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RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/25/2009 12:43:52 AM

LadySweetOrSour

Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Tysyacha, there are a lot of things that I would expect from a submissive, but... the ability to spread her legs far apart? You seem to have this vision of a Dom with a massive checklist of things he is just waiting to ding you on.

Nope.

Doms are people too, and any decent one will relate to you as a person.

You're thinking about all of this too much. Go out and meet people. And not for a Dom... not right away. That will come. For now, just get to meet people and get past your apprehensions.

Bravo oh Dark One, bravo.

There are arseholes in every sphere of life OP, in the BDSM world as well as the real world. Anyone who calls you names is a dickhead (and yes, I have disabilities and would say kiss my rump to anyone who said anything negative to me, not that anyone does. It's my domliness that does it, ya know!

)

Doms are people and not all are just after kinky sex. Most, but not all.

The decent ones aren't going to give a shit if you have a disability or not. They see a person, not a disability.

Welcome to the madhouse and most importantly, HAVE FUN HERE!!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 21

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/25/2009 8:50:43 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

FR

I too have disabilities and as I have commented often, "I may be disabled but I'm not a fucking cripple"... T2Diabetes has it's own disabling areas with losses of adequate circulation together with osteoarthritis in both knees (right knee is the worst), leaves me no alternative but to use a walking stick or a wheel chair for longer sorties in shopping malls or markets. The biggest issue is a simple one caused by lack of adequate blood circulation - ED (erectile dysfunction) aka FDS (floppy dick syndrome). I can still do needle play, bondage (Rope and chain), flog the arse of a slave with flogger, whip, cane or crop.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)

Post #: 22

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/25/2009 9:04:03 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Just be honest with your limitations. I have low blood sugar which sounds like no big deal, but I had to let it be known that if I suddenly say "I need to eat" that I am not being bratty, or trying to get out of something, but that when I get to that point it is either eat or pass out. I also have physical limitations due to a spinal cord injury. The only way I can wear high heels is if I'm seated. If I try to walk in them I will fall over. : )

Be concerned first with a partner that you respond well to emotionally. If you feel comfortable enough with them that you feel that you might enjoy physical play then let them know of your physical concerns. If there is any part of your body that doesn't have full feeling or good circulation they should be told this so that they don't damage you unintentionally. If you feel it would be best to take things slowly and gradually work up then you can tell that person. For most people the first session isn't incredibly intense - especially if they don't want it to be. Find someone who shows patience and is willing to let you explore.

_____________________________

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 23

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/25/2009 9:10:13 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tysyacha

One of the things I have trouble doing is spreading my legs really far apart. I don't want my partner to want me to be a sexual gymast and stick my legs up over my head or something. "Cannot do this, even if asked". Does everyone want their ladies to be able to twist themselves into pretzels for the sake of "trying a cool new position"?

NO, not everyone wants their sexual partners to twist themselves into pretzels. In fact, we use one position that is comfortable for us both. He is 68 and I am 58. Any thoughts of being a pretzel, if we ever had that need, are long gone.

There are many people with varying disabilities involved in BDSM. What seems to be the important factor in them finding partners is their willingness to attend events and meet people. My own Dominant is 10 years older than I and has some major health issues. Quite frankly I probably wouldn't have shown much interest in him if we'd met online. However, we met in person where his personality was more important than his age or disabilities.

I realize you can't drive to a regular munch. You might check into events in your general area. I used to take the train to a city 250 miles away to attend munch and meet up with friends when I had time off work. Perhaps that could be an option for you. So find a way for your own personality to impress people.

(in reply to Tysyacha)

Post #: 24

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/25/2009 9:18:50 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

Tysyacha,

You seem to be of the opinion that BDSM is an able body, leading the mind.

It is just the opposite. An able mind will lead the body to do what it can, and work around the rest.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to Tysyacha)

Post #: 25

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/25/2009 9:56:51 AM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

As others have said there are a lot of people in the bdsm community (myself included) that have various disabilities. You do need to be even more careful in choosing who you allow to be in a position of control over you. As part of the process of finding yourself a suitable dominant you need to make sure they understand your condition, or at very least are willing to learn about it and how it may affect your service and play. In addition safe words and signals become even more important since there is likely to be a greater chance of something causing a problem the dominant did not expect.

_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

(in reply to Tysyacha)

Post #: 26

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/25/2009 6:22:13 PM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

I know of many folks with disabilities who participate actively in BDSM. I know one in a wheelchair.
I have a hearing empairment along with bipolar disorder. I watch my behavior very closely, and manage my disease.
Now, far as finding someone again, only time will tell the answer to that one.
The good thing about lifestyle folks is that we are very open with all people.
Best Wishes,

Mistress_Jan

_____________________________

Do not try to measure weight loss by pounds. Eat healthy and let it work slowly to achieve your goal.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 27

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/25/2009 9:19:37 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I don't see why a dominant who's good at what they do can't make sure you are capable of subbing within your capacity to do so.

If you are dominant yourself (I didn't really see an indication one way or another) you may find that you need to modify activities so that you can do them in a manner that is safe for your sub. (I speak from personal experience when I say that muscle spasms and precise placement of a flogger strike don't go well together.)

The nice thing about this whole thing, though, is that it's our game, and we make the rules, and how we do it. Best of luck with finding your partner and having tons of kinky fun!

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to EmelineRose)

Post #: 28

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/25/2009 10:18:52 PM

PyrotheClown

Posts: 1950
Joined: 5/18/2009
Status: offline

hmmm, I wonder how well safety words work out with deaf doms?

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)

Post #: 29

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/26/2009 1:43:47 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PyrotheClown

hmmm, I wonder how well safety words work out with deaf doms?

you'd have to have some sort of non-auditory signal, i would guess. perhaps a scarf in the hand that can be dropped, or a ball tossed at the dominant. something that can catch the attention so that the dominant knows to check on the well-being of the submissive.

kitten

(in reply to PyrotheClown)

Post #: 30

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/26/2009 2:26:09 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PyrotheClown

hmmm, I wonder how well safety words work out with deaf doms?

It works the same way it does when someone is gagged. A prearranged visual signal. My friend uses one finger extended for yellow and two fingers raised for red. Other folks will give the bottom something to hold in their hand which, if let go, is their signal. I tend to prefer the finger method, so the bottom doesn't have to concentrate on holding on to the object during play.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PyrotheClown)

Post #: 31

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/26/2009 3:07:10 AM

MstrPBK

Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tysyacha
Yes, good Dom(me)s and subs, I have a disability. Cerebral palsy, since birth.

That means that the parts of my brain that control my big muscles (arms and legs) are partially damaged. I can't drive, although I have tried. I just couldn't make my body work fast enough to act upon the stimuli from my brain. I can eat, drink, and use the bathroom just like typical people do. I just have trouble standing for long periods of time, walking long distances, climbing stairs without handrails, etc.

Because of this, a lot of people have the perception that I don't have sexual desires. I shouldn't even be interested in SEX, let alone kinky sex! Either that, or I'm hypersexual, like an animal unable to control my impulses, urges, or desires.

I have only had three boyfriends, and two were the "use 'em and lose 'em" kind.

You can imagine that with as few chances as I've gotten, I'm afraid I'll never get another one. Once a lot of people see the way I walk, they assume I must have a very low IQ or be like a child in an adult's body. I myself believe I am neither.

So...for someone with tight muscles by nature, how do I go about being safe in BDSM? I never knew the hell that you could get as a human being, just because the umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck in the womb. Any advice?

NOTE: If ANYONE calls me "cripple", "retard", "lame", etc. or even "childish", I will not attempt to dignify your insult with a response. I've had enough of that $4iT.

I am a person with 10 disabilities (at last count). My disabilities are:

• mixed levels of arthritis (severe mid back; mild in hands, shoulders, wrists, front side of foot ankle))
• a slight hearing loss due to ringing in the ears.
• carpal tunnel (intensified 7/28/05)
• cerebral palsy (mild)
• glaucoma
• high blood pressure
• pinched nerve on lower spinal column (currently disabling)
• rygors anomaly (a rare sight impairment)
• Intestinal surgery (May 21, 2004 to June 7, 2004)
• Heart Murmur (returned(?) from infancy) September 2008
• Cataract (sight) predicted (by 2019).

I chose my activities based on what I feel comfortable doing, and that includes the level of safety. I should mention in the same breath that the above list has also resulted in insults, and arrogant subs/slave who say they DO NOT want to serve a Master with this many problems (by the way I thought slave were to suppose to fully serve their Master???)

(in reply to Tysyacha)

Post #: 32

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/27/2009 5:41:39 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK
I am a person with 10 disabilities (at last count). My disabilities are:

• mixed levels of arthritis (severe mid back; mild in hands, shoulders, wrists, front side of foot ankle))
• a slight hearing loss due to ringing in the ears.
• carpal tunnel (intensified 7/28/05)
• cerebral palsy (mild)
• glaucoma
• high blood pressure
• pinched nerve on lower spinal column (currently disabling)
• rygors anomaly (a rare sight impairment)
• Intestinal surgery (May 21, 2004 to June 7, 2004)
• Heart Murmur (returned(?) from infancy) September 2008
• Cataract (sight) predicted (by 2019).

I chose my activities based on what I feel comfortable doing, and that includes the level of safety. I should mention in the same breath that the above list has also resulted in insults, and arrogant subs/slave who say they DO NOT want to serve a Master with this many problems (by the way I thought slave were to suppose to fully serve their Master???)

My Sir has a list of disabilities almost as long as yours, including:

*Diabetic for 35 years
*End stage renal failure, He is on home hemodialysis
*Arthritis in neck, spine, knees, hips, wrists
*Rotator cuff syndrome in both shoulders
*Hiatus hernia
*Hearing problems due to industrial deafness
*Coronary artery disease, stent fitted December 05

I "fully serve" Him. We have been together since January 04. I knew about His problems before we got together. His treatments have changed over this time, the main one being changing from peritoneal dialysis to hemo in the past 3-4 years. We have been doing this at home for nearly two years, and due to failed and clotted fistulas I now have to put His needles in (He was doing this when we started, but the present fistula is on the back of His left forearm and He cannot turn His arm to see where the needles go due to the painful shoulders). He dialyses three times a week for 8 hours at a time.

I'm sorry that you have had rude and insulting comments from some people. Not all subs/slaves are cut out to be carers. The mental stress and responsibility is enormous. It does not mean they are arrogant either....maybe just being honest? but it costs nothing to be polite with a refusal.

Sir has His bad days, but He can still wield a flogger with enthusiasm

_____________________________

Collared sub and married to Nevershyau

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 33

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/27/2009 6:36:35 AM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

As I stated before, I am hearing imparied which can be a problem in at a play party situation where there is a background noises. I am sure it would be a little more of a challenge for deaf dom/mes, but could be done with the right companion.

Best Wishes,

Mistress_Jan

quote:

ORIGINAL: PyrotheClown

hmmm, I wonder how well safety words work out with deaf doms?

_____________________________

Do not try to measure weight loss by pounds. Eat healthy and let it work slowly to achieve your goal.

(in reply to PyrotheClown)

Post #: 34

RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities - 5/27/2009 7:10:52 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tysyacha

One of the things I have trouble doing is spreading my legs really far apart. I don't want my partner to want me to be a sexual gymast and stick my legs up over my head or something. "Cannot do this, even if asked". Does everyone want their ladies to be able to twist themselves into pretzels for the sake of "trying a cool new position"?

Seriously, I'm fit and healthy and STILL can't be a pretzel shaped sex-toy. He liked me because I'm me. He's fit and healthy but HE'S no contortionist either!

It might be nice to have Bendy-Wendy and I don't blame him for liking the thought......but Bendy-Wendy can't be me* ...and *I'm* the one he likes.

agirl

(in reply to Tysyacha)

Post #: 35

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