AAkasha
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Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pinnipedster
What I was really trying to express is that I don't think you can always know why something that appeals greatly to one person doesn't appeal at al to another. I recall being on an email list where, in a discussion of feminization, one Domme asked: Why would I want to put so much effort into this? What am I supposed to get out of it? And I really think the best way to come back to that is in the old Louis Armstrong response: "If you've got to ask, you ain't ever gonna know." That is, if the idea doesn't appeal to you, there's probably nothing I can say that will make it appeal to you -- people don't work that way. I might be able to talk you into trying somethign you're not sure about, like I could a new type of food, but if it doesn't taste good to you, no amount of persuasion on my part is likely to change that.
Pony play, in particular, is a pretty labor-intensive avocation, and I don't know why the appeal makes it emininetly worth it to some people and not to others. I don't think I can really explain why it has that appeal for me -- I mean, I can list reasons, as I did, but why are those reasons important to me but not to the next person over? Who knows? It's like trying to explain why blue is your favorite color.
Certainly, in any relationship, it's important to understand the other person, what they are looking for, what they like and don't, and try to understand the 'why' behind it as far as it can be understood. And I have enough intellectual curiosity about human beings in general to wonder about the whys and wherefores of the mind. But I'm not sure I'll ever really :"get it" in terms of really understanding on a gut level why anyone would want to be a full-time Dominant; my own mind just doesn't work that way -- any more than I really "get" why women are attracted to men in the first place, when women are obviously much more attractive. :)
If the woman appears or feels secondary to the fetish, it will never work. "Trying to find a woman who will engage in x with me," can come across all wrong. On some levels I get that, because you don't want to date someone non-kinky. But as you get more and more specific about a lady needing to be into x and trying to get a sense of that, it just feels like you are looking for a job applicant to fill a role and she must have a skillset, vs. a woman that rocks your world and happens to be kinky. If you get more specific than that, how can it not be objectifying? But more importantly, rather than just sugar coat your urges, maybe they are - at the core - objectifying? Maybe at the end of the day, the scene and the props ARE more important than the woman? Is the woman interchangeable in your mind when you play out the fantasy but the props all stay the same? If so, do you think that's a possible problem?
Rather than thinking about whether or not a potential mate is into pony play at the level you imagine it, I think the logical order, if you are seeking a romantic partner, is:
1) A woman who is open minded and kinky and;
2) is interested in bondage, definitely (very broad);
3) is accepting of feminization on some level at least, and;
4) is not intimidated by costuming, roleplay, open minded type play, is theatrical in her playful side and enjoys more thought out, pre planned "play"
..and then, in the essence of #4, you find your "potential" to make that kind of play happen - WHEN she is so into you that it's obvious she will want to start expanding in a manner that feels good for her. If a woman had all four qualities and you were intimate and romantic, why wouldn't she give it a whirl and appreciate it?
In my case, the moment a man comes to me with any kind of "pre-expectations" of what a scene will look like when we do it, or has it all mapped out to match his fantasy, if I am not already romantic with him or we're coming from a place from serious mutual attraction (I mean I KNOW he is feeling genuine chemistry with me, not a fantasy), I find it to be a huge turn off. Let's face it, we all know when you are with someone and feeling chemistry vs. just met someone and they are acting like they have super-romantic-feelings for you and they don't even know you. You know they have super-romantic-feelings for the idea that you are going to make their super fantasy a reality.
If I am just getting to know a sub and he presents that he has broad based interests in "things" but is open to how they are handled, that's much more tangible. Above all, I prefer to be the one peeling the onion anyway, but since it's important to get kink compatibility on the table, simply stating general interests is fine.
Akasha
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RE: Pony/Puppy play (with male subs) - 
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