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Funny, most vanilla relationships are like this. It is amazing how many masks we all tend to wear in the beginning of any relationship, then slowly those masks fall off. The trick is, if you can still be in love with the person he ends up being, then you have a chance at life long commitment. Shame some cant show the ugliness right off the bat and save alot of time and wasted years on him.
Cynical I know.

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And then he say "more kink" so I throw on extra kink...then he says "more lifestyle stuff" and Im utterly confused by this...so he says "more fun" and I fall on my face totally exausted and dizzy.

I am afraid that he is infact in "Do-me" mode. That would be too bad because one of the things that drew me to the...er...lifestyle was being pamper. I L-O-V-E, love being pamper. And he never complained about pampering me at the beginning of our relationship....infact he was somewhat proactive about it.

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ORIGINAL: michaelGA

i was finally able to attend a munch tonight, i had a good time and it was great. even gf had a good time too

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i was finally able to attend a munch tonight, i had a good time and it was great. even gf had a good time too

Yay Michael!!!....Too cool, hope you got a hook up for the next time.

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If it doesn't work tell him flat out, "It's my way or the HIGHWAY". lol- Ok, let me back up a bit.

It’s hard to take a vanilla relationship that has history into a lifestyle D/s relationship, especially female domination. It contradicts so much of what he already knows and although his dick gets hard over kinky bedroom submission, it doesn’t sound like he’s submissive. He may never dial into the mindset you want/need and honestly do you want to always feel like you have to motivate him to please you?

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Some new Dommes are reluctant to state what they want. Instead they can become timid in their request. "Honey, will you draw me a bath?" does not have the same impact of "Boy, go and draw my bath like a good sub." This also adds the D/s element to a vanilla task.

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On another note, many new Dommes have their confidence shaken during play by subs who direct as opposed to submit. It is difficult to "get in the mood" if your partner is spouting off directions. Blidfold him....gag him...and have fun experimenting with what you want to try. In the end he will be happier because you will really be in control and you will gain confidence in your ability to dominate.

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ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

To me he doesn't sound like a submissive; he sounds like he wants you to play a role and give it to him exactly so! There's nothing wrong with that except it's not submitting to you. He should just tell you "if you dressed like this, and said whatever [insert fantasy], I'd be a lot more into this. You can decide if you want to play these roles with him, especially since he has slowed down courting/doing sweet things for/to you.

I'd also suggest reading a short but really good book "The Good Girl's guide to Female Dominance" by Lorelei" as it has some great information, including control/power struggle issues after play.
Good luck, M

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ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

Greets MistressOfGa,

First, may i say that i have found each and every post of Your that i have seen to date to be spot on!

In this one case, i would also like to offer that it is not always "masks" that are employed to hide ones true nature. Often in the beginning, that "best behavior" is the result of the feelings of being smitten, of "falling in love" (arguably many confuse many different feelings for "falling in love - that’s another post though). This one has been super quite attentive in the past, early on, only to become just as frustrated at the loss of that level of passion, as my Lady when things normalized. Once the mystery was out and the day to day was in. And, this “taking for granted” attitude was often reciprocated.

i don't know the solution to this ... but am hoping from a male perspective that it is found in some form of Femdom, D/s, and/or M/s. i am trying to "do my part" by “suiting up and showing up"

st50

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ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I'd also suggest reading a short but really good book "The Good Girl's guide to Female Dominance" by Lorelei" as it has some great information, including control/power struggle issues after play.

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ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

He treated me like I was his world, til he found out I was human,
==========

WHAT?

Dommes are h u m a n..?
aw jeez
what will this world come to now?
lol snicker giggle

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
To me he doesn't sound like a submissive; he sounds like he wants you to play a role and give it to him exactly so! There's nothing wrong with that except it's not submitting to you. He should just tell you "if you dressed like this, and said whatever [insert fantasy], I'd be a lot more into this. You can decide if you want to play these roles with him, especially since he has slowed down courting/doing sweet things for/to you.

I'd also suggest reading a short but really good book "The Good Girl's guide to Female Dominance" by Lorelei" as it has some great information, including control/power struggle issues after play.
Good luck, M

It would be a very cold day in hell that I would accept such a thing. It's not even ok if you're vanilla unless you allow yourself to be sexually manipulated. If a woman pleases her man because it gives her pleasure that one thing.

Still, it seems to me that Ms Behindcloseddoor has a true dominant seed longing to be nurtured or she wouldn’t be here in the first place. The boy needs to shit or get off the pot. In case like these extreme measures are incorporated & if they don’t work you reevaluate the relationship.

Maybe I sound like a hardcore man hating fem supremacist. I admit I am a hardcore, old damn school femdom but I don’t hate men. What I hate is some of their character traits that have NOTHING to do with being a man in the first place. It’s called selfishness, senselessness and testosterone. That’s why they call it TRAINING. Lol- damn right! I believe that a good Mistress rips down the old foundation and builds a new one that is much more fulfilling for everyone involved. Inside the submissive male is a diamond ready to be chiseled by a strict loving woman

I think you mistook my suggestion to BehindClosedDoor as something I would consider an acceptable alternative. I will date a vanilla gentleman as long as he is comfortable enough with his manhood to be kind, gentle, caring/considerate always (not simply with initial courting or when he has a hard on). I simply didn't want to say "lose the self centered bastard" since she might luuv him, than she'd come back saying "I'm depressed he left." The only time to give an ultimatum is when one is ready to live with the consequences no matter how painful. //Sad memories

I'd like to say that from where I sit, you DiannaVesta are absolutely right and I don't disagree with a word in terms of your stance on what a man behaves like.
Have loved your posts thus far, welcome to the boards. M

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ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
To me he doesn't sound like a submissive; he sounds like he wants you to play a role and give it to him exactly so! There's nothing wrong with that except it's not submitting to you. He should just tell you "if you dressed like this, and said whatever [insert fantasy], I'd be a lot more into this. You can decide if you want to play these roles with him, especially since he has slowed down courting/doing sweet things for/to you.

I'd also suggest reading a short but really good book "The Good Girl's guide to Female Dominance" by Lorelei" as it has some great information, including control/power struggle issues after play.
Good luck, M

It would be a very cold day in hell that I would accept such a thing. It's not even ok if you're vanilla unless you allow yourself to be sexually manipulated. If a woman pleases her man because it gives her pleasure that one thing.

Still, it seems to me that Ms Behindcloseddoor has a true dominant seed longing to be nurtured or she wouldn’t be here in the first place. The boy needs to shit or get off the pot. In case like these extreme measures are incorporated & if they don’t work you reevaluate the relationship.

Maybe I sound like a hardcore man hating fem supremacist. I admit I am a hardcore, old damn school femdom but I don’t hate men. What I hate is some of their character traits that have NOTHING to do with being a man in the first place. It’s called selfishness, senselessness and testosterone. That’s why they call it TRAINING. Lol- damn right! I believe that a good Mistress rips down the old foundation and builds a new one that is much more fulfilling for everyone involved. Inside the submissive male is a diamond ready to be chiseled by a strict loving woman

I think you mistook my suggestion to BehindClosedDoor as something I would consider an acceptable alternative. I will date a vanilla gentleman as long as he is comfortable enough with his manhood to be kind, gentle, caring/considerate always (not simply with initial courting or when he has a hard on). I simply didn't want to say "lose the self centered bastard" since she might luuv him, than she'd come back saying "I'm depressed he left." The only time to give an ultimatum is when one is ready to live with the consequences no matter how painful. //Sad memories

I'd like to say that from where I sit, you DiannaVesta are absolutely right and I don't disagree with a word in terms of your stance on what a man behaves like.
Have loved your posts thus far, welcome to the boards. M

P.S. Nice to see ShiftedJewel and UtahGoddess on the boards again.... Among the Dominas I've learned a lot from. M