RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (Full Version)

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GeorgiaMaam -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 5:54:22 AM)

I absolutely understand that being deaf shouldn't be a huge issue, as the sub should look at the whole package.   However, when you have extremely limited guidelines as to the appearance of the sub, are YOU looking at the whole package? 

In relationships, you get what you give.  



GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 6:05:56 AM)

ALL:

WOULD this profile be creepy if  there was a 40 yr old stud muffin with a six pack in the pic...???..come on..
It is almost as if this man does not have the right ot be a man??
HE can wish for things like any other man all he wants...wheather they come to him or not ..time will tell..I agree that the profile needs work and he is changing his pic..he genuinely wants help here..not ankle biting...
I AGREE THAT HE IS NARROWING HIS POOL BY THE LIMITS OF HIS PREFERENCE
 SO IT WILL TAKE LONGER>

OP:

#1) leave spaces between what you say on your profile...ppl will read it all then..
start paragraphs...and keep each one about one topic..like one on you..one on desires..on on the sub..on on what you have to offer

#2) ask those who wrote or wrote..what in my profile caught your eye?

#3)Put more in your profile about you..the man...not that you want to be rimmed and your cock sucked..most men do..and this does not attract women as a rule..
"hay ya..he wants to be sucked..ya I'll write him.".

It is about HOW Will this man enhance my life? contribute to it?
so that the sub can BUILD a relationship with you..it is NOT all about the kink interests..a realtionship cannot be built on that..even a reg play one..what are your strengths..are you firm..fair..a good listener..attentive..devoted..loyal..a take charge guy?
YOu are obviously creative...re music...and hay put in a quote from a good old jazz guy..

#4) if you really feel you are a DADDY..tell how...how will you care and dote on your girl..guide her..mentor..how will she be YOUR girl...EMOTIONALLY??

#5) age..hearing are of NO CONSEQUENCE...I have seen 50 yr olds with 19 yr olds..73 with 26 and they have be tog. for a while...( an dya one was a woman who was 60 and hte guy 26  yep)
BUT if it is a definate preference
then you may need to OPEN it a bit some how..perhaps as to the body..healthy weight
and I HAVE A HEARING problem and I talk about at the first meeting or 3rd or so
message..just as I talk of my diabetes..it is easy to set up things for this..as YOU know..if I cannot see their mouth then  they always have a bell in their hands etc..

#6) the reason you do not have a sub is not that other DOMS dom..there must be another reason..perahps review and go within and see the last few scenerios and SEE it as an observer watch your self..

#7) as a retired school marm I love helping with things like profile..feel free to message me and discuss further if you like..so far I have helped a few on here D and s....... with good results..

#8) broaden your horizons...LIKE IRON BEAR said.."relaz and enjoy..
maybe volunteer at a conf..or meeting..when you are in a dif mode other than looking for a sub the energy CAN CHANGE

#9) do you want a slave...sub...reg play  partner...Daddy girl..I have seen you say all of them

 
 best of luck
GQ



Apocalypso -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 6:58:52 AM)

If specifically BDSM themed events aren't working for you, look more broadly.

In my experience, certain social activities have a much higher percentage of submissive women then the general populace- poetry slams, writers' groups, goth gigs, art galleries, comic conventions etc.

Now, some of those might not be your kind of thing.  (And don't bother going solely to pick up women if that's the case.  It's obvious.  And everybody hates a tourist).    I'm simply suggesting that you don't have to look specifically at BDSM events to find someone.

If, however, your approach comes across as creepy (and I have no idea if it does or not), that's what you need to resolve.  Until that's sorted, you won't have any luck anywhere.



Ialdabaoth -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 9:45:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

ALL:

WOULD this profile be creepy if  there was a 40 yr old stud muffin with a six pack in the pic...???..come on..
It is almost as if this man does not have the right ot be a man??


I'd say that's a pretty accurate assessment of this site's attitude towards most unsuccessful dom males, yes. We worship the successful; we ridicule the unsuccessful. And both are positive feedback loops.

I love the whole "you're an expert and yet you haven't had a partner in 7 years?" - as if it isn't possible to have been successful in the past, and then run into a dry spell?

Here's a hint: yes, nothing attracts success like confidence. But nothing builds confidence like success. And sometimes people just... aren't successful. It's basically just luck. And a sufficient string of bad luck will shatter someone's confidence enough to make them seem "creepy" - at which point, the failure is locked-in.

flogger: I'm betting part of your problem is the same problem all creepy guys have. You're being too "nice". You're trying too hard to not seem creepy, which is the creepiest thing anyone can possibly do. You probably subconsciously go out of your way not to step on other doms' and subs' toes; you probably subconsciously go out of your way to appear "honorable" and "polite". This is the worst thing you can do.

I'm not saying to be an aggressive jerk - if you were tall, muscular and attractive enough to pull that off, you wouldn't need to. I'm saying to take on the attitude to win at any cost. Stop obsessing about emotional connection and reciprocity. Be willing to see submissives as nothing but targets and possessions; be willing to see doms as nothing but competition and opponents. Dehumanize them. It's a horrid thought at first, but I guarantee you it's what the "successful" people you see are doing (not that they'd admit it, of course) - and it works.

Well, for various values of "works". It's going to break you out of this rut with a certainty. It'll either get you what you want (30% likelihood) or it'll permanently and severely damage your social standing in the lifestyle (50% likelihood) - all the way out to being arrested/falsely accused of all sorts of nastiness/etc. (20% likelihood). But compared to what you've been doing for the past 7 years, it has a much higher chance of success.



WyldHrt -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 11:50:48 AM)

quote:

WOULD this profile be creepy if  there was a 40 yr old stud muffin with a six pack in the pic...???..come on..
It is almost as if this man does not have the right ot be a man??

The way it was before he changed it? Yes.

As it is now, I like it. Straightforward and to the point. [:D]



Asherdelampyr -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 11:54:02 AM)

Dude, your profile reads much better now, at least in my opinion
Good changes



flogger -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 12:12:50 PM)

Buddy, you are so correct...That is my problem..Im too shy to be bold..I would love to just walk up and put my arms around a slaves waist and just rock her and nibble on her ear.  The rules are "dont touch without permission" I don't want to get banned from the dungeon or become a  bad name in the scene.

Any ideas of how to do/act/say what you suggest?



sirsholly -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 12:19:19 PM)

quote:

Be willing to see submissives as nothing but targets and possessions; be willing to see doms as nothing but competition and opponents. Dehumanize them. It's a horrid thought at first, but I guarantee you it's what the "successful" people you see are doing (not that they'd admit it, of course) - and it works.
Now this has to be one of the WORST pieces of bullshit i have ever read here.

Lemme tell you something Ialdabaoth...if you approached me, or any of the other subs i know with that attitude you would be reported to the DM and removed.

I have seen many successful Dom/sub relationships (even if it is just playing together for the evening) and ALL are based on respect.



Asherdelampyr -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 12:21:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: flogger

Buddy, you are so correct...That is my problem..Im too shy to be bold..I would love to just walk up and put my arms around a slaves waist and just rock her and nibble on her ear.  The rules are "dont touch without permission" I don't want to get banned from the dungeon or become a  bad name in the scene.

Any ideas of how to do/act/say what you suggest?


You have to show that you are someone worth the time and effort of a relationship
that means more than the sum of your BDSM experience, you have to show that you are successful in life. that you have goals, and plans to acheive them
its really not all about touching a gilr the right way (no matter how much I flirt) you have to show them the total package (And I dont mean the one under the leather undies)




lusciouslips19 -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 12:29:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

Dude, your profile reads much better now, at least in my opinion
Good changes



I agree. Now you come off approachable and open. [:)]



lilgirl2008 -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play? (6/9/2009 12:41:06 PM)

Look for someone to be a submissive rather then simply a play partner. I hear the term play partner and it makes me cringe. It says to me that I am merely a piece of meat for him to beat on. I actually do want to be cared about in some way.

Perhaps if you found a partner in all aspects more then just play..it will work better for you.



CarrieO -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 12:42:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr


You have to show that you are someone worth the time and effort of a relationship



This has to be THE best bit of advice ever!!!! Doesn't matter what label you use, Dom/me, sub/slave, this is good advice for everyone.


Edited to add..... flogger, checked out the new profile and I have to say, Well done! Good luck and have fun.



Asherdelampyr -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 12:47:59 PM)

thanks Carrie
it is actually something my grandad told me while he was explaining the facts of life



purepleasure -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 12:58:16 PM)

The new profile is MUCH better!  Cudos to you for listening to sound advice!  Too many here don't.



IronBear -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 1:22:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Be willing to see submissives as nothing but targets and possessions; be willing to see doms as nothing but competition and opponents. Dehumanize them. It's a horrid thought at first, but I guarantee you it's what the "successful" people you see are doing (not that they'd admit it, of course) - and it works.
Now this has to be one of the WORST pieces of bullshit i have ever read here.

Lemme tell you something Ialdabaoth...if you approached me, or any of the other subs i know with that attitude you would be reported to the DM and removed.

I have seen many successful Dom/sub relationships (even if it is just playing together for the evening) and ALL are based on respect.



I really have to agree with the bolded section and I also agree that the profile is so much better than before. However here is the catch22 situation. Often blokes (I am taking this way beyond BDSM and into the general social world of vanilla too) who are nice and helpful, well mannered and polite are seen as "Creeps" or gay but in any case not "real; men" who stand up, take no shit and take what they want. I have to say that many well mannered, gentle, polite men I know are real men who don't take shit or kindly to bully boy techniques and have often enough sent the so called macko man off with a flea in his ear after he has picked himself up. We mostly judge people against what our experiences tell uis is an ideal. Lower your standards and you get a low life type of chap.. However there is light at the end of the tunnel. people who have develoveped self confidence and self assuredness, know their own worth and don't give a flying fruit bat what modern convention says about age etc mostly have also attained persopnal power and personal sucesses. Success breads power. Power besides being a tremendious aphrodisiac, attracts people. Sub/slaves are often attracted to a Dominant or Master/Mistress because they eminate personal power. This would in my opinion be the berst way to attract people you want.



Ialdabaoth -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 1:53:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Be willing to see submissives as nothing but targets and possessions; be willing to see doms as nothing but competition and opponents. Dehumanize them. It's a horrid thought at first, but I guarantee you it's what the "successful" people you see are doing (not that they'd admit it, of course) - and it works.
Now this has to be one of the WORST pieces of bullshit i have ever read here.

Lemme tell you something Ialdabaoth...if you approached me, or any of the other subs i know with that attitude you would be reported to the DM and removed.


Don't worry, I wouldn't. Just because I know how the game is played doesn't mean I'm willing to play it. I've consciously made the choice to be a loser, rather than an asshole - but I made it with my eyes open, knowing what the actual rules are (and how different they are from the "rules" we're taught, like "it's all about respect"). Of course, the system relies on no one penetrating that edifice, so I probably shouldn't spend so much time pulling back the Great and Powerful Oz's curtain.

quote:

I have seen many successful Dom/sub relationships (even if it is just playing together for the evening) and ALL are based on respect.


In all frankness: how many of them are based on respect, and how many of them are based on the social appearance of respect? Because these are two very, very different things.



Ialdabaoth -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 1:58:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear
Often blokes (I am taking this way beyond BDSM and into the general social world of vanilla too) who are nice and helpful, well mannered and polite are seen as "Creeps" or gay but in any case not "real; men" who stand up, take no shit and take what they want.


^^^ Also, this. ^^^

quote:

I have to say that many well mannered, gentle, polite men I know are real men who don't take shit or kindly to bully boy techniques and have often enough sent the so called macko man off with a flea in his ear after he has picked himself up.


The ones that can get away with that, yeah.

quote:

We mostly judge people against what our experiences tell uis is an ideal. Lower your standards and you get a low life type of chap.. However there is light at the end of the tunnel. people who have develoveped self confidence and self assuredness, know their own worth and don't give a flying fruit bat what modern convention says about age etc mostly have also attained persopnal power and personal sucesses. Success breads power. Power besides being a tremendious aphrodisiac, attracts people. Sub/slaves are often attracted to a Dominant or Master/Mistress because they eminate personal power. This would in my opinion be the berst way to attract people you want.


This relies on circumstances, which I'm betting have not been kind to mr. flogger so far. Certainly, what you're describing is the right way to go about things, but you know what? things don't always work out the way they should. Do you think everyone who treats the people around them like objects does so because they just don't care? Plenty of people have done so because it's the only thing they've learned that works. Of course, plenty of people have done so because they're legitimately sociopathic, too - but those are a very small minority.

The beauty of it is, though, you play being the "bad boy" well enough, and everyone will call it a form of goodness. It's surreal, but I've seen it happen too many times to discount it - so forgive me if my public moral compass is a little skewed these days.



PyrotheClown -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 2:11:43 PM)

this thread seems to be just one giant critique on this poor saps profile, which got me thinking....

How do I rate on the creepy meter?




Asherdelampyr -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 2:12:47 PM)

Well your name reminds me of a Placebo song, so that is pretty creepy :D



Lynnxz -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 2:13:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: flogger

Buddy, you are so correct...That is my problem..Im too shy to be bold..I would love to just walk up and put my arms around a slaves waist and just rock her and nibble on her ear. 


That is an excellent idea, and in no way presumptious, or an invasion of personal space, or great way to get smacked in the throat!

You should try this.



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