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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/26/2009 3:32:34 PM

LadySweetOrSour

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I'm with Viridana. Cheating has many forms, with many interpretations. Is kissing cheating? What about groping? Some people think only actual pentrative sex is "cheating".

Were you both monog BEFORE this incident? Didn't you discuss this with your partner at any stage early on? Did she know it was a possibility?

Yes, you told her. That doesn't take away her pain. The key here is that the intimacy between partners has been violated. One party is hurt by anothers sexual actions. I think this is just arguing semantics.

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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/26/2009 3:45:18 PM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

many of us have to sow our wild oats and dont have the capability of staying with one partner.

the grass is always greener type of thing.

What a jolly poor attempt to rationalize and validate the OP's behaviour.

If a person is that weak or lacks the moral fibre to break up a relationship because he can't keep his tallywacker under control, he has no right to be in a relationship with a monogamour partner. Takes courage to face things and lay it all out and even make the hard decision to leave. It is however the only honest and honourable choice I can see..

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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/26/2009 7:50:52 PM

mydomsabstrd

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if a sub/slave is told by their Dom/Domme that they are not going to be the only person the Dom/Domme is fucking, and stay and choose to serve, i dont think its cheating. its all choice here. if she knew going in, then she should be prepared, if she didnt know, then there are trust issues.

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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/26/2009 11:19:07 PM

Vendaval

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Whether or not it is cheating is not the point. It is a bad situation that is going to get worse until you both are completely honest and re-evaluate the whole relationship.

Is it worth some compromises or should you part ways?

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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/27/2009 12:22:36 AM

WyldHrt

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quote:

If a person is that weak or lacks the moral fibre to break up a relationship because he can't keep his tallywacker under control, he has no right to be in a relationship with a monogamous partner. Takes courage to face things and lay it all out and even make the hard decision to leave. It is however the only honest and honourable choice I can see..

As usual, (IMO) it's IronBear for the win!
It may or may not be cheating in some technical sense, but that isn't what is important... unless you are more concerned with being "right" than you are with the state of your relationship with your partner. If it is the latter, I'll say: if she considers it cheating, and/or it undermines her trust in you as a person/ her partner, then you have a big problem that you need to put on your big boy pants and deal with.

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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/27/2009 6:17:23 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
If a person is that weak or lacks the moral fibre to break up a relationship because he can't keep his tallywacker under control, he has no right to be in a relationship with a monogamour partner. Takes courage to face things and lay it all out and even make the hard decision to leave. It is however the only honest and honourable choice I can see.

That's a pretty harsh decree there, IronBear. From the OP's hypothetical question, you have discerned that the so-called "cheating" partner is "weak," "lacks moral fiber," "can't keep his tallywacker under control," "has no right to be in a relationship" with a monogamous partner," and is somehow not "honorable." Wow. Lots of assumptions here.

I say the hypothetical partner would NOT be "cheating." True, perhaps being in a relationship with a self-decreed "monogamous" partner isn't the wisest choice but if the monogamous partner KNEW full well before entering the relationship, why is HE so guilty? Master told me before I became His that He was NOT monogamous. He told me that I could full well expect that there could be other women in His life. I decided I wanted to be with Him regardless and, if this was something I had a bit of a problem with, I was willing to work through it and accept it. I did so and now there is another woman in His life.

If, after knowing FROM THE BEGINNING, that He wasn't monogamous, I now start to cry "cheater" at Him, why is He to blame for hurting my poor feelings? He's not. He was honest and open from minute one. If I was under some delusion that my simply wanting Him to be monogamous would make Him so, I'm at fault not Him. Same with the hypothetical folks in the OP's question.

It's not a matter of Master (or the hypothetical guy) being weak, lacking morals or not being capable of controlling His "tallywacker." It's a matter of Him not being monogamous and having been open about it from the get-go. If my (or the hypothetical gal's) ears were packed with wax and I/she refused to accept what was told us, that's my/her problem, not the partner who was honest from the start.

It's not cheating. It's a matter of someone refusing to accept what they were told, hoping their partner would not be true to himself and then whining about it when the inevitable happened. If she entered the relationship knowing what she knew, the blame is on her now, not her partner...................luci

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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/27/2009 6:31:06 AM

Mezrem

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

It's not cheating. It's a matter of someone refusing to accept what they were told, hoping their partner would not be true to himself and then whining about it when the inevitable happened. If she entered the relationship knowing what she knew, the blame is on her now, not her partner...................luci

Ok but he entered into a relationship with some one who lived life as a single partner life style. Why not make the assumption that entering that relationship he agreed to try and be the same. In the end though his actions are going to hurt another person. Be a better person and end it.. or leave the poly life alone. On the subject of inevitablility.. if it's inevitable then yes the hypothetical person is thinking with his smaller head. Last I checked "I was horny" was not a very good explination for hurting some one... well here I guess I should use hurting them in an unwanted way. lol

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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/27/2009 8:39:45 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

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Cheating? Not completely. Stupidity on the part of both partners for taking a shot with such a Huge incompatibility issue in the first place? Most definately!

IF (and I can't stress that word sufficiently) you were, as you claim, 100% honest from the get-go that you are not monogamous in nature... AND (again, can't be stressed enough) you Never agreed to make the Attempt to be monogamous (instead the other person simply Assumed that you would make said attempt)........... then no, it's not cheating. An incorrect assumption on your part does not make me a liar, it makes you a fool for not confirming the validity of your assumption.

If you agreed to try being monogamous and then failed - but didn't tell them you couldn't do it before going and shtupping someone else, then it IS cheating. If you weren't 100% honest about being poly from the get-go and got some on the side assuming they realized you weren't monogamous, it's cheating. If You Lied In ANY Way, it's cheating.

Either way, both of you were thinking with your genitals rather than your intelligence to start, and then stay in, the relationship with such an issue of incompatibility between you.

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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/27/2009 5:42:43 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mezrem

Ok but he entered into a relationship with some one who lived life as a single partner life style. Why not make the assumption that entering that relationship he agreed to try and be the same

You can always assume anything you like but I saw no indication of this in the OP's words. Seemed to me that the monogamous partner knew this hypothetical guy had no desire to be monogamous. At least that's how I interpreted it.

quote:

On the subject of inevitablility.. if it's inevitable then yes the hypothetical person is thinking with his smaller head. Last I checked "I was horny" was not a very good explination for hurting some one...

I didn't see anything said about "being horny." That isn't the only reason someone would get involved with another person. I didn't read anything about him just being out-of-control horny and losing control of the aformentioned "tallywacker." It could have been a thoughtful process of becoming involved with another that EVENTUALLY lead to such intimacy. I didn't necessarily read it as him going into some crazy frenzy of lust and just jumping into the sack with a stranger. Lots of missing details here, for sure.

True, it can be seen as quite foolish for one monogamous partner and one not-so-monogamous partner to enter into a relationship. I just don't think it's "cheating" when the guy says from the get-go he's gonna be with others at some point. She may have buried her head in the sand and plugged her ears with her fingers and said "LALALALALALA" but that doesn't change the fact that she knew he wasn't gonna be monogamous like she wanted................luci

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RE: Is it still cheating? - 5/27/2009 8:21:18 PM

atropa7

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The OP knew that his partner was mono and he wasn't. Should have never gotten into the relationship, as that's a terminal incompatibility, and inflicting pain and hurt on the partner was/is cowardly and selfish. Grow up. Stop being a callous jerk, and stick to other polys.

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