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Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/29/2009 8:23:53 PM

MissyMoon

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Joined: 5/27/2009
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I've got a great Master that I happily and eagerly obey. Having said that, I continue to worry that he can't/doesn't really respect me. He is giving to me and provides the aftercare I need after a scene, he is in touch with me between those times we can be together. But when I'm alone and thinking about the level of submission I experienced, I think how can he really respect me? So I ask you Masters, have the subs in your life worried about this? How can I get over this?

Post #: 1

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/29/2009 8:26:02 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

Have you asked HIM? That would be my first move.....

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 2

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/29/2009 8:31:01 PM

VelvetCruelty

Posts: 153
Joined: 11/12/2006
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It sounds as if you are doubting yourself more than your Master. Almost as if you are saying - 'if someone did these things I did, I wouldn't respect them'.

I think it takes a great deal of strength and courage to give yourself over to someone so completely. It is truly an amazing thing to me, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for anyone that is able to let go enough, to put themselves in my hands.

It is a great honor and privledge for me to be able to dominate them.

I hope that you are able to understand that what you have to offer, is just the opposite side of the coin for a dominant. And truly, one cannot exist without the other, at least, not happily, IMO.

I wish you well, and the best of luck. Trust in yourself, and your partner, and the rest will follow.

< Message edited by VelvetCruelty -- 5/29/2009 8:32:37 PM >

_____________________________

She who must be Obeyed and Her demands Satisfied :)

I'm like an apple with a razor blade in it - sweet until you bite into me!

Why does Mommy have such big teeth? The better to eat you with little girl....

(in reply to natasha66)

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RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/29/2009 8:36:49 PM

MissyMoon

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Joined: 5/27/2009
Status: offline

Good point...I am probably doubting myself. Thanks for the insight.
And I have asked him and he continues to assure me...another sign that the issue is most likely my own doubt.

Thanks again.

(in reply to VelvetCruelty)

Post #: 4

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/29/2009 8:38:16 PM

VelvetCruelty

Posts: 153
Joined: 11/12/2006
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You are always welcome, that is what the forums are for!

He sounds wonderful ~ you are a lucky girl!

I'm sure you'll do wonderfully for him, and yourself.

_____________________________

She who must be Obeyed and Her demands Satisfied :)

I'm like an apple with a razor blade in it - sweet until you bite into me!

Why does Mommy have such big teeth? The better to eat you with little girl....

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 5

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/29/2009 8:45:57 PM

LadySweetOrSour

Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline

I completely agree with Velvet.

This sounds like you love your submission, but alone and thinking, you feel some shame at the depths of your submission and the things you have done. Things that would not be termed "respectable" by most people. But your master is not "most people" and if he wanted to have "most people" he wouldn't be with you.

This man gives you all the after care you need, he keeps in touch between meetings, he gives you what you need. Does these sound like the actions of a man who doesn't respect you? He doesn't HAVE to give you care, he doesn't HAVE to give you what you need, he doesn't HAVE to keep in touch with you when you aren't together. Yet he does. Many men wouldn't bother keeping in touch or giving aftercare. They would simply call when they want a session and leave you to it after the session.

I would tell him your feelings. He will listen and understand. He can help you get over this feeling. He sounds like a lovely, responsible, caring man. Be content and proud that you have found that and give your master the courtesy of allowing into your mind and thoughts, not just access to your body. Often, it is this honest communication that brings us closer.

(in reply to VelvetCruelty)

Post #: 6

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/29/2009 9:06:26 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

The only person who can answer this is your Master. All other responses are just personal opinions and have little or no value to your question other than to perhaps temporarily relieve your worries.. Suck it up and go ask him.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)

Post #: 7

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/29/2009 9:06:27 PM

GeekFreak

Posts: 102
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyMoon

Good point...I am probably doubting myself. Thanks for the insight.
And I have asked him and he continues to assure me...another sign that the issue is most likely my own doubt.

Thanks again.

Ya know, he probably wouldn't tell you he didn't respect you even if it were the case. Vanilla or BDSMers, I think that'd be a pretty common fib. :P

You didn't give much detail about why you think he may not respect you, so no one here can probably tell you if he does or not. But, you seem to ask more how to get over thinking it may be the case. I would think search more and more for evidence of either respect or lack of it and continue to analyze that evidence. Define what "respect" means to you and look for examples of that, or examples of the opposite. If you can actually do so without clouded judgement, it shouldn't take you long to figure it out. And, if you figure out he does indeed respect you through this evidence, you'll have that to fall back on anytime you doubt it.

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 8

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/29/2009 9:08:44 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

I want to add my voice to those in agreement with Velvet Cruelty. The idea that submission is not respectable, imo, lies either with a person who has not found a comfort with their service to another and/or a relationship where there is not value made clear or placed on the person in the submissive dynamic.
Some people seem to be more natural at a submissive mindset than others, then we have society which sends all sorts of wonky ideas, etc., etc., etc. Self-knowledge as well as knowledge of your other(s) is, imo, immensely important.
Best wishes,
Davan

_____________________________

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-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)

Post #: 9

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 4:35:57 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

I would advise a couple things -- be careful in thinking you NEED and WANT respect but more importantly what you define that as. I see many slaves who use this question as a concept of destroying a happy and exciting and content relationship because they believe they want and NEED their understanding of respect. Does he respect you as he does other women whom he has different relationships with -- probably not. But that's not a bad thing. When i am a slave to a Man, i honestly could care less about his respect especially the respect he gives to other women in his life -- i don't NEED that from him.

Be careful in attempting to define what he is doing and catagorizin it into some form of politically correct idea of what a Man MUST have in a woman he cares about etc. To me, this can only lead to misunderstanding and misinterpretations that in the end may hinder the enjoyed relationship you both have from what it seems.

While some people may flip out and gasp and try and make you feel weak or less than because your focus in this dynamic isn't to make sure he respects you in the morning, just remember the age old adage -- if it feels good...

I would not focus on this idea of respect -- you can of couse, but to me by doing so you are only looking for negative issues based on society and other people's ideas, instead of just existing in something you enjoy, like, and find contentment and happiness in. In the end, let him respect other women if you feel he doesn't respect you -- grins just think of it this way -- you have a life with him they never will.

If you are happy and content, leave attempting to define what he feels and does into ideas you have been taught are what a Man should do -- and simply enjoy what you have that is making you happy.
angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 5/30/2009 4:37:08 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 10

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 5:04:23 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyMoon

I've got a great Master that I happily and eagerly obey. Having said that, I continue to worry that he can't/doesn't really respect me. He is giving to me and provides the aftercare I need after a scene, he is in touch with me between those times we can be together. But when I'm alone and thinking about the level of submission I experienced, I think how can he really respect me? So I ask you Masters, have the subs in your life worried about this? How can I get over this?

I respect the hell outta my girl for what she's given up to be my slave. I know I couldn't do it.

How do you get over it? Trust Him

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 11

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 5:36:42 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Missy,

Define respect please. What expectations must he meet before he "respects" you.

Consider these thoughts as a launching pad:

Does he obey your limits?
Does he put you in uncomfortable positions (metaphorically or physically) without your input?
Does he disregard your opinion when its important to you?

Tally up if he respects you in small measures, then look at the big picture. It's very common for submissives to wonder about respect. The human mind, brought up in modern society, has trouble reconciling submission/enslavement with being respected. How can it be that I can have my girl dress up like a hooker and dance for nickels but still respect her? For us, specific acts like that don't figure into respect. The fact that I often put her second.. third... fourth in my life.. that is an act of disrespect, one we're working on.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 12

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 5:47:39 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
Status: offline

Hello MissyMoon
At one time I wondered that myself, not because of what Sir did or didn't do, but because I put others' opinion before my own. Being rather new to accepting my submissiveness, BDSM and D/s, I had a lot of questions to my own sanity, worth etc to weed through. My vanilla friends had a hard time grasping the fact that Sir is in control, and those I met in this lifestyle had their own beliefs, which sometimes where not conducive to Sir's. Eventually with Sir's consistency and time, I began to respect myself and knew Sir did as well. Yes, I still get feedback from others about the level of respect Sir gives me, but as time continues I am growing in my own security. I am not quite were I want to be on this, but I am getting stronger in my own views.

blessings
oceanwinds

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 13

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 5:51:45 AM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I've got a great Master that I happily and eagerly obey

If you're obeying happily and eagerly, chances are He is pleased as punch with you!!!! And that to me, would be much better than the concept of respect, as so many see it. i wouldn't be all that concerned with generic respect, because the position you hold in His life, that of sub/slave...well, it means He feels a sense of caring, ownership, and responsibility that transcends what most people call "respect". Find happiness and fulfillment being His, and in being the happily obedient girl you are. Those doubts that creep in can be like small cracks in the foundation of an otherwise solidly built structure. Don't allow them to damage what sounds like a really happy relationship.

All the best to you! And

to the boards!!!

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 14

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 7:35:17 AM

SlyStone

Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

quote:

But when I'm alone and thinking about the level of submission I experienced, I think how can he really respect me?

The issue isn't if he respects you, but rather if you respect yourself.

_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 15

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 8:06:49 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

As others have already pointed out: you're projecting your fear of non-respect because you can't reconcile what you think "respect" should be with the happiness you get from being with him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyMoon

I think how can he really respect me?

Via the fact that you are playing a role in his life that makes him happy (and makes you happy when you aren't busy trying to interpret what it "means" in the respect department).

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
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(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 16

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 6:28:58 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyMoon

But when I'm alone and thinking about the level of submission I experienced, I think how can he really respect me? How can I get over this?

Other have said the very same thing, so nothing new here.Self doubt is horrible feeling. Does it bother you when you are with him? I bet not, because he gives you the confidence that you need. But alone, you lack the self confidence to have pride in your submission and yourself. Then you begin to feel doubt and then you wonder about how he feels.

When you begin to feel this way, play back in your mind something that happened or he said that made you feel confident and strong and happy. Remember the way he looked at you or touched you. Doesn't have to be anything magnificant or earth shattering. Could be something as simple as "good girl". It might just give you encouragement and confidence to see yourself as he does ...You will eventually overcome those "self" issues.

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 17

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 8:02:51 PM

MissyMoon

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/27/2009
Status: offline

I think I came to the right place for some insightful answers. I do think I've been trying to use the term "respect" in the vanilla, socially acceptable realm...and it does seem like that isn't a good fit in my relationship with my Master. He does care for me and when I am alone, I need to remember his kindness and attention. And I need to learn to respect myself for my ability to submit to him and please him, for my desire to obey him. Thank you!

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 18

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 9:46:46 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

And I need to learn to respect myself

Perhaps I can add a question: why is this important to you? I generally (regardless of circumstances) really don't think about being respected, unless there is some overt act of disrespect towards me. In general, I don't really care. So something triggers this concern in you. Whether that is to do with you respecting yourself (do you mean: respecting your life choices?) or simply with a fulfillment you may be lacking, I don't know. I would first of all establish a clearer definition for yourself of what respect means, and then try to figure out why it won't leave you alone.

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 19

RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/30/2009 10:02:26 PM

MstrPBK

Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyMoon
I've got a great Master that I happily and eagerly obey. Having said that, I continue to worry that he can't/doesn't really respect me. He is giving to me and provides the aftercare I need after a scene, he is in touch with me between those times we can be together. But when I'm alone and thinking about the level of submission I experienced, I think how can he really respect me? So I ask you Masters, have the subs in your life worried about this? How can I get over this?

I think I have to agree with others here.

1) you need to determine what respect your trying to define - which you think is missing in your relationship
2) once you have identified that you can go on to having an open discussion with your Master about your thoughts and feelings.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

(in reply to MissyMoon)

Post #: 20

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