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Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/9/2009 10:46:53 PM

AgreeableOne

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Joined: 6/3/2009
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Hello All !

I guess I am curious to know more about how loving D/s lifestylers share their space. Feel free to open a dialogue however you might interpret the question... or... more specifically I am curious about the following : Do you share a bed? Are the AM routines difficult while you both get ready for work?

I realize it may seem odd to be so specific, but I found in my experience that those two detailed items had a large impact on the rest of the day. A.) Did she sleep well ? (we shared a queen bed) B.) Was she able to get off to work without exploding because something wasn't right?

If my Domina slept well and made it out the door with a smile, the day went well. Towards the end of my experience (we parted ways)... I felt as if sleeping apart and getting ready for work in separate spaces would have gone a long way. Mind you I was always 100% on alert for anything she needed, but the mere structure of everything seemed doomed to fail. If I could do it over, I would have had a separate room by choice, unless she preferred otherwise in which case I would happily accomodate :)

I am guessing that my experience wasn't normal and that my Domina was more sensitive in the AM than most others. But then again, maybe I am wrong, since I've only had my one experience to draw upon, I am wondering how other D/s lifestylers keep it together. Maybe it's much easier than I am familiar with.

< Message edited by AgreeableOne -- 6/9/2009 10:51:42 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/9/2009 10:56:50 PM

littlesarbonn

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From: Stockton, California
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There are all sorts of differences and nuances that come from different people being different people. I've lived in slavery live-in situations where we slept separately (she in a bed, and me in a cage). I've lived in situations where we both slept in the same bed. I was dating a dominant woman at one point who was planning on marrying me and then having us sleep in separate rooms because she didn't like sharing the same room as her submissive partner.

I've heard all sorts of things, and perhaps what you have discovered is that one type of experience worked better for you with a specific person you were serving. I've also been in situations where I've lived with dominant women and was not involved with them and I've slept in their bed, on the floor, in another room, etc., depending upon what made them most comfortable.

The point I'm trying to make is not some generic response of "everyone is different" but that you may find yourself having to have this type of negotiation with each woman you end up serving (hopefully you find the right one, and there's only one more). That's not a bad thing. Sometimes, we learn from these new experiences and do things we never imagined before (honestly, if someone told me I was going to be living a few years in a locked cage, I would have laughed out loud...now, not so sure).

What has always worked for me is to inquire as to what it is she wants in this type of dynamic. I've never found a woman not interested in discussing it or without an opinion. And quite often, that opinion is the starting point, if not the ending point.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/9/2009 11:03:10 PM

HeavansKeeper

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I'm grouchy in the morning.

My pet can best please me by setting her fetching tea, a robe, something to eat, and setting her chin on my knee while I stare blindly at a corner of the room while my body wakes up. For me, sleeping well and avoiding drama in my first hour of the day are top priority.

Living with someone.. .Sleeping alongside someone, doing morning stuff... Those are two very intimate, ritual heavy moments. The rituals may clash. This clash can be very difficult to reconcile. Personally, my mood is so lousy in the morning I have no desire to be a dominant... I just want everyone quiet, out of my way, and no rapid movements.

Very grouchy.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 12:52:12 AM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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so, HK.. are you hinting that you may not be a morning person??

*grin*

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 1:16:39 AM

AgreeableOne

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Two very insightful responses. Thanks very much! HeavansKeeper's description of his morning persona closely relates to my experiences with my Domina, save for the chin on the knee. My Domina would demand silence in the first hour of our AM and sternly "Hushhhhhh" me if I even so much as whispered a "g'morning" while we were getting out of bed or if I saw her eyes open. Getting dressed in the same room was tricky as well and if anything set her off, for example, being "in her path"... fuh-get-about-it. I was running on DEF CON 4 alert at least 50% of the time.

littlesarbonn, I must ask you. Was the cage you slept in long enough to stretch out? large enough to roll over? I could never do that, but I fully understand and respect that these drives we all have run very deep. Were you physically comfortable on any level in the cage? I am guessing that you felt a mental comfort which was more important.

< Message edited by AgreeableOne -- 6/10/2009 1:30:49 AM >

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 6:15:38 AM

thishereboi

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When I lived with my Mistress we had seperate bedrooms. Mornings were no problem because she was still asleep when I left for work. She wasn't much of a morning person, but she wasn't a total bitch in the am either. Just real sleepy till she got her first cup of java.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 7:36:08 AM

Puc

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Joined: 4/15/2009
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My Mistress and I both have seperate double rooms, since we moved in together, however, mine has yet to be used. Its not taken for granted, but I we do share the same bed. Morning routine isn't a problem. We have our routine set out. I get up and make breakfast and bring it to Her in bed, while She is eating I will clean up and do some housework until she is ready to go to work.

Puc

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Post #: 7

RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 8:08:37 AM

aidan

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Oh man, I couldn't imagine Mistress and I having separate rooms. It would end up being a waste of space because at some point one would end up in the other's bed anyway.

Mistress and I share our room, our bed, and I get to sleep under the covers next to Her. I consider myself very spoiled.

Mornings are not a big issue, She can usually get back to sleep if I need to leave for work early and I just get up with Her when She has to be up. On days off there is a great deal of morning cuddling and conversing and sex. Ooooh, the delicious just-waking-up-sex.

Now that's She's moving out I am going to be missing out on that for the next few years. *le sigh* I actually sleep worse when She's not there in bed with me. It's a lot colder.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 8:54:00 AM

DVsFox

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My Owner and I share the same bed. Of the two of us, I happen to be the one who is a TERRIBLE morning person. I keep my grouchy-ness in check, but I'm just slow and lethargic for my first hour or so awake(like now). I do still keep up with my duties though. I'll make my Owner her coffee and get her anything she need. She's understanding of the fact that I just take a little while to get going.

We absolutely love sharing the same bed and, thus far, have not once slept apart.

DV's Fox

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 9

RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 9:11:34 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
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From: Nashville, TN
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Fox and I not only share the same room and bed, but I see no reason to have a sleepy slave pandering to me when I am getting ready for work. He setsw my coffee up to brew the night before, and unless we are both working in the morning I go about my business and he stays asleep. I prefer the quiet time to myself when I first get up, and would likely be grouchier with him trying in his sleep haze to attend to me than I am getting myself ready on my own.

That works for us, how anyone else would see it might be different.

DV

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 10:59:12 AM

thetammyjo

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Fox has his own room two floors below my bedroom, right below my office. He's more of a nighttime person so this allows us both to get things done when we do our best work and come together each day for pleasure or household tasks as I require.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 11:06:41 AM

littlesarbonn

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From: Stockton, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AgreeableOne

littlesarbonn, I must ask you. Was the cage you slept in long enough to stretch out? large enough to roll over? I could never do that, but I fully understand and respect that these drives we all have run very deep. Were you physically comfortable on any level in the cage? I am guessing that you felt a mental comfort which was more important.

Yeah, the cage was pretty big. It was actually a room in the basement that she had a steel door sealed over the doorway, so it was like a little cubicle with a locked door. The whole thing was carpeted (from roof to bottom). And yes, I could lie down in it and I'd be touching both cage and other wall, slightly, meaning it was about 5'5" deep, which for me was great but would have sucked for anyone taller than me.

It was mostly a comfortable cage, even more when she allowed me a pillow and sometimes a blanket. There was a huge tarp outside of the cage that covered the front so the cage was left completely dark at whatever time of the day I was in it. That was probably the hardest part because I'd be in there for very, very long periods of time and had no idea what time of day it was, and sometimes, what day it was. I did once jokingly ask her to install cable in it, and that kind of got me into a lot of trouble where my pillow was taken away from me for a few days to "remind" me that this wasn't supposed to be the Hilton.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 11:10:39 AM

Lockit

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I love littlesarbonn's post! I think it says a lot!

Personally I want my submissive to share my bed, unless my activities or movement with my pain or sleeplessness are a problem and then I will move since he is asleep. I've never had a submissive or relationship where we didn't share a bed, no matter how cranky I might be in the mornings with pain and fog. It isn't my man's job to temper my bad mood or anything else. That is mine to deal with. Of course, it is his job to know how I am in the morning becasue it is the worst time of day for me because of pain and he isn't to provoke me. As long as we both go by the agreement, it is all good.

Mornings, my men tend to serve me my drinks, help me get set up where ever I might want to be, we talk about light hearted things and then they get on with getting ready to do what they must do. Before they leave, they would kneel or come to me and we would have some wonderful bonding moments and I would tell them what I expected of them during the day or what was going to be happening.

I don't see my problems in the morning as something that should be allowed to abuse or cause emotional pain and feel that anyone who does, needs to temper themselves and find a way that prevents such things.

However, I would consider most nights in different rooms if my issues caused him issues.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 11:17:02 AM

PeonForHer

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Oh gawd. I've never found it easy to sleep with anyone else in the bed. One of the principle advantages of D/s relationships over vanilla ones out of the window, then. I'm going to give up D/s. No point, anymore.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 11:21:03 AM

Lockit

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Peon, not everyone or every situation is the same. Special concerns should be considered and can be balanced out. Keep that in mind. I know you know that... but keep it in mind.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 11:21:59 AM

LaTigresse

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I have enough bodies already sharing my bed, there isn't room for another. Besides, one of the existing bodies would probably bite a new one. She is a spoilt little bitch.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 11:31:41 AM

subtlebutterfly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I have enough bodies already sharing my bed, there isn't room for another. Besides, one of the existing bodies would probably bite a new one. She is a spoilt little bitch.

Thinking of refuting that statement

Heck..sharing a bed..not share a bed..if we don't annoy the shit outta eachotha it's bedsharing. However instead of being like a yoyo all nights when dealing with insomnia I'd pick da couch

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 11:37:27 AM

LaTigresse

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I have it on good authority that Sophie is too, a spoilt little bitch. All 12# of her.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 12:46:15 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Peon, not everyone or every situation is the same. Special concerns should be considered and can be balanced out. Keep that in mind. I know you know that... but keep it in mind.

It'd be her concern too, Lockit. I fidget for hours before sleeping if I'm sharing a bed. I'd drive her to distraction with it.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 12:54:27 PM

Lockit

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Peon, that is just it. When we love someone... in a loving d/s relationship, everything matters. Each person, their lil quirks, medical, mental, emotional, physical, desires... it all matter's. I cannot see anyone not wanting to be with me because I have some issues because we will work those issues out. So far, my issues haven't been a problem that couldn't be worked out. My submissive, my man... weren't and aren't going to be perfect. Perfect for me maybe... but not perfect. So they get consideration too.

I must move constantly. That can bother some. But you know, there are beds with memory foam that makes it so easy! When one moves, the other typically doesn't feel it. I can be sleepless and want the tv on.. for some that might be a problem. So we work it out. There are ways to do that and still fulfill most desires. Like if it were a major problem... I would just have my man set the alarm wherever he was sleeping so that he could wake up and join me so that we could wake up together. That is what matters to me most. Seeing him first thing in the morning. I happen to like morning... everythings! lol

It can all be worked out!

I wanted to add... there was a time when I could not sleep with someone. I just didn't feel safe enough to be vulnerable. I would wait until they were asleep before I could feel comfortable and safe. Then one night... I fell asleep first! He laid and watched me as I slept. That hadn't happened before! Because I hadn't been loved like that before and I hadn't loved anyone like that before. We were safe with one another and everything flowed naturally. No more restless, up half the night waiting to be sure he was asleep so that I could relax. Sweet slumber with the right person.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 6/10/2009 12:58:26 PM >

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