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Andalusite -> RE: Online to real-time in a month is *fast*?!? (6/6/2009 7:23:27 PM)
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SoulPiercer, I wouldn't say it isn't "real," per se, but I wouldn't agree to be in a relationship with someone I'd never even met face to face! I can't really speak to the vanilla sites you mention, since I have no reason to join them. I didn't get into the online BDSM thing or the public Scene until after I'd been doing BDSM in person for years. So, some of the attitudes that get parroted here and on other BDSM-oriented sites don't fit my perspective in the slightest.
agirl, I agree that playing in a hotel room on the first date, after 1 month or 6 months or whatever is way too fast. Connecting emotionally, and learning whether or not you are actually compatible takes some time. I don't think there's a specific time limit - it works out at different rates for different people. I know I took that quote out of context, but I've seen it other places here as well, just not quite as explicitly.
Kia, I didn't get stood up by anybody I agreed to meet here, or from the other site where I found my last boyfriend/Dom. I've heard that's very common. Personally, I use the Interwebs primarily to make the initial contact, and do rudimentary screening (is he interesting? in a relationship already? local? within my age range? etc.). Most of my relationships have been private-play only, so going to munches or playparties isn't one of my criteria.
CelticPrince, I noticed that on your profile back when I was looking, since your posts are so interesting, and you're local. Taking 6 months to meet someone who lives less than an hour away would *not* work for me, but if it works for you and your partners, that's great!
colouredin, exactly - I am open to a lot of different possibilities in terms of kinks, relationship structures, etc., though there are a lot that won't work for me at all. I think it's a lot hotter and more fun to discuss those things interactively in person, listening to their heartrate and their breathing get a little faster, and so forth. Reducing it all to a bunch of checklists or essays might be intellectually interesting, but it would still be so abstract!
allthatjaz, I can't determine chemistry at all over the Internet, or even after meeting in person, until we do at least a little biting and hairpulling and whatnot. Sometimes it is really intense right from the start, but more often, it takes a couple of dates to develop.
Missokyst, I've run into guys posing as women since oh, '93, back before the World Wide Web was around, when we were all using UNIX shell accounts, and the pictures were crude ASCII graphics. I don't understand the appeal either, but it certainly isn't unique to BDSM or dating sites!
MmeGigs, we've met a few of each others' friends, and that's important to me as well! I don't want to feel like I'm someone's dirty little secret, though I'm not "out" about my kink or D/s inclinations in vanilla-public places.
antipode and LaT, by "real time" I meant dating in person, being in physical proximity, whether or not it includes play. By "commitment," I mean becoming their girlfriend, and/or agreeing to a particular D/s role with the other person, whether or not the "collaring" terminology is used. Being regular playpartners isn't something I'd consider to be a commitment, but YMMV.
YHMA and Christinestill <singing> "I like you. You like me.. Let's go out for some coffee!"
RedMagic, I don't have a specific time frame for meeting, though on average it's been a week or two. If there's a good reason to take longer (ie. they are dealing with finals at school, or going on a business trip, or I suppose if they're long distance, then making the logistics work could be more challenging. I just was amazed by how many people said that a month was way too soon to take things to face-to-face!
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