CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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I speak best on this subject as someone who has gone through the ritualistic 'breaking down' process, not just in BDSM or D/s, but also in spiritual/philosophical work. Ideally, the process isn't -meant- to be abusive or destructive. What it -is- meant to do is to bring a person down to hir base nature... to that point where all of the masks accumulated over a lifetime of trying to fit into society or into another person's idea of existence (or another culture's idea of existence) are stripped away, and all that is left is the -essence- of the person... the genuine human "being"... not a human -doing-, or a human -needing-, or a human -wanting-... but a human -being-... without pretense, without apology, and bare for the world to see. It is at that point, when the person is exposed and vulnerable, that the Keeper sees what xhe's actually invested in, and what will need to be done to restore that 'being' to its natural 'lustre'. The process isn't just about the 'tearing down'... it is -also- about the 'building up', and there is always the chance, because nothing valuable is undertaken without risk, that we will get all the way to the core and find that there is -nothing- there to work with. In which case, these situations become a real nightmare of what to do with the individual who is -nothing- without hir masks and delusions. Most of the time, though, the individuals who are in this situation choose to leave LONG before the final stripping of the masks.
Which brings us to the responsibility portion of this work... see, it isn't all one-sided. First, there is the responsibility laid on the person doing the learning/yielding. Xhe's got to be ready and willing to let go of the self-image that has given hir a placeholder in the world. Unless xhe's willing to let that go, we will never get through the 'cosmetic' life on the surface of the person and into the 'heartwood' underneath. Second, there is the responsibility for restoration on the part of the Keeper -- if you don't plan on restoring the person you've taken apart, then don't even start the process, because the -last- thing that most folks need is to have pieces of themselves scattered hither and yon with no idea of how to put back what's been stripped away.
Getting to this point in a relationship is rarely something that happens overnight, and there are both productive and destructive ways of getting there. It is not inherently -bad-, for someone who is genuinely ready to explore hirself that deeply, and allow someone else to direct that exploration, but it -is- a situation that requires careful consideration before being undertaken.
Dame Calla
< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 6/4/2009 10:56:02 AM >
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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"
"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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breaking down the submissive - 
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