JuliaGreenleaf
Posts: 66
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline
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First and foremost, Dreamgoddess666, you are beautiful :) - I think that with life and work you will find a wonderful partner - you need to be more careful with people who are interested in you because you are trans (much sillness out there) - however, i always am honest and try my best and it seems to work out.
You don't need to tell people you are trans immediately but if things seem to be getting serious then it's usually a good idea. If you are rejected there is simply nothing you can do but politely and quietly move on.
If you want real advice , go to a website called tsroadmap.com run by Andrea James , Calpernia Adams and Lynn Conway.
I'd like to refute a number of horrible misunderstandings people have about trans people, that have been laid out by certain posters on this board. Unfortunately, a lot of people are still incredibly prejudiced about us because their understanding of gender is based on a natal-assigned model. This in the case of trans people is just simply false and wrong.
Trans people are the gender we say we are - ie male to female trans are female, and female to male trans are male. It is that simple. Brain and soul sex are the end all and be all of this. Let's face it - bodies in the end, with proper intervention at an early age, are very mutable. I do not see my body as 'male' because of it's chromosomes. It is a female body . I've got nice hair, smooth limbs, i'm tall and slim and pretty. My current preop status is more than a bit annoying, but i don't consider that part to actually be what most people refer to it as. My ex boyfriend did a lot of work mentally to get me to see it as just an injury, not something defining to my identity. At first, while I believed it defined who I was , I was suicidal - now, that my life is together, and I am near surgery , I find it incredibly annoying and somewhat ugly, but I know that the reconstructive techniques used in a vaginoplasty will give me a wonderful vagina. I 'process' sexual stimuli in a female/sub way - ie subspace, intense pleasure from getting breasts hurt, ect. I generally feel uncomfortable if the down below area of my body is not flat - and my foreskin /which will become clitoris is generally far more important to me than anything else - IE - i am not male / instead my brain processes things in a female way, and the biology isn't quite right yet. I am very sure, and have read many, many accounts of transsexual women who are postop, that when things are complete, we can orgasm just fine, and if you get a competant surgeon, your vagina is quite beautiful. The ONLY difference between us and cisgender women functionality wise is that we need lubrication before intercourse, and that we don't mensturate (which could be seen to be a good thing).
I am really not terribly fond of cisgender women condeming trans women as 'not women' because we got here via a different route. This is simply bigotry and anti transgender prejudice. Trans liberation theory refers to a thing called cisgender privilage. This is the privilage enjoyed by eveyone who has not had to question their gender in their lives - IE most people who are not gender variant. The key insights are these - trans people are born with fundamentally different brains that render them a member of the gender that they say they are. People do not accept this because our society is quite prejudiced about assigning people to one gender role, and not having that change. This is common across straight and gay and lesbian communities. Being trans is difficult at times - but all of this difficulty comes from the societal discrimination we experience from others who do not accept us as who we are. I say this clearly to all the cisgender people out there who choose to condemn trans and refuse to believe us when we simply want to be ourselves. You have enjoyed your entire life the privilage of being born into the right body, including social, and economic benefits. To condemn trans or tell us to 'cheer up', when we experience great difficulty hardship and stress is the same as a white person looking down at a black person and saying the same things in the days of segregation. It is outright bigotry. One of the great tricks of being trans is getting past this phase, and simply being able to live one's life - I have due to reflection on history - I realize that while I am a member of a discriminated against group today , I am fairly lucky in that I am passable, and people do not need to know if I do not tell them. I believe in a Goddess, and I was given great intelligence to help me adapt to being born trans this life. If my actions and life can educate people as to the wisdom of spirits being more important than outer shells, then let it be so.
All that being said, people definitely have the right to be with the partner of their choice. The proper etiquette our community has developed internally is to tell people after a little while, when things are getting serious and it seems appropriate. I certainly refuse to let others define me as anything other than a woman because it is a falsehood, but if the issue of my genetic structure is relevant to others then i mention it.
Generally I find I have had more luck with men than lesbian women - some men are actually more accepting of feminine (trans) women who look after their appearance and have smooth limbs, nice breasts ect.
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RE: Lesbians: Why do you hate transsexuals so much? - 
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