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Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 7:13:37 PM

Daydreamer27

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline

Hi,

I'm new here as a inexperienced sub and just as new to the D/s life as well. I'm going to meet my Dom for the first time and have no idea as what I should and should n't do. I know that I have many offences due to me being a BRAT but I was never spanked as a kid so I'm not sure on how I might want to prepare for this meeting? Any suggestion would be highly appreciated Please help...

Post #: 1

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 7:18:28 PM

hereandthere

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline

Wait, this is the first time your meeting him AND your going to be playing??? I'm sorry but I can think of better ways to die. My advise would be to make the first few metings (at leaste the first one) in a public place like any other date. Make sure to have contacts that know exactly where you are and keep contact with them at least a few times. Don't do/go anywhere you don't feel comfortable with.

In other words think of it as.."Would I do this in a regular (vanilla) setting"

(in reply to Daydreamer27)

Post #: 2

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 7:38:31 PM

Daydreamer27

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline

I know that the whole meeting for the first time as a session is crazzy ok insane but we have talked now for a while and I am going to have a friend with me but he doesn't know that she'll be in the car waiting.... I'm going to try to go on my gut with this.. I have told everyone that I know where when and why.. I have told him that I'm nervouse as well and he says that ball is in my court...

(in reply to hereandthere)

Post #: 3

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 7:44:48 PM

hereandthere

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/16/2008
Status: offline

You can talk on the phone/internet/snail mail for the next year and I still wouldn't advise meeting for the first time to play. First off it doesn't say much about the 'Dom" in question. And I do question the Doms out there that automatically want to jump into play/sex/scening whatever you call it without, at the very least, a normal sit down discussion in a public venue.
In my view that isn't safe or sane.

Just my 2 and a half cents.

_____________________________

Say what you have to say, not what you ought. Any truth is better than make-believe.

(in reply to Daydreamer27)

Post #: 4

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 7:48:42 PM

hi2525

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

The all in important safety call system. Tell friends where you be and plan for the night. Explain you are meeting a guy and just want to be safe with numerous safe calls from different people that know where you will be. That can come running to get you if the situation turns bad. With safety words included. A example is how was the movie last night but in reality are you safe. That is all.

(in reply to Daydreamer27)

Post #: 5

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 7:52:49 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

My very first play date was a first time meeting with a dominant friend of mine that I met here. We went to a meal and then determined together that we wanted to proceed to a private environment. I had someone else with me and he was given a key to our room so he could check whenever he wished. I did not allow bondage, gags, and made sure protection was available for his use. It was all overkill, as he turned out to be very worthy of my trust.

If you would like to see my thread prior to my big first meeting, the title was Up All Night . I am sure you will relate to some of it. I had misgivings about safety, was nervous about playing for the first time, and much more. I hope it helps.

lovingpet

(in reply to hereandthere)

Post #: 6

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 8:00:04 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daydreamer27

Hi,

I'm new here as a inexperienced sub and just as new to the D/s life as well. I'm going to meet my Dom for the first time and have no idea as what I should and should n't do. I know that I have many offences due to me being a BRAT but I was never spanked as a kid so I'm not sure on how I might want to prepare for this meeting? Any suggestion would be highly appreciated Please help...

This bugs me....On so many levels

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Daydreamer27)

Post #: 7

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 8:14:27 PM

Daydreamer27

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline

Lovingpet,

I appreciate your support actually to all of you THANK YOU. I'm going to use the call system to (great idea)

. I'm meeting him Fri so in the meantime I'm going to try to get a brief public meeting with him.. He assures me that he set time aside to make sure we still want to cont....

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 8

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 8:23:20 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daydreamer27

Hi,

I'm new here as a inexperienced sub and just as new to the D/s life as well. I'm going to meet my Dom for the first time and have no idea as what I should and should n't do. I know that I have many offences due to me being a BRAT but I was never spanked as a kid so I'm not sure on how I might want to prepare for this meeting? Any suggestion would be highly appreciated Please help...

This bugs me....On so many levels

It does me too except that I don't assume that it is meant as a truly punitive act. My partner kept a running record of "infractions", but it was all in good fun.

OP, you are welcome and best of luck Friday!

lovingpet

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 9

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 8:54:37 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Since you haven't even met him, you can't yet have committed to him. Therefore you can't be punished when you didn't consent to him ordering you around.

Meet for coffee. He may actually be 400 pounds or 20 years older than he said he was. Or most probably, married and desperate for play. Do you have his full name, home address, work place etc?

Beyond that, if you tend to be playful and humorous and he wants someone who just bows down and says yes master no matter what, then you aren't compatible. I strongly suggest you rethink this and consider if you can suddenly become someone totally different than your normal self.

Or is he using excuses to seize upon to have an excuse to be sadistic and not keep his word regarding your limits. Lots of people think punishment means they can violate hard limits. And people who are conflicted about their own sexuality often need to seize upon the excuse of punishment instead of accepting that they like doing these things. Personally I prefer someone who is comfortable with himself.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 10

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 9:19:35 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daydreamer27

Hi,

I'm new here as a inexperienced sub and just as new to the D/s life as well. I'm going to meet my Dom for the first time and have no idea as what I should and should n't do. I know that I have many offences due to me being a BRAT but I was never spanked as a kid so I'm not sure on how I might want to prepare for this meeting? Any suggestion would be highly appreciated Please help...

This bugs me....On so many levels

It does me too except that I don't assume that it is meant as a truly punitive act. My partner kept a running record of "infractions", but it was all in good fun.

OP, you are welcome and best of luck Friday!

lovingpet

Ok, fair enough and thats entirely possible....He may be having some fun with a mind fuck before the meet....LOL thats cool and i hope it goes well for you OP!

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 11

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 9:20:38 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daydreamer27

I know that the whole meeting for the first time as a session is crazzy ok insane but we have talked now for a while and I am going to have a friend with me but he doesn't know that she'll be in the car waiting.... I'm going to try to go on my gut with this.. I have told everyone that I know where when and why.. I have told him that I'm nervouse as well and he says that ball is in my court...

Excuse me. Does this mean you are going to meeting at a motel? For me, motels without a really good reason such as you both having to travel out of town to meet just scream "married" or "involved."

(in reply to Daydreamer27)

Post #: 12

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 9:41:11 PM

Daydreamer27

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline

Well LOL yes we are meeting at a motel we discussed the options and he said for me to choose a place that I will be more comfortable. I really am working to work on a casual meeting this wk b4 we cont.. I have never took my clothes off the first time why now? Thank you

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 13

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 9:58:03 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Since you haven't even met him, you can't yet have committed to him. Therefore you can't be punished when you didn't consent to him ordering you around.

Meet for coffee. He may actually be 400 pounds or 20 years older than he said he was. Or most probably, married and desperate for play. Do you have his full name, home address, work place etc?

Beyond that, if you tend to be playful and humorous and he wants someone who just bows down and says yes master no matter what, then you aren't compatible. I strongly suggest you rethink this and consider if you can suddenly become someone totally different than your normal self.

Or is he using excuses to seize upon to have an excuse to be sadistic and not keep his word regarding your limits. Lots of people think punishment means they can violate hard limits. And people who are conflicted about their own sexuality often need to seize upon the excuse of punishment instead of accepting that they like doing these things. Personally I prefer someone who is comfortable with himself.

I disagree. I will give out my home address, full name, and phone number prior to a first meeting. But I never give out work info. If the woman turns out to be unstable, I don't want my work life dragged in. Doms need to be concerned about OUR safety too.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 5/16/2009 10:00:06 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 14

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/16/2009 11:18:22 PM

tiinkerbell

Posts: 96
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daydreamer27

Hi,

I'm new here as a inexperienced sub and just as new to the D/s life as well. I'm going to meet my Dom for the first time and have no idea as what I should and should n't do. I know that I have many offences due to me being a BRAT but I was never spanked as a kid so I'm not sure on how I might want to prepare for this meeting? Any suggestion would be highly appreciated Please help...

I am going to be the only one, I guess, who is going to only say have fun.
I so totally understand the 'going with my gut' feeling

_____________________________

Allison

- Some People walk in the rain; others just get wet -
Roger Miller

(in reply to Daydreamer27)

Post #: 15

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 7:40:34 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I think it is a mistake to meet at a motel. Why not meet in a public place that way if things are not kosher you have the safety net of other people around. I talked to my Master on line and phone fr about 2 months before we met. We both insisted on a public place for our first meet. I also would not advise playing on a first meet, but that is just me. I talked to my Master for 18 hours (in person) over 3 days before i even considered playing. What is the rush to play? Why don't you get to know each other a little better first. Just be careful and hope all works out for you.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to tiinkerbell)

Post #: 16

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 7:48:27 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

You're new to being a sub and the whole D/s relationship. Sounds to me like you're caught up in the "moment". You're letting him dictate what's going to happen yet he's throwing it your court? (Him telling you to pick the place and you say a motel and he doesn't suggest anything any different).

I certainly can't advocate not playing on the first meet because I've done it. But we met at in a public place and the choice was mine as to whether or not to play. I had to feel it was right and in reality so did he.

Of course the pat answer is to go with your gut, but you need to make sure you're in a place where you can listen to your gut.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 17

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 9:09:45 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

FR

I was new to the idea of bdsm when I set up a profile on another site. I chatted to a few people and one in particular stood out. We were 150 miles apart but we arranged to meet in an hotel nearer to him in the town that I grew up in so I knew the area. We had arranged online exactly what would happen and had agreed that we would be playing that night. On the night he came to my room to collect me and we went to the hotel restaurant for a meal. We got on really well and went back to the room and played as agreed.

I was happy to meet in a hotel as I felt it safer than going to his home for a first meeting. I certainly made it through the whole thing safely. So safely in fact that we have now been together for 5 years. Meeting in hotels can often be the safer option and in our case it was my choice to meet there and nothing to do with the idea that he might be married.

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 18

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 9:26:34 AM

Daydreamer27

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline

I appreciate all of you after all of your concerns I went to him and told him that I was still having issues and Well I think that I saw a sid eof him that I hadn't seen b4... He was kinda short and when I told him that I needed someone who wants to get to know me first atleast B4 I go along with everything and that what about building my confidence first? (I told him that was the first thing in my book b4 I was to give up control to anyone) he didn't have a comment... I'm not sure if any of what I'm saying makes sense but I'm now looking else where for an experienced Dom but we'll see what happens.. THANK YOU

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 19

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 10:39:03 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I disagree. I will give out my home address, full name, and phone number prior to a first meeting. But I never give out work info. If the woman turns out to be unstable, I don't want my work life dragged in. Doms need to be concerned about OUR safety too.

Very true but in that case you meet first and exchange info only after the first meet if you both want to continue, which is my preference. Since I don't feel in any danger having a chai latte in Starbucks.

In any case, I simply wanted to ask how much she knew about him. Married men usually give out work and/or cell numbers and not home ones.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 20

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