What to do? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

janiebelle -> What to do? (5/17/2009 6:48:08 PM)

Yesterday morning RL (my late husband's friend who still helps me out around the homestead) came by to help with a few things.  I was cleaning up the garage a bit, clearing up the clutter on the workbench.  I told him to go ahead and take the couple of boxes that were on the workbench in the garage- it was nothing but old tools and other junk men keep in their garage, right?
Well, this afternoon he comes by my house while I'm out in the garden.  I come back into the house to find a paper sack on the kitchen counter that was not there when I went out.
I open the sack, and there is a set of leather cuffs and a note that says:
Janes, I didn't figure you knew these were in that box.  Give me a call when you get a chance- the curiousity is killing me.
RL
I remember now my husband taking the cuffs out to the garage to fix the stitching and put smaller rings on them.  I guess he never got to them before he went to the hospital.  Needless to say, in the months following his death, I never did an inventory of every trinket that was part of our D/s life.
What am I going to say when I talk to RL?  The truth, I'm afraid, might be disrespectful to my husband's memory.  A lie (even if I could come up with a good one) is just inviting bad karma in my thinking.  "None of your f'n business" would be terribly rude to say to such a good friend.
Arrghhhh...how did I get myself into this?
j



tiinkerbell -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 6:51:45 PM)

Why not just smile and tell him 'to let his imagination rule'; after all, he probably already knows what they are for [:)]



LafayetteLady -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 6:53:47 PM)

First, I'm very sorry for your loss.  I hope that you are coping and healing along the way.  You say this is a good friend, and you don't want to demean your late husband, or insult the friend.  Perhaps you can let him take the "lead" and ask what he wants to know.  Answer in as honest but vague way that you can.  Perhaps, unbeknownst to you, he has involvement or interest in it.  Try not to "overthink" the issue too much.  A simple "we liked to explore our sexuality a little" might be enough of an answer.  In short, don't worry about it too much.  If he is a good, trusted friend, he won't judge and might just be surprised his friend was a little kinkier than he thought.  Again, I'm sorry for your loss, but try not to stress to much about this.



NuevaVida -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:00:00 PM)

In all honesty I think that was a rude thing of him to do, and I wouldn't respond to his question at all.



marie2 -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:01:01 PM)

I agree with Tiinkerbell....Just sort of laugh it off and keep it light....hahahaha you'll just have to use your imagination, hahahaha.  That would be enough for most people to get the hint that you don't want to discuss it in detail
 
If he doesn't get the clue after that,  then just get more serious with him..... "I know you didn't mean to offend me friend, but it's really kind of personal, and not something I'm comfortable discussing.



julietsierra -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:02:50 PM)

One of the things I've always hoped for is that upon my death, the people I love and care for will be able to say "WOW... I didn't know THAT about her!" and do it with all the love and laughter that is now a part of my life.

Why not just smile and say "Oh...those are cuffs.. I wondered what he'd done with them!" And if asked more about it, just smile some more with the memories and remark that life with him was always exciting.

juliet




windchymes -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:09:40 PM)

Don't call him.....it's your business, not his.  If he asks anyway, just give a Mona Lisa-kind of smile, wiggle your eyebrows and say something like, "John was a rascal....there will never be anyone like him."  And leave it at that.    You don't owe him ANY explanations and I truly hope you don't give him any.



DesFIP -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:11:40 PM)

I get the nasty feeling that his feelings towards you are more than just friendly. Otherwise he would have left them there without a note. I think he may well feel you might be receptive to a come on.

If you don't feel that way, then I suggest you don't respond by saying anything other than that you are not yet ready to move on with your life, nor do you feel the need to discuss your private life with him. But be prepared for him not to be so helpful in the future if he gets turned down.



MistressBri2009 -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:15:06 PM)

I agree, I would laugh and say..wouldnt you love to know. Let his imagination take over. Who knows? He might be in the lifestyle too.



wakiyela -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:15:07 PM)

Do you consider this any of the friend's business?
It is your personal life.
You have a right to your privacy and don't have to say anything you don't want to.
"The curiousity is killing me" can be interpreted so many different ways.
Does this friend make a habit of coming around your house when you are not there? (even just out in the garden)
hmmmmm.



dcnovice -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:15:39 PM)

You could always smile and say, "Oh, ____ told me he'd borrowed them from you."



NYLass -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:21:48 PM)

Or use the "It was from a Halloween costume" line.  It always worked for me.



NihilusZero -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:23:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

In all honesty I think that was a rude thing of him to do, and I wouldn't respond to his question at all.

25 points.

If your late husband didn't think his friend merited knowing about it (which one presumes he would have informed him of otherwise), I can't imagine why you should sate his overactive imagination now.

"It's private. Thanks." is more than enough.



dcnovice -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:23:15 PM)

Alternate answer: "Thanks so much for finding those! Mom's been griping that we never returned them."



littlewonder -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:28:20 PM)

Just say "we liked kinky sex. Husband took them to the garage to fix them and I forgot about them.", give him a thank you for returning them and let it drop.

He doesn't need to know anything more than that unless you want him to know.

He'll probably just crack a joke and you'll both get on with your lives as friends.



DarkSteven -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:35:01 PM)

I agree - I don't feel comfortable about RL's interest.  Had it been me, I would never have brought the matter up.

I see you as having two options:

1. Don't call him.  That's a pretty good indication that it's none of his business.

2. Tell him "Yes, we loved each other very much."  That doesn't answer the question he's asking, but tells him that you value your ex's memory and will hopefully provide RL some discouragement.



slaveluci -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:40:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: janiebelle
The truth, I'm afraid, might be disrespectful to my husband's memory. 

This line stood out to me. Why would it be disrespectful to your husband's memory to state what they were used for? I'm with others in thinking that if your husband hadn't told him, you're certainly under no obligation to. However, if what you and your husband did together didn't disrespect either of you, why would it be a shameful thing to admit it to this guy?

We have no way of knowing exactly how the relationship is with you and this friend of your husband's. However, the fact that he's still coming around and helping you kinda indicates to me that he's not a total douchebag. He may have asked the question in good humor and true curiosity. I don't think that makes him a dick just for asking. Now if you say you don't want to talk about and he pushes or insists, that's perhaps a different manner. I wouldn't get too angry or offended at the simple question. It's not everyday one finds cuffs lying around a friends' house and maybe he really is just surprised and curious. So what?

It's up to you if you feel comfortable disclosing anything or not but I personally wouldn't ruin a relationship with someone over a "nosy" question. I think everyone has, at some point in his/her life, overstepped and felt badly for it. I say cut the guy some slack and maybe think about why you're considering it "disrespectful" to your husband's memory to even speak of what the cuffs were for.

Just my two cents...............luci



dcnovice -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 7:54:32 PM)

Dark humor has long been one of my coping mechanisms, hence my earlier posts in this thread. On reflection, though, it occurs to me that I may have seemed to be making light of your situation. If I left you with that impression, please accept my apologies!



Aileen1968 -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 8:15:31 PM)

Do one of two things....
1. "Oh I've been looking for those. I used to hogtie the old bastard up and fuck him with a twelve inch strap on. You game?"
or...
2. "It's personal and really not anything I'd care to discuss with you."




CougarDyke -> RE: What to do? (5/17/2009 8:23:13 PM)

he's dying of curiosity.
you have to decide if you want to indulge him.
I would ,  but I like shocking people!

I like Juilets take on this next



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875