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My wife fems then dominates me - 5/9/2009 11:59:17 AM

gofor4

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Ok, that's not exactly what happens but let me explain :). I'm looking for input from others into similar ideas or suggestions from doms.

I cannot tell you why but over the years, I have developed an *intense* desire to have my wife feminize me then take control.

My favorites are when we'll start early in the day, she'll make me dress up, then will make me her secretary or servant for the day. The more she takes control, the more it turns me on, and the more I want her to take control.

We're not into pain, humiliation, spankings, we're simply not hard core about things. When we're not playing, dressing me up is not something she would suggest and it's not her favorite thing but she tolerates it and is very sexy about it, I never feel anything but naughty.

The thing is, once she's in the mood, she can get very nicely naughty, teasing me, talking dirty about having someone else over, ordering me around and most importantly, talking about how she would like to *make* me into her servant other times, like going to the cabin for a weekend, making me her house slave, things like that. She very much seems to get into it once she's warmed up.

I am almost sure that one of the reasons is that other than my own fetishes, she really has none. She is very much, very playful, very naughty, even downright dirty when the mood hits her but it's all because of me.

I love her to no end, would never think of messing around on her, we never think about screwing others but we do have fun fantasizing about meeting a similar couple with similar interests. We've had two girlfriends, she's had bi fun, she's obviously very open and adventurous.

She loves being photographed, absolutely has a bad girl show off side and about the only thing I'd love to add is her learning to enjoy dressing me up and really taking control.

I constantly fantasize that we might meet a lady friend who would enjoy adding to everyone's fun, her's included. The beauty is that she would bring fresh new ideas to our fun and we would include her in ours. I know that my wife would be very easy going about our friend dominating me. She loves teasing me about having her girl friend sitting on my face or making me serve them.

Problem is, years and years of looking has lead to nothing because most everyone wants all out sex and our limit would be oral. I mean, who knows, she might decide otherwise and I would simply follow my orders but it's not something we're planning on.

I would so badly want to make it worth her while for pleasing me, also!

I think what's happening are two things and this is where I am seeking advise.

1: I suspect that because I'm the one with the fetish ideas, that it seems, after a while, that it's always the same things, always for me. Even though I try very, very hard to encourage her to be as she wants to be when we're playing. I have suggested that she can fantasize about other men, getting doubled, what ever she wants, it's cool with me, it's all hot when it's fantasy, no nasty experiences.

2: I think we run out of ideas. In fact, I know we run out of ideas. She loves reading penthouse letters where the wives fem up the hubby and take control and she's bought two books about domination. The books she didn't much care for because they were too hard core for our style.

So, how do you think we could find a balance of making things very hot, naughty and well balanced as well?

Thanks for any input you can offer. And yes, I already know to pay special attention to her romantic side so that things aren't always fetish :).

< Message edited by gofor4 -- 5/9/2009 12:06:20 PM >

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/9/2009 12:27:54 PM

dreamerdreaming

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Waaaaay too much information.

And could you make your question more specific please?

I'm getting that your wife is not kinky enough for you. Although you seem to spend a lot of time here and in your profile saying that neither one of you is very kinky.

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/9/2009 1:22:10 PM

Kaiel

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Have her check out Elise Sutton's website. She may get some ideas from the "real life" section.

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/9/2009 2:18:51 PM

gofor4

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Doesn't seem any different that others asking about things, giving details so that others might be able to share thoughts.

She's plenty naughty, as explained, just unsure of what to do because we're neither hard core or all out, kinda mid way.

< Message edited by gofor4 -- 5/9/2009 2:21:42 PM >

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/9/2009 2:19:56 PM

gofor4

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I'd like to edit this post down, but the edit function seems to be gone. How can I do this.

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/9/2009 11:57:01 PM

dreamerdreaming

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The edit function disappears after like, 45 minutes.

I reread your OP, and I get the same impression: you seem to be complaining that your wife isn't kinky enough for you. And insisting in your OP and subsequent post that neither one of you is very kinky, compared to other people. That idea seems very important to you. Whatever- bottom line: she is not as kinky as you'd like her to be.

Seems fairly obvious to me that she's vanilla, and is domming you to please you.

She's your service top. Nothing wrong with that except clearly it is not enough for you. Because she's vanilla. That's why its not enough for you. You cannot change her into something she's not.

You are one of the many guys who are trying to make a vanilla spouse into the Domme of his dreams. Stop it. She's already giving you her best.

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/10/2009 9:13:27 AM

gofor4

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I included so much detail, because I was trying to give enough information that the situation could be understood but you're at least 10 miles off.

I give up, this isn't as friendly a place as I hoped it might be. Getting crap for lurking is simply too silly. It's what MANY do when they are feeling things out. I finally decided to try and take part, posted from the heart and now feel like dirt for it.

Screw this, thanks for your time, I'm gone.

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/10/2009 3:15:33 PM

YoursMistress

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...waves goodbye...

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/10/2009 3:51:28 PM

dreamerdreaming

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LOL!

Wow, I didn't mean to run him off. I just call 'em like I see 'em.

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/10/2009 6:14:24 PM

sweetsub1957

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OP, i don't think She was trying to run you off. She was just calling it as She sees it. That's what most P/people do on these boards, most honest P/people anyway. you post here, and you'll get it with both barrels, the positive and the negative input. i got my ass chewed a few times on CM message boards. Don't let it chase you off, just roll with the punches and keep on posting here and there. That's what i did and i lived to tell about it. ~smiles~

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/10/2009 6:53:21 PM

LAgirlsub

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OP, I've got to agree with what the others have said...but very much this point...you don't like to hear/read what is likely the facts because it's not what you want.

Your wife is not into this as you want and probably that isn't going to change. I commend her for as much as she's done probably to make you happy. But ultimately you've got a real problem here. You need to communicate with her in a way that you both talk about each of your needs. You will never be satisified if as it sounds she is not into this as you desire and she isn't satisfied because she has to do this to make her partner/husband happy but doesn't really want to do this.

You don't want to face the problem you have and ignoring it or being snotty here won't change those facts. Talk to your wife. Talk about what each of you need/want and see what solutions, if you can, find them together. Maybe if you've never asked, maybe she'd appreciate if you, for ex, saw a pro on occasion and she didn't have to deal with this part of your desires since it's not hers. You won't know if there's a way to resolve this if you don't ask. And I'd wager that if you ignore the obvious, at one point it will severely damage your relationship.

Don't talk on here - talk to her. And decide together how you want to be handle your different desires.

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RE: My wife fems then dominates me - 5/11/2009 1:34:03 AM

offeredup

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You weren't too harsh, Dreamer.
He would do well to heed what what you wrote.

His wife doesn't have to be kinky, or even act act dominant, in order for go4for to practice submission to her and begin to fulfill himself.

All he has to to is look, listen and ask her what she needs and wants, then do his best to serve those needs and wants. Don't ask, just BE one a true slave. That doesn't require whips and restraints, just the right, attitude and a giving over of power.

After a while, maybe his wife will get used to being obeyed and served without ever having to confront it or be embarassed or play any games or roles that make her uncomfortable. Even if she were inclined to behave in more conventionally dominant ways, she would not be comfortable just acting it out without real submission on his part..

It might not be all kinky thrills watching what she likes on TV, but probably, she'll reciprocate on her own. Either way, quietly, let her be the boss.

Maybe she likes Lemon Jello with fruit cocktail, or a fresh peeled, sectioned, navel orange, in the morning. So he should observe this, get up a little early and have it for her --- without making a fuss out of it.

Don't embarass her, and don't push her for recognition. Service is what a sub is supposed to do.

Regardless of how they play, they are a couple and the relationship has to work for both of them or nothing else will work. So he should drop his expectations, practice true submission and embark upon the true adventure of seeing what happens!

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