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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/1/2009 2:29:52 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetvixen

He tells you he is hurting you just to hurt you and that you don't mind. Are you serious???

my Daddy hurts me because He wants to and likes to, and since i like it also, it works out well. And yes, i'm serious.

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/1/2009 7:31:14 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetvixen

He tells you he is hurting you just to hurt you and that you don't mind. Are you serious???

my Daddy hurts me because He wants to and likes to, and since i like it also, it works out well. And yes, i'm serious.

Different situation. your Daddy tells you what he;'s going to do, he does it, and you both like it. He's up front about it.

OP's Master says that he's "punishing" her. For what, he never says. What the point of it is, he doesn't say.

I suspect that he likes to hurt her, but is too weaselly to state it and makes up a silly game to hide behind.

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/1/2009 8:20:58 PM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
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~FR~

quote:

ORIGINAL: Demetrius1029384

he was with his other sub for four years...so hes been at it a lil while

It stands to reason that the situation and dynamic is different for different people. What worked for his previous relationship may not work well with you.

If you need him to specifically tell you what he likes and he can't...perhaps do it one thing at a time. Maybe you're allowed to ask one question a day, and over time you can retain that information.

For instance if he tells you to get him a drink... ask if he would like ice. That would be your one question of the day. Now, at different times he may want different things, but it's a start?

If it's a game he likes to play, try and make it a game you can (maybe?) succeed at.

However, I do think it sounds like he wants a punishment scene and is setting you up to fail. If it hurts and upsets you (as true punishment probably would) then talk to him about it.

Perhaps suggest a "fun-ishment" scene?

Good luck!

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/1/2009 8:50:36 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetvixen

He tells you he is hurting you just to hurt you and that you don't mind. Are you serious???

my Daddy hurts me because He wants to and likes to, and since i like it also, it works out well. And yes, i'm serious.

Different situation. your Daddy tells you what he;'s going to do, he does it, and you both like it. He's up front about it.

OP's Master says that he's "punishing" her. For what, he never says. What the point of it is, he doesn't say.

I suspect that he likes to hurt her, but is too weaselly to state it and makes up a silly game to hide behind.

i understood that part as well, but the OP did also say that her "D" type hurts her just because he wants to. It was that reference i was referring to. i'm sorry my posts are usually clear as mud!

quote:

ORIGINAL:Demetrius1029384,
he is somewat sadist...but he tells me when hes hurtin me just to hurt me and that i dont mind.

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Post #: 44

RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/2/2009 4:41:58 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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Ask your master what makes him happy and then do it.

edit:

The above advice was given after reading the OP. After reading the whole thread, I am not sure I would bother. If he can't take the time to tell you what you have done to deserve punishment, then I would not waste my time with him. I also would not be looking for a third party until the two of you have worked out your problems.

< Message edited by thishereboi -- 6/2/2009 4:56:12 AM >

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/2/2009 6:42:52 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
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OP:

Ok I am going to be blunt,,,

this man MAY BE a wanna be..cruel...playing at BDSM
unintelligent moronic bumpkin who persuades women he is a DOM and KNOWS Nothing...fuckin zilch..
He may have found a way to get his thrills at "hurting" without a proper relationship
building and may be so stupid he thinks he really is a DOM
His profile says he is DOM becuz he does not like to be bossed around

He may look for passive...easy to convince prey and adding a 3rd is for poly fuckery..
thats all he may want..
to fuck and hurt..and misuse "supposed" power

not communicate...build...grow..learn..or anything..

HE may not need a mentor he may need an ass kick..and his ears twisted..
then to learn...research..see if he is a BDSM person

I dont know if we are allowed to say this
but I saw him on another thread saying he was new and asking HOW to DOM..
what to do...
soooooooo
as for 4 yrs experience . at what..slapping a chick and fucking her...?
THIS enrages me....

OP..take responsibilty for your self and your learning process in this..!
What do YOU want? IT COUNTS

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/2/2009 6:46:29 AM >

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RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/2/2009 7:26:48 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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OP...don't pick up the phone...it's the Jerry Springer people calling...

Seriously though, there is a line between being new and being foolish. Pain for pain's sake is something many in this lifestlye do and enjoy...but punishment for punishment's sake is not generally an accepted practice.

Punishment (should) means that he is unhappy with something you have said or done...punishment is not meant to be fun or welcome or happy...

DISCLAIMER: Now...in my happy world of BDSM, punishment is bad m'kay?...your mileage may vary if you live in Punishkastan or some other wierd place where you have to have telepathic powers to understand why he is hitting you...

BDSM should not be an excuse for bad behavior.

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Post #: 47

RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/2/2009 7:37:24 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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The dominant in question is the sort that creates fuel for all those threads about young dominants.

Dude, you seriously need to lose the empty, cocky attitude and learn how to be a man instead of an arrogant boy. There are quite a few male dominants on this site that you could learn A LOT from.

If you have the self confidence to get rid of the stick up your arse.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 48

RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/2/2009 8:16:42 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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So OP...I also think it is important to point out that there is a fine line between BDSM and ABUSE...

Look at your relationship with your dominant...is there love there, or at least caring about your well being?

You say that he is punishing you (presumably hitting you) and giving you no cause...I think you see that it leaves you confused and hurting mentally and spiritually. That is not good for you. BDSM play should be consentual and (mostly) fun for all involved...that does not mean that you occasionally do things you don't want to do, or endure things for his pleasure that maybe don't excite you...

I would hope that if you are engaging in play where he is hitting you, that he is providing you with some sort of "aftercare" - a blanket, statements of concern or affection or even love, caring physical contact (if that is what you want), offers of water, food or other comforts...etc.

It is his responsibility as a dominant to look after your physical and mental well being. But that does not mean that you stop thinking and evaluating his behavior to you. You place yourself in another's care, but you are always responsible for getting yourself out of that situation if it turns physically or mentally abusive.

I encourage you to evaluate what is happening to you here and make a positive decision for your life. It may be that he is just new and needs some coaching...or there may be serious issues that you need to consider and act on now before it gets really bad...

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Post #: 49

RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/2/2009 10:52:11 AM

janiebelle

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Demetrius1029384

i do know abt his other relationship...he left her to be with me...she still wants to be with him...me...i just dont know

Sweetie, if he jumped off of her to jump onto you, don't be surpirsed when he jumps off of you to jump onto another. And from the profile, it seems he's fixin' ta jump.
Four years of experience...wonderful. But having a sub does not a Dom make.
j

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Post #: 50

RE: Im new to this...HELP!!! - 6/2/2009 11:50:09 AM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: janiebelle

quote:

ORIGINAL: Demetrius1029384

i do know abt his other relationship...he left her to be with me...she still wants to be with him...me...i just dont know

Sweetie, if he jumped off of her to jump onto you, don't be surpirsed when he jumps off of you to jump onto another. And from the profile, it seems he's fixin' ta jump.
Four years of experience...wonderful. But having a sub does not a Dom make.
j

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

OP:

Ok I am going to be blunt,,,

this man MAY BE a wanna be..cruel...playing at BDSM
unintelligent moronic bumpkin who persuades women he is a DOM and KNOWS Nothing...fuckin zilch..
He may have found a way to get his thrills at "hurting" without a proper relationship
building and may be so stupid he thinks he really is a DOM
His profile says he is DOM becuz he does not like to be bossed around

He may look for passive...easy to convince prey and adding a 3rd is for poly fuckery..
thats all he may want..
to fuck and hurt..and misuse "supposed" power

not communicate...build...grow..learn..or anything..

HE may not need a mentor he may need an ass kick..and his ears twisted..
then to learn...research..see if he is a BDSM person

I dont know if we are allowed to say this
but I saw him on another thread saying he was new and asking HOW to DOM..
what to do...
soooooooo
as for 4 yrs experience . at what..slapping a chick and fucking her...?
THIS enrages me....

OP..take responsibilty for your self and your learning process in this..!
What do YOU want? IT COUNTS

GQ

Pay attention to what Gypzy and Janiebelle said - there's a big dose of reality in there

< Message edited by MsFlutter -- 6/2/2009 11:52:16 AM >

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Post #: 51