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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 8:59:40 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

99% of the things I've learned in my life I've learned from South Park.

Remind Me again why I don't own you?

I was wondering the same thing!

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 9:13:44 AM

beargonewild

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Hmmmm.....treating her as a person?

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 9:19:00 AM

VampiresLair

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta
In other words, what *should* subs do?

Heres the inherent problem with the pro side of this. What will work for me, wont work for, say, LadyH or for LadyPact, but it might for Sylvere. What DOES work is hugely specific to the person. Hell, for some people, what has been listed as what not to do might push all the right buttons and get them raring to go too.

There is little to nothing that will specifically get me in the mood in and of itself. Fox can do a few things, like a good massage or the like, that will help. But if it isnt there it isnt going to be there. I am difficult like that.

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 10:07:51 AM

chamberqueen

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sodsta, it is an excellent question but the answer will vary from woman to woman. While I loved the idea of the various massages there are some women that would prefer not to be touched until they direct it.

For me, a good ice breaker is having someone ask me sincerely about how my day has been going. When I can tell that they really care about the answer, and see me as an entire person instead of only as a Mistress, that touches my heart. A follow up questions such as, "Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" is perfect, especially if my day has been stressful. I prefer the open ended question first, and then you can always add, "I would be happy to ..." and then would be the time to offer a backrub, offer to be my footstool, see if I need something to drink, etc.

I am most apt to look after my sub's fulfillment when I feel that I am more than a fantasy tool for him. Yes, I understand that a Domme can come across as almost a mythical being in some minds, but when I know that the sub truly cares about the me inside there is nothing that will spur me on faster to make sure that both of us thoroughly enjoy our time together.

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 11:09:04 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

sodsta, it is an excellent question but the answer will vary from woman to woman. While I loved the idea of the various massages there are some women that would prefer not to be touched until they direct it.

For me, a good ice breaker is having someone ask me sincerely about how my day has been going. When I can tell that they really care about the answer, and see me as an entire person instead of only as a Mistress, that touches my heart. A follow up questions such as, "Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" is perfect, especially if my day has been stressful. I prefer the open ended question first, and then you can always add, "I would be happy to ..." and then would be the time to offer a backrub, offer to be my footstool, see if I need something to drink, etc.

Brava! I am one of those people who doesn't like to be touched without my express permission. Even my beloveds and offspring know better than to come up and hug me or play with my hair or whatever without warning me first. Especially when I'm feeling the need to be alone it often is the last straw when someone just comes up and 'clings' to me or gets under my feet like a damned cat (hence, no kneeling in front of me unless I've called you to that point). However, as chamberqueen mentioned, asking the questions that show that you're paying attention can make all the difference in the world, and knowing that -someone- is paying attention in such a way allows me to actually -relax- a little... which means that, once I've calmed down, contact may actually be possible, where trying to rub my shoulders or kiss my feet without seeing where I'm at in terms of social capacity... well... that could be reaaaaaly scary.

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< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 5/20/2009 11:11:25 AM >

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 12:26:26 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

99% of the things I've learned in my life I've learned from South Park.

Remind Me again why I don't own you?

Because if there is a God I must have picked on him in 6th grade French class and he therefore hates me and has relegated me to this black hole of kink that I live in for another year?

Or something along those lines.

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 12:39:34 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

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One of the things that kept popping into my head while reading a lot of the responses is all this stuff pretty much goes for a vanilla woman as well.

Not to sound like a douche, but I've been fortunate to outkick my coverage a number of times in terms of vanilla dating* and someone was asking me why I thought that was.

Instead of punching him in the face, I thought about it and basically said that I've been fortunate to have done well because 95% of the time I treat the woman like an absolute queen and the other 5% I treat her like the dirty little whore she secretly wants to be treated like.

It's obviously a gross oversimplification but if, as a man, you treat a woman well while still maintaining a masculine edge, it makes for great fun and you avoid that 'he's too nice' bullshit that women sometimes throw out there. I haven't figured how that translates over to a dominant woman yet. I'll publish my findings as soon as i do though.

*For those that don't know, it's a football term when the punter kicks the ball further than his team has been able to run, allowing the other team to return it further than they normally would. In dating terms it's when a guy dates out of his league.

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 12:49:09 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

99% of the things I've learned in my life I've learned from South Park.

Remind Me again why I don't own you?

I was wondering the same thing!

Bidding war?

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 2:10:33 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

99% of the things I've learned in my life I've learned from South Park.

Remind Me again why I don't own you?

Because if there is a God I must have picked on him in 6th grade French class and he therefore hates me and has relegated me to this black hole of kink that I live in for another year?

Or something along those lines.

Just goes to show you. It's never a good idea to get on the wrong side of the one with the power.

Seriously though, I'm a huge South Park fan!

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Post #: 29

RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 2:30:25 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

99% of the things I've learned in my life I've learned from South Park.

Remind Me again why I don't own you?

Because if there is a God I must have picked on him in 6th grade French class and he therefore hates me and has relegated me to this black hole of kink that I live in for another year?

Or something along those lines.

Just goes to show you. It's never a good idea to get on the wrong side of the one with the power.

Seriously though, I'm a huge South Park fan!

Well how the hell was I supposed to know the little dork was going to be god?

SP is perhaps the greatest show in television history. And I'm not even exaggerating.

My friend just sent me this simpsons clip, one of the funniest single moments ever starts at :50

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/20/2009 5:17:42 PM

LPslittleclip

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i have loads of initiative (adhd) so i tend to do things without being asked. many times i have to be reminded to not do things. but as far as making my M'Lady happy when She comes home and is feeling poorly i remove her shoes and massage her feet, brush her hair out and massage her neck.

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RE: Sub initiative. - 5/24/2009 8:09:33 AM

LadyExcrutia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

i have loads of initiative (adhd) so i tend to do things without being asked. many times i have to be reminded to not do things. but as far as making my M'Lady happy when She comes home and is feeling poorly i remove her shoes and massage her feet, brush her hair out and massage her neck.

You are definetly your owne's pride and treasured possession.....

My husband is the same. he always takes initiative in what refers to getting things ready. I guess he sometimes gets on my nerves in a good way, LOL, when I have to tie him up or cuff him and do the dishes myself or go to the garden without having him ready to run to the kitchen for lemonade or holding an umbrella for me like some slave out of a movie of ancient Egypt or Rome. He is sweet and attentive, but he's always there, and many people think of him as my bodyguard because of his frame and his protective demeanor, although it is very subtle and very polite and warm towards others.

I guess initiative can be bad only when the sub is the one pushing for play and pushing for the kind of play, or topping from the bottom as it is, just manipulating you into some things. I had met, before my husband, a sub maso that used to be attentive, always taking care of me, sort of anticipating my needs, but he also used that to sort of offer the chance to play and of course, bringing along the items required, sort of controlling the situation and making me a passive player. I hated it of course and sent him packing, and I did the most sadistic thing I could in our last session: I didn't hit him once, LOL.

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Post #: 32