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Andalusite -> RE: Service vs. favours (6/19/2009 6:50:22 AM)
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sea, I think you make some really great points here! It's not just the activities, but the hmm style of domination which must allow for a reasonable area of compatibility. However, even in a casual service agreement, in which the submissive is treated harshly, I still think it is wise to connect on a personal level before asking to be allowed to enter her home. A submissive who asks to do dishes/housework/sexual service before meeting in person is going to be denied the vast majority of the time. Being a little patient, and waiting to offer those things until after the initial meeting,if she is local, or after she brings up the possibility of you visiting, if not, will help her to feel more safe and comfortable. Another option is to ask if there is a way you can be useful/helpful/of service in a public venue - perhaps shopping, volunteering beside her for an organisation she supports, or the like.
pyroaquatic, I think that the butler uniform is likely to be well-received, especially compared to working in the nude or cross-dressing. I'd suggest you bring it up the topic of service in abstract, rather than as a specific offer, and mention it as a preference. For example, "Ma'am (or her choice of honourific), service is very important to me within the context of a relationship. It really feeds my submission to be useful to the woman I care about, and I really feel it helps me come to know her better, not just on the mundane level of her routine, but who she is as a person. I've spent some time researching the history of service, and thinking about the mindset involved. I was able to find a butler's uniform, and would treasure the opportunity of wearing it while serving, but it is by no means required." Of course, you'll have your own words, and you seem to be very articulate, and to be coming to service with a wonderful attitude/perspective! I'm sure you'll be able to find a wonderful lady who appreciates what you have to offer, without needing to pay for it, but you may need to both take the initiative and be patient in contacting them.
AAkasha, I don't think that's universal in service submission, but the "Ma'am, please let me do your housework/dishes/serve you sexually while I am naked or cross-dressed, and treat me like a lowly worm so I can go home and masturbate" attitude is very common among male subs! [:'(]
My Master flew out of state this morning to visit family. He'd initially planned to take public transportation to the airport, rather than leaving his car in long term parking. I offered to give him a ride, and woke up at 4 this morning to do so. It did give me a bit of a submissive rush/glow to feel genuinely useful/helpful to him, just as when I've done some housework/etc. for him, but he wasn't actively playing with me, ordering me around, and I certainly didn't make it a tit-for-tat thing. I've done similar things for friends, but emotionally, it feels very different to do so for someone I feel submissive toward! When I had been looking for a partner, and was open to a submissive, I wanted him to be coming to it from a similar place to myself in my current relationship, or to pyroaquatic. While I agree with sea that there's nothing intrinsically wrong with a man doing service out of masochistic motivations instead, it leaves me cold. Other dominant women may actually enjoy that aspect. I don't necessarily expect a submissive to have completely pure motivations, and don't mind him being stimulated by it, as long as he *also* genuinely likes and cares about me, and we interact sexually and romantically and in D/s terms well. For that matter, I wouldn't have any problem with someone I was dating seriously masturbating while thinking of me or looking at my pictures, and would probably be willing to indulge his service-related kinks to some extent (if I were single, of course). However, I need that connection first!
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