good question!

good question! (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

topcat -> good question! (8/18/2004 7:17:57 PM)
Greetings, all- A scene friendly vanilla friend stopped me in my tracks the other night with a question about my kink- "what's more important- your dominance, or her submission?" I had never considered it, but pretty quickly came to the conclusion that 'her' submission somehow meant more to me than my role in the dynamic. It's been a few days, and I still think that's the answer, but I really can't flesh it out much. Anyone else have thoughts on this? Of course, alter the question to suit your dynamic/role/whatever... Stay warm, Lawrence

jillwfsub4blkdom -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 7:24:28 PM)
Topcat, lol You sure this thread won't get pulled too.[:D] Just joking. i think my submission means more.

LadyBeckett -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 7:32:37 PM)
That is an interesting question, and I've had to give it some thought before just throwing out an answer as well. I believe they are equally important within the relationship. Or at least, in my relationships, I strive toward some facsimile of balance in the exchange, where "importance" is concerned. I certainly don't believe that my dominance is more important in the dynamic. If it were, it would certainly add an interesting twist to "tea time" lol. I believe it would be a bit lonely. [:(]

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 7:33:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: topcat "what's more important- your dominance, or her submission?" You must have missed the thread where Leonidas and I battled over this exact question (you probably saved yourself an eye bleed). For me, without question, it is her submission. We both give to the dynamic, but I feel that I really take from her. She may want (need) to give it, but it takes so much more strength to be the giver. Those who were born to submission really floor me. Yours, Taggard

Sinergy -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 7:39:12 PM)
Hello, Well, as the voice of dissent, I would have to say from my perspective that it is a synergistic confluence and neither means more to me than the other. Yay, Taoist ambiguity! Sinergy

theroebabe -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 7:39:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: topcat "what's more important- your dominance, or her submission?" Hi Lawrence! The first thing that popped into my mind was his dominance, being that i am dominance deprived right now. But then a few minutes later i said nope both are equally important in a relationship. Without one what is the point in the other, the whole ying and yang thang. But if each gives to the relationship then it seems to work much better. If each does not live up to their part then it is incomplete. I had some other very poignant thoughts but they seem to have flown out of the coop. Roe

LadyBeckett -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 7:45:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy Hello, Well, as the voice of dissent, I would have to say from my perspective that it is a synergistic confluence and neither means more to me than the other. Yay, Taoist ambiguity! Sinergy I'm wondering if the "sinergistic confluence" involves "plaid" cheerleading outfits? [;)] How's the thumb?

ScorpioMaster -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 7:50:05 PM)
I have always got more enjoyment out of playing with the young lady when she is able to submit herself to you. If you do not have the toy to play with how can you use your tricks to get her to that level of intense orgasm. If the trust is not there then how could she be willing to submit herself to you? The real importance’s in the dynamics of Dom and sub is the trust you have in the person you are with to allow you’re self to be tied up and have wonderful thing done to you.

afmvdp -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 8:03:51 PM)
Isn't caring more about her submission that your own Dominance a rather selfish outlook on the whole thing? Isn't the goal as a person to exceed and evolve in and of yourself rather than focusing on how others could be better. It is their goal to improve theirselves and also as a submissive they are limited in their realm by how good you are. If they are there to do as you say the more skilled and refined you are the better the experience will be for the both of you and the better the overall results will be. I agree that it is a mutual thing and requires the attentiveness of both, but that isn't really the question, the question is which is more important to you personally...To me it is most important to be the best I can be in all that I am. The rest falls under that.

Sylverdawn -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 8:30:11 PM)
To me my dominance is more important .. to the submissive.. their submission. Its key to who we are and without it we cant be what the other needs. Its so key to our persona that we name ourselves by it. Do I believe one is more worthy than the other absolutely not.. I believe that they can exist independently of the other but they can not thrive with out the counter balance.

NightDaughter -> RE: good question! (8/18/2004 9:19:35 PM)
I'm in the boat that both are important and that you can't have one without the other, the ying yang deal. Now I know that regardless of things I am a submissive or slave, I know that regardless of things that Master is a dominant, our basic natures do not change, but each of us, is more when we are together then when we are appart. Appart we are just that a submissive and a dominant, together we are more we are a couple, we need each other in different ways. I need him in various ways, his love, his caring, his understanding and his dominance. He needs my loving, caring, understanding, and my submission. We complament each other, in our own various ways. Thus to me, both side of the coin are important, neather are more important then the other, they are of equal importance.

Estring -> RE: good question! (8/19/2004 12:32:19 AM)
In a general sense, both dominance and submission would be of equal value. But to me personally, my slaves' submission is most important. Without that I would have no way to experience or enjoy my dominance. Of course my slave would probably say exactly the opposite.

Sundew02 -> RE: good question! (8/19/2004 12:38:49 AM)
Looking at this from a different angle. I cannot be a Domme without having a sub/slave male. BUT could I survive without my Dominant nature? I don't think so. I too believe with Taggard, that the s side of the slash is the stronger of the two. I feel alot of their strength comes from trust. Their trust that we will remain dominant and in control. Through with my rambling, smile. I NEED my dominant nature. So in this particular instance I would have to say my dominance is more important to me.... but not more important in a relationship. Shaking head, I hope that makes sense to someone other than just to me. Sundew

iwillserveu -> RE: good question! (8/19/2004 2:14:14 AM)
Lawrence, I could be wrong, but I think the "other" maybe most important. I'd say the Domina. (Heck, she has the hard part.[:)]) If I just wanted pain I could walk in front of a bus. The Domina makes it worthwhile.

iwillserveu -> RE: good question! (8/19/2004 2:18:57 AM)
quote: Looking at this from a different angle. I cannot be a Domme without having a sub/slave male. BUT could I survive without my Dominant nature? I don't think so. I too believe with Taggard, that the s side of the slash is the stronger of the two. I feel alot of their strength comes from trust. Their trust that we will remain dominant and in control. Through with my rambling, smile. I NEED my dominant nature. So in this particular instance I would have to say my dominance is more important to me.... but not more important in a relationship. Shaking head, I hope that makes sense to someone other than just to me. Sundew Midear Sundew02, Can you please, please say something I don't agree with some time?[&:] (<<mumbles to self>> How the hell am I supposed to piss her off...)

ShadowHwk -> RE: good question! (8/19/2004 6:35:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: topcat snippage "what's more important- your dominance, or her submission?" snippage Lawrence, Good morning and a great question. I tend to fall in the "it takes two to tango" group. Without her submission/surrender I am left without a (good) outlet for that sadistic, cruel and controlling side of my nature, and from what I have gleaned from experience; she, without a dominant; doesn’t have a (good) outlet for wants/needs either. The synergy (I really dislike that word – too often heard in marketing meetings and such – blech) that happens when a really good pairing comes together is quite incredible. I have had the distinct pleasure of having met in my life four women who were quite literally born masochistically submissive. I know, I know, there are some that would argue that it is only a function of the environment in which they are raised that determines such – and I agree this can be a big factor, but I believe some are born to it. And when I get paired with one of those – my world quite literally stops and time seems to stand still – and I don’t really know how else to explain it. It is an incredible feeling, one for which I lack the vocabulary to explain. So back to the question, for me, one without the other – seems, somehow, empty and futile. Terry

darkinshadows -> RE: good question! (8/19/2004 7:01:59 AM)
From Angels personal point of view.. they are equal within a dynamic... But from outside the dynamic... Angel wonders which is stronger? Possibly the submission? A person can only Dominate when someone allows such... the same could be said of submission however I would say that surrender is more attractive, alluring and harder to resist that than someone trying to be Dominant over another who doesnt want it.

Kiaban -> RE: good question! (8/19/2004 7:15:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett That is an interesting question, and I've had to give it some thought before just throwing out an answer as well. I believe they are equally important within the relationship. Or at least, in my relationships, I strive toward some facsimile of balance in the exchange, where "importance" is concerned. I certainly don't believe that my dominance is more important in the dynamic. If it were, it would certainly add an interesting twist to "tea time" lol. I believe it would be a bit lonely. [:(] I could have said it better ..so I won't its two parts of the same whole.

Leonidas -> RE: good question! (8/19/2004 8:38:16 AM)
If her submission is really more important to you than your dominance, you are on some rather thin ice, I think. It suggests that you would sacrifice the latter to obtain the former. In the process, you may be left with neither. I see men do it all the time. Just about the time they've negotiated any semblance of dominance away, the slave loses faith and bolts anyway. The slave that you must have is the one that you absolutely will not be able to master.

Destinysskeins -> RE: good question! (8/19/2004 10:04:52 AM)
Greetings, Ok....to begin with i'm going to agree that within the relationship it is equal. Without submission to Dominance you'll simply be left with a endless barrage of in-fighting. The Dominant person continually tries to lead the other who is continously fighting back against that lead. Without Dominance to submission, you'll simply be left with an abusive situation. Without the proper care and respect shown to what the submissive offers, those offerings will be mismanaged and the submissive will feel the effects. Believe it or not, i've been on the each side of this sort of thing within the same marriage. In the beginning i was very willing to please and stretch myself to the edges of my endurance to fulfill my ex-husband's wishes. However, this was not appreciated fully or respected and as such i became very argumentative towards anything that he wished of me. Ok.....as for how it relates to the individual person. i believe that each person's Dominance or submission, as the case may be, is most important to that person. One's true nature determines how they interact with everyone around them - not just their partner. This lends itself into business interactions, etc. In other words, it's a vital part of you, damn it! of course it's important stamps foot (grins & chuckles)

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

4.699707E-02