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RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/21/2009 1:02:28 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby
for some willing volunteer to write a profile specifically for those having trouble.

One of the best posts ever.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm

Seconded, Stephann is a legend

I always thought that post should become required reading. ;)

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Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

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Post #: 41

RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/21/2009 5:15:49 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brisbaneBoy88

Been on this Site for what seems like years, in fact its been a couple of years. The reason i joined in because I'm genuinely interested in BDSM and its lifestyle and wanted to find people my own age in my area who have the same interests. For some reason Though no matter what i do, people just don't respond, I send genuine emails,(not just one liners) and have tried multiple approaches, but nothing seams to work. I don't know what else to do, Thinking about giving up and not bothering anymore. Am I doing something wrong?

a few thoughts.

1) if you are here because you are interested in bdsm and the lifestyle and want to learn more - come to the forums. there are always people who are willing to give you good and wise advice, who will tell you you aren't a real dom/slave, who will have funny or helpful anecdotes, etc. just pick through all of it and you'll gain some knowledge about what you like and, more importantly, what you don't like.
2) as far as finding someone your own age in your area who has the same interests, good fucking luck. granted, this will depend on where you live. for instance, I live in Alabama, there is very few profiles in my state. as far as people who I find attractive on this site from my state, well...yeah. if you're from a densly populated area, this may be realistic. if you are not, then this site is not going to give you what you are looking for and you should either go elsewhere (TNG, different sites, munches) or use this site for what it can offer you. Also, you might just be shit out of luck. the nearest tng group to me is 3+ hours away in Atlanta.
3) what is the goat of your emails? is it to hook up or have someone to play with? is it to seek information or exhange ideas? I'm guessing it is to hook up and play around, if that's the case, lower your standards. some of the girls on these sites have told me that when they first make profiles they can pull in around a hundred messages a day for a while. I don't doubt them. If you really just want to find out more things about who you are and what you like, perhaps it will be necessary to relax a few limitations and follow through with what you can find.

but then again, you are talking to a straight male whose collarme.com profile admirers are 80% male so I am probably doing something wrong as well.

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all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

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Post #: 42

RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/21/2009 5:19:37 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Your photo isn't bad but it had a bit of "deer caught in headlights" look.

that's actually the 'this is the first time I've seen the collarme boards and I just found out what a butterfly boards was' look.

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all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

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Post #: 43

RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/21/2009 5:26:25 PM

variation30

Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: brisbaneBoy88

Been on this Site for what seems like years, in fact its been a couple of years. The reason i joined in because I'm genuinely interested in BDSM and its lifestyle and wanted to find people my own age in my area who have the same interests. For some reason Though no matter what i do, people just don't respond, I send genuine emails,(not just one liners) and have tried multiple approaches, but nothing seams to work. I don't know what else to do, Thinking about giving up and not bothering anymore. Am I doing something wrong?

Take an aspirin....you're a kid...you're 21 years old....you haven't even figured out that it's worth it to work 2 extra hours a week for the next 6 years to pay an attorney for all the shit you're gonna do in the next 8 years.....

You don't know shit....but in short order you will.

It's all good....

You'll get there....honest.

Ya know what?

Work hard....pay your fucking bills, know that chics want to fuck you waaaaaaaay the hell more than you'll ever guess....your buddies Mom (who you've thought was hot for the last 2 years....who, by the way, has thought you were hot for the last 4) is checking you out....and....those pricks that you work for (currently)....they're gonna have some say in your future.

It's all good.

Have a great time....truly.

I was wondering when the grizzled old man brigade would come out.

p.s. you left out 'at 21 you don't even know the best way to wipe your own ass'.

< Message edited by variation30 -- 6/21/2009 5:27:00 PM >

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all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

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Post #: 44

RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/29/2009 8:16:17 PM

abuddingdom

Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline

When I came into the lifestyle about 2 1/2 years ago I communicated some with a real experienced Master. I was friendly - just friendly - with his longtime submissive through our local groups & she introduced us. We exchanged several emails & met for lunch once & we talked of his mentoring me but it never went anywhere & we lost touch. He also lives about 100 miles away- if he was local possibly we may have pursued it more, but who knows? Poor woman - she tried to fix me up with her close longtime submissive friend , but she was& from what I hear still is admittedly very very gunshy due to some bad experiences, & that didnt go anywhere either. But back to her Master - I recollect him asking me if I was on any sites & which ones. I told him I was on here at the time ( I left sometime later but then came back some time later) & other than afew pleasant email exchanges it was going nowhere. He scoffed at the idea of ever finding anyone on a free site & was of the opinion that people who were serious & of quality would be willing to pay money for their ads & would attract seriousness&quality in kind. I think, though(not sure), that they met in RL, through one of the local groups.

As for my reality- I left this site several months later & I WAS frustrated at the lack of success I had here. I now know that not only was I inexperienced but other than knowing for certain that I'm not submissive I had little idea of who & what I actually wanted to be asa D type. Almost 4 decades of kink & topping hadnt prepared me for D/s, & I was only just getting that it isnt about sex (repeat until you get it, abuddingdom, it isnt about sex). So of course I didnt have success here.

I'm in no way suggesting that thats the OP's problem. But, there's an old saying - when you stop looking, thats when it happens. I wasnt actively looking when I met my pretty one in RL, & neither was she. & her longterm hopes didnt include someone like me- she was used to very different styles of Dominance than mine. I in fact, impressed by her profile( not to mention her pic) at the time, had once emailed her here, about a year before we met. She didnt reply , though she did have a vague memory of it. As I type she sleeps in the next room after a day of serving me, my collar locked on her neck.

There's no magic answers - keep looking, stop looking, change your profile, seek out a mentor, somehow get experience, etc. I had no luck "finding someone" hereabouts, but I somehow suspect that CM played a part in it somehow. & there's a lot of other reasons to being here than "finding somone". we're both still here, & we're both not looking, other than for friends.......

I hope you find what you seek, here or there. Some do.......

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Post #: 45

RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/29/2009 8:37:19 PM

MstrPBK

Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

ummm your probably not doing something wrong; my guess is that your probably doing everything right.

For 18 years I have politely looked for my "next slave". I have gotten the entire spectrum of people; and the entire spectrum of rejections.
I have often thought about giving up my self, but deep down inside I am an optimist. The hope that the slave would finally be real and appear on my doorstep and want to come back over and over and over again.

MstrPBK
St Paul, MN USA

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Post #: 46

RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/29/2009 8:49:18 PM

flogger

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/27/2004
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I want to respond and I don't want to respond.

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Post #: 47

RE: Thinking about giving up - 6/30/2009 3:51:02 AM

Goddess2002

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

Eh, I think our OP lad has given up already...

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Post #: 48

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/1/2009 12:08:13 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby
for some willing volunteer to write a profile specifically for those having trouble.

One of the best posts ever.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm

Seconded, Stephann is a legend

I always thought that post should become required reading. ;)

[bold]That old thing?

Seriously, I'm glad it's still helpful.

Stephan

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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Post #: 49

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/1/2009 3:48:09 PM

seekerof

Posts: 18
Joined: 5/26/2009
Status: offline

Don't give up- but do be patient. All good things in time.

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Post #: 50

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/2/2009 9:07:44 AM

maia09

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brisbaneBoy88

Been on this Site for what seems like years, in fact its been a couple of years. The reason i joined in because I'm genuinely interested in BDSM and its lifestyle and wanted to find people my own age in my area who have the same interests. For some reason Though no matter what i do, people just don't respond, I send genuine emails,(not just one liners) and have tried multiple approaches, but nothing seams to work. I don't know what else to do, Thinking about giving up and not bothering anymore. Am I doing something wrong?

Reading your profile doesn't entice me to want to connect with you. You're bored with vanilla and have been interested in BDSM for a long time. So? i'm not being sarcastic, just hopefully offering that a profile is the first introduction to you. If it's not all that interesting, why would you think someone would be interested in chatting further with you. i highly recommend being more detailed on your profile and filling out the interests section.

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"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

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Post #: 51

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/2/2009 9:37:54 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*waves hi to Stephann and Charlotte* hope you are doing well!

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Post #: 52

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/2/2009 9:48:57 AM

Esinn

Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brisbaneBoy88

Been on this Site for what seems like years, in fact its been a couple of years. The reason i joined in because I'm genuinely interested in BDSM and its lifestyle and wanted to find people my own age in my area who have the same interests. For some reason Though no matter what i do, people just don't respond, I send genuine emails,(not just one liners) and have tried multiple approaches, but nothing seams to work. I don't know what else to do, Thinking about giving up and not bothering anymore. Am I doing something wrong?

I do not have any friends here yet either dude. Possibly we should form an alliance? However, I am a very eccentric person. As that implies my passions and interests are unique. So, for me it is ok.

Really though dude? Throwing in the towel - no shit? I have passively taken mixed martial arts for years. Mind you I am not very good, it is a very passive interest.... I do it so I can inspire interest in my daughter(She is awesome). So, I've been slammed on my head, choked out and beat down. A girl even chipped my tooth(that bitch ha!). The back of my neck hurt to get tattooed, the left side a little more and the right a little more. I still want to get my throat done.

Didn't Abe Lincoln run for office 14 times before being elected? If you have it in you to quit this soon - yes you should quit. What might be most helpful, I bet you are too shy, post some messages you have submitted to prospects so we can analyze them and provide feedback. Don't quit dude we are on the same team.

Sorry I am in an odd mood.

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Post #: 53

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/2/2009 9:50:15 AM

Esinn

Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

quote:

Eh, I think our OP lad has given up already...

OH SHIT? Really? I just wrote such an inspiring message too. Well, there goes my alliance.

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Post #: 54

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/2/2009 7:10:21 PM

flogger

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/27/2004
Status: offline

LOL

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Post #: 55

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/2/2009 11:01:57 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

He (the OP) still has a profile on the other side so who knows, perhaps he has not been able to come in and read the replies. We can speculate all we want bit at the end it is only that, speculation.

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Post #: 56

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/2/2009 11:52:34 PM

EmelineRose

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/12/2009
Status: offline

I've known people now, both D and s, who have been searching for years without success - I mean, years. And there's nothing wrong with the people - they often have a lot to offer.

I personally believe it is very hard to find the right match in D/s, but some people just get lucky.

I think maybe it would be best for you if you took a break, but the real answer is persistence. Good luck!

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Post #: 57

RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/3/2009 5:33:41 PM

penitentialarts

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/2/2009
Status: offline

You have three basic disadvantages on these types of sites (when it comes to getting responses or inquiries): you are young, you are male, and you are a switch. The fact of the matter is that women easily get 100x the reponses that men do, and that there are a lot of women out there (submissive or dominant) who will not play with switches, largely because they don't really understand the headspace of switching and don't realize that there are many varieties of switches. There are also many women who won't play with men who are younger than them, for whatever reason.

You aren't alone in those disadvantages, though. Half the people on the planet are male. There are more young women in the lifestyle nowadays than in the recent past, and you will continue to get older, so that issue isn't as bad as it was years ago. There are fewer switches than dominants or submissives, but you can still work with that. I'm a male switch, and I have had decent luck over the years, including a 10 year relationship with a submissive.

A few other people have mentioned some of these things, so I won't beat them to death. In summary:

- get very, very involved with your local kinky community
- participate in forums and such online
- stay active on other kink/bdsm/fetish sites, as well
- fill out your profile completely - it needs to be about 10x more detailed than it is right now
- persevere

Different websites have different strengths. Collarme has better profile searching that Fetlife, but Fetlife's forums are much more active. Craigslist has a higher ratio of BS on it, but the sheer number of people who read it gives it a major advantage. Even when you cut out the spam, the one-line responses, the one-night-stand seekers, the cheaters, and the BS emails, I still get far, far, far better responses from kinky folks (leading to real-life meetings) on Craigslist than either Collarme or Fetlife. The best bet is to stay active on all three of them, though, and any others you can find.

Most of all, though, you have to really stick with it. It may take years to find a compatible partner - that's just the price we pay for being so far out of the sexual mainstream.

- Jesse

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RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/4/2009 1:27:06 PM

Lordi71

Posts: 44
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline

Probab;y been mentioned but its worth checking out clubs and societies close to you...Dont go expecting to attract, just go and make friends, from there you will achieve the information needed and be able to move further along...

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RE: Thinking about giving up - 7/9/2009 4:19:33 PM

herbcaroll

Posts: 23
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline

Clicks on a keyboard can only be part of your approach. I wouldn't give up, but I also wouldn't be too distraught over the situation. It may change; it may not. Either way, enjoy the rest of your life and don't worry too much about hoping to find happiness or fulfillment through anyone else, including a Domme. Fact is, unless we male subs are willing to pay, the odds are not in our favor. Oh well.

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