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RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/2/2009 5:09:10 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i'm a BIG time pain slut PERIOD, but if a saw a woman walking around with facial bruising, i would NOT assume she was the same so no, sorry.....abuse IS my business

I might not assume that she was a pain slut either. however, her life is none of my business and unless she directly asks me for help, it will remain none of my business. I respect the sovereignty of other people when it comes to the decisions they make with their bodies and their lives - I'm not willing to go all lancelot over every assumption I make.

I would expect a community of people who engage in lifestyles viewed as abusive or perverse by many a great many people to be more respectful of an individual's decisions (such as staying in an 'abusive' relationship) even if we think that decision unhealthy or unwise. but I suppose self-righteousness and the desire to control others lives can be found in every community.

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 41

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/2/2009 5:53:03 PM

ChasingOblivion

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline

Wow, clearly people have some strong opinions on this.
Bottom line: I know what I like, I also know that I bruise very easily and always have, and I'm certainly not going to limit myself just to avoid offending complete strangers.
I don't set out to collect bruises for shock value, or go out of my way to flaunt my lifestyle in public because that's not who I am. However, if there's no food in the house, or I'm out of toothpaste, or whatever, I'm not going to avoid going to the market because someone might see bruises on my face and make an unfounded (and entirely wrong) assumption.
Any mark on me was/is entirely consensual (or the result of my doing something clumsy), but even if it weren't, when all involved parties are adults it isn't anyone's business where the bruises come from until someone asks for help.
When I worked retail, I often saw women that I suspected were being abused, and I would have loved to say something. Hell, I would have loved to grab the aluminum bat out of my trunk and show the smug bastard standing next to them the true meaning of a beating. But it's not my life, it's not my call, and unless someone asks me for help it is NOT my business.

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 42

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/2/2009 6:38:56 PM

Blackwolf9

Posts: 47
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline

face slapping is a hard limit for me for both emotional and career reasons. I made that clear at the beginning of our relationship, so it hasn't been a problem...although I've gotten a little worried about some marks from gags before :S We mostly use panel gags now for that reason.

(in reply to ChasingOblivion)

Post #: 43

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/2/2009 6:44:01 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: variation30

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i'm a BIG time pain slut PERIOD, but if a saw a woman walking around with facial bruising, i would NOT assume she was the same so no, sorry.....abuse IS my business

I might not assume that she was a pain slut either. however, her life is none of my business and unless she directly asks me for help, it will remain none of my business. I respect the sovereignty of other people when it comes to the decisions they make with their bodies and their lives - I'm not willing to go all lancelot over every assumption I make.

I would expect a community of people who engage in lifestyles viewed as abusive or perverse by many a great many people to be more respectful of an individual's decisions (such as staying in an 'abusive' relationship) even if we think that decision unhealthy or unwise. but I suppose self-righteousness and the desire to control others lives can be found in every community.

Thats your opinion....and you are entitled to it.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 44

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 12:54:37 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: variation30

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i'm a BIG time pain slut PERIOD, but if a saw a woman walking around with facial bruising, i would NOT assume she was the same so no, sorry.....abuse IS my business

I might not assume that she was a pain slut either. however, her life is none of my business and unless she directly asks me for help, it will remain none of my business. I respect the sovereignty of other people when it comes to the decisions they make with their bodies and their lives - I'm not willing to go all lancelot over every assumption I make.

I would expect a community of people who engage in lifestyles viewed as abusive or perverse by many a great many people to be more respectful of an individual's decisions (such as staying in an 'abusive' relationship) even if we think that decision unhealthy or unwise. but I suppose self-righteousness and the desire to control others lives can be found in every community.

Agrees with this
Its very natural to be opinionated and everyone does it but we must temper this with an acceptance. Put it in the context that if I want someone to accept my values then I have to accept theirs even if I find them objectionable. This doesn't just apply to the BDSM community but every aspect of life and everyone we meet.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 45

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 5:22:19 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Yeah, sorry guys....but i REALLY disagree....if i think i see evidence of abuse...i'm going to ask the person if they need help...Now they can tell me to "fuck off" but i'm GOING to ask...

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 46

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 7:35:42 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Yeah, sorry guys....but i REALLY disagree....if i think i see evidence of abuse...i'm going to ask the person if they need help...Now they can tell me to "fuck off" but i'm GOING to ask...

How would you react if someone asked you if you needed help on seeing bruises on your person?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 47

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 7:43:37 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

We (the person in need of help) and i would figure that out quickly. If i asked someone if they needed help, i would also be prepared to give it. A phone call, a ride....both..... i'm not wealthy, so i couldn't set them up with a place to stay....i couldn't buy them a car or anything...but i could get them to safety, and try to find some local counseling help, with food...i even have 2 empty bedrooms....so i could do whatever.

EDITED TO ADD: i try VERY hard not to let my mouth write a check my ass can't cover.....If i say it...i DO it.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 6/3/2009 7:45:21 AM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 48

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 7:49:55 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Yeah, sorry guys....but i REALLY disagree....if i think i see evidence of abuse...i'm going to ask the person if they need help...Now they can tell me to "fuck off" but i'm GOING to ask...

How would you react if someone asked you if you needed help on seeing bruises on your person?

Ah...ok i misunderstood you LOL...(i'm a dork)....i would honest to God be HAPPY someone was concerned...it would even restore my faith in people somewhat....To know not EVERYONE is so wrapped up in them selves that they noticed their fellow man.

It would make me smile, and i would THANK them, wink and say "Its all good, i'm just kinky and like it rough."

(and yes, i really would say that)

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 49

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 7:51:24 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

We (the person in need of help) and i would figure that out quickly. If i asked someone if they needed help, i would also be prepared to give it. A phone call, a ride....both..... i'm not wealthy, so i couldn't set them up with a place to stay....i couldn't buy them a car or anything...but i could get them to safety, and try to find some local counseling help, with food...i even have 2 empty bedrooms....so i could do whatever.

EDITED TO ADD: i try VERY hard not to let my mouth write a check my ass can't cover.....If i say it...i DO it.

There is nothing wrong with being the good Samaritan when it comes to real abuse but one has to realize that not everyone wants a Samaritan (even many of the abused don't). If friends and family have not been able to help then a stranger will be of no use to them either in most situations. Now that's not to say you shouldn't stop trying to be a good Samaritan. Its frightening to think that they are few and far between and so good on ya and lets hope that one person that really needs a helping hand finds you or you them.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 50

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 7:55:37 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL:allthejazz,

There is nothing wrong with being the good Samaritan when it comes to real abuse but one has to realize that not everyone wants a Samaritan (even many of the abused don't). If friends and family have not been able to help then a stranger will be of no use to them either in most situations. Now that's not to say you shouldn't stop trying to be a good Samaritan. Its frightening to think that they are few and far between and so good on ya and lets hope that one person that really needs a helping hand finds you or you them.

Thanks i appreciate that, and i agree.....not everyone wanted or needs to be saved. If i saw facial bruising on someone at the mall or the store, i would more than likely at least ask if they were ok, or needed anything. Now i realize like i said they could tell me to fuck off, or whatever.....but thats their call....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 51

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 7:57:02 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Yeah, sorry guys....but i REALLY disagree....if i think i see evidence of abuse...i'm going to ask the person if they need help...Now they can tell me to "fuck off" but i'm GOING to ask...

How would you react if someone asked you if you needed help on seeing bruises on your person?

Ah...ok i misunderstood you LOL...(i'm a dork)....i would honest to God be HAPPY someone was concerned...it would even restore my faith in people somewhat....To know not EVERYONE is so wrapped up in them selves that they noticed their fellow man.

It would make me smile, and i would THANK them, wink and say "Its all good, i'm just kinky and like it rough."(and yes, i really would say that)

Then personally i think you have the right attitude, not that my opinion counts lol
I would hate to think that someone was getting abused and i hadn't stepped in just because i assumed like me they consented to that kind of treatment. Never hurts to check

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 52

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 8:09:01 AM

PrincessJ77

Posts: 372
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: point A
Status: offline

I like getting my face slapped. I don't mind the after effects. One hand choking me, the other slapping my face gets me real excited. I just have to try to stay in the right head space. 2 weeks ago I went to nip his hand and he split my lip. An awkward moment, the we both broke into laughter & had some pretty hot sex.

Moral: I will keep my mouth shut. I will not bite the hand that slaps me.....

_____________________________

Yours respectfully,
PJ,
Capodecima,
Subby Mafia

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 53

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 4:48:50 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

If I may add to what my better and more fluent half has stated... (yep, I'm posting in black...LOL).

A network in the states (ABC) did a "test" a few weeks back on a new TV series were they set up a scene (no - not our life-style...sorry) where a young, adolescent girl was being forced to marry into polygamous marriage (yeah a specific religion). The scene was set in a road-side diner. The goal of this test was to see who would actually try to intervene on the young girl's behalf. Very few did. Now my point to this isn't wether or not an underage girl should be forced, against her will, to marry, but who of us would stand up and say "....wait a minute, something just aint right!"

Both candace (candy to most here) and I feel that it is both our responsibiliity and privelege to be avaible to assist those who are in true need, and are afraid to ask. That includes the weaker and those who are in trouble, and just don't know where to turn. I suspect that candace's positoin is consistent with her tag below that indicates she's indicating she is willing to help if anyone dare ask. Thanks Babe, I'm proud of you!

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to PrincessJ77)

Post #: 54

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 4:55:33 PM

xiam

Posts: 148
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

Breatheasone, i appreciate your feedback on this post, but it was about bruising from being slapped in the face by people who enjoy it, not a discussion to debate whether it's abuse or if one would intervene. :)

From this context, we can assume that all parties are happily involved and would rather those who are not to mind their own business.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 55

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 5:22:36 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xiam

Breatheasone, i appreciate your feedback on this post, but it was about bruising from being slapped in the face by people who enjoy it, not a discussion to debate whether it's abuse or if one would intervene. :)

From this context, we can assume that all parties are happily involved and would rather those who are not to mind their own business.

My apologies.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to xiam)

Post #: 56

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 5:35:05 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: xiam

Breatheasone, i appreciate your feedback on this post, but it was about bruising from being slapped in the face by people who enjoy it, not a discussion to debate whether it's abuse or if one would intervene. :)

From this context, we can assume that all parties are happily involved and would rather those who are not to mind their own business.

My apologies.

Why you apologising hun?
It turned what was a mundane do you like or dislike discussion into an intersting discussion.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 57

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 6:01:30 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

i appreciate your feedback on this post, but it was about bruising from being slapped in the face by people who enjoy it, not a discussion to debate whether it's abuse or if one would intervene. :)

I don’t like my face slapped but that isn’t always relevant! However, I would really dislike a bruised face because there would be questions and concerns from friends and co-workers. Despite the fact I would know their concern was misplaced, I would be put in a position of ‘defending’ the person who put them there.

quote:

From this context, we can assume that all parties are happily involved and would rather those who are not to mind their own business.

A preference that people ‘mind their own business’ and $3 will get you a latte at your favorite coffee shop!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to xiam)

Post #: 58

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 7:05:17 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL:missturbation,

Why you apologising hun?
It turned what was a mundane do you like or dislike discussion into an intersting discussion.

i appreciate that, but looking at it, i was rude. The apology given was sincere and called for.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 59

RE: Facial Bruising? - 6/3/2009 7:20:01 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I love face slapping. I have been bruised before. It wasn't his intention and he felt badly about it. I think he freaked out at first because my mascara had ran and made the mark look way worse than it was originally.

When my family asked what happened, I just told them he accidentally hit me in the head with a wild arm while we were doing turns salsa dancing.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to variation30)

Post #: 60

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