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RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 11:29:44 AM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Whatever happened to the old fashioned "look before you leap" theory of life. 




No one is saying she shouldn't take some responsibility, or that she shouldn't have been more aware that he might have been playing her.   But that doesn't change the fact that the dude was coming on all hot and heavy with the "you're mine" bullshit, then right after he fucked her he did a 360.   If it looks like a duck and all that good shit.....

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 11:51:31 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Whatever happened to the old fashioned "look before you leap" theory of life. 




No one is saying she shouldn't take some responsibility, or that she shouldn't have been more aware that he might have been playing her.   But that doesn't change the fact that the dude was coming on all hot and heavy with the "you're mine" bullshit, then right after he fucked her he did a 360.   If it looks like a duck and all that good shit.....


It looks like they both came on all hot and heavy ....just in different ways.   I don't think she was forced into bed or into a good fuck and she pushed the *kinky* bit herself.   *You're mine*...whoopee-do-da........Ooooh, * I'm his* ....Come on, they both bought into that little flight of fancy.

agirl

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 12:04:34 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Whatever happened to the old fashioned "look before you leap" theory of life. 




No one is saying she shouldn't take some responsibility, or that she shouldn't have been more aware that he might have been playing her.   But that doesn't change the fact that the dude was coming on all hot and heavy with the "you're mine" bullshit, then right after he fucked her he did a 360.   If it looks like a duck and all that good shit.....


It looks like they both came on all hot and heavy ....just in different ways.   I don't think she was forced into bed or into a good fuck and she pushed the *kinky* bit herself.   *You're mine*...whoopee-do-da........Ooooh, * I'm his* ....Come on, they both bought into that little flight of fancy.

agirl



I disagree.  Given what she wrote here, it seems to me that she took it far more seriously than he did.  She might have been naive, granted, but I really don't think she viewed any of it as "flight of fancy".  But then, that's just my impression.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 12:09:27 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline 		In terms of him previously having had a sub, it's entirely possible that somebody isn't a total 'player', but still finds it easy to fake confidence when they're not in a real life situation.

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(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 12:11:11 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Whatever happened to the old fashioned "look before you leap" theory of life. 




No one is saying she shouldn't take some responsibility, or that she shouldn't have been more aware that he might have been playing her.   But that doesn't change the fact that the dude was coming on all hot and heavy with the "you're mine" bullshit, then right after he fucked her he did a 360.   If it looks like a duck and all that good shit.....


It looks like they both came on all hot and heavy ....just in different ways.   I don't think she was forced into bed or into a good fuck and she pushed the *kinky* bit herself.   *You're mine*...whoopee-do-da........Ooooh, * I'm his* ....Come on, they both bought into that little flight of fancy.

agirl



I disagree.  Given what she wrote here, it seems to me that she took it far more seriously than he did.  She might have been naive, granted, but I really don't think she viewed any of it as "flight of fancy".  But then, that's just my impression.


I totally agree with you. She may have, he may have ..at any given moment in whole long five weeks....The point being, that neither of them know each other to have KNOWN how *seriously* either of them took *anything*.

agirl



(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 12:12:24 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

In terms of him previously having had a sub, it's entirely possible that somebody isn't a total 'player', but still finds it easy to fake confidence when they're not in a real life situation.


That's a possibility also.  Could be that he bit off more than he could chew and now he doesn't know what to do with it.  It's all speculation, I suppose.

(in reply to Apocalypso)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 1:51:09 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		 You have no idea what he wants and probably neither does he.
Put it down to experience, get a grip and move on.
If the sex was good then you won if it wasn't then who cares lol.
As long as your'e not pregnant or infected.
At some time we all delude ourselves into thinking we have found the right person for us. Next time make the decision carefully as to whether you give the man your submission or not. Try saying no and see what happens.


(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 3:36:31 PM   
Daddyluvsitrough


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/11/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You had sex but he told you that he didn't feel he knew you enough for kink?

I suspect that he's a Dom wannabe who posed as a Dom to get sex and got what he wanted.






Bingo.   I have a submissive friend who meets tons of "online Doms", but when she meets these guys face to face the "Doms" are unsure, shy, and not very kinky.   Many here talk a big game, very few walk the walk. 

Welcome to collarme. 

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 4:02:43 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4spanks

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

I'm actually going to address the OP on this, rather than the situation. See, it seems to me, sub4spanks, that you've got a lot of issues going on -personally-, regarding your self-awareness, self-esteem, and your connection with others. Before getting involved with someone, I think you -really- need to get yourself sorted out. I wouldn't necessarily cut off communication with this person -- I think he may -also- be adjusting to the intensity of the experience and, frankly, most dominant-type individuals -ARE- the "brakes", so to speak, holding things back so they don't run head-long into disaster. However, it seems that everything that has happened has really awakened some complex and serious issues of insecurity and fear of abandonment in you, and those are things that you need to work on in -yourself- before you can be healthy in -any- relationship.

Just my two cents,
Dame Calla



Thank u for your honesty, i have been like this for many years, often scarying people i like away because of it, the more it happens, the worse i become - its a vicious circle which i dont know how to break. Im not sure how much i want to reveal about myself but the dom in question does know of this and has stated it doesnt faze him, from ur post i got the impression u think hes holding back to try and save myself from myself?



There is no way I can give an opinion on this guy. It would just be an opinion with no grounds to it. Reading through this thread though, I think what you said and what Callafirestorm said holds a lot of importance.  I do hope you will consider breaking this vicious cycle first that you speak of. 

I see no victims here, i see the rush of having it all overnight taking over in a flash, and that is not a good thing to build a foundation.

Wish you the best
oceanwinds

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(in reply to sub4spanks)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 9:22:43 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Whatever happened to the old fashioned "look before you leap" theory of life. 




No one is saying she shouldn't take some responsibility, or that she shouldn't have been more aware that he might have been playing her.   But that doesn't change the fact that the dude was coming on all hot and heavy with the "you're mine" bullshit, then right after he fucked her he did a 360.   If it looks like a duck and all that good shit.....


It looks like they both came on all hot and heavy ....just in different ways.   I don't think she was forced into bed or into a good fuck and she pushed the *kinky* bit herself.   *You're mine*...whoopee-do-da........Ooooh, * I'm his* ....Come on, they both bought into that little flight of fancy.

agirl



I disagree.  Given what she wrote here, it seems to me that she took it far more seriously than he did.  She might have been naive, granted, but I really don't think she viewed any of it as "flight of fancy".  But then, that's just my impression.


Give me a complete break...  How FREAKING serious can anyone be before you meet in person??? 

I realize there are tons of internet relationship morons that claim "undying" love right until the next internet moron pops into the chat room.  Ive seen ppl play 5 at a time for kicks. 

For the sake of discussion lets say she was "serious".  Then I would question her judgment skills.  You cannot blame "one person" for the "gun and run" as it take 2 to tango.

BadOne




_____________________________

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/3/2009 9:56:46 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		FR

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4spanks

i am really doing this as a theraputic excerise in order to me to make sense of things.  if more experinced people  wish to give there views or opinions thats cool.

about a month ago i met the most awesome person on here. he moved quickly and told me i was his, had me do a few tasks and spent alot of time talking on IM and on the phone. We were practically in a relationship before we met with him and i did feel quite owned and i loved it. We decided to meet and this took place at the weekend just gone. We had a really good time together, mostly had vanilla sex, one kinky time *which i felt i kinda talked him into - he said he didnt feel like he knew me well enough for kinky...but then did it anyway* then he said we'd see each other again and he wud visit me next time. Now i am totally confused about it. We still spent alot of time on IM but the phone calls and lil tasks have stopped leaving me feeling un-owned again. I have tried talking to him about it last night and it just ended in a bit of an argument. There seems to be a slight personaility clash - im quite intense and say directly what i mean. he is more laid back and doesnt really see why i have an issue at all. He says he still likes me and hes tried to tell me that in his own way. I am a very insecure and negative person so i dont know if its that and im perhaps seeing things which arent there. He said we are together just not 'full on' so things are still pretty vauge.To me he just seems to have changed slightly...or maybe hes sick of saying the same things to me - but thats what  i need from him until my confidence builds up. he said he has tried to tell me how he feels ect and i dont respond to it - which i disagreed with as i know id totally embrace it if he did to that, and so he has stopped trying. For example if ive told him ive missed him or have been thinking about him he replies with an 'lol' or a smilie which is frustrating. im worried to talk to him bout it now coz i dont wanna push him away and put him off me, which i  do tend to do with people i like. if he took a more relaxed approach in the begining before we met that would have been fine. i want things to run as smoothly as possible and for him to be a proper dom to me...like how it was before we met - but better. i probs shouldnt post this incase he sees it and thinks im an even bigger nut job!

Have i tried to push things on him and hes not keen so has backed off a little?
Am i expecting too much too soon?

This probably doesnt read so well so apologies.




My advice?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlJsVG1QbFk&feature=PlayList&p=378270E6E5F7AD85&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=1

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(in reply to sub4spanks)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/4/2009 2:14:20 AM   
sub4spanks


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline 		As i said in my 1st post, if he was more casual about the whole thing from the start, i wouldnt have got carried away and so wouldnt be in this situation now - but yes  this is my own fault and i should have kept my feet on the ground
Maybe i was hoping for too much bcoz of this, and  i agree u cant be THAT serious just talking to someone online. However having those kind of talks and then meeting u cant help but wonder if all the things which have been said are still true - and thats what im trying to get to the bottom of really.
I tried talking to him again last night - he told me to drop the subject and that he was just tired from work and not sleeping so well at night. Also that things would be back to normal once he had caught up on sleep. So i guess we'll see, im doing my best to back off and let him take control. He also said that he'd tried to steer our conversations away from sex im order to get to know me better so we'd have a better chance of working.

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/4/2009 2:52:43 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4spanks
Have i tried to push things on him and hes not keen so has backed off a little?
Am i expecting too much too soon?


Yes, I would agree - slow down a little an let him catch his breath while you catch yours as well.
Maybe he has realized how insecure you are and has second thoughts. It's not an asset.

(in reply to sub4spanks)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/4/2009 2:59:02 AM   
sub4spanks


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline 		im the 1st to admit i can sometimes be alot to take...but i was open and told him what i could be like and he accepted it

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/4/2009 4:50:23 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Thinking he could handle your issues during a half hour chat nightly is a hell of a lot different than being confronted with them in reality. You have a lot of issues going on inside yourself, you need to get a handle on them first. Because just dumping them on some unsuspecting person and expecting them to handle it all isn't going to work out well as you've seen. Go deal with them, stop looking for someone else to heal you, save you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sub4spanks)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/4/2009 4:50:43 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Okay maybe I'm the only person who has ever ordered something online or from a catalog.  You can read the descriptions, check out the pictures, study the size guidelines and expect to look just like the catalog model but when the item arrives, maybe it just doesn't fit.  Or it drapes differently on your body type than on the model.  Or maybe the seafoam green was really more kelly green, whatever.   Is it the online store's fault?  The manufacturer's fault?  Your fault?  No!!  There's no blame, no fault, just the way things work sometimes.

Meeting people online is a lot like shopping online.  You really will never know until the item or person arrives in real time. 

So, what have you learned from this experience?

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(in reply to sub4spanks)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/4/2009 5:09:05 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4spanks
He also said that he'd tried to steer our conversations away from sex im order to get to know me better so we'd have a better chance of working.


I am tending towards the guy possibly wants to get to know the OP first rather than jump full on into a lifelong commitment.  Other possibilities - maybe he has realised that online is different to real life and wants to step back a little.  Maybe you two aren't a good match and he doesn't know how to tell you.  Maybe he is just really tired like he says. Maybe he really likes you and wants to do this right and not rush into things.

Let's not demonise the guy without knowing his side of the story.

Take a step back, get involved in the other things you usually do in your life and work on understanding and overcoming your insecurities to become the fabulous woman you are on your way to becoming 


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(in reply to sub4spanks)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/4/2009 5:54:40 AM   
sub4spanks


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/8/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4spanks
He also said that he'd tried to steer our conversations away from sex im order to get to know me better so we'd have a better chance of working.


I am tending towards the guy possibly wants to get to know the OP first rather than jump full on into a lifelong commitment.  Other possibilities - maybe he has realised that online is different to real life and wants to step back a little.  Maybe you two aren't a good match and he doesn't know how to tell you.  Maybe he is just really tired like he says. Maybe he really likes you and wants to do this right and not rush into things.

Let's not demonise the guy without knowing his side of the story.

Take a step back, get involved in the other things you usually do in your life and work on understanding and overcoming your insecurities to become the fabulous woman you are on your way to becoming 



Thank you
You have all been so helpful :)

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/4/2009 6:31:55 AM   
crumbledwater


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/16/2009
Status: offline 		Just to add - with your constant pushing, probing and enquiries, maybe he's finding it hard to be a Dom when you're not acting very submissively?

(in reply to sub4spanks)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL - 6/4/2009 10:35:20 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Okay maybe I'm the only person who has ever ordered something online or from a catalog.  You can read the descriptions, check out the pictures, study the size guidelines and expect to look just like the catalog model but when the item arrives, maybe it just doesn't fit.  Or it drapes differently on your body type than on the model.  Or maybe the seafoam green was really more kelly green, whatever.   Is it the online store's fault?  The manufacturer's fault?  Your fault?  No!!  There's no blame, no fault, just the way things work sometimes.

Meeting people online is a lot like shopping online.  You really will never know until the item or person arrives in real time. 

So, what have you learned from this experience?



Uhhh lemme guess it's right on the tip of my tongue ....damn ...oh yea  its real SIMPLE don't order ppl online.  But I hear they are having a sale on HOT russian Bitches...  ya know the mail order bride type.  Perhaps I'll order 2 in case one is defective.

Your comparing ordering clothes to ordering ppl online????  WhatTheHellOver... Lemme ask you this, what pet dog or cat did you order online???  It aint happening cuz you wanna touch and feel the puppy...  Side how do you box up a person to ship back to the mfg ???

BRB Fedex is here deliveing my hot russian

Ive heard it all now  BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 60
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