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RiotGirl -> RE: a sub trying to be able to say no to a dom (2/19/2006 9:19:46 PM)
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quote:
You can not be submissive to all, some as youve found will not have your best interest at heart. You can say NO politely and mean it, not all NO's are bratty. Please try to do some soul searching and find what is missing so you dont end up some statistic.
i have a friend JUST like the OP it seems. But she's not a sub or a slave and isnt into the BDSM thing either. She's my 19 year old neighbor. She has THE HARDEST time saying no. She's not a "doormat" either but could be easily used as one. She's an intelligent girl, who knows what she wants in life.. but when it comes to ppl. She is overly concerned about their feelings. 2 days ago, she came over and cleaned my garage arranging toys and things neatly. Sweeping it.. ect. (i leave the garage door open.. 5 animals at the time running in and out constantly) The little ppl were outside playing and while i kept my eyes and ears open to the court i didnt pay much attention to my actual garage. Yeah she slipped in under my nose. When i thanked her profusely when i stumbled upon the nice organized clean garage. her response was to thank ME. Telling me how she actually enjoyed it and she really didnt have anything to do. She almost had me convinced i was doing her a favor.
She worries about the things she says upsetting ppl
and she worries about upseting ppl because she's worried about upseting ppl
and she worries about being too polite.
Nicest, sweetest, most thoughtful girl i ever met. And saying no is one of the hardest things for her to do. i've had to have strict discussions with her that its okay to say no to me. i wont get upset, i wont take offense. That if she really doesnt want to do something (like take a walk around the neighborhood or letting me do things for her.. which makes her totally uncomfortable) that i would prefer she say she doesnt want to. That she doesnt need to worry about me getting upset. And of course, that i DONT want her to do something she really doesnt want to do. And yeah, i had to tell her it would make me feel bad if she did do things she really didnt want to do. That i dont want HER to be uncomfortable and i want HER to be happy.
i've had many talks. Think she's learning abit. Atleast i'm learning. Cos i can tell when she really doesnt want to do something but is saying yes because she doesnt want to say no. She gets this indecisive look like "what do i do " because i know she wants to say yes.. but doesnt think she should. But she's getting alot better at saying no though she doesnt really ever say no. She's managing to bring up the reasons why she doesnt think she should. Like tonight, i asked if she wanted to walk down to another neighbors house and she wanted to say "yes" for prolly a zillion reasons but she managed to say "well i should really cook dinner"
So i can completely understand where the OP is coming from. And while i wouldnt say she's a doormat, i would say its probably very easy to take advantage. It is probably even harder to say no to a Dominant person (rather a player acting as one) whose good at using all sorts of persuasion, manipulation, convincing skills. i know my neighbor wouldnt stand a chance. LOL like i know that at 12 am at night if i went and got my neighbor and told her my house really needed to be cleaned from top to bottom, it wouldnt take too much effort to get her to do it. She would literally not go to bed tonight to get my house clean. And she would probably be worried the whole time about "bothering" the others in my house with the cleaning commotion.
For the OP (as if this all hasnt been for the OP), if you want to email me here on collarme i can try and walk you through the things i've told my friend in the past to help her stand her "ground"
edited to add: i just notice this thread is like 2 days old and has 4 pages on it, yet i swear when i went to reply it only had one page on it and and i pulled it off the top threads.. and of course typos..
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