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Why, oh why, do we let people tell us we are less than exactly who we are?

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Now that I have gotten in touch with that side and begun experimenting with it, I also begin to question whether or not I may be a switch. I have tried dominating before. Sometimes, it was weird and I felt out of place, other times it was fun and I was very curious to see how well I was doing. I don't know if the feeling of awkwardness came because I really had no training and no experience as a top/dominant, or if it was my submissive side saying to me, "Smarten up - this isn't you." At times, I believe it's the latter, but as I roll the idea around on my tongue more and more, I become more curious

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ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Hey Incubus,

I have a few thoughts on this - firstly it could just be an attraction thing. I don't consider myself lesbian or bi, but I have a strong attraction to a certain type of woman (the 'Tank Girl' kind of girl - shaved or partially shaved head, tattoos and piercings, combat boots, tight shirt and big pants) and I remember when I was younger I was unable to differentiate between "I find this attractive" and "I want to be like this" so when I went through a phase of trying to be tough and butch it failed miserably. So consider that it could just be that you find that type of woman attractive.

Also consider that if you 'failed' at dominating before, it could have been that you were trying to *imitate* a certain style of domination rather than let your own personality show. I consider myself a switch, and I used to do pro-domme work in the past, and I can say that whenever I did the "grovel before me bitch" type of domination I always felt like I was just playing a role. I have my own style of domination (it's softer, more privileged, I don't raise my voice and insult because I *know* I deserve to be catered to, I *know* my orders carry weight, and I like to be fun and giggle while I do it) and the way I do it isn't the stereotypical latexed stiletto'd Uber Domme, but it does flow naturally from my personality.

I can't answer for you whether you're a switch or a sub, but I will say don't force it. I would focus on your fantasies - if you have fantasies of being dominant, what are they? Are you a Queen who was born to have people serve you? Are you a conquering warrior woman who can beat a man in combat? Are you a femme fatale who can make men crawl to you and beg to be allowed to remain in your presence? If you make yourself more aware of your domination style (if you have one) you'll find it easier to try to turn that domination into a real life scene or relationship.

Good luck!