Thinking about giving up (Full Version)

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brisbaneBoy88 -> Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 7:47:04 AM)

Been on this Site for what seems like years, in fact its been a couple of years. The reason i joined in because I'm genuinely interested in BDSM and its lifestyle and wanted to find people my own age in my area who have the same interests. For some reason Though no matter what i do, people just don't respond, I send genuine emails,(not just one liners) and have tried multiple approaches, but nothing seams to work. I don't know what else to do, Thinking about giving up and not bothering anymore. Am I doing something wrong?



colouredin -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 7:48:46 AM)

This will sound harsh, but yes I expect you are doing something wrong. I dont know what because I don't know you but I have met many many many people from this site and get wonderful responses from them and have been on here a few years. (Mind I do have a vagina)



LaTigresse -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 7:49:03 AM)

Have you connected with ANYone in your area, regardless of gender or orientation? Made friends, met people, gone to local gatherings, etc?

Or are you just emailing all the local profiles with pictures of hot women?



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 7:50:22 AM)

You could be, or the people could just be people who don't want to talk.  The problem is you're on a site for one specific reason, and that reasons not being met, then you're like I may leave. Why not sit back post enjoy use the site for a fun communication tool, and then if you're out there and being seen you might get more replies.

Or look up local munches and stuff or things that are close to your area, or if not exactly close are worth the hour or so  drive.



WarKirby -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 7:55:25 AM)

quote:

I have met many many many people from this site and get wonderful responses from them and have been on here a few years. (Mind I do have a vagina)


Here is the crux of the matter. If you're female, you're going to be bombarded with millions of messages
If you're male, you get very few.

One thing I think would be an interesting exercise though, is for some willing volunteer to write a profile specifically for those having trouble. People could read it, send a message like they would to anyone they'd approach, and that person could tell them why they like or dislike the message, the sender, etc. And what could be improved.

General guidelines are all well and good, but some specific help like "your profile has spelling mistakes here, here, and here" or "you seem boring. Don't you have any hobbies to mention? " could be a lot more helpfu.


That said, specific advice to the OP:

1. Your kinks/interests list is non existent. Fill that out a bit.
2. Talk about your experience. if you have none, be honest.
3. Discuss what type of person you're looking to meet. What roles you enjoy. Your profile says switch .Do you tend towards one side more than the other? Answer that in your profile
4. What kind of relationships are you looking for? casual play? long term?


Also, only slightly related. Are you really 70 lbs? As far as I'm aware, that's dangerously underweight for a man of your height. Perhaps others reading your profile are interpreting that as you being unhealthy? It'd be pretty naive to think being overweight doesn't hurt your chances of meeting people. it's not hard to imagine that being underweight would do likewise.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 7:58:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
Mind I do have a vagina

Proof! I want proof!



colouredin -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:01:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
Mind I do have a vagina

Proof! I want proof!



All in good time my pretty



RedMagic1 -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:03:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby
for some willing volunteer to write a profile specifically for those having trouble.

One of the best posts ever.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm



angelikaJ -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:03:53 AM)

Giving up seems unnecessary.

You say you have been here a couple of years but your join date is less than 2 weeks ago.
(you may have made a new profile)

Your profile doesn't say very much.
This is your first post and you have no entries in your journal.

Flesh out your profile, post more and write in your journal.
That will improve your visibility.

Your photo isn't bad but it had a bit of "deer caught in headlights" look.
Have a friend take some candids in which you are smiling or look engaged in your surroundings.

Best wishes.



colouredin -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:06:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WarKirby
for some willing volunteer to write a profile specifically for those having trouble.

One of the best posts ever.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm



Seconded, Stephann is a legend



tsatske -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:09:35 AM)

This site will work better for you, in terms of finding someone, if you are using the site as a fun social avenue. Post. you will meet some people, one of them may be the one - or someone might mention you to someone they know.
Find your local TNG group and go. If you can't find a TNG group, go to a general munch. You have to be around people to meet people. Your basicly saying, 'I've been sitting here on this planet for any number of years and nothing is happening.' well, yea.



subangi -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:11:27 AM)

I agree with WarKirby.   Put something in your profile of what makes you think you are a switch...many people will initially say that because they are unsure, and, most in this want to know someone who is sure of what their interests are.  



OrionTheWolf -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:15:32 AM)

The best method I have found, to discover people with similar interest, is to walk out my front door and find them. Do not worry so much about age, and such, if you are just wanting to hang out with people with similar interest. Just find where they hang out and go there. Walk up to a group, smile, and say "Hi my name is ___________. I wanted to introduce myself because I am new to this place/group/munch/etc. "

There you go. Now either decide this is something you want, and push yourself harder and be more introspective, or decide it is not worth it and give up.

If it is online meeting you are looking for, follow some of the suggestions here, and/or find email or chatrooms that have similar interest to what you like.



colouredin -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:17:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

The best method I have found, to discover people with similar interest, is to walk out my front door and find them. Do not worry so much about age, and such, if you are just wanting to hang out with people with similar interest. Just find where they hang out and go there. Walk up to a group, smile, and say "Hi my name is ___________. I wanted to introduce myself because I am new to this place/group/munch/etc. "



And don't get too drunk/cry/snog everyone/tell people your life histories/stand on a chair trying to stop a fire alarm - nah actually its fun doing ALL those things



velvetvixen -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:27:03 AM)

Don't give up. 21 years old is too young to give up. Your profile definitely needs to be fleshed out a little bit more and I agree a few more pictures would be a good idea or even just a better main photo would help. Post on these boards and put some thought into what you post before you click ok.

Good luck with everything.

vv



IrishMist -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 8:35:28 AM)

quote:

Been on this Site for what seems like years, in fact its been a couple of years

Hmm, and yet your profile says that you have only been a member for a month or so.

quote:

The best method I have found, to discover people with similar interest, is to walk out my front door and find them. Do not worry so much about age, and such, if you are just wanting to hang out with people with similar interest. Just find where they hang out and go there. Walk up to a group, smile, and say "Hi my name is ___________. I wanted to introduce myself because I am new to this place/group/munch/etc. "

There you go. Now either decide this is something you want, and push yourself harder and be more introspective, or decide it is not worth it and give up.

If it is online meeting you are looking for, follow some of the suggestions here, and/or find email or chatrooms that have similar interest to what you like.

This is about some of the best advice you will find.
Get out and off the computer and meet some people in REAL LIFE who have the same interests that you do.
Just be yourself, and be honest about who you are and what you are looking for.



peppermint -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 9:12:39 AM)

Follow the link in my signature to find groups, event lists, and email lists for Brisbane.  They do exist. 

Online is an okay source for finding people, however, meeting in person is much better.   Don't expect to instantly find your match when you do attend a munch.   That takes time.  You might not meet the person of your dreams at your first event, but someone might know someone who seems to have a lot in common with you.  Networking works wonders.





SimplyMichael -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 9:51:11 AM)

There are a ton of real people on Collarme that I have met, loved one, dated a few, friends with many.  However, I have never met a local woman off of Collarme despite being well respected and having all the "cool plastic badges" of a hot dom.  NEVER!

So, as a 21 year old kid your kind of fucked.  Most women your age who want to have sex don't have to hang out online looking and there is a REASON women your age are on here, they are lost in fantasy, they are complete nutjobs, or they are actually men my age pretending to be women.  The few your age who ARE cool chicks are probably in high demand and your profile doesn't exactly scream "hot with it young stud"

My advice?  Join local groups, where you are with people who actually DO do this stuff and you just might find a lass who finds you hot.  You are not going to find one on here for a variety of reasons.

My advice?  Join local groups, where you are with people who actually DO do this stuff and you just might find a lass who finds you hot.  You are not going to find one on here for a variety of reasons.



GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 10:15:35 AM)

OP:

Combine CM with other things..another dating website with interests/clues in your profile..
attend events( BDSM & Other) as the others said..


I have been in this lifestyle for 20+ years and recently moved to a new city and was scared shitless[:-] to go to the first event here but without real physcial ppl in your support group you a re limited.
One meeting of DOMME women here yielded friendships..contacts..fun and  invites to other invited as guest events as well as helping with a conference coming up..

That always a good one  to volunteer for a conf..or event.

The profile written by another is a REALLY GOOD idea... and I have helped others do that..
it is from a different angle then..
I think your pic is great...and yes a fleshed out profile..
interests..YOU as a person..areas of strength you have..who YOU are..

I agree it is harder for men and for youth..on here   at times..
thus the need for multiple search options
 
or relax in the specific search and enjoy other aspects..go to a workshop..etc..
 
also HOW are you approaching others??
really think.[8|].
I have no idea  but one must READ the profiles and write what they ask for and how..and also not be all me..or what ya into..but trying to build a conversation about the person..not their body parts.hotness or  what the kink is.

.Best of luck..

GQ



colouredin -> RE: Thinking about giving up (6/5/2009 10:19:44 AM)

quote:



ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

So, as a 21 year old kid your kind of fucked. Most women your age who want to have sex don't have to hang out online looking and there is a REASON women your age are on here, they are lost in fantasy, they are complete nutjobs, or they are actually men my age pretending to be women. The few your age who ARE cool chicks are probably in high demand and your profile doesn't exactly scream "hot with it young stud"



Just reposting


Dude I am 22 and not lost in a fantasy or a nutjob but ta for the brush stroke



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