RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (Full Version)

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DavanKael -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 5:36:23 PM)

Hmph, interesting that this thread has turned into a discourse on how to make interactions among people adversarial from the get-go; nevermind that that bodes quite poorly, imo, for the long-term success of a relationship. 
  Davan



oldgangbangslut -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 5:45:55 PM)

If there is no one there for you to be with, leave and go find someone to bring to the party next time.
Otherwise, you ask for trouble or some kind now or later.[8|]



sweetsub1957 -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play? (6/9/2009 5:57:28 PM)

When i was still looking, i wanted to know about the Dom...not just about what He wanted sexually, but about Him.  What would make me want to be His friend, were W/we in a non-sexual, non-BDSM situation.....what would make me like Him as a Person.  Try including some of that in Your profile maybe.



flogger -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 5:57:39 PM)

As all can see I have updated, changed, modiifed, my profile.  Now lets see what results I can accomplish. I have to admit I do rollerskate and young girls do come around and watch and leer and maybe dream, but they are nilla as far as I can tell.



Ialdabaoth -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 5:57:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Hmph, interesting that this thread has turned into a discourse on how to make interactions among people adversarial from the get-go; nevermind that that bodes quite poorly, imo, for the long-term success of a relationship. 
  Davan


There are plenty of situations that are non-adversarial. However, there are also plenty of situations that are adversarial - and many of these get dressed up as non-adversarial to make them worse. When one is being pissed on, saying "maybe it's the rain" is unhelpful.



flogger -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 6:02:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: oldgangbangslut

If there is no one there for you to be with, leave and go find someone to bring to the party next time.
Otherwise, you ask for trouble or some kind now or later.[8|]
That os ecact;u why I have my profile up to...to find someone to go with me to the clubs/dungeons, hell even skate with "oh I have found a skate partner who gave me her cell # to text her, she is nilla.  Dont  know how to infroduce her to  BDSM without being flamed by my male nillla pals that skate also.



lovingpet -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/9/2009 6:19:30 PM)

Well the profile is better.  Yes, I perved it before the changes.  Still need to hear more about the man behind the whip.  Finding partners is never easy, but well worth it if done well.  Message girls you find peak your interest.  Don't go negative  no matter what they choose to do with your message.  If a girl does happen to message you, this is one you should persue very careful and with some energy because she already has a bit of taste for you apparently.  My best matches have been the dominants I have messaged myself first.  Not the most subly of things in some people's opinion, but it worked out very well indeed.  I wish you the best and by all means keep at it!

lovingpet



Andalusite -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 9:00:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
certain subs' submission is a figurative light-switch which gets flipped (they'll tell you) only by someone "dominant enough" to get it out of them. It's at least part of the circular facade that propagates the desire for many D-types to focus primarily (if not one-dimensionally) on the appearance of "dominance"

I'm one of the "light switch" types, I suppose - for me, it's an interaction with the other person. Most people are completely neutral to me in terms of D/s, even if I top them or bottom to them. Some people push my Domme buttons, others bring out my submissive side. It isn't about macho posturing, but it's hard to put into words what exactly *does* evoke either response - expression and tone are a part of it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
It's those guys who are unfailingly and hopelessly genuine as far as wearing on their sleeve that they want to find someone (even if their intentions are wondrously gentle and chivalrous)...those are the ones who are supposedly just looking at them one-dimensionally as a 'hook-up'.

I'm afraid I don't understand that - someone who's very straightforward about wanting a LTR isn't viewed as just wanting a hookup, from what I've seen. If they come right out and say they want sex and play, then people tend to assume that's *all* they want. When I was looking, I did tend to assume that guys who focused on sex right away were interested in a fuckbuddy/playpartner rather than a girlfriend. I sometimes asked them that flat out, and they usually said yes, or that that's what they wanted to start out with, but they were open to it eventually developing into more.

Ialdaboath, I used to be painfully shy and socially awkward, and still have occasional moments of it, especially in large crowds of strangers. Usually I come across as very evervescent, outgoing, and a social butterfly now. I had to push through the awkwardness, and fear, and embarassment at first, but with each success, it got a little easier. I actually *like* geeky guys, and I'm understanding about a little shyness or lack of self-confidence, but not to crippling levels! When I was still searching, I actively wanted someone who was able to get along with my friends reasonably well, and who had friends of his own - my Master came to a couple of parties with me before I became his girlfriend/slave. Yes, it's *tough* to get going again after a bad experience, or rejection, and all the "work on yourself" in the world sometimes isn't sufficient to get your moxy back as much as a good response from someone you're interested in. However, letting it get to the point of bitterness means there's more wrong than a girlfriend can solve - at that point, it's time for some serious introspection, and probably some therapy would be a good idea

Most *women* can get away with being a lot more touchy-feely than men can, especially if they are doing it *to* men. Guys rarely complain about women being creepy or intrusive, though it *can* happen in some cases. Some guys are able to do a lot more touching than others without creeping women out - I haven't felt social pressure to put up with it like Michael describes.



Apocalypso -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 9:40:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth
There are plenty of situations that are non-adversarial. However, there are also plenty of situations that are adversarial - and many of these get dressed up as non-adversarial to make them worse. When one is being pissed on, saying "maybe it's the rain" is unhelpful.
On the other hand, telling someone who may have poor social skills to break social norms is even more unhelpful...

I'll be honest.  Much as I'd like to deny the truth of what you're saying, I can't.  Because I'm one of those type of people.  Not quite the same as what you're saying- I'm not touchy feely and it's not BDSM related.  But I am used to being able to say things in social groups I'm a member of that would get other people crucified.  Because "that's just how he is".  Not an exact fit, but near enough I suspect.

Thing is, while you can get results by breaking social conventions, you need to know where the line is.  It actually takes a lot more social skills to transgress and get away with it than it does to fit in.

Which is why I think your advice is bad.  It might not be fair.  But if someone tries to take that approach without the social intelligence to do so, they'll get ripped to shreds.



Ialdabaoth -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 10:19:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Apocalypso

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth
There are plenty of situations that are non-adversarial. However, there are also plenty of situations that are adversarial - and many of these get dressed up as non-adversarial to make them worse. When one is being pissed on, saying "maybe it's the rain" is unhelpful.
On the other hand, telling someone who may have poor social skills to break social norms is even more unhelpful...


Well, to be fair, that isn't at all what I was suggesting. I was talking about attitude, not action. Everywhere I talked about action, I made sure to mention that some people just can't get away with things, and to be prepapred to find out just how bad that can get. It's not about transgressing social boundaries; it's about letting go of the idea that people want someone who actually cares. People want someone who pretends to care. They want people who maintain social norms for the sake of appearances, not people who maintain social norms for the sake of other peoples' actual well-being.

quote:

I'll be honest.  Much as I'd like to deny the truth of what you're saying, I can't.  Because I'm one of those type of people.  Not quite the same as what you're saying- I'm not touchy feely and it's not BDSM related.  But I am used to being able to say things in social groups I'm a member of that would get other people crucified.  Because "that's just how he is".  Not an exact fit, but near enough I suspect.

Thing is, while you can get results by breaking social conventions, you need to know where the line is.  It actually takes a lot more social skills to transgress and get away with it than it does to fit in.


Yes, it very much does. That's actually quite a bit of what I've been trying to say.

So, for those without the social skills to transgress and without the social skills to fit in, what's left?

quote:

Which is why I think your advice is bad.  It might not be fair.  But if someone tries to take that approach without the social intelligence to do so, they'll get ripped to shreds.


And it should be flogger's choice whether the very, very likely result of being ripped to shreds if he breaks pattern is preferrable to the very likely result of having nothing change if he maintains his current meekness.

We all know that the preferred method is to gain some "confidence", learn some social skills, and come back as a suave and smooth player. But there's no functional way in our society to do that. Everyone acts like social grace is just something that you've either "got", or you don't - except for the asshole "how to manipulate women" seminar chains, which are rife with scams and bad advice (even if their core principles are dead-on). And most of the time, we're too uncomfortable with the whole idea of socially unsuccessful people to even take the conversation this far.



Asherdelampyr -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 11:12:17 AM)

Flogger

I have to say I am pleasantly suprised, you have gotten a lot of differing points of view and more than a little pointless negativity thrown your way, and yet you are still gathering info and seem to be at least on the outside, willing to try out what people are suggesting, without getting upset and stamping your feet
in all seriousness, thats awesome



flogger -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 11:57:14 AM)

Is my changed pic up yet, on my page it is but you never can tell so I have to ask,  do you still see my leather coat and flogger in hand?



Asherdelampyr -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 11:58:36 AM)

I do not see a picture at all
usually when a new picture is up on your profile you will receive an email telling you that it has been approved
This process usually takes around 72 hours.



flogger -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 12:45:57 PM)

It just got approved and thanks for responding.  Now I think Im ready to send out some e-mails again damn, what is to make mine standout from all the rest they have surely received?      but I damn scared of rejection, even tho it happens to everybody. Im only human with emotional feelings.



Asherdelampyr -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 12:47:01 PM)

Make sure that you arent copying the same thing, perhaps comment on something in ther person's profile that caught your eye, or ask them about their non-kink interests.



PyrotheClown -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 12:50:00 PM)

Fuck FEAR



just relax, and remember to try to relate to them on some level
(pick up some detail you can from their profile)
people love attention, they love knowing that other people notice and respect them(especially if they're currently deprived of it,sound familiar)



And lower your standards for the love of god lol



DavanKael -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 12:51:34 PM)

So much better: the profile and the pic!  :> 
Rejection happens; not everyone's a good fit but you've just exponentially improved your chances of finding someone, imo. 
  Davan



NihilusZero -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 1:24:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: flogger

It just got approved and thanks for responding.  Now I think Im ready to send out some e-mails again damn, what is to make mine standout from all the rest they have surely received?      but I damn scared of rejection, even tho it happens to everybody. Im only human with emotional feelings.

Dude...it's two pictures, but you look attractively young for a guy your age.

Obviously, be honest about the age and whether it affects you in certain ways...but don't go into interactions with the underlying feeling (of your own) that it's already a detriment working against you. People will likely be able to sniff it out and there are enough subs who would knee-jerk that subtle attitude into the "not Domly enough" box.

There are likely to be plenty of subs who might already presume that chronological number to be a downside without your worries reinforcing it. And switching instead to advertising the positives, you might just convert one or two who might have made that presumption in the first place.



flogger -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 3:55:19 PM)

Thats my real age dude, 60 going on 61..my birth papers says so.  I rollerskate, still do karate kicks, dance to sound of beat and watching others rhythm if they got  it.  I just don't like driving alone to go far, lol



PyrotheClown -> RE: What do you do when at club everyone is owned or together all the time and you don't get to play (6/10/2009 4:53:42 PM)

Haha, dude, cruise venice beach, I'm sure you'll find some one! You'd be surprised by the pure variety of Humanity there(altho I'm assuming that you either already haunt that neck of the woods or are familiar with it), Just be sure to take some of our advice and prepare to change your "standards" a little.



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