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RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/16/2009 7:38:27 AM

MmeGigs

Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves
1. Be polite.
2. you can begin by addressing Her as "Mistress" until She corrects you with another name or title She prefers.
3. Rather than to list out what you like or want, instead ask how you can serve HER.
4. If emailing Her, do not attach a picture until She requests one.
5. Ask what She would like to know about you, then go from there.

The only one of these that I'd agree with is #1 - Be polite.

As others have pointed out, many of us don't like having total strangers call us "Mistress". For me, the rest of these are off-base, too. I like to see pictures right off. It makes the guy more human and real to me, gets him a little initial benefit of the doubt (unless, of course, the pics are of his pink bits).

While I agree that sending a list of wanna's is bad form, I think that "How may I serve you?" is nearly as bad. It's presumptuous - she doesn't even know if she wants to talk to him yet, much less allow him to serve. It's also a lousy conversation starter. Unless she's looking for some service that a total stranger can perform - like the "tribute" that so many fellows here complain about - there's no way to respond. Asking what she'd like to know is also a pretty lousy conversation starter. Unless a fellow has managed to get her interested in him through other things he's said in his email - stuff he's told her about himself, questions he's asked about her - she's unlikely to want to ask him anything.

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)

Post #: 21

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/16/2009 7:39:50 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

"what would you like to know?' eeeeh! Is this twenty questions?

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(in reply to MmeGigs)

Post #: 22

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/16/2009 7:55:56 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

I've read the replies to the OP and this is the one that seems to stand out the most for me....

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Yes, I think ordinary good manners. This shows you can control your kinks and talk to her as a balanced, decent man, at first.

I don't understand why so many men feel the need to assume there would be any different way of approaching ANY woman, regardless of the title she chooses to use. If you were out with your friends at a club, would you approach a woman and say beggingly "Mistress, please use me"...or while browsing through the produce section at the market would you ask a woman to crush your naughty bits like you could crush the juicy tomatoes you were holding? I mean, really....like your Mama always told you....Be Polite!
Trust me, it's not rocket science.

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(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 23

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/16/2009 8:01:29 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO
while browsing through the produce section at the market would you ask a woman to crush your naughty bits like you could crush the juicy tomatoes you were holding?

Well, as a matter of fact...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4&feature=channel_page

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- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 24

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/16/2009 8:08:50 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO
while browsing through the produce section at the market would you ask a woman to crush your naughty bits like you could crush the juicy tomatoes you were holding?

Well, as a matter of fact...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4&feature=channel_page

Thank you!

That video seems to be the perfect response so often.....can't help but laugh.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 25

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/16/2009 8:17:27 AM

gentlemanprince

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

A Mistress isn't a Mistress until that time when she introduces herself to you as such or directs you to address her as such, otherwise she is a woman, a person, a human. She needs acceptance and understanding very much in the same way you do as well as being considerate of her and her needs, wants, etc.

I agree with what you said with one small exception. A Domme doesn't become a Mistress - your Mistress - simply by directing a submission to address her that way. Sometimes in our eagerness to find a relationship, we forget that the acceptance process is a mutual one. I would not address a Domme as "Mistress" simply because he introduces herself as such or directs me to do that, although I would work with her to find a mutually acceptable form of address. (A nickname with Mistress built in present more of a problem, but to me the mistress part is simply part of her name and doesn't indicate a D/s position.)

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 26

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/16/2009 8:27:13 AM

gentlemanprince

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MmeGigs

While I agree that sending a list of wanna's is bad form, I think that "How may I serve you?" is nearly as bad. It's presumptuous - she doesn't even know if she wants to talk to him yet, much less allow him to serve.

Just as bad are the profiles in which Dommes demand that in his first email a sub tell her why he wants to serve her. How the heck can he know that from a profile? The most that he can honestly say is that there is something about her profile that caught his interest and that he would like to explore to see if there is anything more there. Any woman who wants more than that is living in a fantasy world or just wants to have her ego stroked.

(in reply to MmeGigs)

Post #: 27

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/16/2009 9:57:06 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gentlemanprince

quote:

ORIGINAL: MmeGigs

While I agree that sending a list of wanna's is bad form, I think that "How may I serve you?" is nearly as bad. It's presumptuous - she doesn't even know if she wants to talk to him yet, much less allow him to serve.

Just as bad are the profiles in which Dommes demand that in his first email a sub tell her why he wants to serve her. How the heck can he know that from a profile? The most that he can honestly say is that there is something about her profile that caught his interest and that he would like to explore to see if there is anything more there. Any woman who wants more than that is living in a fantasy world or just wants to have her ego stroked.

Oh see, you're being all SENSIBLE!

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Post #: 28

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/16/2009 10:35:14 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I would add to this, pay attention. I prefer the title Miss yet I have had subs insist on calling me Ma'am. If I give a title to be used then I expect that. That's part of being polite.

If I assign a pet name I want to see that you have accepted it by using it as your signature when you write to me. You can add to it - for instance if I call you "little one" I don't mind if you write "your obedient little one", but I want to see it in some form. (This may vary from Domme to Domme. Find out what the Domme you are dealing with likes.)

Don't fawn over someone you barely know. I totally agree with the responder who says she hates being called Goddess. So do I. Only used a title like that if you are requested to. Also, don't offer things too fast such as a lifetime of service. That makes you sound needy and insincere. Allow things to build one step at a time.

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Post #: 29

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/17/2009 3:10:53 AM

TEMPERANCE

Posts: 126
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline

Personally I think you should take the time to read the persons profile, if you see you have a common intrest maybe pick up on that. That will show that you have taken the time to read her profile which so many dont, so you'll get a gold star already. Dont just say something like i love your pictures, you're so sexy come and do me.. and yes their are some out there that do!! Because that is just crass... and shows that you're talking with your dick, which means you're a fantacist and not worth spending any time on at all.

Always be polite and respectful, ensure that your spelling and grammar are good as in my experience most dominants are anally retentive about such things. I would formally address them by their profile name, they will inform you of how they prefer to be addressed. DO NOT appear desperate.... DO NOT beg for a response... DO NOT come across as being a pathetic wimp... DO be yourself and just be honest...

Hope that helps....

Edited loads as im a thick bitch who cant spell.... (thats why i know the dominants are so anal about good spelling)

< Message edited by TEMPERANCE -- 5/17/2009 3:14:20 AM >

(in reply to lockandtease)

Post #: 30

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/17/2009 3:26:19 AM

Goddess2002

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

I can't stand being referred to as "G-ddess".. Ugh..
and, I think AcademyforSlaves (sorry!) was off the mark in saying, "Don't send a picture until requested".

A tasteful full length shot is required. For fucks sake, NO COCK SHOTS (unless you are told to of course).

Personally I dig "Goddess"...hence my screen name. "Mistress' is a definite no-no, as evryone has said before that title must be earned. If someone wants to address me as "Ma'am" that's fine...me being from the South and all....

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 31

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/17/2009 3:33:48 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I don't put a lot of emphasis on what someone addresses me as in the first mail, provided it's polite and has the overtones of respect that he would be giving me if he "gets the position." If he makes it past the first response, he will get told how I prefer to be addressed.

I like to see a nice smiling decently lit face shot (None of these so shadowed I can't tell more than that it's a human form pictures, please.) and a profile filled out well enough that I can see if he has any mundane interests in common with the ones the household has.

I like to have someone message me who has respect for the offering he's making, who understands that submission is valueless if it's given to everything that twitches, and who offers, conditional upon my proving that I am who I say I am, and that we fit as we hope to fit, his submission to me.

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Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to Goddess2002)

Post #: 32

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/17/2009 11:37:22 PM

MoGa

Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/25/2008
From: Hellizona!
Status: offline

#2 on the list, would be wrong for me. If a sub does not have a photo on his profile, please by all means, send me a recent photo of himself. A FACE photo. If I want to see anymore than that, then I will ask him for more. I put my photos out there, so they know what I look like before emailing me, I just ask for the same in return.

MoGa

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Post #: 33

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/18/2009 12:43:39 AM

LAgirlsub

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kttqnp

I personally hate messages that begin with "Hey".

Honestly, even with a woman I like from here, I really don't like 'Hun.' Is that a common 'hey' in the bdsm online world? I seem to keep running into it.

(in reply to kttqnp)

Post #: 34

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/18/2009 1:08:06 AM

LAgirlsub

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

I've read the replies to the OP and this is the one that seems to stand out the most for me....

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Yes, I think ordinary good manners. This shows you can control your kinks and talk to her as a balanced, decent man, at first.

I don't understand why so many men feel the need to assume there would be any different way of approaching ANY woman, regardless of the title she chooses to use. If you were out with your friends at a club, would you approach a woman and say beggingly "Mistress, please use me"...or while browsing through the produce section at the market would you ask a woman to crush your naughty bits like you could crush the juicy tomatoes you were holding? I mean, really....like your Mama always told you....Be Polite!
Trust me, it's not rocket science.

To the OP - I concur. I'm a sub woman but I'll put the emphasis on woman. Since I mostly talk to women....let's see if I can give you some advice...

I read everything I can on the woman in the picture. Sure, admittedly something physical probably caught my eye first, but then it's all about who the heck is she. Obviously first to see if there are common interests with and beyond the kink - seriously why waste both your time - and her demeanor, don't think less of yourself, matters. If she sounds frankly too mean and demanding, I'm gone. If she is direct but open, I'm reading more.

So say you want to email her...was there something you particularly liked in her profile or journal entries? Do you like some of her interests not just bdsm-related? And then talk about yourself, who you are - where you're from - maybe a little about your personal interests - maybe your profession - to give her a picture of you beyond your profile. And then if you want to tell her a little of your interest or where you are in this lifestyle, maybe. I mostly don't until I've spoke with a woman for a bit, if I do. But that's me. I'd like to say use my approach, it works, but alas not yet since I want to meet local women.

But seriously, a straight guy - obviously - was hitting on me at a bar (my female date left and I talk to everyone) and how did the guy signal the obvious to me? No he didn't talk to my chest. Didn't have his eyes wondering. He was a perfect gentlemen and said I have a beautiful smile. From that, we had a nice conversation that we both enjoyed. I'm gay so nothing else was going to happen, but we enjoyed a nice chat.

And I thought later...men could learn from this man. He was pleasant company, a good looking fellow and I'm sure a straight woman might have exchanged numbers with him. So that's my advice. Stop thinking with the little head and duh, be interested in the woman. It's really much more fun. I love women and I express it by being interested in them more then their body (even if I think they're incredibly hot) and what (oh gosh sometime) they'll want to share with me physically. Just my two pennies.

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 35

RE: Basic Mistress Etiquette - 5/18/2009 12:16:21 PM

MsVengeange

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/2/2008
From: Orange County, NY
Status: offline

A slave should ask the Mistress to whom he/she is speaking to what name the Mistress actually prefer. I have no problem with being called Mistress, Ma'am, or My Lady on the 1st Introduction. It actually gets the slave used to Addressing the woman to whom he/she will eventually be servicing.

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)

Post #: 36

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