How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (Full Version)

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Keun -> How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 3:56:06 PM)

Hello!

My sub (live-in) was in a relationship prior to being with Me in which she did housework almost all of the time as the defining D/s theme in her relationship (there was never any sexual gratification or sensuality involved - just solid housework for the benefit of her dominant)... its all she did... and was never happy with it. It was her first D/s relationship and at that point, she thought that's how it was "supposed" to be..

As such, she absolutely refuses to do "chores" as part of our D/s relationship...

While I certainly don't want to cross her limits, I do find this discouraging - I really enjoy watching her do housework... really little things.. asking me what needs to be done next, wearing cute next-to-nothings when she does it... any advice on how I can coax her into doing small household things as part of our D/s world without asking her to re-live something she hated?

Cheers,

Ms. Keun



Politesub53 -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 4:23:53 PM)

It depends how important this is to you Ma`am. If she really says it is a hard limit, then maybe there is no answer. One thing that crosses my mind though, we all have to do chores to survive, if living alone. So is she just being lazy and letting you do it all ?

Maybe telling her you will do chores together, then slowly letting her do more than you, would work.



DivaLadyTJ -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 5:12:45 PM)

While I can understand the feelings involved, there are "chores" in every household relationship.  So it seems that the choices are to do them together or to divide them up and do them separately ..... but if you two are going to live together then the chores need to get done..... and she is welcome to contribute to the solution (does she want to pay for a maid to do her share) or to consider other arrangements.  With that being said........ THEN the decision is "do we want to make this a little fun, as long as it has to get done?"  Of course, bribery might help, as in "if you wear that cute little pink thing when you do this job, then I'll do (one of her less preferred chores).  Then there is always the trade "Ok, I'll clean the kitchen if you do the cooking wearing only an apron" ..... don't do that one on a night when fried chicken is on the menu.  Maybe she needs to be TOLD to do her share? 

Ok, just my 2 cents worth...... have a good day and good luck!  Keep us posted!

Ms TJ  



King0fHearts -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 5:17:33 PM)

I agree, I love having a sub clean little things around the house such as doing dishes or cooking dinner. Just like everyone else has said so far, chores are always there and need to be done. Then after doing the normal cleaning, she might be at ease and you can have her do something special for you :) GOOD LUCK!!!



Lockit -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 5:30:13 PM)

Housework needs to be done no matter what.  No one in my household has ever gotten away with not doing their part.

Take it out of the realm of service to you if it was that scaring to her, but some day, she has to get over it.  You prove to her that it is simply housework that needs to be done and don't make d/s a part of it.  If she really is scared, you need to step back and put no pressure on her.  But the housework gets done.  Get your kicks in other things. 



ShaktiSama -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 5:57:00 PM)

Ditto what appears to be the "consensus' view, I guess.  Chores just plain need to be done, and I would never live with anyone who refused to do them, whether it was part of our D/S relationship or not.  The last thing I need in a partner is someone who adds to my burdens.





PeonForHer -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 6:00:46 PM)

It was her first D/s relationship and at that point, she thought that's how it was "supposed" to be..

As such, she absolutely refuses to do "chores" as part of our D/s relationship...

This suggests that she hasn't fully grasped the essential point that every D/s relationship is different.  There is no "the lifestyle".



Keun -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 7:19:12 PM)

thanks TJ - I tried something similar tonight...however it didn't go so well.

Before she left work, I called her and said "when you come home tonight, we're going to do some kinky cleaning together"... then when she got home, I had her shower and told her to put on something sexy... she did so, came out and said she wanted a nap.. which discouraged me a bit...

I suppose I'm just a bit annoyed at her constant lack of 'natural' submissive behavior.. I'll get over Myself :)

Keun



Keun -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 7:20:52 PM)

indeed KingofHearts ...

the thing is, I really could care less about the cleaning getting done.. its that I *REALLY* enjoy watching her do it for me...and no amount of telling her so is getting her to do it



Keun -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 7:22:07 PM)

I agree Peon... and we've spoken about this.. I suppose we'll mention it again.



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 9:31:34 PM)

quote:

she absolutely refuses to do "chores" as part of our D/s relationship...
I'd show her the door....   However, you seem to like her enough that you want to work through this.   Discuss the fact that thinking you ought to do all of the chores is unreasonable and inappropriate on her part; than decide who dominates and who submits, if anyone does in your relationship, and go from there.  

...And meanie me doesn't even allow kinky dress before the chores get done.   M



Vendaval -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 10:31:24 PM)

Hello Keun,

This is basic carrot and stick psychology, increase the rewards to motivate her.

(format edit)



PrincessDonna -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 10:48:29 PM)

it doesnt sound like your places are defined.If you live together then she knows you are not like the other and you should not be held responsible for that persons actions.If watching her clean is what you want then make it so,she will come to see the balance,communication is the key.



Bella1965 -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 11:09:45 PM)

G'morning all:


There's not one damn thing kinky about house cleaning. It's a chore. If she doesn't like doing something you have informed her repeatedly that you enjoy watching her perform, it's not the chores that are the problem, it's the submissive. She's not focused on your pleasure but rather her own. Not acceptable.

My simple/fast answer is to rid yourself of this individual. If you feel there are components of your relationship worth salvaging, then it's your duty to impress upon her the structure of your power exchange and enforce it.

Frankly, if someone ever raised that objection to me, they'd be out so fast it would make their head spin. I don't tolerate power struggles in my dynamics, ever.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...


[:D]


Bella



HeavansKeeper -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/2/2009 11:20:00 PM)

Keun,

My suggestion would be remote control vibrating eggs. They make any menial task a sensual treat.

To further assuage her that you're not using her for cheap house cleaning, being there is key. Touching her, watching her, tugging her leash, taking breaks to use the maid for mouth sex... Make the "chore" a framing device. A theme for the scene.

Imagine sitting on top of the dryer, pulling her face in for a few licks every time she reaches in for an armful of dry clothes...
Scrubbing down the toilet is a lot more fun when getting pounded with a strap on. Finish with a hard spank and a "That better be shiny when I come back, Toots."
Take tasteful photographs as she takes dishes from the dishwasher.
Do some of the chores and let her play... She can be the dog that barks at the vacuum, charging at it, giving it a swat and running off.

I haven't a clue how hardcore you and your toy like to be, so my suggestions will end while still being polite for mixed kinky company.

I agree with some of the other people posting: In the big picture, make her learn her last owner was a user, and you are not.



FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/3/2009 12:03:07 AM)

quote:

make her learn her last owner was a user, and you are not.
You say this like it's a bad thing. [:D]  I say all is fair when all the involved parties are of age, informed, and consenting.    M



Andalusite -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/3/2009 12:22:52 AM)

I'd done things to be *helpful* before, but until my last relationship, which was my first as a submissive, I hadn't done service submission in a D/s headspace. Doing laundry or the dishes together to start out, with him occasionally pulling my hair, grinding up against me, or biting me helped me associate it with submission rather than merely being helpful, and made it kinkier and more fun.

Laundry is a good one to do with frillies or naked, since you can have her start the load after she's changed (only takes a minute or two), and go in to switch the load over (likewise), and perhaps do the folding and hanging up cooperatively, at least the first time. I think that HeavansKeeper had some great ideas, too!

RIMaam, I agree that it sounds like they were incompatible and had poor communication of expectations, rather than him necessarily being a user. Some people do have very happy service-only relationships.



HeavansKeeper -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/3/2009 2:40:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

quote:

make her learn her last owner was a user, and you are not.
You say this like it's a bad thing. [:D]  I say all is fair when all the involved parties are of age, informed, and consenting.    M


A phrase you see circling the D/s world: "Use and abuse me."

While I don't harp on "use" I think most times people are playing on an ambiguity with respect to "abuse". Many people treat the word as short hand for "what popular society would consider abusive." Everyone I've ever met has been able to define terms of a relationship which they consider abusive, limits which if exceeded would cause them to leave. That is abuse, with respect to oneself. (As opposed to society at large). I bring this up to specify what I meant by "user".

When a person gets used (by the not so fun definition), they are being exploited. Some people enjoy this feeling. Persons must decide what, if any, manner of reciprocation they require to not feel exploited.

The line between "I say, you do" and feeling exploited and abused is to be drawn at the individual level. I submit that the girl in question was being used by her last owner.

All that said, I agree with you: One of the greatest ways a s-type can serve it to let themselves get used a little bit =)



MsFlutter -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/3/2009 6:08:34 AM)

Seems it would be good to change the association she has with those tasks. An image just popped into my head that *I* think would be rather fun.
 
* Get two sets of wrist cuffs and two carbiners/clips out of the toybox. You wear a set, she wears a set

* Place her in front of you - her back to you - both of you facing the same direction

* Clip her cuffs to your cuffs (may take both of you to accomplish this but that's the idea, right? )

* Bondage belts (or some adaptation thereof) on both of you, linked with a carbiner/chain/rope etc., would reinforce the "two as one" concept.  

* Blindfold HER - now her hands (and the rest of her) will have to follow your lead.
 
Go thru whatever tasks together - sweeten the deal by wearing a strap-on or a vibrating Feeldo. Accessorize with whatever other toys, clips, clamps, etc appeal to you.

Think of it as coalition-building for the kinky :)




PeonForHer -> RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? (6/3/2009 7:12:11 AM)

Ms F, I've got to hand it to you for the most creative solution so far. 



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