RE: Attitude from Sub

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redheaddomme -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 9:49:55 AM)
He's close to 50 years old; despite coming off as a bratty pre-teen

redheaddomme -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 9:52:25 AM)
I'm not anywhere near pushing a hard limit; at least none that we discussed. I would never except something so simple as a hard limit either.

redheaddomme -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 10:11:28 AM)
Thanks. I guess that i should give him the opportunity to explain in person before i get rid of him. If my attempt at discussion in person ends up the same way as my other attempt, were done though. He denies any attitude, saying "said I'd do it". Kinda coming across to me like a bratty teen. I can't do anything with someone who can't discuss issues as an adult. He may very well just be a "do me" and thinks it about what HE likes.

MistressEllen444 -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 10:14:16 AM)
In my opinion, 50 is far too old to be bratty. For me 50 AND bratty just equals manipulative. Topping from the bottom by not being pleasing to you is like a dog pulling on his lead for you to follow. Does he understand the ratio of available subs to Dommes? Unless you live in the middle of nowhere or this guy has more potential than you have indicated; there is probably better down the road. I have given up on newbies, it seems that once something does not fall into their view of service, they are not interested. Fantasy usually does not contain service that is not pleasing or exciting to them. If he is balking at mundane things, then it is my opinion, once again, that it is topping.

MsDDom -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 10:19:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: redheaddomme I would like to hear everyone's opinion on how much attitude they accept from a Sub early on. I have a new (to me and to the lifestyle) sub. I am getting attitude from him when i ask him to do things that he does not like. These are things that are minor and 'easy' in my mind, although I know he doesn't like them. It's a light attitude, but most certainly there. Considering he is new to submission and new to me; should i take it as normal and punish?[sm=angry.gif] Or drop him and assume that he does not really want this? I have not has this issue before so early on, over minor instructions. What do you think? this is my opinion only as I had a bitch boy w/ and attitude...opposite of yours, this boy was a veteran slave yet came off like a whinny boy (no, his role was not that of a little). this attitude made me dislike him and I had to dismiss him b/c if I don't like someone, I will treat them very, very horrible. speak to your boy, if not, you will have to weigh if he is really ready or needs some training before even being "owned" or "put into service". (IMHO)

LaTigresse -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 11:01:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: redheaddomme He's close to 50 years old; despite coming off as a bratty pre-teen At that age he would be gone in a skinny minute. The funny thing is that I expect a certain amount of resistance in new, young ones. Yet it is those closer to my own age that have had the worst attitudes and the younger ones that have been most positive and eager. In my own personal experience that is.........

subtlebutterfly -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 11:12:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: redheaddomme He's close to 50 years old; despite coming off as a bratty pre-teen At that age he would be gone in a skinny minute. The funny thing is that I expect a certain amount of resistance in new, young ones. Yet it is those closer to my own age that have had the worst attitudes and the younger ones that have been most positive and eager. In my own personal experience that is......... Spank diet?????

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 11:31:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: redheaddomme He's close to 50 years old; despite coming off as a bratty pre-teen At that age he would be gone in a skinny minute. The funny thing is that I expect a certain amount of resistance in new, young ones. Yet it is those closer to my own age that have had the worst attitudes and the younger ones that have been most positive and eager. In my own personal experience that is......... In mine, as well! Want a whiner? Get some middle aged guy who has never been in the scene before... [:'(]

LaTigresse -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 12:00:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: redheaddomme He's close to 50 years old; despite coming off as a bratty pre-teen At that age he would be gone in a skinny minute. The funny thing is that I expect a certain amount of resistance in new, young ones. Yet it is those closer to my own age that have had the worst attitudes and the younger ones that have been most positive and eager. In my own personal experience that is......... Spank diet????? Are you begging?

subtlebutterfly -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 12:33:37 PM)
on my knees as always[8D] beggin beggin you, put your lovin hand out babyyy well dayum now I'll be singin this for da rest of the day[8\|] BWAHAHA speaking of misreading..wow..and just figuring it out now..owell..anywayz[:D]

Politesub53 -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 3:59:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Want a whiner? Get some middle aged guy who has never been in the scene before... [:'(] Ouch......[8D]

SSM -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 4:00:56 PM)
OP He sounds annoying and the easy answer is to move on, but you might be able to help him understand why he is acting out this way. You could start by reminding him he chose to serve you - no-one is forcing him to be there - and asking him what he thought "service" and "submit" actually meant. Did he think it implied unwillingness and resistance overcome by force? NB: Some do. They want to be over-powered (by pleading and nagging?!) not happily submit of their own volition. His behaviour is unconscious. Shrinks say we all seek out relationships as adults to resolve childhood issues. D/s is a very interesting vehicle for that. You have hit the nail on the head that he seems to be acting like a sulky teenager. He is unconsciously re-enacting the power dynamics he had as a young teen with the most powerful, controlling female figure of his childhood: his mother He is projecting the role of Mom onto you. You are expected to direct, push and punish him the way his mother did. He doesn't really understand (or want) other kinds of male/female power dynamics. Are you as old now as his mother would have been when he was a teen? Does he have a conflicted relationship with his mother (or late mother - she would be quite old now)? I find the brattiest older men actually had very loving but "smothering" mothers that they (the men) struggled to emotionally push away when they were young. A wise Mistress once summed up Femdom D/s as two archetypes: sexual (the Bitch Goddess who rules with her pussy) and maternal (who rules with duty, guilt and manipulation?). Which kind of woman was your sub expecting? Once he knows what he is doing, if it does not change, he should move along to someone who likes the Mommy/brat dynamic and play out his issues there.

Lockit -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 4:06:28 PM)
I hope the only choice's as a domina... are goddess, ruling with a pussy and maternal and duty, guilt and manipulation... are not the only choices because you wouldn't find either in me. Glad I am not an archetype! lol

PeonForHer -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 4:15:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I hope the only choice's as a domina... are goddess, ruling with a pussy and maternal and duty, guilt and manipulation... are not the only choices because you wouldn't find either in me. Glad I am not an archetype! lol Archetypes, schmarchetypes. I'd bet most of the subs around who aren't loons and who will last in relationships want a real woman - not a Goddess, an Earth Mother, nor even some cranky bat with a hyper-inflated sense of her own power, importance and 'dommely charisma'.

SSM -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 4:22:41 PM)
Well, not the confused brat giving redheaddomme headaches :) On the other hand, maybe he does want a real woman.... one who is really like his mother.... lol With newbies it does help to ask what BDSM porn archetype they were expecting and then patiently explain your own style of domination and how it will differ. Unspoken expectations seem to be the bane of all rocky D/s relationships

Lockit -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 4:26:04 PM)
LOL... I wish a lot of the loud and porn confused, sex-craved-online-kinkster types left things unspoken!

SSM -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 4:35:20 PM)
Yes of course, but IME even submissives who are true gentlemen can experience great disappointment and confusion when they discover there is a vast difference between D/s in real life and their fantasies, online "cyber" and experiences with pro-dommes I am sure redheaddomme is too savvy to spend more than a minute with a porn confused HNG. He might have a bit of frenzy (or is it frenzies?) of course being so new, but that is a different issue to handle.

frankieboy52 -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 4:36:01 PM)
show him the door and if he doesn't respond take to the fifth floor of an empty building and show him the window...damn i am so cruel.

PeonForHer -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 4:44:21 PM)
Unspoken expectations seem to be the bane of all rocky D/s relationships God, ain't that the truth? A large number of us have spent much of our lives fantasising - thereby developing expectations - before getting into real D/s relationships. A large number of us don't actually know the exact nature of our drives and what, precisely, we want. Nonetheless, we still have to communicate to the other. All this, of course, is on top of the difficulties that vanillas have in communicating - and those are many. Learn about oneself, and learn to communicate to the other. It's absolutely crucial, IMO.

redheaddomme -> RE: Attitude from Sub (6/3/2009 5:17:16 PM)
A wise Mistress once summed up Femdom D/s as two archetypes: sexual (the Bitch Goddess who rules with her pussy) and maternal (who rules with duty, guilt and manipulation?). Which kind of woman was your sub expecting? I hope he wasn't expecting either one; but I definately don't do the Mean Mommy/bad boy game. It's too much work for me. If I wanted a kid I would have one, or I'm sure I could borrow a mouthy teen from a friend

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