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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 9:22:12 AM

ZenDragoness

Posts: 372
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From: Berlin/Germany
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Back to the original topic and coming a bit late into the thread:

I do not think that BSDMers are better at size acceptance. It is not my experience and not my observation.

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Post #: 321

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 9:28:41 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
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no

in my experience, i've been told BDSM is only for the "beautiful people" ...no fatties allowed ..."i wouldn't want to touch your fat grotesque body..." . even a fem submissive assumed in an email that i probably pay men to have sex with me (she was upset that all the "good" dominants were attracted to women my size).

yes there are a lot of mean-spirited people on both sides of the leash and i don't care if they find me too fat for them. it only matters what Daddy and my pet think of me - their opinions matter more.

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Post #: 322

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 9:30:11 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
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quote:

I am not deluded about my fallibility, I am perfectly willing to accept I could be wrong on any issue.

You have no idea how much anyone eats, or what they do to try to lose weight.    If the same prescription worked for everyone, than indeed one answer would have us all at the same acceptable size, and yet, it does not.     Some people can eat a full plate, not gain an ounce, and others have to take crack or heroin, instead of the full plate to be a size 10.    You don't know what you're talking about, and yet proclaim that you are willing to accept you could be wrong.

This isn't about being right though.    Facts don't come with insults or indicators of egomania, they simply stand on their own, without your feeling superior for being different, or making the different wrong.

I just think that Michael's post is applicable, and ought to be implemented, when you try to shove a doctrine of your biases down someone else's throat.   M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 5/20/2009 9:31:11 AM >

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Post #: 323

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 2:01:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

LadyPact,

I have co-topped a few times, mainly to please a partner, but I have never done a scene with three tops, might be fun! I will probably be doing a bit more traveling to LA now so if you are going to be down there, perhaps you and your partner and I can hang out? If you don't know Merc n Beth, you should, they are great people but they are going to be gone for a month. Anytime I come down, they tend to throw a party but there are lots of cool playspaces down there as well, and it is always good to meet new friends.

If I remember correctly, it was either you or Merc (or perhaps both) that I contacted first when I found out this move sometime last year. I've been rather quiet about it until I got the other half home from Korea, which was just a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to be sure the Army wasn't going to change it's mind.

To be honest, I hadn't really thought about the weight issue in correlation to the two different locations until this thread came up. I'm just used to going out and playing. What size I am has never really come into it. I just go out and have fun. If I'm not someone's cup of tea, it's their loss, not Mine. There's got to be one or two bottoms in CA that would enjoy playing with a gal like Me.

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 324

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 2:43:09 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
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I need a bigger font then normal for this...

FOR FUCKS SAKES....
(i feel better) Its inner bitch time because my god you morons are getting to me...

IF CALORIES IN AND CALORIES OUT FUCKING WORKED FOR EVERYONE DO YOU REALLY THINK WED HAVE SO MANY FUCKING FAT PEOPLE?

The truth is, as an obese woman, and to people who have NEVER been fucking obese you need to shut the fuck up seriously because my gods. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOUR TALKING ABOUT.

cals in cals out.. eat right exercise only works for about maybe 1 of 300 people. So um what bout the rest of the 299 people who are struggling to loose weight.

And for the medical professionals, really stop posting on a fat thread and use your medical knowledge to i dont fucking know help them, i mean all the people who are using cruel words on this thread have one thing in common, they arent fat, they have no idea what it means to be obese. I eat right, i exercise, i work my ass off to loose weight and guess what it goes no where.

And for the being fat is so unhealthy crowd. of 100 people who die of heartattacks only 30% are obese or over weight... 60% are old... So its got nothing to do with weight everything to do with age....

having issues with FAT is a marketing scheme. its to make money, because last i checked gyms werent free... if being fat is so dangerous wouldnt you think gyms would be free? i mean so people could honestly work out and loose weight... nope around here its 250 to 500 a year on a membership.... so you poor fat people your out of luck

and the medications and dr visits about 100 bucks a pop...

SO STOP BITCHING ABOUT FUCKING FAT PEOPLE OR GOD DAMNED IT IM GOING TO SMOTHER YOU WITH MY FAT

STOP BITCHING START HELPING... do you tell someone whos homocidal to go kill people? So why inspire people who you dont know their history of and tempt them with a loaded gun so to speak. Its got nothing to do with size and everything to do with how fucking pathetic you people are... i mean really you have nothing better to do then say... oh... well just eat less and work out more... and you wont be so fat... i mean seriously its just fucking sad....

And XI if you need to spank me can i have it on my rearend this time... the last one hurt...

See my therpist told me id feel better

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Post #: 325

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 5:54:07 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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Well, the first statement set off my bullshit detector, & especially when contrasted with the other statement I've excerpted, below . . .. .

How do you know such a blanket level of knowledge about the 'true nature of victimhood'?

Personally, a percentage of the really obese people I've known have deeply troubled personal histories, especially a tendency to have been the victims of inappropriate early-childhood sexual abuse -- in my experience there's a strong correlation between that kind of history & eating disorders of all kinds . . . . .. In those cases I tend to see the weight as a symptom of deeper & rather intractable emotional problems . . . . . . & to generally bash all fat people is to essentially re-victimize those persons with that particular kind of history . . . . .. (Which is not to justify any other kinds of bashing, I'm adding . . . .)

I understand that for the 'anti-PC' crowd yelling 'victim' & blaming stuff on 'out of control victimhood' is cathartic, but it's also an ignorant & hateful position to espouse, in my opinion . .. . .. There are a lot of very damaged people in the world, but since many of them hide their broken natures from the hostile gazes of others it's easy for the hostile to pretend that the world is way more perfect than it actually is . . . . . . .

All that that 'victim' castigating does, in my eyes, is to display how fundamentally lacking in empathy & compassion the castigator is . . . . . . . . Oh, & how 'counter-PC' hip & cool they are . .. . .. So. If the goal is to show off to one's fellow anti-PC-ers, these tactics might be useful. But if the goal is to connect & interact with a wide range of other human beings, I find empathy & compassion & kindness far more effective tools . . . . . .

&, since this is apparently obscured in the preceding dozen plus pages, the essential argument here is not whether anyone has a right to preferences, nor is it about whether fat people are seeking out praise for their weight (I challenge anyone to find an example of any of the posters in this thread specifically & clearly asking for praise of their over-weight issues) -- there's been a lot of both inference & implication about this being so, tho'.

The essential issue that twists panties is when the holder of a given preference attempts to make their own personal desires into some kind of universal rule of desire, or otherwise make it about more than just their own wants.

Thus, all the appeals to how fat is such a 'clear & present danger', or how this or that poster 'knows' that 'everyone finds fat people repulsive' or similar lines of 'reasoning', those set people off because they're just not true . . . . . .Typically because they've been presented in the format of 'All X is Y', & that form is only true in the most tightly constrained of circumstances . . .. . . & 'truth' is far more muddy than such a reductionist approach will reveal . ... ..

lol . . .. . Odd side note that just flashed thru my mind on the topic of fat: the brain is almost entirely composed of fat, & it generally amuses me to hear 'fat' castigated given the extreme importance of that roughly 2 pounds of adipose tissue we all carry between our ears . ... . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrTiger
My point is that they are not victims, and that they are self deluded if they think they are.

...

I am not deluded about my fallibility, I am perfectly willing to accept I could be wrong on any issue.

< Message edited by DemonKia -- 5/20/2009 6:17:46 PM >

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Post #: 326

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:02:01 PM

ZenDragoness

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

quote:

All that that 'victim' castigating does, in my eyes, is to display how fundamentally lacking in empathy & compassion the castigator is . . . . . . . . Oh, & how 'counter-PC' hip & cool they are . .. . .. So. If the goal is to show off to one's fellow anti-PC-ers, these tactics might be useful. But if the goal is to connect & interact with a wide range of other human beings, I find empathy & compassion & kindness far more effective tools . . . . . .

Great Post Kia.

Personally whenever i feel that i have very strong emotions connected with a topic, i ask myself why?

This is a very good tactic to understand ones own history and triggers and should be exercised by some participants of this thread.

< Message edited by ZenDragoness -- 5/20/2009 6:11:59 PM >

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Post #: 327

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:08:46 PM

LovingMistress45

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Joined: 2/7/2009
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Since so many wish to make this about health, here are two articles to read:
http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20080811/benign-obesity-malign-normal-weight
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/2218320/posts

Being obese (FAT) does not equal unhealthy and being thin does not equal healthy. However, for the most part I don't think any of those posting about the health concerns actually have any but are just trying to disguise their bias in an acceptable form of concern.

As for those that don't find someone attractive for any reason (including weight) - I have no problem with that. I don't have to be attractive to every male or female out there. There are those I don't find attractive and would never have a sexual/intimate relationship with. However, I don't have a need to insult and put them down or try to make them feel they are less than human because I don't find them attractive.

I have yet to have anyone not want me to top them because of my weight. I am damn good at what I do and that seems to be what those receiving are interested in. I also have had no problems finding male sexual partners either in or out of the lifestyle. I am upfront about my weight it is in my profile, so anyone turned off by it has no reason to respond.

My problem is not about attraction or lack there of - it is the hostility being expressed toward those of us that do not meet the ideals of some posters. I will say that my opinion of many that have posted have been lowered. Those that have never struggled weight issues have no reference to make assumptions about how easy it is to change it. Ignorance is rampant on this thread.

I will say that my experience in real life with those involved in bdsm I have never been made to feel out of place because of my weight. Personally, I think the anonymity of the internet encourages people to be assholes because their identity is protected.

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 328

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:12:07 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

Thank you, ZenDragoness . . . ..

Yes. My version of this is recalling a bit of the bard: thou dost protest an awful freaking lot . . . . . Just as with cops & headshrinkers, when I observe myself or someone else getting all heated up about a topic for no 'good' ostensible reason, I have to wonder about the interior motivations driving that passion . .. .

& I learned this from observing & working with myself -- when I get all upset about something it's cuz the 'arrow' has hit a target inside of me . . . . . & as long as I leave that target in myself, I remain vulnerable to those arrows, but if I 'work' on the targets I can remove the power of the arrows . .. . . . ..

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenDragoness

Great Post Kia.

Personally whenever i feel that i have very strong emotions connected with a topic, i ask myself why?

This is a very good tactic to understand ones own history and triggers and should be exercised by some partipants of this thread.

(in reply to ZenDragoness)

Post #: 329

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:19:23 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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~FAST REPLY~
You know, I have to admit. When this thread started, I just kind of automatically assumed that when we were talking "acceptance" what we meant was "acceptance as a bed partner", not "acceptance as a human being". It seems to me that in real life, humans are WAY too complex to judge in their entirety on any one vector. Heh, there's quite a few hollywood babes who are, of course, gorgeous that I wouldn't want in my bed even if they were bound and gagged -- game called on account of creepy personalities.

Heck, now that I think on it, I'm not even sure I know of a way to judge someone's worth as a human being until you get into axe murderer type scenariors. At most, I can judge their worth to me.

Is that really what these 17 pages have been about? Whether fat people are GOOD(tm)??

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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Post #: 330

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:23:38 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

[quote]For me, I only want to "play" with small, thin girls - but that's because I'm violently angry at the advantages they have, and want to "even the score" a bit. If I'm sexually attracted to someone, the last thing I want to care about is their personality; conversely, if I care about someone's personality and want to actually be their friend, the last thing I want is to be sexually attracted to them.

(

so then is this BDSM..or abuse.....wtf?

GQ

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 331

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:27:38 PM

DemonKia

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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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Close, but no cigar. 'Good' would be a judgement space that I think is above & beyond what we mean by 'acceptance' . . . .. The relevant portion of the dictionary definition I pulled up would be:

'the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable'

&, lol, yes, I read this thread as "acceptance as a human being", mostly cuz from my perspective I only anticipate bedding a very very tiny number of people in my life, but I am a human being with everyone . . . . . . . .. lol . .. . . When I'm not being a snarky bitch, that is .. . . . lol

But it does make me wonder if one of the fundamental chasms in understanding is exactly that distinction of 'acceptance as human being' versus 'acceptance as potential fuck buddy material' (or however one wants to describe it) . . . ... . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

~FAST REPLY~
You know, I have to admit. When this thread started, I just kind of automatically assumed that when we were talking "acceptance" what we meant was "acceptance as a bed partner", not "acceptance as a human being". It seems to me that in real life, humans are WAY too complex to judge in their entirety on any one vector. Heh, there's quite a few hollywood babes who are, of course, gorgeous that I wouldn't want in my bed even if they were bound and gagged -- game called on account of creepy personalities.

Heck, now that I think on it, I'm not even sure I know of a way to judge someone's worth as a human being until you get into axe murderer type scenariors. At most, I can judge their worth to me.

Is that really what these 17 pages have been about? Whether fat people are GOOD(tm)??

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 332

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:30:52 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
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Is that really what these 17 pages have been about? Whether fat people are GOOD(tm)??

I think that is what it became after some started name calling and insulting those that are fat. The orignal purpose probably was about acceptance as a partner.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 333

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:50:05 PM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

I admit that I am fat, but with all due regards, I am on meds (Depakote and antidepressants) in order to treat my bipolar disorder. I am a grazer, which means I take a nip here and there to eat, no portion control, but a lot of fruits and vegetables (celery and baby carrots anyone?). I also limit my caffeine to one diet soda a day, with water the rest of the time.

I also admit that I need to walk more, but someone needs to stay at home to catch the phone in order for my mother to sleep (she works graveyards). I am staying with her since I am working on getting my disability and the MHMR is treating me.

On point, I will accept who are in good health. My cholestrol is 158, BP is favorable and I don't have to think of my T3 since we found out that lithium does triple my thyroid levels in a previous treatment. As long is the person is in good health, I am willing to play with them regardless of size (but cute butts will turn me on...hehehe).

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Post #: 334

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:59:46 PM

breatheasone

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~~FR~~
Its easier to despise me, and loath me, and have contempt for me then it is yourself.....Because my shit shows....Its an easier, and "larger" target, and if you are busy hating and loathing my poor disgusting self, you hardly have time to look at your own perhaps less visible shit that STILL eats away at you.

So rock on dude....

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 5/20/2009 7:00:43 PM >

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Post #: 335

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:00:18 PM

Andalusite

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I'd suggest turning the ringer off, and either setting your calls to forward to your cell phone, or setting up some kind of voicemail or answering machine.

(in reply to ShaharThorne)

Post #: 336

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:13:59 PM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
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We barely can figure out the voicemail option and her phone has this wee quirk of not ringinguntil the 2nd ring. This is why I get online at night...to stop the calls so I can rest until the do not call list takes effect. My baby brother calls during the day anyway to check up on us.

Finished hijacking...I am bored with my vanilla life...I need someone to flog or whip!

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 337

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:50:48 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
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From: Upstate, NY
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wow.

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Post #: 338

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:58:31 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45
Being obese (FAT) does not equal unhealthy and being thin does not equal healthy. However, for the most part I don't think any of those posting about the health concerns actually have any but are just trying to disguise their bias in an acceptable form of concern.

Hey, for the record, while I didn't talk about it on this thread, it is definitely true that when I pulled some pounds off of Carol and I, there were legitimate health interests mixed in among the aesthetic interests. Yeah, we have a pretty good marriage and I'd like to kind of maximize it's timeline. The health angle doesn't have to be a smoke screen. In fact, along with the weight were a whole series of general health type things including my own cessation of cigarettes.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 339

RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 9:15:59 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth
For me, I only want to "play" with small, thin girls - but that's because I'm violently angry at the advantages they have, and want to "even the score" a bit. If I'm sexually attracted to someone, the last thing I want to care about is their personality; conversely, if I care about someone's personality and want to actually be their friend, the last thing I want is to be sexually attracted to them. (And yeah, I've tried both, and have the gaping wounds to prove it.)

You sound like a loose cannon. I hope you're either playing, or getting intense counseling for what is off inside of you. S/M is not something one should be playing, when exerted from a place of so much pain, as it makes you dangerous. M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 340

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