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Drifa -> RE: Anger (5/28/2009 8:00:47 PM)
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In 15 years, if she hadn't pissed me off a time or eight we wouldn't be human!
Being a sub doesn't mean I don't have emotions, opinions, and thoughts of my own. I submit to her. I don't remove my brain at the door. I contribute to the relationship, and yes, my opinions and emotions matter.
Early in our relationship, we adopted a rule: we don't go to sleep mad. I may not be able to talk about something that makes me angry right away, but I can say "I need a bit", go off, get over the unreasonable part of mad, then before we go to bed, we talk it out.
But sometimes you just have to go out in the pasture, scream, throw rocks at the stock tank, and so forth. Usually that's caused by too many pressures from work and other areas of my life, then what would otherwise have been a minor disagreement hits the landmine. Or, even now, she may say something that hits one of my childhood triggers (don't EVER tell me "You can get happy in the same pants you got mad in" unless you want to see a major pissed off sub-type!)
But always, the key is that we give one another permission and room to cool down as needed, then we ALWAYS talk it over, make apologies if needed, and make up.
Note that being angry doesn't excuse bratty behavior or rule-breaking. But we don't have a dynamic based on punishment. Impact and sensation play is in there, but as fun. The D/s relationship isn't based on the whip but on mutual respect for one another's needs and boundaries.
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