A rant about profiles... (Full Version)

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DarkSteven -> A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 11:54:43 AM)

So many of them don't specify who they want.

The men describe various kinky acts they want.  But they don't say anything about the PERSON they want.

The women describe the relationship they want, the feelings they want to have.  But they don't say anything about the PERSON they want.

It beats me why they don't specify... I want someone who doesn't smoke, has no drinking.drug issues, reads, is within a specified age range, has a sense of humor, likes nights in, likes to go out...

/end rant/



oceanwinds -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 12:05:42 PM)

Hi DarkSteven

[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m8.gif[/image] Great idea.
Though i only come here for the message boards, if I ever would decide to  put a profile together, it might elude me to write what i am looking for, especially since i never have done it. I would assume the profile would be a very ackward thing to fill out, when you don't know what you are doing.



RedMagic1 -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 12:11:40 PM)

If a person intrigues me, I write.  I ignore age limits, geographic limits, etc., on the profile.  I say why I'm interested, include a line about me, and tell a joke.  (More or less, it's not a formula.)  I get a lot of responses, and the response often includes a comment like, "Oh I just put that limit in my profile because I was sick of the trolls."

I honestly believe profile text is almost irrelevant, and people make exceptions if you are exceptional.  And, let's face it, if you write a woman sincerely and humorously on this site, and pay attention to her brain, you're exceptional.



BinarySlavery -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 12:16:33 PM)

Both being new to the site and being young, I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea what kind of person I want.  In fact, I only have a vague idea of "the kinky acts" I would like them to perform.

I think, on some level, many of these people have a vague notion of the kind of person they want.  However, while I can honestly say that a woman standing 5'5", burnette hair, slightly round face, with 32C breasts, a tight bubble butt, and a slightly wide waist is an example of the kind of person I'm looking for, she is only ONE kind of person that I am looking for.

I've seen people who were only interested in being with a domme (and who professed themselves to have no interest in men at all) fall in love with a Master. 

Ultimately, I think, no one really knows what they're looking for.  The only thing they know is what is familiar to them on some level.

Your thoughts?



mdr080480 -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 12:22:16 PM)

I read profiles and if something catches my eye, I'll comment, be it on something they have listed in their profile or I'll comment about a post they made in the forums. I am here mostly looking for friends, but if the right person comes along, I will know it, they will know it. I am not in a terrible rush for anything really. I am not even sure if I know what I want exactly.

So if I comment in a cmail to someone, it's usually about something they've written that intrigued me.



Phoenixpower -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 12:31:56 PM)

I state in my profile what I am looking for...nevertheless I get unneccessary replies from guys older then what I am looking for and younger what I am looking for...not to mention from countries outside of my interest zone...my current date catched my interest despite not being from my countries of interest...however, we were in touch since a longer time on a casual basis, so i didn't mind to get to know him more.

However, as my profile states clearly the age group I am looking for, the countries I would relocate to |(either on my own or with a prospective Dom) and my basic needs he would have to put up with (yep, I have some demands as a sub and don't care about if he has a problem with it,because if he has...then that is his problem not mine) it makes it quite clear for guys if them contacting me makes any sense or not. In recent weeks I blocked and deleted quite a lot as they don't bother to read...and would I want someone who does not bother to read who I am? nope...therefore no point to even go into the conversation. The Block button became my best friend on here [:D]




YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 12:42:00 PM)

i just wrote what i felt at the time, i do state that i'm not actively looking for anyone because i find it's better to develop a friendship and then grow from there rather than just jumping into the deep end of a D/s relationship. Plus, it cuts down on the "doms" actively seeking ownership afer two hours.

Though, i know it's about time to revise again...i think the only thing i changed recently was my location and that was in October.



BinarySlavery -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 12:42:48 PM)

I tend to use the dating approach any time I'm looking to form a relationship.  Make clean contact, ask about interests, mention something in their profile, that kind of thing, and then see where the conversation goes.  Don't rush or push.  BDSM relationships actually require way more trust than a vanilla one, but I don't know that many of the dominants coming into this kind of a lifestyle realize that.  For some reason, they seem to believe that a submissive or a slave is a submissive or a slave to them without ever building a relationship or trust with them, and they treat the women they contact initially as though that were the case. 

On the other hand, I'm very surprised by the number of e-mails you can send out just trying to say "Hi" that are opened and never responded to.  I understand people are busy with their own lives and that some are inundated by constant e-mails from other users, but when it's opened and read, but not responded to, it's really no different from having someone come up to you in person to say Hi, you looking at them blankly, and then turning away.  Simply put, without a good excuse, not responding with anything at all is rude.  Even a rejection is a better response than nothing.

But, to the topic, people often ignore what the person they're contacting is looking for, anyway, thinking that they might be the exception.  I'm guilty of this, and I'm sure numerous others are, too. 



KneelforAnne -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 12:53:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

... people make exceptions if you are exceptional.  And, let's face it, if you write a woman sincerely and humorously on this site, and pay attention to her brain, you're exceptional.




I have a rather lengthy profile, and I think I specify what I am looking for.

Perhaps I could go deeper into detail about what character traits I like, and what I don’t like…what habits I dislike… but really...what is quoted above is one of the most spot on things I have read in some time.

If you're exceptional... ;) (And you SOOO are, DarkSteven!)


Kudos, RedMagic1.

~anne



Andalusite -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 12:57:28 PM)

Some of those things are so obvious that I can't see much point in taking up space in the profile for them - who would want someone who *DIDN'T* have a sense of humour (and that varies so much from one person to the next that I need to interact with them to know whether or not we'll be compatible). I do ask about drinking/smoking/drugs, but again, I figure it's best to talk about specifics. I've dated guys who are Dominant, submissive, top, bottom, and switch, so BDSM orientation isn't important. I have been attracted to and dated guys who are short, tall, fat, skinny, and anywhere in between - there are some body types I'm not attracted to, but a lot of it depends on how they carry it, rather than raw numbers. I'd prefer someone who is Christian or Jewish, but have dated guys who were agnostic, various flavours of Pagan, and Buddhist - as long as they aren't trying to convert me, we've rarely had problems in that respect. Politically, I'm independent moderate, leaning toward Libertarian. Someone who's extreme on either end of the political spectrum won't be a good fit, but I don't have a "no Republicans" or "no liberals" rule. So much of chemistry/attraction depends on the individual person, so it's hard to put my needs into words - generally, I get a pretty good sense within the first couple of e-mails whether or not I'm interested in getting to know someone better. Until I spend time with him in person, and engage in at least very light play (ie. hairpulling and biting) I have no clue whether or not I can be attracted to him or have a D/s dynamic with him.

I think I'm pretty clear about my geographical/age/scheduling preferences, though I have some wiggle room in those areas, depending on the individual.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:05:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I honestly believe profile text is almost irrelevant


I can attest to this.
 
I've had a long profile and a short profile.  I've had a bitchy profile and a gentle one.  I've had a detailed profile and one that said nothing at all about me.  I've required code words when contacting me to show that the other person bothered to read my profile.
 
It doesn't make a difference.  No one bothers to read profiles.  They just send mail to whoever has the hottest photo.  I had one guy tell me he didn't care what I was looking for -- he sent mail to everyone and if I wasn't interested, I should just delete his mail.  No one cares about the other person as long as they're getting their kinky rocks off. 
 
I'm just a life support system for a whip.



BinarySlavery -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:08:45 PM)

People DO read the profiles, but, obviously, those people appear to be few and far between. 

If I don't meet the expectations of the person I'm e-mailing them---according to their profile--- I usually say that in the first line with an apologetic tone.


If someone doesn't bother to read the profile, then they obviously aren't going to be bothered to listen to you or know you, and you shouldn't bother to know them either.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:11:54 PM)

You've been here all of two days.  When you've been here a year, we'll see if you still say the same thing.  Of course, since you're male, your experience will be worlds apart from mine as a FemDom.  I doubt you'll ever have the pages upon pages of wankers and do-me subs most of the women here have to cope with on a daily basis.



BinarySlavery -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:13:28 PM)

And I appreciate that our experiences will differ, which is why I attempt to be respectful in my communiques. 

However, you're making a broad stroke in writing people off without opening your mind to the possibility that not everyone is encompassed in that stroke.



RedMagic1 -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:15:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
I'm just a life support system for a whip.

But you're a beautiful, smart, creative one.  How many exotic dancers go back to college in their thirties and graduate on the honor roll?  And you write fiction on top of that?  OMG hot hot hotttt.



YourhandMyAss -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:18:25 PM)

Never assume anything is a given , because chances are it's not. Like you'd assume any one who was an adult would brush their teeth take a bath and know how to wipe their ass with out leaving skidmarks, but some people don't, and if you just assume every one did and never made sure which type they were you may end up with someone who never brushes their teeth hardly bathes  and can't wipe their butt well enough to not leave streaks in their pants. and don't think it won't happen. I ended up with someone just like that who In ever knew was so slovenly till we lived together.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Some of those things are so obvious that I can't see much point in taking up space in the profile for them -



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:19:51 PM)

You're right, I'm making a very broad stroke.  Breadth does not necessarily equal inaccuracy.  You seem to be working under the erroneous assumption that I have not fully considered the statement and its implications.  Nor do you seem to recognize ironic humor when you stumble upon it.  Perhaps you should return to reading profiles.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:21:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
I'm just a life support system for a whip.

But you're a beautiful, smart, creative one.  How many exotic dancers go back to college in their thirties and graduate on the honor roll?  And you write fiction on top of that?  OMG hot hot hotttt.



Have I told you lately how wonderfulawsomecool you are?  [;)]



BinarySlavery -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:24:56 PM)

You know, SylvereApLeanan, in this case... I think I will lower my head to your experience (you've been here a year and a half longer than I) and say that I don't necessarily disagree with your conclusions. 

With that said, I will return to reading profiles--- starting with yours.



Andalusite -> RE: A rant about profiles... (5/24/2009 1:27:55 PM)

YHMA, I haven't had to deal with *that* so far, but I don't think specifying it in my profile would discourage those people who are that way. If they have bad breath and very obvious, nasty plaque, I'll notice it the first time I meet them! Skid-marks aren't quite as obvious, but body odour is. [:'(]

I like guys who are intelligent, honourable, caring, and all that, but again, I don't think that just saying so in my profile is effective at screening for character - actually talking with people (by e-mail,phone or in person), spending time with them in a variety of situations, etc. is a lot more effective than bringing it up as an abstract generality.



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