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KateyCaine -> RE: confused sub - the transition from OL to RL (6/5/2009 2:10:42 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sub4spanks
i am really doing this as a theraputic excerise in order to me to make sense of things. if more experinced people wish to give there views or opinions thats cool.
about a month ago i met the most awesome person on here. he moved quickly and told me i was his, had me do a few tasks and spent alot of time talking on IM and on the phone. We were practically in a relationship before we met with him and i did feel quite owned and i loved it. We decided to meet and this took place at the weekend just gone. We had a really good time together, mostly had vanilla sex, one kinky time *which i felt i kinda talked him into - he said he didnt feel like he knew me well enough for kinky...but then did it anyway* then he said we'd see each other again and he wud visit me next time. Now i am totally confused about it. We still spent alot of time on IM but the phone calls and lil tasks have stopped leaving me feeling un-owned again. I have tried talking to him about it last night and it just ended in a bit of an argument. There seems to be a slight personaility clash - im quite intense and say directly what i mean. he is more laid back and doesnt really see why i have an issue at all. He says he still likes me and hes tried to tell me that in his own way. I am a very insecure and negative person so i dont know if its that and im perhaps seeing things which arent there. He said we are together just not 'full on' so things are still pretty vauge.To me he just seems to have changed slightly...or maybe hes sick of saying the same things to me - but thats what i need from him until my confidence builds up. he said he has tried to tell me how he feels ect and i dont respond to it - which i disagreed with as i know id totally embrace it if he did to that, and so he has stopped trying. For example if ive told him ive missed him or have been thinking about him he replies with an 'lol' or a smilie which is frustrating. im worried to talk to him bout it now coz i dont wanna push him away and put him off me, which i do tend to do with people i like. if he took a more relaxed approach in the begining before we met that would have been fine. i want things to run as smoothly as possible and for him to be a proper dom to me...like how it was before we met - but better. i probs shouldnt post this incase he sees it and thinks im an even bigger nut job!
Have i tried to push things on him and hes not keen so has backed off a little?
Am i expecting too much too soon?
This probably doesnt read so well so apologies.
Nope, this reads quite well, and you have nothing to apologise for :) I am getting from your letter that you seem t hold yourself responsible for the breakdown in the relationship,that you drove him away, etc. He must share some of the responsibility. He became distant and started sending out conflicting signals - not you. You were straight up about your desires and your intentions. If upon meeting you, he realised that there was no chemistryor no future there, he should have been up-front then and there, rather than dancing around with you playing hot and cold. It's NOT YOUR FAULT.
Another thing, in your letter, you described yourself as "insecure" and "negative" - maybe you're too hard on yourself. You need to be strong on your own, without feeling lonely or feeling unlovable, before being with anyone else. If you don't love yourself, you won't be able to love anyone else fully, and be loved in return. You area very beautiful, sweet person I am sure :)
k.
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