Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: I think I am, but maybe not...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: I think I am, but maybe not... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/10/2009 8:46:22 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		Can a person convince themselves that they are something that they may not be?


  
Some of us become who we were meant to be, others become who we want/need to be, and the lost never know who they are.



Can you slip into a role that you might feel sorta ok in but not completely?  


Yes, for sure there can be more comfort and identity in playing a role that may only partially fit, than in being nothing at all.

< Message edited by SlyStone -- 6/10/2009 8:51:34 PM >

_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/10/2009 9:05:30 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		Cat,
You produce rich thinking material.

I think of the masks people, including me, wear; much like a role we play.

"I am this, i am that, should i be this, could I do that."
Are these not questions that we begin to ask ourselves from the time we become aware of the ability we have to think and ponder our own identity and relationships and who, what. and why?

"Can a person convince themselves that they are something that they may not be? Can they do it for a lifetime? Can you slip into a role that you might feel sorta ok in but not completely?"

I do not believe the human mind can run the same track and run a course that never changes.  Nor the heart or spirit or soul.
We are evolving creatures.

I am a submissive woman not because of BDSM.  But there are people who by choice convince themselves they can be or could be or should be something other than who they really are for a season of time for a reason that fulfills a need or a want.

Thank you for the rich pondering you possess and share.    

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/10/2009 10:04:07 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Life is often about fulfilling one's own potential. Not everyone succeeds, not everyone has the opportunities to do so, and sometimes being able to do so can be a month of success after a lifetime of failures and mistakes.

I know of Sally who was once the wife of a CEO but who has been street homeless and a crack addict for at least 12 years. Gerry turns 55 this September. Up until last year he never worked and spent years busking on the streets with a guitar and pawning the guitar for drink. Last year Gerry drew out his life savings, moved out of a night shelter for the homeless, emigrated to Serbia, married an Indian woman, bought an apartment with her overlooking the Danube and has recently set up his own private language school on a houseboat on the Danube. The names are fictitious, but the people are real.

Everybody is somebody - everybody. Now we may go on about people who appear lost, confused, deluded, fake, but how many people are there here who have actually found themselves and not only turned their lives around and found lasting happiness after coming into this community?

I admit the OP makes me think of a French proverb and a song by Pink Floyd. The French proverb is 'it is easier to deceive others than to stop deceiving yourself.' The song is 'Breathe' from the Dark Side Of the Moon album, and the line I'm thinking of is 'all you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be.'

That moment of truth, that penny dropping moment, it may take years to arrive at, it may come after a lifetime, but most importantly it comes, and it's important never to give up on ever finding that moment.

'I should have' and 'I wish I had...' are two of the saddest things to have to say on your deathbed. It's important never to give up on yourself, or on other people, not least while you are living, not until you are dead.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/10/2009 11:29:59 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PyrotheClown
A lot of peoples' "passions" are far different from their actual emotional (ect.) needs.

You always have to accommodate the perception gap between personal image and reality.


The way I see it, one can't get into the discussion of passion without speaking of emotional need, eventually.

Personal image is perception of oneself, from within and without, self-authored and experientially taught. The image from within can author reality, and vice versa. The catharsis experienced by the artist's work illustrates a need to materially express—of being touched by the world and touching back—a cycle (and reality) that is inextricably set inside everyone. There are some who may pass by a painting or a photograph and consider it a neat accoutrement of life, but for the artist its creation was vital; it was a need as real as any other. We're all artists, really; we have our passions—our desires—to manifest our dreams into reality, and that is a very old human condition which causes plenty of reality on its own.

Personal authenticity in this vein can be difficult. Societal pressures often seem to distract us from exploring or expressing the passions of the self. In that light, testing out who we really are or where we're best suited—or to even begin to seriously ask such questions—can be like trying to shake away from a powerful hypnosis. It takes a lot of personal will and self observation to realize a path other than the one lit before you by life events and structures which conspired to in part make you what you are. The confusion many have in "finding the right place" is certainly understandable. I think it's a lifelong question for many, and one those in alternative lifestyles face perhaps more boldly than their conventional peers. Even if they never succeed in bridging the gap between personal vision and "reality", I admire the effort to manifest a dream, even if one falls on his or her face attempting to do so.

(in reply to PyrotheClown)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/10/2009 11:43:27 PM   
PyrotheClown


Posts: 1950
Joined: 5/18/2009
Status: offline 		don't get me wrong, I'm all for following the heart, I was just pointing out that people often convince themselves of the funniest things, and some times their passions get rolled up in it... Like a school yard crush, nothing more then infatuation, but hardly lacking in passion.

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/11/2009 2:03:45 AM   
Goddess2002


Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline 		'I should have' and 'I wish I had...' are two of the saddest things to have to say on your deathbed. It's important never to give up on yourself, or on other people, not least while you are living, not until you are dead.



Absolutely, Stella...one of the most heartbreaking things I can imagine is to lie on one's deathbed full of regret.

(in reply to PyrotheClown)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/11/2009 6:26:13 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian


Societal pressures often seem to distract us from exploring or expressing the passions of the self. In that light, testing out who we really are or where we're best suited—or to even begin to seriously ask such questions—can be like trying to shake away from a powerful hypnosis. It takes a lot of personal will and self observation to realize a path other than the one lit before you by life events and structures which conspired to in part make you what you are. The confusion many have in "finding the right place" is certainly understandable. I think it's a lifelong question for many, and one those in alternative lifestyles face perhaps more boldly than their conventional peers. Even if they never succeed in bridging the gap between personal vision and "reality", I admire the effort to manifest a dream, even if one falls on his or her face attempting to do so.


I've quoted this post because this is exactly what I've been dealing with for the majority of my life.  From a very young age, I was dealt a series of cards that pushed me from my original vision.  I flowed with it and allowed myself to become like water, a clear fluid life with depth that few were able to actually acknowledge because I only allowed them to tread into the shallow end.  In fact, a dom that I was involved with, many moons ago, would call me "water" because he felt thats all I was, clear shallow fluid.  He misjudged and forgot, just like I did for a while, that water can be a driving force of change in nature.

In answer to the OP...

Can a person convince themselves that they are something that they may not be?
yes...I'm a gemini, what I like to call a "natural switch". I convinced myself for a long time there was only the one side, the submissive side, to who I was.  Denying my "whole"...in all aspects of life not just the bdsm world...almost made me a stranger to myself.
 
 Can they do it for a lifetime? Can you slip into a role that you might feel sorta ok in but not completely?
For a lifetime?  Not I !!!  I felt "sorta ok" for too many years.  I'm taking time to explore all aspects of who I am, both sides of this switchy gemini, and I want more than sorta ok.
 

 

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 6/11/2009 6:34:53 AM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to MarcEsadrian)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/11/2009 6:49:11 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

This post is outside the realm of play--for I see in play that people can for a period of time, BE, some role.
 
We often see people wrestle with the  I am this, i am that, should i be this, could I do that. My question is, in this BDSM world:

Can a person convince themselves that they are something that they may not be? Can they do it for a lifetime? Can you slip into a role that you might feel sorta ok in but not completely?


The short answer is yes of course they can. After all actors do it all the time and good actors do it to a far greater level . Outside the wonderful world of BDSM, undercover law enforcement, government agents and even special areas of the military go undercover at times and remain there for several years if the need is there with possible lethal consequences if they are found out. It is quite possible for someone who becomes involved in BDSM to adopt a suitable character and in time that character becomes the normal character of that person. Perhaps in this arena one could easily say that a chap after some time learning and chatting with others may decide that the Gorean Lifestyle is right for him. The character he aspires to be is simply the best human being he can possibly be bring out those characteristics of courage, honesty, loyalty, integrity and honour to the very best of his ability. In this it is a worth goal and one which beibng human can never be taken to perfection but he will or can keep striving.. So again I say yes it is possible and not necessarily in a role play format either.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/11/2009 7:44:05 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Yes this can happen and does happen. I too have gone through the confusion of i think i am, but maybe not for around two and half years almost three. I did not feel I was a real or true submissive, even though frequently it is mentioned stay away from those with that theory. Still the right and wrongs shout louder in the threads then those who say beware. It is liken to a whisper, and hard to hold on to a whisper, when you are seeking validation.

What helped me was to eliminate the labels as my guideline, and to start seeking to validate myself through my eyes not another.

oceanwinds

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/11/2009 8:20:52 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian


Societal pressures often seem to distract us from exploring or expressing the passions of the self. In that light, testing out who we really are or where we're best suited—or to even begin to seriously ask such questions—can be like trying to shake away from a powerful hypnosis. It takes a lot of personal will and self observation to realize a path other than the one lit before you by life events and structures which conspired to in part make you what you are. I think it's a lifelong question for many, and one those in alternative lifestyles face perhaps more boldly than their conventional peers.


I've quoted this post because this is exactly what I've been dealing with for the majority of my life.  From a very young age, I was dealt a series of cards that pushed me from my original vision.  I flowed with it and allowed myself to become like water, a clear fluid life with depth that few were able to actually acknowledge because I only allowed them to tread into the shallow end. 


The water analogy illustrates the struggle to fully interface with another mind pretty well. I like it. We're often all caught up in a culture where the only things palatable and sold are those that are politely shallow. Live too much of the "deep end" overtly and you face an all too predictable scorn or ridicule—or worse: you will be "corrected" by a society that is afraid of your nature. Authenticity can be a delicate matter.

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/11/2009 8:55:58 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Wow!

talking about somethign totally different this morning Carol just said this to me...

When you're in a closed community it's easy to get boxed in. Carol had spent 9 years as an unhappy lesbian with fantasies about having sex with men because a political agenda got her involved and then once in, community pressure kept her there. It took a councilor to say, "I think you're attracted to men".

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/11/2009 9:37:50 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

Excavating the authentic self takes a lifetime..

and we can re-write our script anytime we want


GQ
I agree. LafayetteLady's example is a great one.

I believe we are less bound by biology or nature as some would have us believe.

Perhaps we do have some natural aptitudes. But that doesn't mean that we can't be successful and happy at other things that are outside of our natural comfort zones.

For example, I used to believe I was neither mechanically or mathematically inclined.

And - while it's true I was no math wizard, I think it is more true that those subjects, as they were presented to me, caused me stress as a little kid, so I learned that avoiding them was my best strategy for solving that stress. I didn't know how to make them interesting or fun.

Much later on I found a mathbook from the 1920's, and I tried to work my way through it. When people would ask me "what's new?" at parties, I would present some math or geometry problems and try to present them like they were party games; like puzzles.

I'd even try to make up my own geometry puzzles....(you can imagine what a laugh-riot I was at parties...)

I've forgotten a lot of the math I learned then because it's sort of like learning a language; use it or lose it.

If there were a point to my story, I think it would be that, if anything, people limit themselves too much by trying to stay true to whatever they feel their true nature is - the idea of which probably comes from something someone told them when they were young and impressionable anyway.


< Message edited by Jeptha -- 6/11/2009 9:40:48 AM >

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/11/2009 12:45:26 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

This post is outside the realm of play--for I see in play that people can for a period of time, BE, some role.
 
We often see people wrestle with the  I am this, i am that, should i be this, could I do that. My question is, in this BDSM world:
 
Can a person convince themselves that they are something that they may not be? Can they do it for a lifetime? Can you slip into a role that you might feel sorta ok in but not completely?


Hmmm...I'm sure it can happen.

I know that many years ago I yearned for a particular type of man.  I didn't know quite what  it entailed but it certainly entailed respecting them on ALL levels; a universal respect, if you like.
All very non-specific really. I'd never had a *bad* man in my life in any way, but there was this element of *leaning on me* that I never was/still am not, comfortable with. When I read about D/s, all that time ago, I thought..*AHA!....maybe THAT'S it!*.........but I thought it meant that I was *a submissive*!.

So, fast forwarding a bit......I tried the *submissive* thing. A few years, a few *doms* and a lot of feeling in the *wrong place*, I realised that to have a D/s relationship didn't mean I had to BE *a submissive*. In fact , I didn't need to *be* anything, other than willing to accept what it meant to be owned by *whoever*......It was a good thing that *whoever* was there, and not at all fazed by me.

I couldn't have *done it for life*, no.......but I certainly do other things that I'm not fully cut out for, and make the best of, because I'm responsible for womb-escapers, like it or not.

agirl










(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I think I am, but maybe not... - 6/11/2009 10:02:58 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Everyone wears masks.
If nothing else, we wear things like the work mask, or the family mask or a million other situations that decency and decorum demand.
With that said, when it comes to BDSM and relationships, I abhor masks.
Isn't that half the point of TTTWD, that we can strip away the bullshit and just get down into the raw kinky shit that we dream of doing?
And its just MHO, but whats the point in owning a slave if I have to hide shit from her, especially who and what I am.


(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 34
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: I think I am, but maybe not... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094