliment something I did to my face (I would hear how he boasted about his talented daughter from his friends). But I never doubted my father's love for me, not one day. When he was diagnosed with cancer and he knew that he was going to die, he wrote me a note and told me he loved me. Those words meant more to me than anyone can ever know. I never doubted his love for me, but that note was everything. Words mean a lot more than people give them credit for.

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Post #: 29

RE: love - 5/11/2009 3:39:04 PM

malloves69

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wasnt it the beatles many moons ago who sang the song ...ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE ....

showing my age again ops ...but so true

mal

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Post #: 30

RE: love - 5/11/2009 4:19:03 PM

marysdream

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Joined: 5/31/2008
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hmmm i think since you stated you have been together for "a few years" and he is telling you his feelings are of "being liked"...i would be concerned YES!
take care
ree

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Post #: 31