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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:26:48 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JaDaMaGi

I was expecting to get chewed out for saying I only like lean women. This is much better.

I think what pisses a lot of people off is when some fat old guy like me says they only want a size six. Saying you like thin women and being buffed yourself makes it a lot easier to hear.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:29:56 AM

GotSteel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuddlyCreative
I'm not sure why people who disagree with your bigotry are obliged to spend time crafting a point-by-point response.

You aren't obliged to participate in any sort of discussion with me, but if you do I'd ask you to refrain from ad hominem attacks as they don't actually prove anything except that your perfectly willing to engage in the same sort of bullying that you don't think you should be subjected to.

"An ad hominem argument, also known as argumentum ad hominem (Latin: "argument to the man", "argument against the man") consists of replying to an argument or factual claim by attacking or appealing to a characteristic or belief of the source making the argument or claim, rather than by addressing the substance of the argument or producing evidence against the claim.
The process of proving or disproving the claim is thereby subverted, and the argumentum ad hominem works to change the subject." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuddlyCreative
Are you willing to do some reading of your own in exchange? I'd be happy to make some suggestions. I've read and thought a tremendous amount about this topic--and not just the propaganda pushed by diet product manufacturers and reported in popular media to rationalize current societal attitudes.

Any legitimate material that you have which would add to the discussion, you should absolutely put up. If you have an issue with the specif articles I linked, I suppose that's fair. Here's the The New England Journal of Medicine article that they were talking about: http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/357/4/370

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuddlyCreative
It's frustrating when I try to discuss this stuff with fat haters, because they invariably are only interested in those bits and pieces that back up what they've already decided to believe.

I can understand your frustration I've read some horrible and ridiculous posts in this thread, please don't lump me in with them when the only opinion I've offered is that the thread should be a discussion and not just people calling each other names. Personally, I dislike belief and try instead to base my opinions on logic and reality. If you want me to think that something is true just show me the evidence that it's true.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:30:32 AM

JaDaMaGi

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hmm.. I have to agree. In a nutshell, I wouldn't think it fair to demand something I can't deliver myself. Well, I guess in the D/s lifestyle, that philosophy can't be taken too literally, but I wouldn't expect a woman to be all lean and athletic unless I was too.
...and do you make instruments? Thats really cool.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:34:05 AM

JaDaMaGi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

bsb, are you ignoring the man's words because of his body size? for shame! he's a human, too, you know. not just a chunk of meat.

Oh... I don't mind not being looked at as human. When I was growing up with my insane family, I figured I must be an alien! ha ha.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:34:20 AM

Mezrem

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JaDaMaGi

I was expecting to get chewed out for saying I only like lean women. This is much better.

Why should you "get chewed out" for saying you like lean women. I don't recall anyone getting testy over a person saying that they liked fit people for a relationship. I for one perfer some one be honest about that fact without being mean or nasty to people. From what I have understood about the posts most of the folks are not upset about the statements by others that they like one over the other.. it is the name calling and other childish bs that gets them upset.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:37:34 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Very good to know! Thanks for pulling that up again, Kia.

LadyPact, if you and Kia come to town, let me know! I am sorry I didn't get to meet your partner but I was glad to help him out when he was here. As for Cat, she still has a space and it is as sensual a playspace as you can find. There is a cool picture of it in my profile, its the room we call the "spider room"

Michael, I would have thought you'd know by now that you are very high on the list of folks that I want to meet when I make it to the other coast. If nothing else, I'm sure you can direct Me to where the boys are. LOL.

Nice new pics of the pieces you've crafted in your profile, btw.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 5/20/2009 6:42:06 AM >

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:40:22 AM

Phoenixpower

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: JaDaMaGi

I was expecting to get chewed out for saying I only like lean women. This is much better.

I think what pisses a lot of people off is when some fat old guy like me says they only want a size six. Saying you like thin women and being buffed yourself makes it a lot easier to hear.

Which reminds me on a guy I met who was double my shape which means he was somewhere between 400-450lbs...of course he did not state it in his profile and silly me forgot to verify him via webcam before meeting....and yep, I could so not take him serious when he thought to tell me about how to loose weight or that I would eat a too huge portion...
(particular as I know very well that for me it has a lot to do with my damn sweet tooth, from that normal food I am not and never was a big eater...). However, neatless to say it did not work out as I could not take him serious (as there I agree with JaDaMaGi when he says "I wouldn't expect a woman to be all lean and athletic unless I was too.") and he states in his profile that he would only accept a woman size 8-14...that just makes me laugh, considering that I know his shape...when I met Mr. Adorable it was a nice challenge that - for a change - a prospective Dom takes it easy and spoils me with a HUGE Dinner...I can't remember when I have ever had such a huge dinner and only managed to eat from all the starters he had ordered as I hadn't had eaten anything over the whole day until he came at the evening. On that occassion I had to decline the dessert

However, it was a nice challenge that an attractive and sporty man does not think at the first meeting that he would have to proof wannabe-domliness with doing smart comments about eating and just let himself and myself enjoy at that dinnertime...

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:41:47 AM

BossyShoeBitch

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

bsb, are you ignoring the man's words because of his body size? for shame! he's a human, too, you know. not just a chunk of meat.

I know that!!

(he's got a really cute face too!)

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:41:48 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Calla the only post I find of mine on here is this.

quote:

There seems to be more older folks here than younger, and with age comes weight gain. Metabolism simply slows down a lot at 50 or 60 compared to a 20 year old. A heavier 50 year old man is more likely to be accepting of a heavier 50 year old woman than a thin 20 year old woman accepting of a heavier 20 year old man.

I don't see any castigating. Sure you were referring to this?

In any case, compulsive/addictive behaviors are a whole different ball of wax from comfort eating. Truthfully it's a lot easier to substitute other addictions. Caffeine and cigarettes instead of alcohol. Are they good for you? Hell no. But they;re better than driving drunk and that's often the trade off.

Comfort eating can be addressed in a therepeutic environment a lot easier than compulsive eating. You can substitute other comfort items; bubble bath, manicure, half hour with a book before doing housework etc.

But those of us older types simply have to put in a lot more time exercising, and reduce food intake a great deal more than a younger person. And not everyone has three hours daily available to spend at the gym. Or the funds.

Des, I ow you a huge apology -- I went back and realized that it was confusion on my part... I mixed your post up with someone else's post, and got the two ideas all crossed up in my head. I apologize profoundly.

Dame Calla

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:42:48 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JaDaMaGi
I wouldn't think it fair to demand something I can't deliver myself.

That's exactly my kink=Unfair/unbalanced relationships. I would NEVER allow anyone to do onto me as I do onto my boyfriends or subs.

As to the size thing, I take it as different strokes for different folks, and carry on. The love/affection of another is only valuable to me, if it complements the love I give/have within me... Otherwise, it's no more useful in my life than the love I have for a chicken or a dog. I don't take offense to someone preferring someone different anymore than I call myself flawed for having people I am attracted to (or not). M

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:43:58 AM

SimplyMichael

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LadyPact,

I have co-topped a few times, mainly to please a partner, but I have never done a scene with three tops, might be fun! I will probably be doing a bit more traveling to LA now so if you are going to be down there, perhaps you and your partner and I can hang out? If you don't know Merc n Beth, you should, they are great people but they are going to be gone for a month. Anytime I come down, they tend to throw a party but there are lots of cool playspaces down there as well, and it is always good to meet new friends.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:44:10 AM

KMsAngel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

bsb, are you ignoring the man's words because of his body size? for shame! he's a human, too, you know. not just a chunk of meat.

I know that!!

(he's got a really cute face too!)

i agree. his face is cute. even his profile is cute (brownie addict myself).

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:46:16 AM

JaDaMaGi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

sarcasm is obviously wasted.

Don't worry. I got it. ...even chuckled. Sorry if I was supposed to expound on your joke.
Here... . Oh... ha ha, thats really funny. ha ha, chunk of meat. Thats rich... oh man.... I'm laughing tears here.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 6:51:45 AM

JaDaMaGi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

quote:

ORIGINAL: JaDaMaGi
I wouldn't think it fair to demand something I can't deliver myself.
That's exactly my kink=Unfair/unbalanced relationships. I would NEVER allow anyone to do onto me as I do onto my boyfriends or subs.

As to the size thing, I take it as different strokes for different folks, and carry on. The love/affection of another is only valuable to me, if it complements the love I give/have within me... Otherwise, it's no more useful in my life than the love I have for a chicken or a dog. I don't take offense to someone preferring someone different anymore than I call myself flawed for having people I am attracted to (or not). M

I don't think its necessarily unbalanced if I will do thing to a girlfriend that I'd never let her do to me. ...at least if you look at it from the perspective of satisfying the other person. one persons turture is anothers pleasure. ....which is still sometimees torture... but anyway...

You make me realize how sloppy I was in my earlier comment. Let me rephrase. I can't expect anyone to go to efforts to make themselves beautiful for themselves and for me unless I go to the same lengths myself. ...that way it works in a more general sense. Then in my specific case.... I like to be athletic, and like athletic women.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:04:16 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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Interesting aside.... This morning, I spent some time with my allergist and rheumatologist, who informed me that some of the issues with recalcitrant obesity that I'm dealing with, are likely part of the -inflammatory- process caused by the immune-system dysfunction I was born with. They gave me a couple of articles from the British Journal of Medicine, American Journal of Rheumatology, and a journal called Obesity Surgery to explain what they were talking about, and I have to admit, it sounds theoretically interesting. It was compelling enough for me to agree to start a new course of treatment to reduce systemic inflammation. I wonder if it will make as much of a difference as they seems to think it will.

Dame Calla

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:12:33 AM

KMsAngel

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ok, before i drag myself off to my sickbed, i admit that yes, michael, i think JaDaMaGi has a very nice face. i like his sense of humour in his profile. i like that he doesn't take himself seriously:

quote:

Oh... I don't mind not being looked at as human. When I was growing up with my insane family, I figured I must be an alien! ha ha.

i have one of those families too.

i even have no problem with his preference for a certain size of woman - i just told bsb as much in a cmail. and yes, michael, i would get pissed at you too for wanting the size 6 if you weren't all lean and spiffy too. and then i'd cry 'cause i'm not size 6 and not in CA anymore

my peeve, i guess, and i'm letting it annoy me disproportionately cause i'm sicky here, is the wording he uses and the attitude he seems to be flinging around early on. i like you much better in your latter comments, JaDaMaGi, about not expecting the woman to be anything that you're not already doing yourself (if that makes sense).

anyway. my two cents.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:13:36 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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quote:

You make me realize how sloppy I was in my earlier comment. Let me rephrase. I can't expect anyone to go to efforts to make themselves beautiful for themselves and for me unless I go to the same lengths myself. ...that way it works in a more general sense. Then in my specific case.... I like to be athletic, and like athletic women.

You weren't sloppy, and I understood you the first time, but it's okay to explain...

   I saw that you pointed out the problem with the statement in a D/s forum.
I too expect the man who comes to meet me or tries to be with me, to be well put together, and attractive, because I clean up well, especially when going to meet someone I want in my life.    However, that has very little to do with exact size, and percent body fat.

Attractive as you know is relative, and come to think of it, I've never dated a man as big as myself, and not because I wouldn't.    The slimmest man I ever dated (about 5'8", 150#), needed a bodacious babe like myself, because he was enormous...
***Fans self at the memories***

Back to the point I was trying to make, is that what I expect is someone who can offer what I want, and wants what I can offer. I don't begrudge anyone for hischoices, as long as there isn't the blanket suggestion that slim is always the answer to attractiveness. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 5/20/2009 7:15:37 AM >

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:21:33 AM

CarrieO

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

Interesting aside.... This morning, I spent some time with my allergist and rheumatologist, who informed me that some of the issues with recalcitrant obesity that I'm dealing with, are likely part of the -inflammatory- process caused by the immune-system dysfunction I was born with. They gave me a couple of articles from the British Journal of Medicine, American Journal of Rheumatology, and a journal called Obesity Surgery to explain what they were talking about, and I have to admit, it sounds theoretically interesting. It was compelling enough for me to agree to start a new course of treatment to reduce systemic inflammation. I wonder if it will make as much of a difference as they seems to think it will.

Dame Calla

Calla (forgive me if that's too informal)...

Would you be able to post a link for these articles or send me a PM to point m in the right direction? This appears to be somewhat similar to what I have been dealing with and would love another resource. Systemic inflammation is a new phrase for me but it looks like I'll need to become more informed...especially since it was one of many that was thrown my way when visiting a rheumatologist.
Thank you.

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:26:33 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel
michael, i would get pissed at you too for wanting the size 6 if you weren't all lean and spiffy too. and then i'd cry 'cause i'm not size 6 and not in CA anymore

Angel, I actually don't tend to like women as skinny as size 6 and I have come to really like latex and PVC dresses and to me they look better on a woman with serious curves and thin women just don't like right to me. One of the hottest women I have ever been with was a 14-16 but she was a bellydancer and moved with a grace that made everyone look when she entered the room. We all know I like hot women, but for me, body comes a distant third after a beautiful face, a great personality, and only then their body.

However imperfect a woman is, if she is my partner she really becomes the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I met some of the women I had been around with a previous partner, all of whom I thought were less attractive and after some adjustment I realized in a few cases there were actually quite beautiful in their own right but I just didn't even notice at the time.

Angel, if you ever get to CA I promise I will offer you one night of depraved debauchery but that one night that will spoil you forever so choose wisely!

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RE: Are BDSMers better at size acceptance? - 5/20/2009 7:31:59 AM

JaDaMaGi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

quote:

You make me realize how sloppy I was in my earlier comment. Let me rephrase. I can't expect anyone to go to efforts to make themselves beautiful for themselves and for me unless I go to the same lengths myself. ...that way it works in a more general sense. Then in my specific case.... I like to be athletic, and like athletic women.
You weren't sloppy, and I understood you the first time, but it's okay to explain...    I saw that you pointed out the problem with the statement in a D/s forum.
I too expect the man who comes to meet me or tries to be with me, to be well put together, and attractive, because I clean up well, especially when going to meet someone I want in my life.    However, that has very little to do with exact size, and percent body fat.

Attractive as you know is relative, and come to think of it, I've never dated a man as big as myself, and not because I wouldn't.    The slimmest man I ever dated (about 5'8", 150#), needed a bodacious babe like myself, because he was enormous...
***Fans self at the memories***
Back to the point I was trying to make, is that what I expect is someone who can offer what I want, and wants what I can offer.    I don't begrudge anyone for hischoices, as long as there isn't the blanket suggestion that slim is always the answer to attractiveness.    M

Heh heh. cool. Ya, I wouldn't blanket state that being slim is attractive either. Actually, I'm not into skinny girls. I am often misunderstood in that regard. When I say lean, I mean it very differently than skinny. There may be a better word I haven't thought of. i do a lot of things outside. Climbing, hiking, running, etc. I guess what it really comes down to is a high strength to weight proportion. That just sounds too technical and silly, though. I like someone who is physically strong, and able to do a lot of physical activity.

Descriptions such as that are often boiled down to one or two words. Such as Lean, or slim, or some meat on her bones, or BBW.... It seems to create a fair amount of confusion when there is so little information. I guess people use very short descriptions to make it easierr for impatient people to read. Maybe more description should be there.

Hmm. I just got in trouble for digressing from the topic too much from the moderstors, though. So....

In my humble opinion, I don't think that kinksters are necessarily more tolerant of body size. ....but I do think kinky people are more interested in wider ranges of body types. People have fetishes for less mainstream body types, and so demand them. ....I think.

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