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ORIGINAL: Starbuck09

Snip: I completely understand the need for some [or possibly most] submissives to feel as if they are genuinely beneath the object of their desires but I don't in fact a woman who thought I was actually disgusting would deeply hurt me. That does not mean, in my opinion, when engaged in a scene that I am not capable of being totally submissive, it is just that I have a healthy [or at least I like to think of it as healthy!] respect for myself and the person I am, I think i'm nice, kind, intelligent, compassionate and so forth.



I don't mind having to search harder for what I want it is just nice to have the knowledge that such opportunities exist which is something that, previously, I was unsure about.

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ORIGINAL: Starbuck09
I worry that in a relationship with a mistress, whether professional or otherwise, that despite the fact that I would be acting out a fantasy I would be left cold as the person I was sharing that fantasy with was either not enjoying it [or at least not enjoying me but the act itself] or viewed me as beneath them. I can only speak for myself, but I don't do things I don't enjoy - one of the pluses of being dominant.  I also would never be with anyone that I veiwed as beneath me.  There are many different levels on which someone can enjoy something.  I get pleasure at times from denying pleasure to my partner (it's that sadistic streak) or from causing pain (sadist again) and other times I get pleasure from his/her pleasure (that is the loving part of my id). There are lots of things that arouse me from moans, pleads, tears to sounds/signs of ecstasy.

It's something I have a real problem with as my guilt, that a dominant partner would rather not be doing what they are and would prefer me to be dominant [or at least play a  traditional role] or are enjoying it only as they enjoy inflicting a degree of suffering on someone they see as worthy of contempt, makes it difficut for me to ask a mistress to play in this way as I feel it places an unfair burden on them. Here again I would not be with someone worthy of my contempt.  As for the other - I am dominant.  That is true all the time.  I have no desire to dominanted - not a turn on at all. Actually, when a couple of men have tried it all that has happened is they have one pissed off woman on their hands and not for very long as I don't put up with that shit.  Now that said besides being a sadist I am also a sexual masochist, however make no mistake I always remain in charge and it had better be done the way I want it, when I want it and you better follow instructions.


I'm going to Sandhurst in September and before I go I would like the chance to seriously explore my masochistic side but this is holding me back, I have considered visiting a professional dominatrix - I don't think you will get what you are looking for from a pro-dominatrix.  You want a connection with the person you are with.  I would suggest trying to find some local groups and getting to know some of the Dommes.  I have played with new people and for the most part they have become friends even if it didn't lead to a romantic relationship.  Kink between friends can be quite fun.  Try to relax and enjoy your journey.

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ORIGINAL: Starbuck09

Sex is very important to me and something I enjoy alot whether vanilla or otherwise, but much of my enjoyment comes from the knowledge that my partner is enjoying the experience equally

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ORIGINAL: Starbuck09
However i've been in relationships with dominant women before but I find [and I fully accept that this could be nonsense] myself feeling that often what these women want is a break from a submissive partner and instead actually want to be taken in hand so to speak. I don't mind doing this, during vanilla sexual sessions I am usually dominant anyway but I would like sometimes to be able to be fully submissive without feeling like it is something of a burden to my partner to act this out.