RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together?

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breatheasone -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 8:43:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cryinks I've never thought about asking her if i could help...that may be an idea worth checking into. She is a school teacher and her down time is during the summer months. Right now is a very stressful time due to end of the year plans and report cards and check lists, etc. Maybe I'm being too demanding on her right now when she may need me the most... Gee you are SUCH a great catch....can't imagine why she doesn't want sex with you anymore.[8\|]

sblady -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 9:07:24 AM)
I have to ask; did you guys discuss her goals/career before you moved her and her disrespectful child into your home? Did anyone take into consideration that real life happens? As another post stated, how would you feel if you were the one trying to advance or reach your goals in life? I'm sure she's aware that you're not pleased with her. Do you think the guilt makes her life any easier? Would you rather she forgot her goals and be available to your for 4-6 hours a few days a week? What happens to her if you guys break up or God forbid, something worse occur? How would she support herself? Please don't think I'm being mean, I'm just curious.

oceanwinds -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 9:27:30 AM)
decided to not take the lower road.

BitaTruble -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 11:27:11 AM)
`fr` If she's a school teacher, try to be patient with her for a few more weeks. The ruggies will be out of her hair, she'll be on her summer vacation and then the two of you can sit down and talk about what to do at the end of August when the whole thing starts over again. If you make a plan of action first, then you can spend the rest of your summer engaging in those 4-6 hour funfests and know that the coming school year will already be planned for by both of you. There's a reason they say 'patience is a virtue'. Good luck! edited to add: I missed the part about the disrespectful daughter and that's no, just no. Your house, your rules. That young lady would soon find herself in an empty bedroom, single mattress on the floor with two sets of clothes, one for school and one for home, if she were in my house. Don't let a kid dom you, period.

breatheasone -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 11:57:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL:BitaTruble I missed the part about the disrespectful daughter and that's no, just no. Your house, your rules. That young lady would soon find herself in an empty bedroom, single mattress on the floor with two sets of clothes, one for school and one for home, if she were in my house. Don't let a kid dom you, period. i love how your mind works here ....[;)]

wandersalone -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 12:00:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cryinks For me, "the session" is the sex. Vanilla sex is not even pleasurable for me. And I am making sacrifices over here...I moved her into my house of which I pay the bills and support her. She has a daughter who disrespects me. She is messy and my house is usually a mess. She rarely goes to the movies or out to eat with me since starting her career... The sex is all that's left between us that keeps us together...and now that is waning as well... Given what you have written above it sounds like you are asking for trouble by looking for a third when the primary relationship is going through so many problems. It sounds like as well as the sessions that the intimacy has been reduced. What does she say when you talk to her about your concerns about the changes in your relationship? Have you both thought of any other ideas (besides bringing in a third) to give each of you more time together? Is this a short term thing that will improve with the end of term?

breatheasone -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 12:18:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL:wandersalone It sounds like as well as the sessions that the intimacy has been reduced. This is an excellent point! (In my opinion only), intimacy can sustain a relationship like nothing else can.

YourhandMyAss -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 12:48:21 PM)
Well first of all you';re assuming I would guess that all submissive get sessions weekly that range from the same time frames yours do. And that's just not true. And second of all you're considering asking to fuck others just cause you're not getting enough sex, for a little while You come across as me me me it's all about me, my needs, my wants, what's important to me. And you act like you're entitled to get what you're after while she's busy or you're gonna seek somewhere else. Try not being so fixated on what you want sexually and stop demanding long sessions from her when she's busy and maybe play will pick up again once she's not so busy. I certainly would not entertain your desires for sex if you came at me this way. And if you said I will seek sex elsewhere with me you would of been on your ear or very close to on your ear. quote: ORIGINAL: cryinks I've got a question I need an honest answer to. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now. We used to have sessions very frequently in the beginning...several times per week. Our sessions are typically 4 to 6 hours long and usually very, very intense involving a lot of pain on her part and thus pleasure on my part! Here of late her career has gotten in the way of our sex lives and things have slowed considerably to one session per week, sometimes going two or three weeks between sessions. My question: How often do typical submissives engage in these fun 4-6 hour sessions in one week after being together for two years. Is it normal for things to wane? Am I normal to long for the good old days of more frequent sex? Am I being unreasonable with my submissive when I ask her to have sex multiple times per week, month, etc.? How often is normal with you guys? Should I seek sex outside of my regular relationship? Cryinks.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 1:12:56 PM)
I'm sorry (ok, not really), but it is really immature and selfish to have the attitude of "I don't get all the SEX I want so maybe I should find someone to meet that need." You talk about all the problems in the relationship and your only concern is you aren't getting enough sex? Sorry, I read that and immediately see YOU as the problem. You say you are in a RELATIONSHIP, then damn it act like it. It takes two people to make or break a relationship. Coming in later with the "she's messy, kid is disrespectful" just doesn't cut it for me. Especially since it sounds like the kid has reason to disrespect you, just based on what you posted here. As others have asked, what do YOU do? Do you make an effort to clean up the house? Have YOU talked to her about her child's attitude towards you? Why do you pay all the bills? What happens to all her money? If she isn't contributing to the household financially, sounds like it wasn't something that was discussed and that falls on YOU, since you invited her to live in your house. A kid can dislike a parents new "friend" for a million reasons. They could have the hope that parents will get back together. They could not want parent with anyone. That falls on HER. I don't know how old the kid is, but past the age of about 5, she should have had a level appropriate talk with the kid to find out how they felt about the move. It's bad parenting not to because that kid should be coming before you every time, which if your claim of several 4-6 hour "sessions" a week, it doesn't seem like the kid needed all that much care. In any case, the disrespectful child issue needs to be dealt with immediately. Obviously, you aren't happy with the situation. But it also sounds like you might be pressuring her on the sex issue. The "passion" calms as time goes on. If all you are interested in is sex, you owe it to this woman to end the relationship and in the future be clear about what you are searching for. At the moment though, you are in a relationship, so man up. Talk to this woman about the problems in an adult, open manner. ALL of the problems. Don't pressure her that you need to have your sexual needs met and so if she can't do it, you will satisfy that need elsewhere. You can't do that without coming off sounding like an asshole.

breatheasone -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 1:19:09 PM)
LayfayetteLady, you rock! (just sayin)

YoursMistress -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 1:52:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cryinks For me, "the session" is the sex. Vanilla sex is not even pleasurable for me. And I am making sacrifices over here...I moved her into my house of which I pay the bills and support her. She has a daughter who disrespects me. She is messy and my house is usually a mess. She rarely goes to the movies or out to eat with me since starting her career... The sex is all that's left between us that keeps us together...and now that is waning as well... Sounds you need a service sub to clean the house for you, a switch to take care of the disrespectful daughter, a financial slave to help you out with the household expenses, a sex slave to handle your...needs, and a cuckold to go to the movies and dinner with. You will likely be forced to make some hard choices. yours

janiebelle -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 2:07:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone LayfayetteLady, you rock! (just sayin) +1! Concise, to the point, no holds barred.[;)] Insightful as usual, LL. j

LafayetteLady -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/23/2009 4:19:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone LayfayetteLady, you rock! (just sayin) Thanks. Let's just say I subscribe to the "Dr. Phil" method of giving advice.

lizi -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/24/2009 7:43:48 AM)
There are many reasons sexual frequency/intensity can drop off but I'm wondering if you are sensing something from her side other than her explanations of career responsibilities etc? Perhaps she is withdrawing from you for more personal reasons. You longing to have the good old days back again where sex was frequent and pleasureable could just mean you want things back the way they were when you were more connected to each other. Just some thoughts...

Viridana -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/24/2009 8:01:43 AM)
There have been times in my relationship that sessions are weeks and sometimes months apart. Real life has the tendency to come between oneself and the fantasyworld. What for me is the key is to share each others burden, make a common goal in getting through the tougher times and try not to lose the intimacy (I'm not talking about sex here) along the way. I know for myself that if my partner was constantly complaining about lack of sessions and even throwing out the idea of a another woman while I am at my most stressful periods in life, there surely wouldn't be a relationship for long after. A bunch of guilt added on the stress is the last thing I need.

subangi -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/24/2009 8:18:53 AM)
Sometimes people get caught up in their lives and think they don't have any time. I have done that before. But, maybe if, as her Dom, have her sit down, right out a schedule and fit in time for you both, she may think with some time management skills that it can be done. Have you ever tried changing things up a bit to encourage her to make time? Maybe some spoiling which acknowledges that you support her hard work in her career? Having someone someone come clean her home and surprise her? If you make an effort to doing something creative to help her, then maybe the turn around will happen. And also, if your meetings were the same...that becomes routine in itself and lifes duties is routine enough. Bring her some excitement and surprise!!

LadyPact -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/24/2009 8:45:25 AM)
I'm so glad the responses on the second page came along. I was starting to think I was the only one seeing this whole situation as being selfish. Hey, 4-6 hour sessions when someone doesn't have the demands of a full work day the next day are fantastic. I'm not going to disagree with that. Now, how many folks out there are really doing that a few times a week after they've worked all day, spent time on dinner and cleanup, some time for the kid in the home, plus taken care of personal needs? If you are doing it, I want to know what kind of stuff you're on and where I can get some, because as a 40 year old woman, I don't have that kind of energy. I have a friend who is a teacher, and the job isn't over when the final bell rings. There is still a lot of work to be done. That's not an eight hour a day job. This is a very demanding time of year for her. Summer vacation is around the corner, but until that time actually comes, she's working her ass off. The people in her life know this, and understand when she doesn't have as much time or energy. Something I would think the OP would have the common sense to understand with the person who is involved in his life.

antipode -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/24/2009 9:56:10 AM)
quote: Am I being unreasonable with my submissive when I ask her to have sex multiple times per week, month, etc.? That's not the issue. For whatever reason (and the reason does not much matter) she has lost interest. That's a couple thing, not related to BDSM or M/s. So you need to talk and ask the question, and if you want/need the intensity, find a new one. If nothing else, losing you may make her take notice. Or not. I mean, I can answer your question - no, you're not unreasonable. Then what are you going to do? Tell her I said so? Nothing you want is unreasonable (well, maybe if you want to do a snuff video), but "reasonable" is completely unrelated to relationships, only works in front of a judge. The only time my career gets in the way of my sexlife is when I am not all that excited about her any more.

DesFIP -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/24/2009 12:30:21 PM)
So let me see if I get this straight. You live together with her child. She comes home from work, cooks dinner, does housework, oversees homework, puts kid to bed. Then at 10:00PM you expect her to be ready for a marathon sex session lasting till 4:00AM at which point she gets a two hour nap, gets up, makes everyone breakfast, packs lunches and backpack, goes to work and does it all over again that night. Beyond the sleep deprivation inherent in this, and the fact that it will endanger her life if she drives this tired. There's also a strong sense in your post of you resenting her child. This more than anything will turn her off to you. It's really hard to feel anything positive towards someone who makes it obvious they don't like your child. Motherhood trumps sub, any day of the week. If you can't switch from dom barely abiding presence of minor in home to someone who loves her for her love of her offspring you might want to end it now. Do both of them, especially the child, a big favor and let them move on to someone who wants the minor in his life, who respects her for being a single parent. Someone totally opposite of the op.

cryinks -> RE: Frequency of Sessions after Two Years Together? (5/24/2009 11:29:00 PM)
quote: So let me see if I get this straight. You live together with her child. She comes home from work, cooks dinner, does housework, oversees homework, puts kid to bed. Then at 10:00PM you expect her to be ready for a marathon sex session lasting till 4:00AM at which point she gets a two hour nap, gets up, makes everyone breakfast, packs lunches and backpack, goes to work and does it all over again that night. No, you don't have it straight. She NEVER cooks dinner or any other meal. She, does very little housework (maybe 30 minutes per month), I provide a house where she has her own bathroom (as does her daughter) that one cannot walk through. I do my own laundry, etc, She always goes to bed before the 12 year old. I wasn't clear on these 4-6 hour sessions, those are obviously only on weekends. During the week I would be happy with 1 hour, Another common theme I see in this thread (besides that I am a selfish asshole) is about communication. I do talk about all of this stuff until I am tired of talking about il. In almost every case where somone posted "did you talk to her about..." the answer is ":yes, repeatedly". The problem is that communication doesn't fix the problem unless one or both are willing to change - and that is the issue. I strongly encouraged and supported her becoming a teacher. When I first met her she had the degree but a bad experience in her first try at teaching. She was working factory jobs and had given up the idea of teaching. I encouraged her to try again. She warned me that the first year would be very time intensive and she was right. I get it. Still for me to provide the emotional and financial support, I want what I want in return. If that makes me a selfish asshole then so be it.

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