RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT?

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/5/2009 6:39:13 PM

sweetgirlserves

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Could he possibly be somewhat autistic?

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/5/2009 8:22:18 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

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I wondered..

and yet he is quite high up in a painting company and has been flying all over CA for 6 months for meetings etc setting up new branches etc..
I would love to see him at work.......

GQ

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/5/2009 10:42:06 PM

PrincessDonna

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I wiould start by finding something that he has a passion for(art,movies,coins,stamps,etc) and tell him that you want him to tell you all about it in case it come up in a conversation with someone else! That gives him a chance to talk of something he loves that he sees YOU are interested in and by telling him that you want to have that knowledge in case it comes up later it is satisfying his serving need!It's worked for me before!

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/6/2009 3:24:19 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

I wondered..

and yet he is quite high up in a painting company and has been flying all over CA for 6 months for meetings etc setting up new branches etc..
I would love to see him at work.......

GQ

GQ, maybe I'm missing something in what's been said or I'm stating something so obvious it's hardly worth saying. If so, apologies in advance. This man does have a life outside of D/s. Given his occupation, especially, he must need to relate to women in a non-D/s way. Surely it's possible to convey to him that you just want a little more of that non-D/s sort of relating with him?

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/6/2009 9:00:57 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

This is the way he was trained and it may work for him.

soooooooooo
then
if a sub is trained by one D a certain way then they SHOULD not to be re-trained or moulded FOR serving the new one at all??

IF a boy comes to you already trained by someone else do you
just go WITH what is already there because it "works for him"..or modify..delete..add..enhance for your life and desires as well..??
or say "
"Well due to his previous training he would make a good slave but not for me???
if the previous training did not fit ??

IF you get back and have time to answer I would like to know..

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/6/2009 9:03:10 AM >

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/6/2009 9:14:20 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I'm glad that he has skills in the vanilla world! That makes everything much simpler!

I wish you the best with this venture... I know it will be lengthy, but if this man has a lot that you want, and he is interested in you, it can only be a good thing.

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/6/2009 6:24:21 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

A sub that had been with me in the fall of 2008 was transfered several provinces away..and is now being transfered back..and wishs to serve again...we kept in touch..but I am hesitant to reconnect...yet enjoy many aspects of his service.

IN the Fall we were just getting to know each other and he had been over a few times..he is obediant..acts without hesitation..does exactly as told..follows protocol

BUT he rarley speaks..he has no verbals other than saying
"If it please Mistress" or "If Mistress wants"..or "does Mistress wish to use me..?" when he writes and has been in town

I had spoken to his previous Mistress of 7 years who had moved an she claimed him to be the best sub she ever had..

I am wondering if 7 years of being trained to never speak or look at you can be undone and he can re-trained?

He understands I want him to talk and when I want him to look at me.
I have engaged him in conversation but it is excrutiating to get any response.I tried word games..association games and question games that were short answers to get him to talk about.. self.. ask me questions
AT one point he got into it and got going asking things and I could see an esteem boost.

I value his dedication..loyalty..and how listens but it as if I have a robot
If I thought I COULD RE-TRAIN I would take him back to service again.
But I am not sure.
Could 7 years of training as a complete of object of use WITH NO SPIRIT..be undone to mould him for me?

Is there something I could do to re ignite his inner flame?

HE wants to please very much..but if pleasing means acting as if..
then I do not want that..I want this interaction to come from the heart for me.

I am wondering if his 7 years was actaully abuse...there is indication of this IN his body that show mistreatment and ill preparation for anal play for example( he has been damaged)

He also cannot seem to accept aftercare very well.

any thoughts appreciated...

GQ

Nicely written.

Two words: Love him.

That's it.

(You may now return to your originally scheduled programming).

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/7/2009 6:15:06 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

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I am really happy about all the posts here and THANK YOU ALL so much..
so much compassion..real thought and effort into the posts ..and private e mails with sites and info..
IT is a really GOOD community here..wow

I have so much more to offer sub b when he returns..so much more now for us..

GQ

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/7/2009 6:57:34 AM

servantforuse

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I think he is being selfish and is topping from the bottom. He enjoys the restrictions and doesn't really care about your wants or needs.

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/7/2009 8:39:46 AM

lateralist1

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I was thinking the same thing. It definietly seems like he is topping from the bottom.
Some people like the fact that in a D/s relationship they don't have to give of themselves but just 'perform' for their Dominant.
He also may find what you are trying to engage him is beneath him.
Maybe he just doesn't actually need 'fixing'.
You are making an awful lot of assumptions about what he needs from a D/s relationship. Have you actually asked him?
Some people especially some men don't want to be loved.
They just want to be challenged.
Life can be pretty boring if you are capable of so much more than your circumstances offer you.
He may also enjoy your frustration.
Things are not always how they may seem on the surface.

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/7/2009 9:08:51 AM

LaTigresse

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I have to disagree that it is topping from the bottom and somewhat agree with SirMike.

Several years ago I got to know a lovely young woman that has served as a slave her entire adult life. The upbringing she had, combined with the training she received as a young slave had left her strongly imprinted with mannerisms and ideas of what slavery is. Her whole being so strongly identifies with that early training, for her, it is the only way she knows to serve. To even suggest it was abuse would cause her great upset. She simply cannot serve any other way.

She is very bright, extremely so. She can function well on her own and can take care of herself quite well. Yet she needs to do so within the parameters of her early training. The discipline she has with everything from personal hygiene to diet, work, sleeping, just everything, is amazing. She will never even take initiative in showing affection or pleasing her mistress sexually. Every single thing must be orchestrated. She also strongly identifies pain and extreme tasks (example: 3 pounds of rice thrown all about the house that must be picked up with tweezers, or standing in one position in the centre of the room, over night) with serving. Because of that early training she simply would not be able to serve a mistress that was not similar, in structure and expectation. I just would not compute as serving, in her mind.

After getting to know her, and how her mind worked, I knew there was no way she and I would be compatible as mistress/slave. Now, I did entertain the idea of trying, bringing her here and attempting to rework her idea of service, simply because I came to care for her so much. But I really do not know if she would have ever found happiness with me, in that manner. I was also afraid that, in the end, I might end up doing more harm than good. Something I could not have lived with.

Now she is with a mistress that feels similarly as she, and they are both very happy. I keep in touch with both of them and am overjoyed that they seem to have very strong feelings for one another. Watching them grow together has been a pleasure.

There is no way anyone but the two of you can know what is right for you. I do wish you the best in whatever path you take.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 6/7/2009 9:13:01 AM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/7/2009 9:27:26 AM

servantforuse

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i often fantasize of being broken by a woman and serving like that. The part i don't understand is how he can easily separate his vanilla and slave life. slave michael

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RE: can I un/retrain this man & rejuvenate his SPIRIT? - 6/7/2009 10:12:16 AM

LadyPact

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It's a very good question, GQ. The one I find Myself wanting to ask in return is does he want to be retrained? It very well might be a case of not just prior training, but his comfort zone in submission. The lack of personal expression could be exactly that for him. His personal expression of his submissive self. I see if very much the same way as those who may not have been commanded to do so, but feel more connected to their submission when referring to themselves in the third person. If that is the case, you may have to look at compatibility.

If that is not the case, I have to agree with many of the suggestions offered. Take things a step at a time and work on things in bits and pieces, rather than all at once. After seven years of serving someone else who seems to have a much different style than you, it will take time and patience on your part. I'll echo RedMagic here. Take the approach that the other style wasn't wrong, just different, and that you have different expectations for a submissive who is serving you.

One part of the original post that I wanted to comment on was your thought that the prior seven years of service might have actually been abuse. It may have been. As you and I both know, there are abusive folks within our realm who only change the term to dominance and figure that because they call it that, everything is fine. The submissives who fall prey to them in past dynamics are going to take more nurturing and understanding. Can you bring them back? Yes, you can. I have every faith that if this is the case, you are absolutely up to the task.

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