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JuliaGreenleaf -> RE: Why is it so hard to find my Master? (5/21/2009 9:17:37 PM)
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Honestly - you come across as a true submissive - good luck in your search for Master.
i read a lot, for a long time - a submissive journey is a good place to start ( i can give you the url if you want.)
i sort of grew up being 'used' to the fact bad men would be attracted to me because i was trans - that can attract all kinds of insanity as well as decent hearts.
so i read and learnt . Learnt how to protect myself and ward myself from wrong hearts. I've simply disconnected quietly and politely when something felt wrong.
One of the advantages i have found being trans is that while good people see my innate submissive female nature, the 'bad' people are naturally threatened by me (seeing me as 'unconquorable', or somehow 'immunized' to low grade seduction due to my upbringing.) i feel sort of like a puffer fish - capable of making my self look big , scary and spiney at times. In many ways, i am an innocent, almost virginal woman who will pass from my father's hands to my husbands when i get surgery, and finally find my Dominant . i'll finally be complete, whole, myself, and able to be who i really am. i'll love please and serve with all my heart.
I suppose the upside of being trans is it scares idiots (mostly) - they are threatened. i wish it was an ability i could extend to all genetic women. The downside is the heartspain, feeling like you don't belong and will never be accepted, ect, and people calling you male even though you ever so obviously arn't...that day is passing for me.
But it scares idiots ;)
It's sort of like.. my heart is that deeply submissive woman who is simply that and wants to be led . At times i have found myself acting on that and beginning to get myself in trouble with the wrong people.
My mind wards and guards that.. somehow i've developed the ability to use the net wisdom of submissive women and their Dominants set out in a dozen websites i could name as a 'sum pool' of conciousness to guide me without a proper mentor. It helped. i thank everyone who ever wrote a decent article on how to be properly submissive, or what NOT to accept from a so called Dominant (or what to look for in a real Dominant- ie control, balanced with wisdom/guidance/sense/caring for a sub.)
Please take some time to read the qualities of an ideal dominant. i hate to say this but a) i am incredibly honorable and polite when negotiating with people who feel 'right' to me, and b) i have occassionally resorted to abruptly cutting communication with people i just need to not to talk to anymore because they're not in my area or don't feel right. if you act unsub and all feminist for a bit, even if you are deeply sub, if you need rid of someone, it's sort of the 'puffer fish' defense.
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