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Coming out - 6/6/2009 4:34:18 PM

belindat

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/6/2009
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Hi All,

We're new to this forum but not new to d/s - bdsm. (30 years).

We have now gotten to the point where mistress, (I'm a sissy sub), is changing my looks/figure with pills. (My growing breasts are starting to show through cloths. Long nails are evident and pierced ears are obvious). What we want to know is how do you 'come out' to family and friends? (Two 80 year old mothers and a daughter and 3 grand daughters). Also how do you cope with everyday tasks that require contact with 'normal' society? We have really hit a wall. We even tried to give up the lifestyle but it is simply overwhelming me. Soon we will be discovered and we really fear the consequences if not handled correctly.

Post #: 1

RE: Coming out - 6/6/2009 5:04:58 PM

Arpig

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Gee, don't you think you should have considered those questions before you started taking the pills? As to how to deal, well I guess since you are leaving yourself so little wiggle room, you will just have to be honest, if anybody asks or notices, just say "My Mistress wishes it so, if you have any further questions please take it up with her"

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Post #: 2

RE: Coming out - 6/6/2009 5:08:22 PM

lovingpet

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Joined: 6/19/2005
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You have both entered into some rather overt and extreme territory. There is no shame in taking a step back if things are beyond a level that is working for your current lives. I know how it is to deal with things that are not going to be easily hidden for long. My partner and I have not ventured into those things yet specifically because we do not know how we will address them with those closest to us. In this particular instance, perhaps you've jumped in to something too big too fast and need to go back a bit and set the foundation for it.

I have no particular advice except that you can either open up this aspect of your life now, wait for it to come out on its own, or scale things back so they can remain private until you both are ready to deal with it. As far as what to say or anything of that nature, it is going to have to be something that you are wise enough to know how each person is best approached and will handle the information. I somehow doubt this is going to come out with everyone happy and accepting of it. It may, but I doubt it. Can you both accept potential rejection for the sake of this fetish you seem to enjoy?

lovingpet

(in reply to belindat)

Post #: 3

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 2:54:35 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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If it's something your Mistress wants then she tells people and protects you from the flak.
If it's your desire and she is going along with it then you tell them and protect her from the flak.
If it's something you both desire then stay strong together.
It's your decision as a couple. It's not really anyone else's business but the people close to you need to be reassurred that you have thought it through and you know what you are doing.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 4

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 3:00:51 PM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
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From: The Desert
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As far as the everday contacts go, the best you can do is just do your est not to care what other people say
your family is a different matter, I would recommend taking them aside, alone or in small groups so that you dont feel overwhelmed and explaining what you are doing, and why. I cannot promise that it will all work out for the best, but sometimes that is the price for the lifestyle that fits you

I wish you both the best of luck

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Post #: 5

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 3:07:04 PM

beargonewild

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I'm still stuck on what the OP considers "normal" society?

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Post #: 6

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 3:08:24 PM

Asherdelampyr

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My guess is while the op is shopping, going to the bank, that sort of thing

((I dont know, I dont leave the house anymore, since leaving means I have to stop being nekkid))

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Post #: 7

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 3:12:06 PM

Lockit

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Not sure I would want to rock the world of an eighty year old. In that case, I would think of others before myself. There are simply things one doesn't need to know, hear through the grapevine or anything else. If you waited this long rather than tell them when they might handle it better... you can wait a while longer.

Sometimes doing the right thing doesn't include self.

If they can handle the shock... do what you will... but do consider those you have already kept secrets from and how it might have been better before rather than now.

Just my two cents...

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Post #: 8

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 3:15:21 PM

Asherdelampyr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Not sure I would want to rock the world of an eighty year old. In that case, I would think of others before myself. There are simply things one doesn't need to know, hear through the grapevine or anything else. If you waited this long rather than tell them when they might handle it better... you can wait a while longer.

Sometimes doing the right thing doesn't include self.

If they can handle the shock... do what you will... but do consider those you have already kept secrets from and how it might have been better before rather than now.

Just my two cents...

depending on how far certain physical things are progressing, and the eyesight of the 80 year olds in question, there may not be a choice

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Post #: 9

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 3:25:53 PM

Lockit

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ROFL!

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Post #: 10

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 3:28:03 PM

Asherdelampyr

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Jus sayin :P

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Post #: 11

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 3:29:25 PM

Lockit

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I imagine I would be pretty blind by then... I had to laugh... but I have it pre-arranged... at that point I get to grope!

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Post #: 12

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 3:31:58 PM

DVsFox

Posts: 133
Joined: 11/12/2008
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Well, I've always been of the belief that certain aspects of my private life are absolutely not the business of my family. If it were to ever escalate to the point where I -had- to tell them(and I cannot imagine a situation where it would be necessary), I'd simply do so in a manner that spared as much detail as possible. For me, it would be as simple as, "I like for my (soon to be) wife to be in charge of things and this arrangement makes us very happy."

That being said, you're dealing with certain physical things that I will never have to deal with. I'd like to think, if I were in your shoes, that my Owner and I would have taken that into consideration before we began that journey. That being said, I'm not in your shoes and I don't know why you chose to do things the way you did. All I keep thinking is that you'll either be forced to stop it or forced tell them... I can't imagine a middle ground and I really don't know how one would go about explaining that to family. Unless keeping things going and still keeping it to yourself is a possibility...because if it is, then that's the best way to go. It's your private life, after all.

DV's Fox

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

Post #: 13

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 4:09:14 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

My breasts have been showing through my shirt for a few years now and no one has caught on. Of course I'm just fat, but still, it would be nice if someone asked me if I was growing boobies.

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Post #: 14

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 4:22:22 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

OP:

If you have been in BDSM for 30 years you may find that many know some of what is occuring anyway but don't quite have a name for it..
And it depends on your family and friends..t
the dynamics are there as to how to come out..

YOU may find support.."oh we knew anyway" or being ostrisized..or withdrawal for thought...

Whne somone is old..we do not wish to up set them and yet beating around the bush..
or lying is not a good idea..
MY grandmother who was 100 still knew what was up even when we tried to hide things from her..like a gay member or an abused person.

Depending on your relationship with your mom..
I ahev a couple ideas...

GO slow ....start to "drop hints" or watch for opening in conversation..pick a moment..find a movie or mag article to bring up or read or see to discuss..or maybe a preson in the news similar will give you an idea of her feelings

OR
if it is a solid relationship you could both sit down and talk..with your MOM
about how you care and that this makes you happy without telling her so much she will be overwhelmed..be clear and consise with few details...adn if there are a lot of questiosn simply say this is private business but we wanted you to know what was happening and that we are happy in our lives.TOO much info can overload

I would try to find a support on line( specific to this)
or SOMEONE has has done this,,
and talk to them..too

AND initial reactions are not always HOW the person stays feeling
so KEEP THE DOORS open and do not react....retaliate..threaten etc....simple state or re-state and do not justify .... it is your life..
adn be prepared for doors to be shut and for some to stay open...many will surprise you..

GQ

(in reply to DVsFox)

Post #: 15

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 4:23:15 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Blutarsky....Well you have already told us, so I can't ask... but I could ask to see couldn't I? As long as you don't ask what I have in my hands, behind my back...

I should have quoted!

< Message edited by Lockit -- 6/8/2009 4:26:08 PM >

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Post #: 16

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 4:27:45 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Blutarsky....Well you have already told us, so I can't ask... but I could ask to see couldn't I? As long as you don't ask what I have in my hands, behind my back...

I should have quoted!

I know you were talking to me. It's not the first time you've asked to see my tits.

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Post #: 17

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 4:28:21 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

ROFL!!

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Post #: 18

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 4:45:40 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: belindat

Hi All,

We're new to this forum but not new to d/s - bdsm. (30 years).

We have now gotten to the point where mistress, (I'm a sissy sub), is changing my looks/figure with pills. (My growing breasts are starting to show through cloths. Long nails are evident and pierced ears are obvious). What we want to know is how do you 'come out' to family and friends? (Two 80 year old mothers and a daughter and 3 grand daughters). Also how do you cope with everyday tasks that require contact with 'normal' society? We have really hit a wall. We even tried to give up the lifestyle but it is simply overwhelming me. Soon we will be discovered and we really fear the consequences if not handled correctly.

Well if it's not clear how to 'come out' now (after 30 years in the game) before the pills it sure as hell isn't going to be easier after.
I cry trying to decide which type of tomatoes to buy when the progesterone kicks in....write a list of what to do now whilst you still have some male hormones... you'll end up losing the fucking list anyway....

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/8/2009 4:46:13 PM >

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Post #: 19

RE: Coming out - 6/8/2009 6:28:12 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Bind your breasts so they look flatter and wear loose sweaters. I'm more curious as to what your employer thinks of the new you.

But depending on the physical and mental conditions of the 80 year olds, it may not be necessary to say anything. Forgetfulness could be your friend here.

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Post #: 20

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