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Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 4:09:15 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Why are there so many people sayin' they're a slave first and foremost, or a sub or dominant or "whatevaorientationyouwannaputhere" first and foremost, and some use that 'label' as an excuse for their stupidity/oversight/mistakes.
I'd have thought you were a person (with a brain) first and foremost but I guess that's just me?
Sure there's a fine line between the 'label' & the person him-/herself but whyyyyy is this need to blame the label (to me, it seems to be more submissive-thing than dominants)??
It's as if some people find comfort in blaming your otherself cause then its not you who's at fault but your otherself which has suddenly taken on an independent identity.


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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 4:23:13 AM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		Quick answer, MsAwesomeness, is that taking responsibility is hard, painful, & something that many learn to avoid as much as possible, especially when it's taking responsibility for ones foul ups . . . . . . In the short-run taking responsibility is no fun, even if it's the better option in the long run . . . . . . .

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 4:38:44 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		subtle, I am with you on this one--the whole not taking responsibility part and continuing to make the same mistakes, be it D or s.
 
I am also in full agreement with DemonKia---our society today HAS to blame something or someone else-( might I also add loudly and publically)---it is never their fault---I find the most mature person to be the one who has the balls to look in the mirror and say, "ok you fkd that one up, what are you going to do to change it?" and that comes whether the person is a D or an s.

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 4:40:41 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Even if somebody blames another part of themselves, they are still resonsible.

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 4:51:38 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		We live in a society that uses a big fat "Book of Excuses" as it's guidelines.

"I shot and killed that guy because I am bipolar, therefor I am not guilty of Murder One"

"I was stressed about my bad mortgage and my husband's gambling so I had to steal $150,000.00 from my company"

Etc etc etc....

Very few people want to take personal responsibility anymore. Deal with the consequences of their actions. So it is easier, and now acceptable, to drag out ye ole Book of Excuses.

It's bullshit.

One thing I wanted to add.........Have you noticed that it has become very UN--pc to not be an enabler of this type of thing?

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/18/2009 4:56:41 AM >

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 4:56:18 AM   
Bstardsbitch


Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline 		There is no other me lol........if I mess up, then it's my fault.
I think a lot of s types portray themselves to be clueless, innocent,  who can't live without a D. This I beleive enables them to not take responsibilty for their own actions, and blame the "poor submissive" me part of themselves.
Makes me cringe when I see those threads lol
xx

< Message edited by Bstardsbitch -- 5/18/2009 4:57:47 AM >

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 5:01:47 AM   
berrysurprise


Posts: 75
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		Couldn't agree more... We are all human first and foremost...

As humans, if we truly desire something (whatever it may be, positive or negative...)
Whether we are Dominant or Submissive we can make it happen!

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 5:16:21 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i know what you mean, there are times when basic common sense seems to get left at the door - but i think its partly due to muddled thinking.

i dont care what people say, there is a difference in how we view this lifestyle and in many ways the lessons we have learnt throughout life are at times irrelevant here.

the whole 'suck it up or leave' approach is one that gets me every time. personally and privately.  i can spend inordinate amounts of time trying to get to grips with something that in any other situation would be clear cut.  i battle with internal emotions that seem to be juxtaposed against what i deem reasonable.  suddenly youre in a situation where nothing you have learnt in the past is of any use to you.

its not that people blame their other self so much, as they are attempting to apply altered emphasis to an already learned behaviour and coming up with something that challenges their preset feelings on the matter.

at the moment im struggling with being left on my own for the entire weekend, bar a couple of texts for no particular reason other than He was busy.  no explanation or anything else.  i found it hard, for various reasons, so i spent the weekend trying to get to grips with it.  he rang this morning and i didnt answer the phone.  the part of me that deeply resented the silence refused to respond.  this went against everything i have agreed to and accepted in my relationship with Him but sat very comfortably with the rest of me that felt abandoned.  i am not confused by my reaction one iota but some people would be.  they would end up worrying over it and thinking they had done something very unsubmissive, purists would argue that i did.  i dont care.  me the sub/slave/woman/person responded in the only way i felt comfortable with and that was to blow a raspberry at the phone and carry on getting ready for work.

relationships are relationships and much of the time we do muddle through.  people should accept that what and who they are is what governs them and it has nothing atall to do with a title and everything to do with who they are and how they respond to outside influences.  to go against their nature and fight back natural inclination is not them failing atall, its them being them and they should allow themselves that expression.  we dont stop being who we are in order to squeeze ourselves into one size fits all approach to submission or dominance.

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 7:09:23 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		This thread is totally different than I expected from the title.  I am not familiar with subs/slaves blaming their decisions or actions on their roles.  I am sure it happens; I just haven't seen it.  It's not something I would ever dream of doing myself so it just hadn't crossed my mind.

Each of us, not matter what our role, is responsible for the actions that we take.  As Lally pointed out, for a slave that can mean making the choice between doing something you would prefer not to or feeling forced to leave the relationship so there are times when the decision could be a real struggle.  I saw that near election time when subs were being told how to vote and some really fought over the decision (as an example). 

There are many things I could point at in my life and say with all honesty that I would not have done them if I were not a slave.  However, I am ashamed of none of them and there is no blame attached.  I made the decision myself.  I made a recent decision where I used my heart more than my head, something unusual for me, and I know feel the consequences for many weeks - but I feel that the decision was correct at the time and certainly don't blame it on being a slave.  If I weren't a slave I wouldn't have been faced with the choice, but in my mind it boils down to "doing right is never wrong".


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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 7:13:11 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

Why are there so many people sayin' they're a slave first and foremost, or a sub or dominant or "whatevaorientationyouwannaputhere" first and foremost, and some use that 'label' as an excuse for their stupidity/oversight/mistakes.
complete BS.

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 7:15:57 AM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline 		I am segmented, but still only one me.

Perhaps others are segmented too, so when they say something like that, what they mean is, in the persona the feel most comfortable with, (insert behavior), is how they are most likely to behave.

It is possible that the idea of being segmented is taboo, as it tends to resemble/ be confused with, some sort of mental malfunction.

The truth can’t be denied, the examination is too scary, and lack of responsibility is the results.

Of course, this is only what it would mean, if I, or someone like me, were doing it; there could be other explanations.

Kim

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 5/18/2009 7:17:08 AM >

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 7:54:48 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		There is no "other me."  There is all of me - a submissive human. 

That said, I take full accountability for my actions.  I didn't always, though - it took me some time and work to get here.


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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 8:03:14 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		That's a good question. I've wondered about it too sometimes. I think the answer is just that its easier to make excuses than to take the blame and take the responsibility.


< Message edited by HalloweenWhite -- 5/18/2009 8:08:44 AM >

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 8:09:26 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		I not seeing or hearing what you are talking about OP, perhaps because it  doesn't catch my attention. Taking responsibility for yourself, and not saying oh i messed up because  i am this or that,  or 'they' told me to do it, is very common in humans. I do not see it more or less prevelent here.

For me the bottom line is alway my responsibility, if i screwed up, or hurt someone's feeling etc. etc. it does me no good to blame it on pms, menopause, submissive, mother, daughter, childhood conditons and so on. it was still my choice and that is final. People can tell me this is right or that is wrong, but it comes down to what i honestly have as my core values, and if i waver because i think others know better, it still comes down to me making the decision.

Explaining or blaming away what i did wrong  because of i am submissive, have dark brown hair, hazel eyes, or am 5 '3 and a half makes absolutely no sense to me. It still is a choice, and if the choice was not appropriate, i learned long ago take full responsibility and move forward with forgiveness to yourself and change the behavior.

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 8:13:43 AM   
tiinkerbell


Posts: 96
Status: offline
quote:

Why are there so many people sayin' they're a slave first and foremost, or a sub or dominant or "whatevaorientationyouwannaputhere" first and foremost, and some use that 'label' as an excuse for their stupidity/oversight/mistakes.
I'd have thought you were a person (with a brain) first and foremost but I guess that's just me?

I am a slave, first and foremost; a slave who just happens to be a person

For me, I do not attempt to seperate the two; they are one and the same.

As for the rest of your post; I understand where the frustration comes from. Being a slave, who just happens to be a person does not absolve me from personal responsibility; and there are many who seem to be under the illusion that it does.

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 8:30:37 AM   
Bstardsbitch


Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline 		I see it the other way round. I'm a person, who is also a slave. Though I s'pose no matter which way it is seen, it all boils down to owning your own actions and accepting responsibility when you mess up.
And don't get me started on the "he made me do it" line lol.

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 8:33:22 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Why are there so many people sayin' they're a slave first and foremost, or a sub or dominant or "whatevaorientationyouwannaputhere" first and foremost, and some use that 'label' as an excuse for their stupidity/oversight/mistakes.
I'd have thought you were a person (with a brain) first and foremost but I guess that's just me?
Sure there's a fine line between the 'label' & the person him-/herself but whyyyyy is this need to blame the label (to me, it seems to be more submissive-thing than dominants)??
It's as if some people find comfort in blaming your otherself cause then its not you who's at fault but your otherself which has suddenly taken on an independent identity.



I don't have a label to use to make excuses with. Being owned by him actually eliminates a lot of the excuses I MAY have used ..like * I didn't have anyone to discuss it with* ......I wasn't sure*..*I didn't know who to ask*...*I was alone in it*........

When I was without him, those might have been valid on occasion, but not a thing to do with having a label.

It smacks of kids with their *it was the naughty voice*............lol

agirl

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 8:40:17 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

the whole not taking responsibility part and continuing to make the same mistakes, be it D or s.


hmmm...that reminds me on an argument I had with Mr. Adorable when he argued with me about my spending... I told him it wasn't my fault (that i have a higher number of  computers then necessary, that I have 3 printers, 2 bread bakers, 2 routers and some more stuff like that)....where he asked me "whos fault is it then"...so I know that I tend to have my own little justifications and explanations for each of it...and some people disagree on my view....but realistically at least I am aware about that I do know that it is my fault....I just hate to admit it and tend to keep trying to get my way with using my view of the story....though it doesn't quite work with him I have to say  *finishednowandmovingbackintomyownbubbleofreality*

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 8:45:31 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
Being owned by him actually eliminates a lot of the excuses I MAY have used ..like * I didn't have anyone to discuss it with* ......I wasn't sure*..*I didn't know who to ask*...*I was alone in it*........

When I was without him, those might have been valid on occasion, but not a thing to do with having a label.

It smacks of kids with their *it was the naughty voice*............lol

agirl



That's exactly what I was trying to say...some of my multiple expenditures happened due to struggling to fix things and so tending to buy another one with realising later the error and so ending up having multiple items, particular as with my computer stuff I need my laptops to work NOW when I am at uni stress and not 5 weeks later when the essay was meant to be handed in since ages (my router still don't work but he will fix that end of june...so I don't go and buy a third one now  and can't come up with the excuse that I would not know whom to ask...)

*adores* agirl for her knowledge how it is like

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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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RE: Blaming the other you? - 5/18/2009 8:46:05 AM   
Bstardsbitch


Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline 		agirl,
Thankyou, that was my point, just couldn't get the  thoughts and words straight in my head lol.
xx


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