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CreativeDominant -> RE: Chase, Chased, or Be Still Together? (5/16/2009 1:28:14 PM)
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ORIGINAL: DemonKia
All are legit approaches, a matter of personal style as much as anything else . ... . Tho' I suspect that in BDSM there might be patterns .... .
Do tops prefer to chase their desired ones, or do they prefer to be chased by eager bottoms? I think you would get a mix of answers here although I've taken note that many female submissives and dominants have stated that they do not/will not chase.
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Does it break out along D/s / M/s lines? Returning to my answer above, it seems to break out along the "old" vanilla lines, interestingly enough. From what I've read on the boards, the females...whether dominant or submissive...prefer to be pursued by the males....submissive or dominant.
It's an interesting conundrum...once the submissive is with a dominant, he/she serves or caters to the dominant. They are usually in the middle of striving to keep the dominant happy. But up until it gets to that point, the female...no matter what she identifies as...is the director of the chase, the prize. The male...no matter what he identifies as...is the chasee, the follower of the female indicators. Which, for the dominant males, winds up with them in an almost-submissive role and for the submissive females ends up with them in an almost-dominant role.
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& let's hear from you mixed-model types (ie, switches & others who don't specifically identify with the D/s & M/s dynamics) -- how do you figure out when to chase or be chased?
To get to 'being still together' is some chasing necessary?
& how did you figure out what works for you? I was brought up during a time when the man did the asking out. Even after he'd done so and they'd been on several dates, until they were going steady it was still up to him to call. I find it ironic that for many, despite the "freedom" gained by choosing to lead this life, the old rule of "male chases female" still applying. Now, many will say that this is partially due to the embrace of "traditional ways" with the twist of D/s and, possibly, BDSM. But...how do you explain it that way for the femdominant/male submissive entanglements? There's a case where the female has certainly gone against the "traditional" role. Perhaps though, that IS the twist in their dynamic...the twist of the traditional is to have traditional ways BUT with the unexpected gender in each role?
For me, I will chase...up to a point. But I like to be pursued a bit too...I don't necessarily feel more dominant by being the only one who calls, the only one who initiates sexual play, the only one who does this or that or etc... If you show no interest in me...and not making a phone call or not sending a note without a "prompting" note from me first are examples of what I am talking about...when I have shown interest in you, then I will move on.
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Is there some other way? I don't know what it would be...everyone has to do what works for them. While I am complimented by being contacted first, I understand that those occurrences are going to be rare. In fact, in the two years I've been here, I can think of maybe 5 submissive females who contacted me first with anything even resembling a flirtatious remark in their note.
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Thanks for your contributions!
You're welcome.
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