|
CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Dominant's Catch-22? (5/30/2009 2:05:18 PM)
|
I think that sometimes the posts from people that seem to be "lazy" or "bullying" posts may simply be an issue of not being very good at getting their idea, question, or thought out. Frankly, most of the prolific posters on these boards (myself included) are people who are generally -good- with words. I've realized, over years of providing counsel, that most of the population just isn't that versatile in their language skills. They don't know what they -really- want to know... or don't know that what they're -really- asking doesn't come across in the way they asked the question. On top of that, many people have to use the immediate examples from their daily life to -try- to get people to understand where they're having issues, and sometimes they do that by presenting something they have 'in hand', without stopping to think that spreading stuff like that across the boards might be considered bad form.
When I was training to earn my crop, I had people around me who could answer my questions... and I had a -lot- of them. I came up through the ranks, sort of like a Non-Commissioned Officer in the military, so I had a lot of experience from being "below stairs", and I had some experience with managing people at work and directing students at seminary, so I had some idea of how to lead, but when it came to delving into managing servants and directing lives, I admit that I was darned nervous... and even more so when it came to exploring some of the more technical aspects of my fetish-play (which, for me at least, is something completely removed from the authority-transfer relationships that I participate in), because I understood that cutting people and poking needles through them and setting them on fire were skill-driven, potentially dangerous activities. Even something as basic as a good flogging, which I enjoy giving as much as the next person, was, in the beginning, a huge challenge.
Now, imagine, if you will, an individual who has started to explore the many facets of alternative life including authority transfer and maybe some fetish activities. Xhe may not have done much reading-- may not even know that there are books -out- there to help with getting started (funny how we, as a culture, don't really think about books anymore, isn't it?). Xhe may not know that xhe can look for local groups -- or perhaps xhe's in a situation where xhe doesn't -want- to go looking for other people to do this with until xhe has a better idea of what it -is- that xhe's doing. Now, suppose, too, that xhe's in a relationship, and that hir significant-other is interested in exploring this, too. They divvy themselves up according to their interests, but there is nobody to talk to to figure out how to handle some of the basic things that go on. Heck, if you compare it to any other similar aspect -- even to something like raising pets, there is -almost always- someone to talk to to find out what to do, what you -need-, and how to start... but in the world of alternative living and fetish exploration, many people just aren't comfortable trying to find someone to ask face-to-face... so they come to sites like this. Sure, they may not phrase it all pretty, and it may seem like a "dumb" question or like the person just hasn't bothered to do the research.... but maybe, just maybe, this is the first step in the research for that person. I don't grasp -why- some people find it not only -necessary-, but -enjoyable- to take those situations and use them to cut someone else down, or treat the person like a pariah or misfit. How hard would it be to just accept the question at face-value, respond to the best of our ability with information that -we- find -useful- in similar situations, and let the individual prove hir mettle over time. Being rude, nasty, demeaning, and crass doesn't make someone seem "tough" or "domly" or "strong". People don't improve their standing by attempting to show someone else up as an "idiot"... and just because Joe Schmo doesn't do "it" the same way that I do, or participates in some activity that I don't enjoy (or actively despise) doesn't make Joe Schmo worthy of my disdain, dismissal, or degradation... nor does it necessarily make him "weak" or a poor Keeper, or even lazy.
I think it is worth my while to read some of the explorations that people post on here. Even where it seems that straight common sense would solve the problem, what seems like "common sense" to me may not be so readily apparent to someone else, and sometimes, I even -learn- something.
Dame Calla
|
|
|
|
