Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

How to ease into kinky house cleaning ?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 3:56:06 PM   
Keun


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello!

My sub (live-in) was in a relationship prior to being with Me in which she did housework almost all of the time as the defining D/s theme in her relationship (there was never any sexual gratification or sensuality involved - just solid housework for the benefit of her dominant)... its all she did... and was never happy with it. It was her first D/s relationship and at that point, she thought that's how it was "supposed" to be..

As such, she absolutely refuses to do "chores" as part of our D/s relationship...

While I certainly don't want to cross her limits, I do find this discouraging - I really enjoy watching her do housework... really little things.. asking me what needs to be done next, wearing cute next-to-nothings when she does it... any advice on how I can coax her into doing small household things as part of our D/s world without asking her to re-live something she hated?

Cheers,

Ms. Keun
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 4:23:53 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		It depends how important this is to you Ma`am. If she really says it is a hard limit, then maybe there is no answer. One thing that crosses my mind though, we all have to do chores to survive, if living alone. So is she just being lazy and letting you do it all ?

Maybe telling her you will do chores together, then slowly letting her do more than you, would work.

(in reply to Keun)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 5:12:45 PM   
DivaLadyTJ


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline 		While I can understand the feelings involved, there are "chores" in every household relationship.  So it seems that the choices are to do them together or to divide them up and do them separately ..... but if you two are going to live together then the chores need to get done..... and she is welcome to contribute to the solution (does she want to pay for a maid to do her share) or to consider other arrangements.  With that being said........ THEN the decision is "do we want to make this a little fun, as long as it has to get done?"  Of course, bribery might help, as in "if you wear that cute little pink thing when you do this job, then I'll do (one of her less preferred chores).  Then there is always the trade "Ok, I'll clean the kitchen if you do the cooking wearing only an apron" ..... don't do that one on a night when fried chicken is on the menu.  Maybe she needs to be TOLD to do her share? 

Ok, just my 2 cents worth...... have a good day and good luck!  Keep us posted!

Ms TJ  

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 5:17:33 PM   
King0fHearts


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/18/2009
Status: offline 		I agree, I love having a sub clean little things around the house such as doing dishes or cooking dinner. Just like everyone else has said so far, chores are always there and need to be done. Then after doing the normal cleaning, she might be at ease and you can have her do something special for you :) GOOD LUCK!!!

(in reply to DivaLadyTJ)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 5:30:13 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Housework needs to be done no matter what.  No one in my household has ever gotten away with not doing their part.

Take it out of the realm of service to you if it was that scaring to her, but some day, she has to get over it.  You prove to her that it is simply housework that needs to be done and don't make d/s a part of it.  If she really is scared, you need to step back and put no pressure on her.  But the housework gets done.  Get your kicks in other things. 

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to King0fHearts)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 5:57:00 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Ditto what appears to be the "consensus' view, I guess.  Chores just plain need to be done, and I would never live with anyone who refused to do them, whether it was part of our D/S relationship or not.  The last thing I need in a partner is someone who adds to my burdens.




_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 6:00:46 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		It was her first D/s relationship and at that point, she thought that's how it was "supposed" to be..

As such, she absolutely refuses to do "chores" as part of our D/s relationship...

This suggests that she hasn't fully grasped the essential point that every D/s relationship is different.  There is no "the lifestyle".

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Keun)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 7:19:12 PM   
Keun


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline 		thanks TJ - I tried something similar tonight...however it didn't go so well.

Before she left work, I called her and said "when you come home tonight, we're going to do some kinky cleaning together"... then when she got home, I had her shower and told her to put on something sexy... she did so, came out and said she wanted a nap.. which discouraged me a bit...

I suppose I'm just a bit annoyed at her constant lack of 'natural' submissive behavior.. I'll get over Myself :)

Keun

(in reply to DivaLadyTJ)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 7:20:52 PM   
Keun


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline 		indeed KingofHearts ...

the thing is, I really could care less about the cleaning getting done.. its that I *REALLY* enjoy watching her do it for me...and no amount of telling her so is getting her to do it

(in reply to King0fHearts)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 7:22:07 PM   
Keun


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline 		I agree Peon... and we've spoken about this.. I suppose we'll mention it again.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 9:31:34 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

she absolutely refuses to do "chores" as part of our D/s relationship...
I'd show her the door....   However, you seem to like her enough that you want to work through this.   Discuss the fact that thinking you ought to do all of the chores is unreasonable and inappropriate on her part; than decide who dominates and who submits, if anyone does in your relationship, and go from there.  

...And meanie me doesn't even allow kinky dress before the chores get done.   M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 6/2/2009 9:33:30 PM >

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to Keun)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 10:31:24 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Hello Keun,

This is basic carrot and stick psychology, increase the rewards to motivate her.

(format edit)


< Message edited by Vendaval -- 6/2/2009 11:23:07 PM >

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Keun)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 10:48:29 PM   
PrincessDonna


Posts: 189
Joined: 7/7/2006
Status: offline 		it doesnt sound like your places are defined.If you live together then she knows you are not like the other and you should not be held responsible for that persons actions.If watching her clean is what you want then make it so,she will come to see the balance,communication is the key.

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 11:09:45 PM   
Bella1965


Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		G'morning all:


There's not one damn thing kinky about house cleaning. It's a chore. If she doesn't like doing something you have informed her repeatedly that you enjoy watching her perform, it's not the chores that are the problem, it's the submissive. She's not focused on your pleasure but rather her own. Not acceptable.

My simple/fast answer is to rid yourself of this individual. If you feel there are components of your relationship worth salvaging, then it's your duty to impress upon her the structure of your power exchange and enforce it.

Frankly, if someone ever raised that objection to me, they'd be out so fast it would make their head spin. I don't tolerate power struggles in my dynamics, ever.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to Keun)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/2/2009 11:20:00 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Keun,

My suggestion would be remote control vibrating eggs. They make any menial task a sensual treat.

To further assuage her that you're not using her for cheap house cleaning, being there is key. Touching her, watching her, tugging her leash, taking breaks to use the maid for mouth sex... Make the "chore" a framing device. A theme for the scene.

Imagine sitting on top of the dryer, pulling her face in for a few licks every time she reaches in for an armful of dry clothes...
Scrubbing down the toilet is a lot more fun when getting pounded with a strap on. Finish with a hard spank and a "That better be shiny when I come back, Toots."
Take tasteful photographs as she takes dishes from the dishwasher.
Do some of the chores and let her play... She can be the dog that barks at the vacuum, charging at it, giving it a swat and running off.

I haven't a clue how hardcore you and your toy like to be, so my suggestions will end while still being polite for mixed kinky company.

I agree with some of the other people posting: In the big picture, make her learn her last owner was a user, and you are not.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to PrincessDonna)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/3/2009 12:03:07 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

make her learn her last owner was a user, and you are not.
You say this like it's a bad thing.   I say all is fair when all the involved parties are of age, informed, and consenting.    M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/3/2009 12:22:52 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I'd done things to be *helpful* before, but until my last relationship, which was my first as a submissive, I hadn't done service submission in a D/s headspace. Doing laundry or the dishes together to start out, with him occasionally pulling my hair, grinding up against me, or biting me helped me associate it with submission rather than merely being helpful, and made it kinkier and more fun.

Laundry is a good one to do with frillies or naked, since you can have her start the load after she's changed (only takes a minute or two), and go in to switch the load over (likewise), and perhaps do the folding and hanging up cooperatively, at least the first time. I think that HeavansKeeper had some great ideas, too!

RIMaam, I agree that it sounds like they were incompatible and had poor communication of expectations, rather than him necessarily being a user. Some people do have very happy service-only relationships.

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/3/2009 2:40:33 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

quote:

make her learn her last owner was a user, and you are not.
You say this like it's a bad thing.   I say all is fair when all the involved parties are of age, informed, and consenting.    M


A phrase you see circling the D/s world: "Use and abuse me."

While I don't harp on "use" I think most times people are playing on an ambiguity with respect to "abuse". Many people treat the word as short hand for "what popular society would consider abusive." Everyone I've ever met has been able to define terms of a relationship which they consider abusive, limits which if exceeded would cause them to leave. That is abuse, with respect to oneself. (As opposed to society at large). I bring this up to specify what I meant by "user".

When a person gets used (by the not so fun definition), they are being exploited. Some people enjoy this feeling. Persons must decide what, if any, manner of reciprocation they require to not feel exploited.

The line between "I say, you do" and feeling exploited and abused is to be drawn at the individual level. I submit that the girl in question was being used by her last owner.

All that said, I agree with you: One of the greatest ways a s-type can serve it to let themselves get used a little bit =)

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/3/2009 6:08:34 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline 		Seems it would be good to change the association she has with those tasks. An image just popped into my head that *I* think would be rather fun.
 
* Get two sets of wrist cuffs and two carbiners/clips out of the toybox. You wear a set, she wears a set

* Place her in front of you - her back to you - both of you facing the same direction

* Clip her cuffs to your cuffs (may take both of you to accomplish this but that's the idea, right? )

* Bondage belts (or some adaptation thereof) on both of you, linked with a carbiner/chain/rope etc., would reinforce the "two as one" concept.  

* Blindfold HER - now her hands (and the rest of her) will have to follow your lead.
 
Go thru whatever tasks together - sweeten the deal by wearing a strap-on or a vibrating Feeldo. Accessorize with whatever other toys, clips, clamps, etc appeal to you.

Think of it as coalition-building for the kinky :)



< Message edited by MsFlutter -- 6/3/2009 6:19:15 AM >

_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? - 6/3/2009 7:12:11 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Ms F, I've got to hand it to you for the most creative solution so far. 

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> How to ease into kinky house cleaning ? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078