Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

IronBear -> Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 8:48:39 AM)

I lifted this from a private site of mine in MSN Groups. It is part of a short address I wrote for a conference for psychologists and counsellors some time ago. It may have some value here as much of the problems we seek to help with are communication based.

Grumblings & Grizzlings

from

The Hibernation Cave

Communications


It seems that society generally is filled with talkers rather than listeners. Many are very opinionated and thus biased against any who are not of their beliefs. Many more can’t wait to give their opinion, which is good if done at the appropriate time and not in an overbearing way. I’ve sit at restaurants and in other places and listened to some ex military men making very loud, rude and derogatory comments about Asians and especially Vietnamese. It is both embarrassing to those around and distressing. Sadly these people teach by example another generation who may follow in these footsteps without thinking for themselves.

Why do we communicate? To pass on information which may have asked for or that the communicator believes is important. To express our feelings and to elicit information. Sometimes we talk just to hear our own voice. (Better to talk to your self than to a fool).

The commencement of good communications is listening. Those who excel in communicating also excel in listening. This is taught to Counsellors, and I know that over 75% of counselling sessions I have with clients are me listening even to the silence. This way we can understand what our talker is really saying and by asking a couple of questions we can gain a greater understanding of what the person is really trying to say. Remember there are three segments of what is being said: What the person thinks they are saying. What the person actually says. What you understand them to have said. One screw up in any one of these areas can result in an almighty “Cluster F…k”.

These are just my views but I think they may be of some value to some.. I’d like to leave you with my favourite poem….



quote:

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on; nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.


(The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam)






I’d hope that some of you remember when you are about to get on the soapbox and “Have my say”, that your opinions are sacrosanct and are valuable to you. Yet their value to others is only as much value as others place on them. Over stated opinions may destroy any chance of people taking them seriously. They may cause great distress and hurt or generate anger if uttered without thought. Speak your mind by all means but do so in a manner, which is not threatening, or offensive and pick your time to state them.



(That bloody Grizzly is writing a book again)

~ Ambles off to catch salmon and allow others talk ~

"It's all in the game and how you play it........................"



veronicaofML -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 9:04:53 AM)

good day ole Bear Sir

i understand what Ya say here,..to-a-point.
no one is going to stop, what some feel is justified hard feelings.. esp if those feelings are from bad experiences.
myself here---
the "asians" "I" have encountered are "self righteous self serving holier than thou", but then..so are the blacks, and the mex,...and the chinese...and whatever else Ya find non whites.

"I" have YET to find 1 that will talk to me one on one WITH respect.

but it is just MY bad experiences.
so yeah,.."I" have my own hard feelings.
bigot? no. i believe in being separate....period.
they stay where they belong..i stay where i belong.
dont be coming over into my yard...and bothering me..i wont wander over into their front yard.
leave me the hell alone.
but i am that way toward a lot of white trash too.

and then people ask why i hate people.
puh leeze
\
ah yeah to wish for a world like star trek where species can get along...the perfect world.
perfect? hmm. euphoria? off in la la land?
no such as perfect...but we can try, huh?
take care ole man,..i'll do the same,k?



candystripper -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 9:06:34 AM)

Thank You, Sir. May i add, flaming and grudges are also derogatory to the quality of communication on the forums?

candystripper



phoenixslave -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 9:12:22 AM)

i have been told i get defensive when i disagree. i hope thats better than offensive anyways. i can appreciate the passion peole have in stating their own positions and try not to read "lecture" into what is more likely their views based on what has and often what has NOT worked for them. A few posts here most would take as rants have informed me greatly on subjects. Any good stew has a few bad spots. But oh, the stew...



IronBear -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 9:16:11 AM)

I agree with you candy, yet the forums are only a small part of the system, I look at the individual relationships which may well be "ok" but can be so much better not just in the lifestyle but in general too..... Some times we over communicate by putting on our official or professional head. The clasic example is with some legal and medical folk who forget (and I'll say this with kindness), forget that many of us folk haven't a clue what they are saying which terrifies some who just follow what they are told without understanding why. I'm blessed with good doctors who will take the time to explain things to me so I understand. They know me well enough not to get on their anti-smoking soap boxes too which is not just a blessing but a sign of good communications as well because they have listened to what I've said and treat me with some respect as an adult and not a child.



phoenixslave -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 9:17:55 AM)

lol, i just read veronica's post. can i change my answer? some things aren't worth reading after all.



veronicaofML -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 10:36:29 AM)

lol, i just read veronica's post. can i change my answer? some things aren't worth reading after all.
==========

you do whatever trips your trigger..
have fun



MHOO314 -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 2:04:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

good day ole Bear Sir

i understand what Ya say here,..to-a-point.
no one is going to stop, what some feel is justified hard feelings.. esp if those feelings are from bad experiences.
myself here---
the "asians" "I" have encountered are "self righteous self serving holier than thou", but then..so are the blacks, and the mex,...and the chinese...and whatever else Ya find non whites.

"I" have YET to find 1 that will talk to me one on one WITH respect.

but it is just MY bad experiences.
so yeah,.."I" have my own hard feelings.
bigot? no. i believe in being separate....period.
they stay where they belong..i stay where i belong.
dont be coming over into my yard...and bothering me..i wont wander over into their front yard.
leave me the hell alone.
but i am that way toward a lot of white trash too.

and then people ask why i hate people.
puh leeze
\
ah yeah to wish for a world like star trek where species can get along...the perfect world.
perfect? hmm. euphoria? off in la la land?
no such as perfect...but we can try, huh?
take care ole man,..i'll do the same,k?




Chokes on Her olive and says OMG have I fallen off veronica's A list already? or was I never there?[:(]



veronicaofML -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 2:12:50 PM)



Chokes on Her olive and says OMG have I fallen off veronica's A list already? or was I never there?

_____________________________

"I would rather 30 seconds of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Steel Magnolias

Mistress Hathor
==========================

why...because of some bad face to face experiences in my life?

so far........
every non white "I" have found face to face..every one of those dudes have done everything theu can to insist whites are solely responsible for THEIR troubles..
and i aint even one of the rich folks...but since i am white i get blamed..
i am sick of it.
i found...the germans are nice
the french are nice
the english are so so.
the italians are nice
hell even where i come from the czechs are nice..
but these are all considered as white caucasions

the non whites "I" have met where "I" come from..ALL have an attitude everyone OWES them!!



candystripper -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 2:48:24 PM)

quote:

i agree with you candy, yet the forums are only a small part of the system, I look at the individual relationships which may well be "ok" but can be so much better not just in the lifestyle but in general too..... Some times we over communicate by putting on our official or professional head. The clasic example is with some legal and medical folk who forget (and I'll say this with kindness), forget that many of us folk haven't a clue what they are saying which terrifies some who just follow what they are told without understanding why. I'm blessed with good doctors who will take the time to explain things to me so I understand. They know me well enough not to get on their anti-smoking soap boxes too which is not just a blessing but a sign of good communications as well because they have listened to what I've said and treat me with some respect as an adult and not a child.

IronBear


Yes, have been plagued with MD's lately and some are terrible. i sure hope i speak plainly, but You can always correct me, Sir.

candystripper



candystripper -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 2:58:06 PM)

quote:

why...because of some bad face to face experiences in my life?

so far........
every non white "I" have found face to face..every one of those dudes have done everything theu can to insist whites are solely responsible for THEIR troubles..
and i aint even one of the rich folks...but since i am white i get blamed..
i am sick of it.
i found...the germans are nice
the french are nice
the english are so so.
the italians are nice
hell even where i come from the czechs are nice..
but these are all considered as white caucasions

the non whites "I" have met where "I" come from..ALL have an attitude everyone OWES them!!

veronicaofML


How can these hateful things be posted?

candystripper



veronicaofML -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 3:06:47 PM)



How can these hateful things be posted?

candystripper

=================================

YOU call it hate

i call it life experience
it's MY turth



Bama2toServe -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 3:14:45 PM)

I once had a professor in college tell us that if we go to a psychiatrist we are not paying for his opinions, we are paying for his ears. LOL.

One reason we have TWO ears and ONE mouth...You do the math.



veronicaofML -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 3:22:34 PM)

One reason we have TWO ears and ONE mouth...You do the math.
---------

if you have something to say...don't throw out hints
come out with it



veronicaofML -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 3:40:16 PM)



How can these hateful things be posted?

candystripper

---------

ya know candy girl
tell ya what
tell everyone
dont put me down until you walked in my shoes..been where i have..did what i did..went through what idid
seen the people i did
heard what i did
until you have been in my shoes...dont cry foul

i am not a bigot
i believe in being separate
no law against it
i do not hurt others dont hurt me then
at least
if everyone claims to be so noble--ya cant say gee i'm sorry ya had such a hard time back when
no dont bother hurting yourself...typing that is too hard for ya
and then ya ask why i feel what i do
actually
YOU are being hateful now aint ya



windchymes -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 4:15:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

One reason we have TWO ears and ONE mouth...You do the math.
---------






That quote popped into my mind, too. Then I realized that the whole problem here (here meaning online, in message boards) is that we have ten fingers and only two eyes.[:D]



seaturtle50 -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 4:33:50 PM)

quote:

if everyone claims to be so noble--ya cant say gee i'm sorry ya had such a hard time back when
no dont bother hurting yourself...typing that is too hard for ya


Veronica, Veronica, Veronica!

May i share with You? My own experiences, that You may have a part of them for yourself? i share a different experience with you now. Please? That we can both know it.

A man once saved my life. He was not like me at all. a different race, a different age, his experiences from a different world than mine. Yet, he reached out his hand to me, in my time of need. i never noticed the tone of his skin .. till he pointed it out to me. He assumed being a young white man that it was obviously standing out to me. i told him "Thanks for telling my you are black ... i never noticed till you said"

i saw that he was truly shocked by that. i know he probably has always doubted my truth in that. But it was true. i never saw him as anything but a man, i was too busy getting my life saved.

i now take a part of what you said ... and make it my own - not needing to repeat that experience ... willing to learn from your trouble. Knowing the truth of your experience as my own. Will you do the same with mine? Know it just because you know i am not lying to you now? Claim it as our shared knowledge?

By the way, he was the very first man in my life, that i came to truly love.

That man was like you veronica - a lifesaver ;-)

st50



IronBear -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 6:21:43 PM)

For what it is worth, I grew up in White Australia where even Aborigines had to use different benches and ride in different train carriages, where the pubs used to have signs on some bars “WHITES ONLY”. In country towns the youths played a game called “Find the Nigger” because the Aboriginal people unless billeted with a family as a domestic or gardener were under 9pm curfew. I watched the descendents of the Chinese immigrants who came for the gold rushes and then who ran laundries and market gardening being treated like dirt. I watched and listened to the abuse heaped on the Italians and Greeks, calling them DINGS and WHOPS because they would have several families living in one house until they as a group could afford to help each family build their own homes. No one ever recognized the contributions which the European and Asian migrants gave to my country. Even now we are just recognizing the land management techniques the native Australians had been practicing for generations or their prodigious knowledge of natural medicines. Many is the time when I was a kid that a friendly black man or woman or a yellow one would hold out their hand to help me and by the bonds formed I learned so much. Before I went to ‘Nam I had the pleasure of staying for a week with two on my Master Sgts who were Afro-Americans in Harlem. I was accepted but a curiosity being an Aussie in a US SF uniform. We had a ball. In fact it was the only time I enjoyed a visit to the Big Apple. I would up with many Vietnamese, Cambodian and Laosian friends whom were trusted and those remaining are part of my expended family. Yep I am happy with a multi-cultural society as long as there is tolerance to all. I can understand the separatists.. I can even understand the white only policy.. I don’t agree with it and stand against it when it affects others or becomes militant. Veronica, perhaps I have some understanding of your life from what you have posted. In this we shall I hope, agree to disagree and respect each other’s beliefs.

It's all in the game and how you play it......



candystripper -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 7:58:22 PM)

quote:

I can understand the separatists.. I can even understand the white only policy.. I don’t agree with it and stand against it when it affects others or becomes militant. Veronica, perhaps I have some understanding of your life from what you have posted. In this we shall I hope, agree to disagree and respect each other’s beliefs.

IronBear


Such wisdom and compassion. Who was it said "i'd never join a club that would have me as a member?" i'd never be in any "whites only" facility.

candystripper



candystripper -> RE: Grumblings & Grizzlings from the Hibernation Cave ~ COMMUNICATIONS (2/8/2006 8:11:17 PM)

quote:

ya know candy girl
tell ya what
tell everyone
dont put me down until you walked in my shoes..been where i have..did what i did..went through what idid
seen the people i did
heard what i did
until you have been in my shoes...dont cry foul

i am not a bigot
i believe in being separate
no law against it
i do not hurt others dont hurt me then
at least
if everyone claims to be so noble--ya cant say gee i'm sorry ya had such a hard time back when
no dont bother hurting yourself...typing that is too hard for ya
and then ya ask why i feel what i do
actually
YOU are being hateful now aint ya

veronicaofML


i grew up desparately poor and living in a bad neighborhood, which was mainly black and Puerto Rican. What i remember is the courage and kindness shown me by people of color. i have enormous respect for poor people living in dangerous neighborhoods. They walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

BTW, words can be hateful while their author is a loving person.

candystripper



Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125