quote:

ORIGINAL: kitastrophe33

My partner is very new to all this and we don't have the benefit of a more experienced dom to help him learn. For him, the mental hurdle took time. Once he got over that, the physical came easier. I took it very slow. From day one, I submitted to him without him asking me to. I know he likes massages, so I offered them frequently, responding with "I know you like them. And I like pleasing you," when he thanked me. Later, I responded a lot to his requests with, "are you asking me to do that, or just hoping maybe I will?" Just as a friendly reminder that it was reasonable for him to ask me to do something with the expectation that I will comply.

I always compliment him when I see that dominant side of him shining. I thank him for correcting me and tell him how hot it was when he did whatever.

I also write a lot for him. Fantasies I have. The things in my head when he did whatever he did... I do that not because I'm trying to top from the bottom, but because he's got great ideas in his head and I want him to know that he's not going to offend me or scare me or anything else.

While he likes making me uncomfortable...even hurting me a little, neither of us are very into hardcore S&M. I would do it for him and coming from him, probably like it. He knows that and if he ever wants to explore that aspect, there is a place here that offers workshops on skills like that...

So yeah, the best way I've found to help him without topping from the bottom is to be very open with my fantasies (while still mentioning other potential perspectives) and by complimenting the hell out of him when I can see him trying something out. I compliment him even if it wasn't my personal thing. I compliment him and ask him how it felt for him. These strategies are working really well. He's come really far, says he's never felt like I was trying to take too much control, and has thanked me for being patient while he explores this.

I dunno...my 2 cents. Good luck!

What she said, and patience. He will come along in his own time.....try to be patient.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedjulia
My owner has found a younger, second Dom for me who is quite new the scene but very much an alpha male and eager to learn.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra
Sometimes it is more beneficial to INSPIRE the right response than to instruct it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitastrophe33

My partner is very new to all this and we don't have the benefit of a more experienced dom to help him learn. For him, the mental hurdle took time. Once he got over that, the physical came easier. I took it very slow. From day one, I submitted to him without him asking me to. I know he likes massages, so I offered them frequently, responding with "I know you like them. And I like pleasing you," when he thanked me. Later, I responded a lot to his requests with, "are you asking me to do that, or just hoping maybe I will?" Just as a friendly reminder that it was reasonable for him to ask me to do something with the expectation that I will comply.

I always compliment him when I see that dominant side of him shining. I thank him for correcting me and tell him how hot it was when he did whatever.

I also write a lot for him. Fantasies I have. The things in my head when he did whatever he did... I do that not because I'm trying to top from the bottom, but because he's got great ideas in his head and I want him to know that he's not going to offend me or scare me or anything else.

While he likes making me uncomfortable...even hurting me a little, neither of us are very into hardcore S&M. I would do it for him and coming from him, probably like it. He knows that and if he ever wants to explore that aspect, there is a place here that offers workshops on skills like that...

So yeah, the best way I've found to help him without topping from the bottom is to be very open with my fantasies (while still mentioning other potential perspectives) and by complimenting the hell out of him when I can see him trying something out. I compliment him even if it wasn't my personal thing. I compliment him and ask him how it felt for him. These strategies are working really well. He's come really far, says he's never felt like I was trying to take too much control, and has thanked me for being patient while he explores this.

I dunno...my 2 cents. Good luck!

quote:

My partner is very new to all this and we don't have the benefit of a more experienced dom to help him learn. For him, the mental hurdle took time. Once he got over that, the physical came easier. I took it very slow. From day one, I submitted to him without him asking me to. I know he likes massages, so I offered them frequently, responding with "I know you like them. And I like pleasing you," when he thanked me. Later, I responded a lot to his requests with, "are you asking me to do that, or just hoping maybe I will?" Just as a friendly reminder that it was reasonable for him to ask me to do something with the expectation that I will comply.

I always compliment him when I see that dominant side of him shining. I thank him for correcting me and tell him how hot it was when he did whatever.

I also write a lot for him. Fantasies I have. The things in my head when he did whatever he did... I do that not because I'm trying to top from the bottom, but because he's got great ideas in his head and I want him to know that he's not going to offend me or scare me or anything else.

While he likes making me uncomfortable...even hurting me a little, neither of us are very into hardcore S&M. I would do it for him and coming from him, probably like it. He knows that and if he ever wants to explore that aspect, there is a place here that offers workshops on skills like that...

So yeah, the best way I've found to help him without topping from the bottom is to be very open with my fantasies (while still mentioning other potential perspectives) and by complimenting the hell out of him when I can see him trying something out. I compliment him even if it wasn't my personal thing. I compliment him and ask him how it felt for him. These strategies are working really well. He's come really far, says he's never felt like I was trying to take too much control, and has thanked me for being patient while he explores this.

I dunno...my 2 cents. Good luck!

quote:

My owner has found a younger, second Dom for me

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedjulia
My owner has found a younger, second Dom for me who is quite new the scene but very much an alpha male and eager to learn.

Good news then... alpha males don't worry about people "topping from the bottom", "training them", or all the other signs of weak ego. If he's really an alpha male, just tell him what you know... in plain english... no fol-de-rol trying to find some sub way to say whatever. That'd just annoy me.

Put another way, if I wanted you to train me, I'd expect you to do it in the most direct and expedient way possible, not worry about my poor frail domly ego.