RE: Punishment. how to cope?

RE: Punishment. how to cope? (Full Version)

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breatheasone -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/13/2009 8:53:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW quote: ORIGINAL: oceanwinds I just not functioning well with the emotions and was looking for some tools. Thanks for any suggestions you can give. oceanwinds This is why I find ignoring or alienation an ineffective and detrimental punishment. It does not address the issue and leaves the sub/slave very lost and emotionally damaged. This in my opinion is not a healthy and effective way to deal with things. I feel for you and hope things work out for you. i 200% agree with this.... Yes its harder to work through the problem but i would think its worth it. For what its worth...i'm sorry you are going through this...its a real shame.

agirl -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 1:52:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If he had instituted changes in your life which helped you break this pattern, then hasn't he been watching for backsliding to help you maintain those changes? If not, then wouldn't it be more helpful for him to reinstitute the changes and keep you accountable? It just doesn't seem that the punishment will help you make the changes again. Only make you feel bad and less able to talk to him about what you need, since you can't talk to him at all. These are my thoughts too. You've got a problem with managing your finances, you've messed up, not stuck to changes and got in a pickle. You didn't listen to him and keep the changes going and YOU are suffering the stress and fallout from not doing so. It's YOUR life that will suffer. I fail to see why you have hurt him. The cause and effect should be apparent, in that, if you do what he says , your finances are in shipshape order........if you don't, they aren't. You haven't hurt him , you've hurt yourself. This is something for you, not for him. How do you know you're being punished if he hasn't even said he's punishing you? It seems he's just disappeared and not ACTUALLY said anything at all. I could understand it more if he'd CLEARLY said.....* You've done this so this is what will happen...* If his point is to say * manage alone, if you won't listen to me, it would be more understandable , even if rather petty. It seems that you're left to ASSUME you're being punished, which seems crazy to me. From this point on, you'll never know when he'll pull the plug on communication as a punishment. I can't see how that creates a BETTER situation or a more postitive outcome. I've never understood how having LESS influence when things are bad and pear-shaped works better than having MORE. If he wants you to follow the sensible changes and you've had a problem doing so, then it seems sensible to go through it with you and discuss it ..........not leap out of the car because you've hit a corner. In your position, with no idea when I'd be contacted again , or when his interest, input, influence, control or authority would re-emerge.......I'd begin to rely less on it for the future. For ALL those reasons, M has no time for punishments* of that kind. agirl

oceanwinds -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 2:28:01 AM)
Thanks everyone for your replies. i awoke this morning with an aaaaaaaahhaaaaaaaaaaaa moment. In Sir's punishment, or just ignoring me i am now unraveling what is below the surface of my problem and i am now healing. It is not easy, but will always be grateful to Sir for aiding me into this journey of healing within. Coping isnt the answer, diving into the pain and why's have led me into why the resistance. Sir has given me the tools to work with my finances. i am using them during this time, instead of resisting. blessings oceanwinds

breatheasone -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 3:51:18 AM)
At the risk of sounding unkind....i have to say the OP is sounding very much like a "mindless doormat"

Zechriel -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 3:52:25 AM)
Good morning! Next time I would ask that a punishment like this be given with a time period. When Daddy horribly punished me -no soda or chips- it was for 2 weeks. Or when he tells me to write down what I eat (I am trying to loose weight and he wants my metabolism kept up by eating) I can always remind him, Master, please how many more days? Grief is good, it reminds us to be thankful for the good things we have BUT punishments should always be clear cut. You said you have been together for 3 years, ::nods:: Daddy and I have been for 13 months so maybe it takes time for them to fine tune their punishment techniques. Another thing is right away, Daddy and I sat down and compiled a list of punishments, like above or wearing pants (ick!!) for 1 week, not calling for 1 week etc. We made copies for each other so we always have them AND know exactly for how long each will last. Daddy does not micromanage much but when it comes to punishments, he does cause he knows I will feel black about it. Good luck and BB/93 Sister!! Love, Zechriel [sm=couple.gif]

LaTigresse -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 4:16:11 AM)
I agree with everything Agirl said and have to ask again, were you specifically told that you are being punished? Personally I think pushing someone away as a punishment is assinine. I tend to think making the punishment fit the crime works far better. Waste money that was needed for bills, you'd be down at the workforce centre looking for a part time job. Or something along those lines. The ONLY times I ignore someone, is when I don't give a shit about them in the first place. Unless they made me so livid I need a few MINUTES to get my temper under control and be able to communicate with a clearer head. Maybe I am weird, but that only takes a very short period of time, not days. I just cannot think of one possible positive, for either person, for going days without any communication at all.

oceanwinds -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 4:21:39 AM)
Zechriel, thank you. Yes, been serving Sir for 3 years, and this is the first time he has ever done this. You know CatdeMedici and lovingpet made a lot of sense to me. My actions, imo, would have been comparable to slapping him in the face. Naturally, as I have stated there is more to this and i just touched the surface. Sir has used different types of punishment in the past. It is not for me to question him, and if that makes me a 'mindless doormmat", so be it. The end result is it is making me face some major things about me. If this is happening, how can it be a bad thing? As also stated, he has not stated this is a punishment. He just quiet. Is that right? I can't say, but again what is being revealed to me through going within is precious. To the others, this is an open format and i did assume there would be conversation on the pro and cons of what is happening in my life. I will not defend Sir, but his silence has been a help to me in my growth. Knowing me for 3 years, he does know how i tick. In case i never hear again from him, i doubt that,but you never know, i would still be grateful. In my life that is a good thing.

lally2 -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 5:15:40 AM)
hey there, i think that if he punished you differently the last time and it didnt work he is trying a different tactic and one that he know will make you stop and think. which is what it has done and it is what you are doing. we've been talking alot about this on the other side and i do believe youre working through it. youre last cmail sounded really positive.[:)] in the end they cant let us keep repeating old patterns it would ultimately undermine the entire dynamic and youre trust in his control and ability to effect change in you. i cant help feeling that he's gone for two weeks, 14 days - a week wouldnt be long enough, like a holiday for a week isnt long enough, youre just begining to relax and chill and then its time to go home. if he had contacted you at any point during this time it would have broken the 'spell' of silence and you would have reverted back to relying on him for direction on this, something that hasnt worked thus far. hang in there, be ready for him to show up, expecting to see that you have done what he asked from you and that youre perspective is moving in the right direction.... actually you know alot of what submission is, is finding the strength inside of youreself, it isnt so much leaning on the strength of youre dominant as taking a deep breath and allowing the resistance and anxiety to fall away. its trust in youreself as much as anything to be able to focus on what is required and just flow with it. issues of abandonment are what make this punishment very hard. and maybe in there is that message too - do this for Him but for youreself mostly, if you cant then He cant stand there and watch. but also the message that you can do this without Him and its doing this without Him thats the most important lesson you can learn for youreself. hugs, love you xxxx

lally2 -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 5:20:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone At the risk of sounding unkind....i have to say the OP is sounding very much like a "mindless doormat" im sorry, but really! - you dont know her and you make a comment like that on the strength of a few words. she is niether mindless or a doormat.

oceanwinds -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 5:54:31 AM)
Thank you lally Yes, you have valid points, and honestly to my own shame, if Sir had contacted me by now, i would not be learning at the depth that i am. All in all it is important that i learn to do these things correctly for my own sake.

IrishMist -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 6:32:38 AM)
quote: At the risk of sounding unkind....i have to say the OP is sounding very much like a "mindless doormat" Hmm I take it that you know the OP personally? In real life? Must be nice to be so all knowing and condescending towards someone who was just looking for insight as to a way of dealing with feelings. As for you comment about sounding unkind...if that had not been your intention, you would not have said what you said. In regards to the OP: From the sounds of it, you have worked through what needed to be worked through. It's not the behavior itself that is worrisome; it's the reasons behind the behavior. And from the sound of it, your owner was trying to help you understand that. Hope everything get's better [:)]

NuevaVida -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 6:46:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone At the risk of sounding unkind....i have to say the OP is sounding very much like a "mindless doormat" What a mean thing to say. Is this somehow productive to the conversation? Or does it just feel good to kick people while they're down?

Mercnbeth -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 8:41:09 AM)
this slave won't attempt to address the right/wrong of punishment, or put you down with lame ass comments about your mental capacity, but as someone who has had to deal with severe mood swings brought on by hormonal overload: as soon as this slave is able to recognize that her emotional reactions are over the top...she gives it attention by wallowing in it for a prescribed period of time...sobbing, hugging puppies, long hot baths, etc. and then has to mentally stay on top of it until the swing has subsided. it isn't easy, but it has been an effective method for a few decades. best wishes to you![:)]

oceanwinds -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 9:40:30 AM)
Thank you, Irish Mist for your kind words. oceanwinds

oceanwinds -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 9:42:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth this slave won't attempt to address the right/wrong of punishment, or put you down with lame ass comments about your mental capacity, but as someone who has had to deal with severe mood swings brought on by hormonal overload: as soon as this slave is able to recognize that her emotional reactions are over the top...she gives it attention by wallowing in it for a prescribed period of time...sobbing, hugging puppies, long hot baths, etc. and then has to mentally stay on top of it until the swing has subsided. it isn't easy, but it has been an effective method for a few decades. best wishes to you![:)] Thank you beth for sharing with me how you cope. looking for my kitty to hug:). i will try these tips. Thank you oceanwinds

DesFIP -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 11:46:56 AM)
Oceanwinds, I hope my comment wasn't too harsh. It's just that there are things he has taught me which I no longer need help with, and then there are things I do need ongoing help with. In terms of finances, that's when I turn to my accountant because I'm not good with it myself. So for me if it was something I couldn't handle on my own, but did just fine with him overseeing it and giving me the occasional hand, I would feel I was being punished unfairly for not being able to make this become one of those things I no longer need help with when I still do. I hope this is clearer.

oceanwinds -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 11:54:11 AM)
DesFip, no you were fine, and thank you. As i said there is a lot more to it, and am sure people don't need a 3 page written post on all that was involved. Thank you though for coming back and explaining. oceanwinds wanted to add DesFip, in my head i keep hearing Sir telling me to do the right thing. i have been focus on that, and took care of things that needed to be done. It is important for him to know that i can follow through his orders, and when he does contact me, he will see i did. In the meantime i found why i was resisting,

LaTigresse -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/14/2009 1:12:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth this slave won't attempt to address the right/wrong of punishment, or put you down with lame ass comments about your mental capacity, but as someone who has had to deal with severe mood swings brought on by hormonal overload: as soon as this slave is able to recognize that her emotional reactions are over the top...she gives it attention by wallowing in it for a prescribed period of time...sobbing, hugging puppies, long hot baths, etc. and then has to mentally stay on top of it until the swing has subsided. it isn't easy, but it has been an effective method for a few decades. best wishes to you![:)] Excellent advice. I remember when going through that whole PMS hell, just acknowledging it and taking a big step back to watch myself, helped also. Knowing that the reason I was upset at someone, wasn't all due to them, but partly my own raging hormones. Being aware of that helped me to ramp the emotion back down and walk away, from what could have been an ugly encounter, many times.

breatheasone -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/15/2009 2:46:53 PM)
Ok, so the doormat comment bother a few of you. That was not my intent. i simply voiced my opinion, take it or leave it. When i hear women on hear say they can not question their "D" types and so on... that's the impression i get. (again just my take on it) Since this is a discussion board i made a comment based on my opinion. Seriously, it wasn't meant to be offense.

NuevaVida -> RE: Punishment. how to cope? (5/15/2009 4:03:32 PM)
Calling someone mindless isn't intended to offend? No matter, I just found it unkind. To the OP, I hope however this works out, you continue to learn about yourself and find the good in life,.

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