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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/13/2009 10:13:09 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunlovinlady

I guess i was impressed by him, enough to discontinue pursuit of others to see how it worked out. I was hoping it was the same for him. Maybe a better question is: is it a bad sign that he is still pursuing others? Meaning either he is not impressed by me or just the type to never be exclusive despite any statements he makes to me. I tend to forego others if someone impresses me; not out of a requirement, just because I want to see where it leads.
For those that asked. He gave his number almost immediately; very little correspondance.

Maybe he was/is impressed....maybe because of past experiences he didn't put all his eggs in one basket because you didn't communicate to him how you felt. It looks like you are saying...**Because he didn't react the way I did he must not like me the way i like him** Now i didn't look at your profile ...so maybe you haven't had the life experience to develop a broader span of thinking, and seeing the BIGGER picture....i, as the "s" type, wouldn't make the 1st move....but i WOULD follow the lead of a "D" type i am interested in. You can't follow someone who doesn't lead.

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/13/2009 3:55:06 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunlovinlady
is it a bad sign that he is still pursuing others?

No. To me (on first thought) it would be a sign that he doesn't think you're going to commit. At least, that'd be one reason I would still be looking if we were both going to be monogamous eventually.

You're not going to know a damn thing until you ASK him, though, and then LAY expectations down if his preference is you.

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/13/2009 5:53:09 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
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Well, I am not a sub but I have some thoughts here. You can't expect someone to read your mind. If you want something you have to say so the other person knows. When a sub has caught my attention and I think I want to pursue a relationship with him, I tell him that. I usually also state "I would prefer that you not be in contact with other Dommes, this is up to you because at this point I don't feel I have a right to order it, but I want you to know it is what I would like." Now having said that if I found out he was contacting others then yeah I would probably end it. Because I would feel that it was not as serious for him as it was potentially for me if knowing what I wanted he decided not to honor it. The exception would be if I was aware that he was already in contact with another and he honestly stated he was unwilling to become exclusive to me at this point, then I would decide whether I was willing to put in time the relationship anyway.

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/13/2009 10:15:29 PM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
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I know a male sub in my area.He has talked to several Dommies off and one..None have picked him yet, yet several have led him on somewhat. I have reminded him in the past that till a relationship has been discussed and worked out, its still not real. That means if you want this sub I suggest you start talking to him; he's not a mind reader! You can't expect him to Just know..remember sometimes you have to smack a guy on the nose to get his attention..lol..no wait, thats puppies....LOL

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/13/2009 10:21:40 PM

KneelforAnne

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Joined: 6/14/2006
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~FR~

If there hasn’t been a specific conversation regarding what is acceptable and what is not, then things should proceed as they have in the past.

If there has been a conversation about being exclusive, monogamous--whatever-- then those terms are what should be followed.

While I respect everyone’s right to their own feelings, I think this isn’t quite fair. How can he know if you haven’t talked about it?

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/13/2009 10:46:36 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
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If it was never discussed that you wanted an exclusive relationship with him then it sounds like you are enforcing a rule that he was never aware existed.

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/13/2009 10:55:06 PM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
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I walk away for getting in trouble with someone for getting mad at me for not doing something that's stated. (unless there's a good reason for it.. like I broke there favorite toy). Let alone someone who would consider walking out on me for doing something I don't know I've done. If I stayed in a relationship like that, it wouldn't be healthy for me. I'd spend the whole time looking over my shoulder, wondering if I'd be in trouble for next, that I didn't know was wrong.

now, you said that you were just in the getting to know phase.. sometimes i've stopped looking at that point, and told friends to back off for a bit, I wanted to know where this was gonna end up.. but that was my choice. I did it because It was what was right for me at the moment. I count it as standard to assume that someone is still looking. I'm not saying that they are, but I assume it until we talk about it.

if someone lies about it, that's another story. I don't tolerate being lied to.

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/13/2009 11:10:53 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
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From: an atypical sub
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunlovinlady

Maybe a better question is: is it a bad sign that he is still pursuing others? Meaning either he is not impressed by me or just the type to never be exclusive despite any statements he makes to me. .

If you have not clearly stated your level of interest and expectation then he may not realize you have serious intentions for him. I was talking with my Mistress for a couple of months about possibilities but I still felt free to talk to other dominants and consider alternate possibilities. When she sent me her core rules and allowed me to wear a collar of intent that ended instantly. Even though my work and a few other situations prevented me from wearing the collar 24/7 I did wear it anytime I could and changed my profile. Both of acts were to make it clear to everyone I communicated with that I was now spoken for. Since donning her collar one year ago this month I have not communicated with anyone without telling her about it.

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/13/2009 11:23:11 PM

aravain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45

I usually also state "I would prefer that you not be in contact with other Dommes, this is up to you because at this point I don't feel I have a right to order it, but I want you to know it is what I would like." Now having said that if I found out he was contacting others then yeah I would probably end it.

This stinks of dishonesty.

You're not saying "I would prefer" anything, you're saying "I demand it" but set him/her up to fail by not knowing that it's a requirement.

It's like me saying "I prefer to wear white socks" when what I actually mean is "I refuse to wear black socks"

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/16/2009 7:17:19 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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No, the fact that he still talks to others does not mean that he is necessarily not interested in you or incapable of being exclusive. It means that he prefers to talk to several people at a time until he is in an exclusive relationship. He's different than you are, but different does not mean bad.

Again, you want him to not talk to anyone else for a couple of weeks while you two focus on each other and see if there's enough compatibility. That's fine, now tell him that.

You're the dominant, that means the onus is on you to communicate clearly. You've failed at that which makes me wonder at how effective you are at dominating someone. Because demanding they read your mind, which is what you're doing, gets you very low grades.

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RE: New relationship question from sub view - 6/16/2009 3:20:12 PM

alone4now49

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/29/2009
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Until he is collared, he is a free agent to do whatever with whomever he decides. Now if he was overly concerned about the relationship, he should of spoken to you about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunlovinlady

I have met a new submissive. I like him very much on a personal level, and we have gotten along well. Problem is I just found out from a friend Domme that he has contacted her via her profile and offered his phone number. We have met a few times in person, and I have not 'collared' or really discussed 'our status'. Am I being unfair to want him gone; because that is my general feeling of what to do. I don't accept a sub serving other unless it is via my instruction normally and I find it offensive. My question to the subs here is: do you consider yourself free to consider other Dommes in that situation? When you have not been collared yet or it hasn't been discussed? I find it rude, and it comes off like he does not want to serve me as much as he says he does; more like he'll take it until more preferable Domme comes along. Normally, i wouldn't even bother discussing it, I would kick him to the curb. But, I did really like him in the context of someone to have a relationship with, not just play. Am I wrong here and letting feelings get in the way of my usual senses and sensabilities?

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