RE: Giving up on finding the right person

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RE: Giving up on finding the right person - 2/8/2006 8:42:17 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

quote:

I have spoken to three different Mistress friends of mine who have pretty much given up on finding a sub or slave to spend their lives with

They will probably find them now.

st50

I've noticed this in my life.

I found Fox when I had a slave all ready and was training another. I wasn't looking for him or anyone else.

Even now (before I had to change my profile to say I'm not looking at this moment) I'm not actively looking and haven't been for years. I'm open to having another slave, I'd like to have another, but given the value of what I have (both mundane and kinky) it isn't a search I can devote myself to.

If you are actively looking I think you must treat it as a job to find a partner -- you must spend time looking in every venue you can, do what you can to improve yourself, and be very patient but steadfast in your search.

In my opinion, take how difficult it can be to find a vanilla partner and increase that at least 10 fold for a BDSM partner.

*thinking* I also didn't find my husband when I was looking for a husband (did I ever look for a husband?). Instead I found him among several men I was dating at the same time. Things just worked down to us.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Giving up on finding the right person - 2/8/2006 9:06:14 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

i believe i've expressed pretty much the same thing a while back. the thing i've noticed is that most local Mistress's don't seem to want anyone local...just an observation. LOL

I don't think this is true. Not in my opinion. Maybe it's about privacy. I prefer someone to be at least driving distance.

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RE: Giving up on finding the right person - 2/8/2006 9:21:10 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave
My Question is what are the challenges that the Mistresses on collarme are having in finding their slaves and subs?? Is it really more of challenge than you imagined it would be ??

I understand some of your frustration, but I think there's always hope, especially when you can read some very good success stories, right here in the message boards.

My issue is that I seek a relationship with a man, not just the "sub" in him. Most, if really not all of my contacts are from men interested in "any" Domme. Most blindly offer themselves, without knowing a single thing about me. (I don't know how they can find this an attractive proposition.) They are intent on meeting "their" fantasy, and submit a full "I Want" List, without a concern for me as a person. A "relationship" tends to require us learning about one another (including things other than BDSM related activities), and all I get is the DoMe types, that are self-centered to their BDSM wants alone.

I've found few men that actually seek a relationship, and the few that seemed to have interest in me, had it more in that they thought I'd switch with them too, or that their submissiveness was a bedroom concept, and that otherwise "I" was to be at their beckon call. [Like the man that demanded (yes, demanded

), that I send him "my" full body photo, so that he could view "his" playground.] And their approach is more like making an appointment, versus getting to know a lady.

My expectations, for meeting Mr. Right (a fallacy in itself, I think) for "any" personal's site is lowered, but I always hold out hope. I enjoy this site more than any others I've tried over the years. If not meeting a good partner, I've made contact with many potential friends.

K

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RE: Giving up on finding the right person - 2/8/2006 9:21:49 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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I am contacted a lot. It’s really difficult because I’ve been around for a long time and many subs have read my articles, watched my videos, web sites, etc. Many see me as their fantasy and rarely do they get to know me, the woman I am. I am a lifestyle domina first and Goddess Dianna Vesta second.

I also have a lot of experience on many levels so I get a lot of males who are curious and want me to train them. At least they think it’s what they want. What many REALLY want is for me to serve them.

Yes, it’s hard to find a personal relationship. I have gotten to the point where I make them jump through so many hoops that if they still stick around I’ll begin to pay attention to them. I might make them do this for months before ever meeting them just to make sure they are serious.

Chemistry is also important. If it doesn’t click it’s not happening. This doesn’t mean I won’t meet males and keep them as friends. I have sub males friends and we enjoy the dynamic without getting sexual. I enjoy the company of submissive men.

DV

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RE: Giving up on finding the right person - 2/8/2006 10:47:04 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
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They are intent on meeting "their" fantasy, and submit a full "I Want" List, without a concern for me as a person. A "relationship" tends to require us learning about one another (including things other than BDSM related activities), and all I get is the DoMe types, that are self-centered to their BDSM wants alone.
=============

uh yep r
MY Mistress has been looking for more boys...and all SHE gets are do-me boys.
coming in here wanting this n that.
ain't a one of em come here asking what they can do FOR HER.
"ask not, what Mistress can do for you, ask what YOU can do for Mistress."
forgive me Mr JFK for changing Your speech Sir..
and i miss You Sir...
sigh
the 60's were some bad times

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RE: Giving up on finding the right person - 2/8/2006 3:05:00 PM

ShivaTS

Posts: 132
Joined: 2/4/2006
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Its just as hard for a sub/slave to find someone who actually wants a relationship. I get constant guys sending me messeges looking for sex and no messeges from Mistresses. I ended up changing my profile to NO SEX!

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RE: Giving up on finding the right person - 2/8/2006 8:26:12 PM

HayaSierra

Posts: 119
Joined: 4/7/2005
From: In Georgia
Status: offline

... I hate to say it, but NEVER giving up is one of the main points.

It's not easy and takes a lot of hard work. Not only to find the one(s) you are looking for, but also to make sure they are indeed going to be happy with the arrangement, that you will be happy with the arrangement and to iron out all of the millions of little logistical problems that end up cropping up out of no-where, while you take someone through training, while you switch jobs, while your mother is visiting for two weeks, while they are suffering from problems, while you get ill, and the list goes on and on.

I'm finding what I am looking for here, but I will not say how many hours and energy have gone into the effort and how many more will be going into it before anyone will even be living with me. These things are tricky at best, and full of various issues at worst -- without even thinking about relocations. Have one you are looking for, and you will be waiting as you try out one after the next, have more than one you are looking for to build a poly household and you are looking at half a nightmare on a daily basis.

However, and this is a big however, IT is very worth it in the end. I've made some lasting relationships here, and I have a few that are a part of Ka Azdor whom I have met here that I know will be with me for a long time, because they have shown me nothing but utmost respect, love, devotion and humble submission!

While the process is slow -- it does move forward. Finding the right one(s) is more than half of the battle, getting them to you is the rest of it.

So tell those Ladies not to give up.

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RE: Giving up on finding the right person - 2/9/2006 5:39:11 AM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
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The complications I find here, is that what the expectations are differ depending on your experience and involvement. For example, a Mistress I know on here recently expanded her search to another web site decicated to this lifestyle. The site has been around much longer than collarme and is much larger in membership. >>
On her first day she received 40 contacts..of which zero responses met with her profile requirements or even showed signs of respecting her as a Mistress. Clearly she was one moment excited by the others interest in her profile and later after the screening process found it discouraging. Her interest is still for a regular caring relationship with a sub or slave. The desire to play is fun for her but gets a little tiring when its another new ass to spank or once they get their jollies they disappear from the face of the earth. As the Dom, she is in fact doing so much work and receiving so little for herself. Yes it is fun at first, ... but after a while, isin't it great to have someone who can connect with at a different level that makes you ,as a dom, or even as a sub, feel you reached a higher level of pleasure, trust and if I can say this , a level of completeness in your own existence?? Please let me know if this is wishful dreaming or the holy grail to the rest of you ?

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RE: Giving up on finding the right person - 2/9/2006 5:54:24 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

Her interest is still for a regular caring relationship with a sub or slave. The desire to play is fun for her but gets a little tiring when its another new ass to spank or once they get their jollies they disappear from the face of the earth.

I think, however, that this is the nature of using the internet for meeting potential partners.

I recently found that a sub who has been pursuing me on and off online for a year is married, even though he knew up front that "single" is an absolute iron-clad requirement of mine. It wasn't a big deal to me because I wasn't interested per se, but it does illustrate that the 'net lends itself to dishonest behavior because, frankly, it's easy to be like that here.

Many who contact me online want little more than a few words to jack off to next time they take a shower. They may not say so, but it's clear to me that is the case.

I maintain a profile here for a couple of reasons, despite my obvious belief that doing so will NOT result in me meeting a submissive via this forum. One, I do enjoy the forums and some of the conversations I have here. Two, it's always interesting when I go out to a munch or other event and either someone recognizes me from online or vice versa, and it opens up the lines to talk face to face.

The flip side is that in my experience, very few single male subs will actually go to events (the MAMA femdom munch being an exception). So where is a good place to meet them? I honestly couldn't say anymore. I can just say that if you keep plugging away, you do meet friends and potentials over time. When I lived in a more populated area and had more time to play and go to events, it wasn't easy but it certainly wasn't impossible to meet subs.

Regarding the holy grail....well in my situation, yes, I think finding a sub at this point in my life that is compatable where I need him to be IS somewhat of a holy grail. My schedule is extremely busy so it very much restricts both location and time I have available. I've actually begun to occasionally date vanilla, something I haven't done in over 12 years, just to keep life interesting.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 2/9/2006 5:58:18 AM >

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