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RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 4:33:56 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

And I need to learn to respect myself


Perhaps I can add a question: why is this important to you? I generally (regardless of circumstances) really don't think about being respected, unless there is some overt act of disrespect towards me. In general, I don't really care. So something triggers this concern in you. Whether that is to do with you respecting yourself (do you mean: respecting your life choices?) or simply with a fulfillment you may be lacking, I don't know. I would first of all establish a clearer definition for yourself of what respect means, and then try to figure out why it won't leave you alone.



This answer resonates with me. I don't know that I have ever questioned whether or not a person in my life respected me. It simply never occurs to me!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 5:17:33 AM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyMoon
I've got a great Master that I happily and eagerly obey.  Having said that, I continue to worry that he can't/doesn't really respect me.  He is giving to me and provides the aftercare I need after a scene, he is in touch with me between those times we can be together.  But when I'm alone and thinking about the level of submission I experienced, I think how can he really respect me?  So I ask you Masters, have the subs in your life worried about this?  How can I get over this?



Greetings MissyMoon:


A few questions for the Op:

What does it matter what I or any other man has experienced with any other female, other than validating your emotions and uncertainties?

How will you know if the master of you respects you or not if you never ask him?


And finally IMO

Trust like you never have before and take this needed risk. He alone holds the clarity and guidance you seek to set your submissive heart to rest.


I wish you well,
~ Zevar ~

< Message edited by Zevar -- 5/31/2009 5:18:56 AM >

(in reply to MissyMoon)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 5:31:35 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

How will you know if the master of you respects you or not if you never ask him?
imho...the op can ask him, and there is little doubt his answer would be yes.
But actions speak louder than words.


_____________________________

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GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
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(in reply to Zevar)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 5:44:28 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

But actions speak louder than words.



*nods*

Something that we should all live by imo


_____________________________

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There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 5:46:33 AM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

How will you know if the master of you respects you or not if you never ask him?
imho...the op can ask him, and there is little doubt his answer would be yes.
But actions speak louder than words.



Greetings sirsholly:

IMO The motive in asking a question is not to gain an answer one approves of yet to gain clarity and acceptance of the facts.

I wish you well,
~ Zevar ~

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 6:00:01 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		~~ FR~~

Umm just to point out the obvious, HIS ACTIONS IN THIS DYNAMIC lol have been what is causing the confusion for the OP, so to say well look at his actions would probably be detrimental to the OP because if she continues to ASSUME because of his actions instead of ASKING HIM about it -- she is going to remain a very confused woman in a relationship wherein she continues to DOUBT him because of the actions associated with the dynamic.

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to Zevar)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 7:19:31 AM   
xiam


Posts: 148
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel
.... Does he respect you as he does other women whom he has different relationships with -- probably not. But that's not a bad thing.... Be careful in attempting to define what he is doing and catagorizin it into some form of politically correct idea of what a Man MUST have in a woman he cares about etc. To me, this can only lead to misunderstanding and misinterpretations that in the end may hinder the enjoyed relationship you both have from what it seems.....


This is a sort of interesting perspective, and something i have thought about at length.  While talking with someone recently, it came up that some things are just a matter of taste.  I had sort of had the idea in my head that the way a certain Dom was treating his girl was boarding on abusive.  I guess it all goes back to "It's only kinky/perverse/abusive/whatever if your partner isn't into it."  Really put things into perspective for me.

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 7:54:56 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel
.... Does he respect you as he does other women whom he has different relationships with -- probably not. But that's not a bad thing.... Be careful in attempting to define what he is doing and catagorizin it into some form of politically correct idea of what a Man MUST have in a woman he cares about etc. To me, this can only lead to misunderstanding and misinterpretations that in the end may hinder the enjoyed relationship you both have from what it seems.....


Something which arises in my mind when reading similar threads and listening to others in real life, is just how many times that people have preconceived ideas about another person should act. This is not just in this elusive Livestyle but in the mundane relationships in both people's personal live and at work too. I nan not but agree with what my delightfully lovely friend Angel has said and what I have quoted from her. So much heart ache and grief could be avoided is people simply stated the things they are uncertain about to the person concerned and that person gave concise answers to clarify the matter. Even if, for example at work, the reply was simply "I don't have to like you or you like me as long as things get done on time and as how they should be, we can work together."  I do understand that in some cases and especially in a personal relationship this may not be appropriate but at least it would be an honest answer just as "I don't know" would be.. I also know that often enough people ask the "WHY" question, not really expecting to get a viable onswer to their issues but rather because the feel helpless and perhaps need some sort of validation as a person at that time.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to xiam)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 8:02:00 AM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline
quote:

HIS ACTIONS IN THIS DYNAMIC lol have been what is causing the confusion for the OP




Based on her OP his actions are fine, she says he is giving and provides aftercare, seems ok to me. The confusion would appear to be hers alone.

I thought she was asking how he can value and care for her after she has allowed him to use her as a submissive. It is not such a strange thing to ask, I would think it is a relatively common issue especially among new submissives.  After the play and after the aftercare, alone in the dark, to wonder this;  how can he respect me after I have allowed him to do these things to me.

I think the answer lies in the fact that her allowing him to do those things makes her incredibly valuable because without her he is incomplete, but more importantly the issue is that she gain self esteem, so that she no longer depends on another for validation, which will make it all the nicer if and when she receives it.


< Message edited by SlyStone -- 5/31/2009 8:05:49 AM >

_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 8:27:06 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Umm slystone, let's make this simple in edit --- ummm in reading the words i wrote where does it indicate AT ALL whether the Dom's actions were wrong or okay? I didn't. I simply said --

quote:

HIS ACTIONS IN THIS DYNAMIC lol have been what is causing the confusion for the OP


yep. i just reread it -- no indication of what type of actions they were or judgement on the actions. You seem to not realize your own understanding of the OP is based upon the DOM'S ACTIONS towards her:

quote:

she was asking how he can value and care for her after she has allowed him to use her as a submissive.,, After the play and after the aftercare, alone in the dark, to wonder this; how can he respect me after I have allowed him to do these things to me... her allowing him to do those things



Just for clarification -- just so you can see -- You said all through your post HIS ACTIONS TOWARDS HER AND FOR HER which seem to be IN THE DYNAMIC is what is causing her confusion. Whether that confusion is towards herself or him or what not, its stil the ACTIONS that are the basis of her confusion and therefore, she should get him involved. It honestly made me blink when you quoted that one sentence from my post and all but imply by your response that somehow i stated ANY judgment of the ACTIONS lol.



angel



< Message edited by barelynangel -- 5/31/2009 8:34:50 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 8:34:58 AM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

I honestly have no idea what you are rambling on about, it must be to early in the morning for me, so all I can say is take a deep breath and have a nice day.



_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 8:39:26 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		You don't read what you write?

quote:

quote:

HIS ACTIONS IN THIS DYNAMIC lol have been what is causing the confusion for the OP -- you quoted this in your post -- which is what i wrote btw
Based on her OP his actions are fine, she says he is giving and provides aftercare, seems ok to me. The confusion would appear to be hers alone. -- which is what you wrote as the beginning of your post



Ya gotta love people who play obtuse. I am having a wonderful day -- your post with my quote simply completely confuses me as to your motivation for using my quote if you weren't commenting about it or to it somehow. Therefore its reasonable to believe the first part of your post was to indicate somehow i was indicating his actions weren't "fine." However, please feel free to clarify the use of my quote. I am always curious when people choose to use my posts as jumping off points.



angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 5/31/2009 8:48:38 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 9:24:44 AM   
trappedinamuseum


Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyMoon

I've got a great Master that I happily and eagerly obey.  Having said that, I continue to worry that he can't/doesn't really respect me.  He is giving to me and provides the aftercare I need after a scene, he is in touch with me between those times we can be together.  But when I'm alone and thinking about the level of submission I experienced, I think how can he really respect me?  So I ask you Masters, have the subs in your life worried about this?  How can I get over this?


Ask him.  I remember one of my hang ups was "How can anyone actually love and respect me after doing that?".  P had me read a story where the end result was "No mater how much I degrade you, humiliate you, or hurt you, I will never ask you or tell you o do anything that would cause me to lose respect for you".  P made it very clear that would be the basis of the relationship.  So now, no matter what he tells me to do, I know it won't change his opinion of me, and that takes a lot of weight off.

If it bothers you that much, communicate your feelings with him.  But, that is just my opinion.


_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to MissyMoon)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 5/31/2009 8:06:06 PM   
MissyMoon


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/27/2009
Status: offline 		Again, thank you for all the feedback.  To clarify a few things...He respects me.  I know this, he tells me this.  We do talk of it.  As SlyStone states, my original question was more about me being able to accept (well, I tried to clarify that later anyway) what was going on and being able to respect myself, really.

So it is not a question of asking, it is a matter of me recognizing his care of me and how this should really be enough for me to deal with the respect issue.  I am lucky to have this Master.  All is good.

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Does My Master Really Respect Me? - 6/6/2009 2:37:40 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyMoon

But when I'm alone and thinking about the level of submission I experienced, I think how can he really respect me?    How can I get over this?


Other have said the very same thing, so nothing new here.Self doubt is horrible feeling.   Does it bother you when you are with him?   I bet not, because he gives you the confidence that you need.  But alone, you lack the self confidence to have pride in your submission and yourself.    Then you begin to feel doubt and then you wonder about how he feels.  

When you begin to feel this way, play back in your mind something that happened or he said that made you feel confident and strong and happy.  Remember the way he looked at you or  touched you.  Doesn't have to be anything magnificant or earth shattering.  Could be something as simple as "good girl".   It might just give you encouragement and confidence to see yourself as he does ...You will eventually overcome those "self" issues.     


Perfect, I've noticed that you give excellent advice.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 35
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