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Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:26:25 AM

JohnSteed1967

Posts: 304
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From: Columbia SC
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Ok, I don't want to make this post about how crappy my job is, or to get hurtful feed back so here is my issue in a nutshell:

I am 41 years old, I have a job that pays me really well for a job that requires no physical effort, and provides me with lots of benefits. However I am unhappy there because the job that I signed up for 5 years ago is not the job that I am doing today and I hate the crap that they are making me do. I have 2.9 college degrees, have 5+ years in the computer tech and support field but have no formal certification. (I was trained hands on, I was an old school Hacker, when the word meant something) Many Companies don't like experience but no certification.

My Mom, Dad, Grandmother and Grandfather are all dead.I am an only child and I only have an Aunt who is retired and loves to grind me into the fact that she has no money to support me and that if I lose my job then I can be on the streets in a short period of time. I have more than 10 thousand and less that 16 thousand dollars that I have access too.

Everyday, I go into a Job that I hate, know that I am OVER qualified to do and live in a state that has limited high tech jobs. I don't know what to do, to improve my lot in life and I finally have someone in my life that is going to stay and loves me for who I am.But I have a fear of failure and a fear of letting her down if things get more serious.

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:28:05 AM

sirsholly

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start filling out applications for another job.

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:29:49 AM

GabrielleSlave

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Yeah, what is actually stopping you from looking for another job?

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:33:26 AM

JohnSteed1967

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From: Columbia SC
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Honestly "FEAR" I don't want to wind up making a mistake and being on the street with nothing! I am 41 I can't start over again

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:34:33 AM

popeye1250

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From: New Hampshire
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And many cos. value *experience* over "degrees" or "certification."
It certainly sounds as if you have enough experience to *START YOUR OWN BUSINESS*.
Why work for someone else? That's what most people with "degrees" do. Screw that!
It's *always* better working for yourself! You'll work long hours and do all kinds of things you don't want to do but if you're successful it's the balls!

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:35:19 AM

velvetears

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Take the money you have and start taking courses to get the certification you need to make the kind of money you deserve. At least this will make the job more tolerable.

Remember it's nice to have a job that brings us fulfillment and that we enjoy but very few people find that in a job. It's only a portion of your life. Find other interests you can get involved in that fill that need for you and don't expect to get that from a job you are not happy with.

Think of long term goals and set your focus on that. Where do you want to be and what do you want to be doing in 5 years and make plans to get there. Realize it won't happen overnight, but you can take steps now to get there. It sounds like you are doing ok financially, in this economy where many are loosing their jobs you are doing pretty good.

If you start taking the steps you need to improve your resume you can perhaps eventually relocate to the states that have the types of jobs that will compensate you well.

Non of this will happen overnight. You have someone you love in your life and a crappy job. i would bet that someone with a great job but no love in their lives would trade places with you in a heart beat. Grass is always greener on the other side. Good luck!

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:36:39 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

Honestly "FEAR" I don't want to wind up making a mistake and being on the street with nothing! I am 41 I can't start over again

i do not see what you age has to do with it. I know of people who have begun new careers at a much older age than 41.

If it is fear that is stopping you, and you do not gain control and stop allowing it to control you, you will not make a change and continue to be unhappy in your current job.

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:39:42 AM

Rainfire

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You'll probably get better answers but I'd say start taking classes at your local college or even community college. If it's the certification you need for a better job, then you can do that through a lot of colleges. Taking business/technology courses where you earn a certificate, rather than a B.A. or B.S., though that wouldn't hurt either.

I have a friend that started taking classes just for her personal enjoyment and enrichment and ended up with 2 B.A.'s. She wasn't planning on doing that but she kept taking classes and was shocked when the guidance counselor told her she'd earned her degree and needed to transfer to the local campus of the state university.

Tough it out while you can and start making preparations for the future. Classes and a good investment plan can do wonders for your confidence.

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:44:07 AM

oceanwinds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

Honestly "FEAR" I don't want to wind up making a mistake and being on the street with nothing! I am 41 I can't start over again

Yes you can:). If i could start over at 55 you can. Fear can be a driving force to help a person have determination to just do it. Yes it's really scary, but if I didnt take the risk, i would been looking back and wondering what if?

Best of luck
oceanwinds

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:44:21 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

I am 41 years old, I have a job that pays me really well for a job that requires no physical effort, and provides me with lots of benefits............ I have more than 10 thousand and less that 16 thousand dollars that I have access too.

one suggestion...the job pays well, but you do not have a well padded savings acct. If i were you i would seriously tighten my belt and stash away every possible penny i could.

The more of a cushion you have, the less fear their may be, enabling you to take a chance with a new source of income.

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:50:04 AM

wandersalone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

Honestly "FEAR" I don't want to wind up making a mistake and being on the street with nothing! I am 41 I can't start over again

i do not see what you age has to do with it. I know of people who have begun new careers at a much older age than 41.

If it is fear that is stopping you, and you do not gain control and stop allowing it to control you, you will not make a change and continue to be unhappy in your current job.

Agreeing with Holly - I know that the job situation has worsened a bit more since I did this however I relocated to a new state and was unemployed for a month before gaining a job in something I had not done before. Even though I had no experience in this industry or role my boss thought that my transferable skills as well as my experience in many different jobs over my career would outweigh the training they would have to initially provide. I was 41 when I made this change and it was the best thing I did. (and I had less money in the bank than you and a mortgage to pay plus rent so it can be done....smiles)

Can you stay in your current job and start looking for new opportunities. Have a talk to someone (a career counselor) about growth industries or areas which would utilise someone with your skills. Google career planning and I am sure there will be some websites with free tools/interest inventories which you can complete to give you some suggested jobs.

In regards to your current job is there room for you to take on other projects or work to make it more interesting? Could you talk to your manager about this?

I hope it all works out for you. Change is scary but which would be worse, that or you writing another post in five years time telling us that you have been in a job your hate for ten years.

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:50:07 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

Honestly "FEAR" I don't want to wind up making a mistake and being on the street with nothing! I am 41 I can't start over again

Nonsense. You have 2.9 college degrees. Do something.

Your situation is hardly unique, and you've put off saving for retirement far too long. List your interests, your skills, and needs you see around you (community or business). Make a three way match and put your skills to work solving the problem. By definition, you'll be more interested, and people will pay for what they need.

It's more productive and more fun than complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. If you are truly frozen with fear, get into therapy. Now.

Or continue on as you are.

Those are your choices.

Enjoy.

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Post #: 12

RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:50:28 AM

Rainfire

Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

Honestly "FEAR" I don't want to wind up making a mistake and being on the street with nothing! I am 41 I can't start over again

In life, most people start over at various times, for good and bad reasons. At 41, you're still fairly young enough to make a change and get another 20 years or more in a career of your choice. At 42, I made the choice to move to another country and take a risk to be with the Man I love. After being divorced for years and happily single. Risk? Hell ya. But worth it all the way.

If you have someone by your side that loves you for you and not your money, then keep that in mind and move on with your life. Don't let it pass you by because you are afraid.

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:55:09 AM

sirsholly

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Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

change is scary but which would be worse, that or you writing another post in five years time telling us that you have been in a job your hate for ten years.

very good point from the lovely Wanders

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 11:58:38 AM

DarkSteven

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1. Get control. Like holly said, you're earning money - start saving it.
2. Define what it is that you want to do, and what it is that you dislike about what you;re doing now. Define the job you ant. Then see how close you can come to it.
3. How well do you match up with that job? Is there extra experience or training you need, and how will you get it?
4. Forget about making your aunt happy. Sounds like a lost cause.

Quit worrying and fretting. DO something. Maybe a small business on the side?

And

5. You're 41, no kids, no ex, earning a good income. Do you even know where the money's going?

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 12:05:09 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

Do you even know where the money's going?

you know...my husband asked me this once...and i really had no answer.

What we did was start to keep a record (sort of a flow chart, made up by Mr. Anal himself

) for a few months. The amount of money we were wasting without even realizing it was shocking!!

OP...i would seriously suggest this to you, or anyone who is having difficulty with saving money.

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 12:15:54 PM

TheHeretic

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From: California, USA
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      First off, John, maybe you should remind your aunt that you will be picking her nursing home. If she gets to say this stuff to you because you live under her roof, that is all the more reason for you step out boldly into something new.

      Better than 10 grand in cushion? When I left Oregon for the opportunities of California, I didn't have enough gas money in my wallet to get here. Two years ago I quit a field where my skills made me more of an asset than my smartass attitude made me a liabilty. The first 18 months in the new job ate damn near every penny of savings I had built up. There are no guarantees. I could lose everything, and have to start from scratch all over again next week.

     You said it. What you need to deal with is the fear. You are damn right such a life change is scary. Do it anyway, and believe in yourself.

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 12:28:30 PM

pahunkboy

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John, first thing. Take 2 weeks or even a weekend and go camping.

A away from it all. Where you can ponder and take in nature.

Your field is being destroyed by cheap labor from India.

You can ask for different tasks or a transfer.

You could maybe move your office as the feng shui could be bad.

I sense that you are at the "is that all there is in life" phase.

Maybe changes other portions of your life would help.

What % of people hate their job??? 2%? 5%? 40% ???

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 12:28:36 PM

Lockit

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Why do you live with your aunt? For some reason she thinks you may freeload on her. What makes her feel that way? Are you moody and clingy, not on your own for a reason that she can see and is afraid of your actions? Is she having to put her foot down because you are making her afraid she will be in a position to support you? Where is that coming from?

You are forty one years old, have some money in the bank, an aunt to live with as long as she isn't supporting you totally and have an adult relationship you wish to keep. Dude... get serious. Using fear to enable your staying stuck is an exuse. You can't be happy where you are so you must change it, no one can do it for you. If you are afraid to really live and experience the happiness... stay stuck in fear and don't move... go back and forth.. be unhappy... but don't blame anyone but yourself.

It isn't the job... it isn't that you don't have a degree... it is simply that you are blaming other things for your unhappy. You seem to feel you are better than the lot in life that you have and yet are too afraid to change things and find reasons for justification of your fear. You are using fear as a protective mode. You clearly know something is wrong or you wouldn't be afraid of failing your love interest... and that says a lot about you. It says that as long as you have fear to justify why you don't move... you will always have an excuse to limit yourself so that you don't have to brave the harsh world.

Get off your fear base and stand firmly in how well you think of your skills and do something... life won't come to you... you have to go out and grab it!

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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/23/2009 12:41:25 PM

NorthernGent

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However I am unhappy there because the job that I signed up for 5 years ago is not the job that I am doing today and I hate the crap that they are making me do.

1) Get your head down, work hard and make yourself vital to that organisation. That way, when you leave, you'll have the last laugh. Try and time it right, so that when you leave it will be time when they least need it - for example, just after a couple of key staff have left.

or

2) Moan like fuck about how it's not fair, let it get to you and allow them to control your moods and your working capabilities. The way I see it is that we've all been a situation where a boss has completely and utterly took the piss - can't win 'em all, that's life.

Either way, you have to leave because they're blatantly not remotely interested in playing the game, and once that line is crossed there's no way back.

Were I you, and I've been there, I'd take option 1 and that's what I did. And, with a big fat smile on my face I let my boss try and talk me into staying and at the end of it I let him know what I thought about his joke of a way of doing business. I also made sure I got something in that would totally piss him off. He was a committed Christian (at least that was his calling card), and I knew this was the route to pissing him right off so my final comment was: "you know, my mum's a Christian, but she actually is good for her word, she really does act with compassion and fairness, and she wouldn't be seen dead preaching Christianity and treating people like shite. Shame there's not a few more of her around, mate, eh. All the best, nob head".

But I have a fear of failure and a fear of letting her down if things get more serious.

Fuck it, John. What do you have to lose? And, that's not a flippant remark - I mean it. Keep life in perspective. It's only a job, and if the worst came to the worst you could drive trucks or something. Your peace of mind is far more important than being consumed with anxiety. If you have a work ethic, you'll be fine. Just open our mind to the fact, and it's one of the few absolutes: there's far more to life than a job.

_____________________________

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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